Unbelievable (10 page)

He groaned low and deep. When she lifted away from him, he gave her a cocky smile, but his chest moved with his deep breaths. “How do I smell, Brandi?”

She touched the bridge of his nose again and explored a small lump that accounted for the very slight crook there. It had probably been broken at one time. There was a tiny scar at the corner of his mouth and it drew her fingertips next. Everything about him fascinated her.

“It’s hard to describe. You smell warm, very warm. And like musk and spice.” As she touched the small scar, his lips parted just the tiniest bit. He licked his lips, and
his tongue touched her fingertips. She drew back, shocked at the almost violent sensations that swirled in her belly.

Sebastian stared at her. “Touch me again.”

It wasn’t a command—closer to a plea. “I…”

“It startled you when you felt my tongue?”

“Yes.”

“What did you feel? Inside, I mean.” His gaze searched her face, probing, looking for answers. Then his face went carefully blank. “Did I frighten you?”

“No.” It wasn’t fear that had stolen her breath. But she didn’t think she could put it into words. “I’ve never felt it before, so it’s difficult.”

“Do you want to continue?”

She nodded, but she wasn’t at all certain
where
to continue.

Sebastian settled that problem for her. “How about if I tell you what I felt?”

Her heart raced. The air inside the cabin seemed to be too hot, too thin, even though there was no fire in the fireplace. She felt the tensing of his hard-muscled thighs and squirmed a little, then smiled inside at his reaction. She liked affecting him this way, liked knowing that he wanted her so much.

Keeping his gaze locked to her own, he said, “I felt a rush of heat. Under my skin, inside my muscles. Everything clenched.” He grinned. “You’re sitting on my lap, so I think you felt it. In my stomach, my thighs. And here.” He pressed the back of her hand low on his abdomen. “There’s this sweet pressure. Like anticipation that’s hot and thick.”

Every single thing he mentioned, she felt. Her own belly was tingling with a delicious ache. “You scare me.”

He pulled back, but this time it was she who held on. “I don’t mean…” Frustrated, she shook her head and said, “It’s not fear that I’ll be hurt. It’s just that I’ve never felt this way before. Ever.”

He brought her hand to his mouth and pressed a tender kiss to her palm. “What happened to you slowed you down a little. You were still too young to have explored your own sensuality before the rape, and afterward, you were too wary. But now, with me, you feel safe.” He smiled at her. “Am I right?”

“Yes.” But she had to be honest. “To a certain degree.”

Nodding he said, “I think I understand your rules now. Earlier, in the Jacuzzi, I thought you were playing a game of dominance, that you didn’t want me to move so you could tease me. And I liked it, believe me, I did. But then it was just too much and I couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Now I know you weren’t playing at all. I understand why it’s important for you to be in control.” He kissed her again, a quick light kiss that took her by surprise, but thrilled her all the same. “Feel free to satisfy all your curiosity with me. When I first told you that you were in charge, I hadn’t exactly had this in mind. Or maybe I had, but not with any real expectations. Just a lot of hope.”

Brandi laughed. Bantering with a man, sexual teasing and innuendo, wasn’t something she was used to. But with Sebastian, it felt so natural and right, there was no threat, only fun. She grinned and he grinned with her.

As he tucked an errant curl behind her ear, his smile
faded and his look became serious again. “Now that I do understand, I want you to feel free to direct me, to tell me what you want and what you need. You can touch me anywhere you want, however you want. Whenever you want. If you don’t want me to move, I won’t. If you want me to touch you back, I gladly will. But only if you tell me to. You really are in charge, babe, in every sense of the word.”

S
EBASTIAN WATCHED
as she considered all he’d said. He kept his face carefully masked so she wouldn’t know how she’d torn him up inside. At that particular moment, there were any number of people he’d like to light into, not the least of which was her family. Though he had no doubt they’d been misguided by love and their damn guilt, they’d still stifled Brandi’s need to talk about the rape, to rid herself of pent-up hurt and anger and fear.

It almost sounded to him as if she’d buried the pain in order to protect them, when it should have been the other way around. But he remembered the guilt he’d suffered for his mother, and knew their lack of understanding hadn’t been intentional. Often the victim’s loved ones suffered as much—in a different way—as the victim. He’d seen it in his work, as well.

He would have liked to get hold of the men who’d dared to touch her. They’d tried to steal her innocence, her sweetness, but luckily they hadn’t succeeded. Despite what Brandi seemed to think of herself, she was simply too strong to lose her will.

