UNBREAKABLE (ABLE SERIES) (27 page)

I guess, even the strong ones have their weak moments. However, I’ve learned from the best protector I’ve ever known, and I’m glad I’m able to bring him out of the darkness. After I help him dry off and change, we end up cuddling in bed, and me giving him butterfly kisses, before we both drift off to the blissful world of sleep.

“Piece of cake,” He whispers.

“Piece of pie, My Love….piece of pie,” I whisper back.

Chapter 29

Jake

“You guys should head on home. I don’t want Trish alone.” I give them a stern look, hoping it’ll scare them.

“Her mom’s with her, Jake! She’s fine. Will you relax?” Irritation is obviously seeping out from Roxy’s mouth.

Tami starts shaking her head. “Between you and her, we don’t know who to listen to. She says to be with you today, so you won’t be sad. You’re telling us to be with her, so she won’t be alone…”

“I’m sorry, okay? I worry about her, T. She always calls me. It’s been what, close to eight hours, and I haven’t heard from her.” Not seeing her or hearing her voice is like not having air to breathe.

“She told me to kick your ass if you get in a funk, like the other day. If you want the wet look again, all you have to do is say the word; no drama needed, totally not necessary,” Roxy jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

I just know there’s something wrong, and no one wants to tell me jack shit. She left late last night in pain, from what I don’t know; and like a helpless idiot, I can’t even be there for her. Trish’s tolerance for pain is nonexistent. If she’s crying and can’t move, it’s more than stupid cramping.

I don’t want to plan anything for Christmas. I don’t want to get my hopes up and be let down that I can’t go home, just like today. At the same time, I want to make it special for her because I don’t know if it’ll be our last Christmas together.

“When can you bust out of here, dude? We need to get it on.” Cody asks, trying to be funny, but I see the worried look in his eyes.

“In a week, if all goes well. Thanks a lot guys, for doing this for me.” I pause to compose myself; I know what I need to tell them will probably break me, but it needs to be done. I need to know my girl will be okay…in the end; I want her to be okay.

“Um, if for some reason my transplant doesn’t go as planned, I…um want you guys to pull for her. B, take care of my girl for me, just make sure she’ll be okay. Rox, I know she listens to you, keep talking to her. Remind her, she needs to move on for me. Cody, make sure, if she’s ready to date…um that douche bags are out of the running. You can spot them a mile away.” I chuckle at that…

I look at my sister because I trust her the most, and I know, she loves her as much as I do. Of course, no one will love that girl as fiercely as I do…no one.

“Tami, tell her always that I love her. Make sure she knows just how much. Please, don’t let her forget me. God, I wish this goes the way I’ve planned, because I really want to do those things to her, myself. But, this is what I’ve been dealt, so I need to make the most of it, right?”

Then, I look at each of their faces, and as expected, Tami and Roxy have tears streaming down their faces. Brian has his eyes closed, and Cody pulls down his shades. I know this is hard for them to hear. Damn, it’s hard for me to say it, but I have to, unfortunately.

“Jake, the game’s not over, man. You’ll do those things to Trish, so none of this instruction bullshit, alright? I’m not going there with you, man.”

“I’m telling you, dude. You’ll beat this fucker. You’re one of the strongest assholes I know, so shit…give this cancer shit a good kick in the ass and send her the fuck home,” Cody says adamantly.

“I just want to be prepared for everything, and I’m not going to go in blind without a backup plan, either. Trish is everything to me, she’s my life. I trust you guys will do this for me…I’m trusting you with my life.”

Everyone gives a one nod answer, and Tami serves desert. I can’t fight the sadness that is slowly choking me. I miss her, and I want to hold her so much my whole body aches for her. The journey is almost over. I’m half way through… problem is, I don’t know if the journey continues on for me.

“I’ll get everything together, Jake. She’ll love it, I promise you.” Tami gives me a half smile.

I return her half smile with a half-smile of my own, because I hope Trish will like what I’ve made for her. It breaks my heart doing it, but I want to give her something she can always look back on, to remember me when I’m gone. I need to let her know what she’s done for me. What she’s given me. How her love is the reason I’m not giving up. When I take my last breath, I’m sure my thoughts will be of her, because her face will be the last thing I’ll see when life drains out of me.

