Unbreak Me (22 page)

Molly turned to look at him, really taking in everything he’d just said. She’d never heard him talk about settling down before, not here or in the city.

“I didn’t know you had those kinds of plans.”

“I’m a dreamer.” He beamed and Molly’s heart did that involuntary flutter that made her cheeks blush and her palms sweaty.

“Sometimes dreams are all we have.”

Walking into the house, Connor took Molly to the guest bedroom on the other side of the hallway. “I hope you’ll be comfortable in here. There’s a nice view of the beach and the balcony is all yours if you feel like listening to the waves if you can’t sleep.”

An awkward silence cut through the air. Neither of them knew what to say next.

“I think I’ll take a shower, then maybe we can eat,” she said as she slipped off her shoes, more or less gesturing for him to leave the room.

“Oh yeah, sure, take your time,” Connor said as he moved toward the door. “Maybe we can order in. I’m not in the mood to cook. Would that be okay with you?”

“Yup!”

Molly closed the door and her heart sank. She knew deep down inside that being so close to him was killing her in a way she had never expected. All the anger, the hurt, the disappointment was gone. She no longer dwelled on his indiscretion with Marissa. Yes, it had hurt her, but she knew that if she was ever to move on, she had to let go of the resentment.

Looking in the bathroom mirror, she rubbed her hair from her face, fairly conscious of the small patch of hair that was no more than tiny sprouts. “This was a bad idea,” she said as she looked at herself. “Big mistake.”

Turning on the water, she stepped in, letting the sting of the cool water prick her senses, letting her know this was, in fact, real. She was there, again, and didn’t have a clue what she was thinking.

As the water touched her skin, she washed away her father’s touch, the disgusting stain he’d left on her. Closing her eyes, Molly tried to find a happy place to focus on, the one place where she felt safe, and in all the mixed-up confusion, she smiled as she rested her head against the tiles.

Molly brushed her hair and tied it up on the top of her head, trying to conceal the patch that made her feel ugly, then slipped on her shorts and tee. She wanted to be comfortable, but knew it was going to be hard being around Connor.

Gulping, she bit her bottom lip before walking down the stairs, and saw Connor sitting out on the deck, his feet resting on another chair, just watching the setting sun glow in the horizon.

Inside, her nerves were so close to bursting her seams. She was sure she wasn’t going to cope with being near Connor.

“Hey,” Molly said as she awkwardly made her appearance, trying her best not to be overly confident, but also not wanting to give away too much.

Glancing up at her, he patted the cushion next to him. “Come chill. I love this part of the day.”

Molly slipped down beside him, crossing her legs as she looked at the beauty before her. “Me too. Kinda gives me hope. Sounds silly, right?”

“No,” Connor replied as he smiled. “I think hope is the one thing that connects us all. Without hope, we’d all have given up a long time ago.”

Molly listened to him. Wondering if he had lost all hope that night. “So that night, on the bridge…what changed?”

“You… You gave me hope.”

“Connor, I—” she tried to find the right words.

“Let’s order. I’m starving,” Connor interrupted her. She knew it was a ploy to avoid having to face reality, the severity of their ‘break-up’—he didn’t want to have to deal with it.

Nodding, Molly followed him to the kitchen as he set out a few menus. “You choose, but I can totally recommend this place,” he said, holding up a Thai menu. “Their salmon panang is real good.”

Molly read through a few of the menus, not knowing what she wanted. Then decided on Connor’s recommendation.

“So, how’s work?” she asked as they sat on opposite sides of the kitchen island, one as awkward as the other.

“Work’s been interesting.”

“Really? I thought there was the whole huge fallout because of that failed deal thingy,” Molly said as she folded the side of the menu, giving her hands something to do.

“There is, so right now it’s a case of cleaning things up. Trying to salvage my reputation, and of course find the leak.”

“How do you mean?” Molly asked as she made eye contact with him, her cheeks burning a little as his gorgeous green eyes devoured her as he watched her.

“Someone gave their shareholders some information. Pertinent info that only my department had access to.”