Chapter 30

Trish

Today, three days before Christmas, Jake is given the green light to come home for five days before his Bone Marrow Transplant. To say it isn’t a nail-biter-edge-of-my-seat-waiting-game is an understatement. Brian and Cody are bringing him home today since I have my regular check-in at the clinic.

While waiting at home for their arrival, I give myself my regular shot. I don’t want to chance him seeing me with a big bruise on the right side of my hip. I’m cramping like I’ve been punched several times. I’ve been popping baby aspirin as if they’re vitamins. I can’t give up now though, I’ve set my sight on the prize and that’s a complete life with Jake.

A loud gasp frightens me and hearing his voice paralyzes me. “What the hell, Trish? Why do you have a bruise on your hip? What happened?”

I’m not expecting him this soon. I hurriedly cover myself and toss the syringe back in my drawer. I take a deep breath before turning around to face him. I practice this line all the time, and I hope he won’t know I’m lying.

“Oh, wow, you’re here. I didn’t expect you here this early. Do you want to eat now?” A big jumble of words comes out instead of the practiced excuse I’m supposed to say.

He walks toward me, no trace of a smile on his face, but instead his brows are furrowed together, eyes full of questions, and his gait is so forceful. I know a serious interrogation is inevitable.

With a stern clipped tone, he says, “What – happened? I.need.to.know.
now.
”

I shrug my shoulders. “Um, oh…I fell when I was carrying a box of clothes for Tami the other day. It’s nothing.” I walk toward him, wanting to give him a welcome home kiss for diversion.

He shakes his head. “Why didn’t you ask one of the boys to help you?”

As soon as his strong arms envelope my entire body, my nerves subside. For a second there, I think he won’t buy my excuse.

I set my forehead on his chest. “I’m fine, Jake. I’m glad you’re home. How long do we have?” I inhale deeply, wanting….needing to enjoy his scent and his warmth.

“I have a couple of days. Let’s not talk about how long we have. Let’s just make the most out of it.”

As I push the time limit we have to the very back of my brain, I finally give him his welcome home kiss. Our tongues lap against each other, stroking, sucking, teasing each other relentlessly. His hands cup my ass, squeezing it gently.

“Time out, we can’t get carried away, here. Don’t we have to go to your parents’ house for our early Christmas dinner?” Reminding him about our plans halt the kissing session that might lead to some serious construction.

It’s nice to see Jake dressed in his regular clothes and not a hospital gown tugging an IV pole. He looks so relaxed with a smile on his face. Even seeing the beanie I’ve learned to love brings tears to my eyes. I’m not the only one; Tami, Roxy, his mom and even my mom all have tears.

On the drive back home, he blindfolds me. I nag him non-stop about his surprise for me since I didn’t buy him anything. What I want to give him can’t be wrapped…at least not yet.

I give him my best puppy dog pout face. “Please, just tell me what my surprise is.”

“Nope, you just have to wait.”

I search for his arm and pull on it. “Come on, give me a clue. I’ll settle for a clue.”

“No, can do. Now, let me sleep. I’m trying to rest for our construction session tonight.” I can hear the laughter in his voice.

“Whatever? No, permit! No, construction!”

He chuckles. “We’ll see.”

“Fine, go to sleep.”

I have a few days to enjoy him, and I plan to savor every second, every minute, and every hour. I cuddle with him and revel in the warmth of his body next to mine; however, I didn’t plan on sleeping and dreaming.

“Oh my God, Trish. We need to go have someone check that out. Isn’t this just the third day? Your hips.” The panic in Tami’s voice makes me freeze up.

I lift her chin up with my hand. “Hey, I’m fine. Stop worrying. I’m good.”

I can’t help but smile at the irony of this situation. I’ve always been the one needing protection, comfort…but now, I’m giving someone an assurance that everything’s going to be fine.

“If Jake finds out, he’s going to kill me. It’s too risky.”

I stare at her intently, putting every bit of strength I’ve learned through Jake to work. “Life’s a risk, T. If I didn’t take the risk with Jake, I’d be holed up at home, wallowing in self-pity. It’s not a risk when you’re doing it for someone you love. I believe this is what I have to do. He’s fighting for me, the least I can do is to give him another reason to fight longer. Does that make sense?”