“Ooooh,” Molly replied. “So basically, you could be working with someone who is essentially an enemy. Someone who doesn’t really give a shit about you or Ellison Enterprises.”

“Yup, more or less,” Connor said as he smiled at her. “So my job is damage control.”

Molly held her breath as Connor got up from the stool and walked to the refrigerator. Finally exhaling when she realized he wasn’t coming anywhere near her.
Good
, she thought. She didn’t want to have to deal with trying not to want him. Because the fact remained—she did want him. She did love him.

The doorbell chimed and Connor practically ran to pay for the food.

Connor set out the plates as Molly unpacked the food. “This smells so good,” she said as her stomach decided that the food was a good option after all.

“Just wait until you eat it.” Connor’s face beamed.

There it was again, the gorgeous smile that made her insides go all mushy. How she’d survive the night was scaring her by the second, yet the more they interacted, talked, enjoyed each other’s company, the more she realized how she couldn’t live without him.

Sometimes, fate had a peculiar way of stepping in.

Chapter Thirty-Five

It felt good to be able to hear the musical lilt of her voice again. It calmed him, bringing him a sense of happiness that he’d almost forgotten, yet the fear that there was no going back to that perfect place they had scared him. Connor was, at times, his own worst enemy. He could never pinpoint it, but there was this air of darkness that seemed to absorb all the joy, suck it dry and leave him gasping for some kind of escape. A release, a place where he could just close his eyes and all the bad would be gone. The emptiness of not being close to Molly cut him in a way he thought not possible. The guilt being his biggest enemy.

“Sometimes, I get this whole sense of déjà vu, like, I’ve done this all before. It’s so weird that it stops me dead in my tracks and I try to make sense of everything,” Molly said as she finished her meal. “I sound nuts, don’t I?”

Connor lifted her plate and set it in the dishwasher. Turning around, he rested his hands on the counter and smiled. “No, not at all. I think we all experience that at some point in our lives. Sometimes many times over.”

“Maybe,” Molly replied, shrugging “I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself.”

“Doing what?”

“This, letting myself believe that there is still something here, something worth salvaging.”

Connor was surprised by what he was hearing. Out of the blue, just like that, she began addressing them—as a couple.

“I mean, I get it, the whole attraction thing. I feel the connection every time we are near each other,” she said as she rubbed her forehead. “I just don’t know if I’m ready for romance or love… Maybe I’m just destined to be alone forever.”

Connor’s heart sank to a new depth. Her words cut through him, deep and bloody. He wanted nothing more than to take a bottle of Scotch and drink himself into oblivion, but that would have defeated all purposes of winning her back. Of ever rekindling that blossoming love they’d once had.

“Molly, I didn’t invite you here to try to win you back,” he lied. His voice almost broke as the words left his mouth. “I just wanted to spend some time with you. That’s all. And given what happened today, I think you being away from the toxic environment of the city is exactly what you need.”

“Maybe,” Molly muttered, trying not to look at him. “But the fact remains, when I’m with you, like this, it hurts me.”

Connor could feel the sweat beginning to do its thing at the back of his neck. The anxiety beginning to present itself. Not great timing, but it never was. Gripping the counter, Connor closed his eyes, trying to control the little vortex of vision that now hovered in front of him. He could see Molly looking at him from his peripheral, her eyes questioning his silence.

Not now
, he thought as his chest began to contract, a tightness ripping through him.

“Connor, are you okay?” Molly jumped off her stool.

Finally giving in, he fell to his knees as he began struggling for breath. Molly knelt by his side, resting her hand on his back.

“Try to take some deep breaths,” she advised as she reached for the phone.

Shaking his head, he pushed her hand away from the phone. He didn’t need medical assistance, he just needed the attack to pass.

Closing his eyes, Connor focused on his breathing, very conscious that he looked like a fool in front of Molly. No matter how hard he tried, the spinning wouldn’t stop. The continuous pull of the attack wouldn’t subside. It was relentless. A monster that wanted to crush him.