“I’m afraid of losing you, too. The risk is just too great, and he’s not going to like it.”

I give her a small smile, full of confidence. “He can’t protect me all the time. This is a good thing, Tami. Besides the doctor warned me about this.”

The car stopping and Roxy waking me up cuts my dream short.

Roxy grabs my hand. “Relax, there’s no strippers. Unless you want Cody to sing Can’t Suck This again, that can be arranged, too,” She says with a hint of laughter in her voice.

“Oh, please, no more MC Hammer!” Giggling and nudging her.

Jake carries me out of the car, and I can’t help but think this feels all too familiar to me. The blindfold and being carried tells me we’re headed to the Lake. I give myself a mental fist pump, because I figured it out.

“What are you smiling about?” He asks while kissing my cheek.

“Oh, nothing. I just figured out where we’re going, that’s all.”

He nuzzles my cheek with his nose. “Nope, we’re not going to Lake Tahoe. Sorry to disappoint you, babe. You didn’t sleep for eight hours, silly.”

“Then, what’s up with the blindfold? You’re killing me here, Jake.” I turn my head even though I can’t see shit. “Roxy, where are we?”

I hear Roxy and Tami giggling in the background, nice; I guess the joke’s on me. Jake sits me down as I run my fingers along the surface where I’m currently sitting, I slip off my shoes, and try to use my feet to have an idea where I’m at, as if that’ll help.

“You ready, babe.” Jake’s low voice close to my ear makes me shiver in excitement.

I can’t speak so I just give him a simple nod, but I’m already smiling without knowing what awaits me. Jake takes my blindfold off, and his eyes are the first ones I see. I scan the room, expecting everyone, but we’re totally alone.

“Hmmm, what’s going on?”

“I want you to watch a movie with me. It’s my gift to you,” Jake says as he settles next to me. He grabs my hand, and I link my fingers with his.

I softly answer. “Okay.”

He plays the movie, and I see a picture of Jake and me at Lake Tahoe, of us on the boat at Alcatraz, us lounging pool side in Florida, us firing a gun at my dad’s firing range, us washing the car while he sprays me with the water hose, me wiping icing on his face in the kitchen, us playing guitar hero, and many more pictures of us together. I think the movie is over because I see a black screen; but then the camera pans to the right and I see him in his hospital bed looking straight at the camera wearing his beanie, a white shirt, blanket covering his legs, and my favorite smile. Then, he starts talking and my world stops…my eyes focus on his handsome face, my ears open ready to hear what he wants to say, and my heart beats wildly in anticipation of receiving his love he so freely gives me.

“You’re probably wondering what I’m doing. There’s a lot of things I want to say, things I’d like to do, plans I want to achieve, dreams I ache to fulfill, but sometimes life happens and things get in the way. So, I want to say them now, while I can. You have given me love that I don’t deserve…shown me love I can’t repay…given me understanding I’m not worthy of…rescued me when I couldn’t…given me hope when I needed it. If there’s one wish I want to have, it’s for me to live longer because then I can say, I can do, I can plan, I can dream, I can fulfill everything with you. Time is what I want to give us. Time that I may not have, but you do. So, if and when I’m gone and you’re sad, watch this and know that once there was this man who loved you so much, but that he just ran out of time and that he loved you until the very end. Always remember the good times we’ve had, the love we shared, and every time you close your eyes I’m right there with you. Whenever you feel alone, I hope you’ll feel me then, too. I’ll see you in your dreams…I hope you dream about us…. I hope that even in your dreams you’ll finally see us getting married because I’ve seen it in mine many times. For all the things and dreams I won’t be able to do, do them for me. Live for me. Thank you, sweetheart, for loving me completely. I won’t say goodbye because it hurts too damn much…instead I’ll say ‘I’ll see you’, I’ll be the one in white waiting at Heaven’s gates for you, my love. I love you, Trish, more than I can ever say.”

Then, another batch of pictures flash across the screen, but now, it’s me with Roxy, Tami, and the boys without him…and it hits me to the core of my soul…the gut wrenching loneliness of him not being there. It’s like me seeing half of me. How can I live without him? While my eyes are glued on the TV, Jake’s hold on my hand never loosens. He’s holding on tight, and that’s how it should be.