Finally, after several minutes he opened his eyes, his body covered in perspiration. Molly was still beside him, rubbing his back.

“I thought the panic attacks were a thing of the past,” Connor muttered. He was embarrassed about looking like a loser in front of her and refused to make eye contact.

“I didn’t know.”

Connor wiped his nose and rested on his knees before standing. “Nothing like witnessing a grown man crumble, huh?”

God, he was embarrassed, completely mortified. He wanted the ground to open up, swallow him and release him from the shackles he’d placed around his own feet.

“I wouldn’t say that,” she replied as she got up, filled a glass of water and handed it to him. “Here, this will help.”

Connor took the water, gulping it down, his head still pounding—the after effects of his anxiety.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that.”

“Don’t be silly,” Molly said as she sat on the ground next to him. “You’re only human, it happens to the best of us.”

Resting his head against the cupboard door, Connor looked over at Molly. “I think I’m my own worst enemy at times.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know,” he said, scratching the top of his head. “Maybe I’ve unresolved parental issues. I’ve never been good at standing up for myself. Always taking the easy route. Being a total dumbass in the process.”

“I don’t think you’re a dumbass at all, but I think you need help. Those attacks need addressing. You and I both know that.”

“They’ve been happening for as long as I remember. This one time, I was about eight or nine and we had swimming lessons at school. I was so nervous, I’d vomited before leaving the changing rooms. I had a complete meltdown at the side of the pool and pissed myself. Can you imagine trying to live that down? Of course, Mommy Dearest made up this whole thing to cover her own embarrassment, saying that I had a UTI and had no control over what happened.”

Molly took Connor’s hand, rubbing her fingers lightly over his. “I think your mother is a prize bitch. Maybe even a fucktard.”

Connor smiled then said, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you saying that word, but right now, I think it’s a perfect tag for my mother.”

“Wanna know a secret?”

“Sure.”

“I think I had Tourette’s in a past life.” Molly winked at him, earning herself a smile in return.

“Molly?” Connor asked as she looked down at her hand touching his.

“Yes.”

“Would it be wrong of me to tell you that I love you?”

Molly looked at him and his heart raced knowing that her response would either make or break him.

“No, it wouldn’t,” she whispered.

“I know timing is everything, I’m not stupid,” Connor said as he glanced at her, her beautiful azure eyes staring back at him. “I can’t imagine my life without you. It’s impossible for me to even think that I can go on without you. I know I hurt you, and God knows I’ve tried to put things right, but you’re everything to me, Molly. You complete me.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Neither talking, each of them afraid of what to say next.

Connor felt he had overstepped the mark. Putting pressure on her when she didn’t need it.

Molly gripped his hand tight, her shoulders moving, and he knew she was crying. “Shhh, please don’t. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said as he wrapped his arm around her. Her body fitted into his like a glove. “I’m sorry.”

Connor’s own tears bubbled beneath the surface. Swallowing hard, he resisted the urge to break down. He had to be the man. The one to be strong.

“You haven’t upset me,” Molly mumbled as she wiped her eyes. “I just feel bad because I don’t know if I can be the woman you want.”

“I love you, Molly. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

“No, Connor. It just tells me that you’re in love with the idea of being in love.”

She’d done it. She delivered the one thing he didn’t want to hear. Complete rejection. “Wow, you know how to kick a guy when he’s down.” Letting her go, Connor stood and walked to the patio doors. “Regina was right. This was a bad idea.”

Standing, looking out at the moonlight shimmering on the surface of the water, Connor felt his heart shatter into tiny pieces, knowing there was no chance in hell of ever finding his happiness with her.

“I think I should go,” Molly said.

Connor turned his head to the side and his shoulders slumped in defeat. “No, it’s okay. You stay. I can arrange for a car to pick you up tomorrow. Take all the time you need. I won’t bother you again.”

Before Molly had the chance to stop him, Connor fled the house, driving far away from Molly and his broken dreams.

Sometimes there really was no hope, and at that precise moment in time, Hong Kong seemed like the better end of a bitter deal.

Chapter Thirty-Six