But most of all, he felt anger at himself. In his job, he dealt with trauma, both emotional and physical, on
a regular basis. He protected women threatened by their abusive husbands, he watched out for the innocent who were stalked for money or political gain. He knew the signs and understood the fears. But he hadn’t been himself since first setting eyes on Brandi. He’d let all her signals slip past him, his brain too cluttered with lust and his own vulnerability to see anything else.

He’d actually dealt with rape cases on many occasions. But instead of viewing her caution and curiosity as the residual effects of a trauma, he’d assumed she was playing sex games with him. He’d thought she was using her shyness and need for control as a way to build the sexual tension. Damn his ego.

Now that he knew the truth, though, he had a plan of action. His lust would have to go on hold, but he could deal with that. He
would
deal with it, even if it killed him. Nothing was as important as reassuring Brandi, showing her that she was a woman in every sense of the word.

Her curiosity was starting to bloom, and he’d be damn sure that he was the man who satisfied it. Any amount of sexual discomfort was worth the final reward. But already, he was literally aching with anticipation.

“You want me to…touch you?”

He grinned at her self-conscious expression and rosy cheeks. Perching on his lap in her virginal gown, her dark hair wild and her blue eyes round, she looked more enticing than ever. Her small bare feet were feminine, her scent sleepy and warm and delicious. Grinning hurt, but it was either grin or groan, and he wanted to reassure her, not scare her with his lust.

“Yes, I want you to.” Leaning forward, he kissed
her, another light, teasing peck that he hoped would eventually evolve into more. “I want you to feel free to use me. To touch me whenever you want, to kiss me or look at me any way you choose.”

“I couldn’t.”

She said it, but she didn’t look sincere. He chuckled. “You already have. And I know if you’re this fascinated with my chest, the rest of my body has got to be of interest to you, too.”

She gulped, then heaved a big breath. “Are you saying you’d let me…”

“You didn’t finish your sentence.”

She licked her lips. Her eyes were bright and she had the most adorable expression on her face, a mixture of uncertainty and greed. “I don’t know if I could. I mean, I can’t predict when the fear will hit me.”

The words felt like a blow, erasing all his humor. “I know. And it doesn’t matter. If you change your mind, at any time, there’s no pressure. Just say no. That’s all.”

“You say that now. But if we’d already been…involved, you might feel differently.”

“And you’re afraid I’d lose control?”

“I don’t think you’d deliberately hurt me.”

He accepted the fact that it would take time to earn all of her trust, but it wasn’t easy. Determined to make as much headway as possible in the five days allotted to him, he decided to throw out the only viable solution he could come up with—even if the very idea of it made him uneasy. “If you ever start to worry about me losing control, you could always tie me to the bed.”

She stared at him, her eyes wide with incredulous surprise.

“I’m serious, Brandi. I want you to be comfortable with me, and if that’s what it takes, then so be it.” Seeing her reaction helped firm his resolve and returned his humor. “Of course, you’d have to promise to be gentle with me, to treat my poor body with respect.”

She gave him a playful smack while a grin tugged at her lips.

“And absolutely no tickling. I can’t stand it.”

“So you’re ticklish?”

He sent her a mock frown. “I don’t like that wicked gleam in your eye. Promise me right now.”

“All right. I promise not to tickle you.” Then she whispered, “Not while you’re tied down.”

He pretended to consider her words, while in truth he was thrilled at the easy way she bantered with him. And her tone, when she’d spoken, had been husky with promise, with expectation. More progress. At least, he chose to see it that way.

“All right, we’re agreed.” Then he reached around her for the remote and switched off the television.

With obvious alarm, Brandi stiffened in his arms. “What are you doing?”

“Not what you probably imagine.” He tugged on a glossy dark curl that laid over her temple. “Did you think I planned to stand up and strip off my jeans?”

“I don’t know.” She searched his face. “None of this is like anything I could have ever expected.”

“Well, you can relax. I just thought we ought to get some sleep tonight. It’s late.”

“Oh.” She looked down, but he hadn’t missed the disappointment in her expression. She started to rise. “I suppose I should get back to my bed.”

His arms tightened around her, keeping her gently in place on his lap. “Actually, I thought we might sleep right here. I’m comfortable, and after holding you this long, the thought of my cold lonely bed doesn’t appeal one bit.”

He could see how badly she wanted to accept, and tenderness the likes of which he’d never felt before threatened to choke him. She looked up, her gaze wary once again. “I’m not too heavy?” she asked.

“Honey, you don’t weigh any more than a blanket.”

“I might have another nightmare.”

Which was one of the reasons he wanted to keep her close. He’d do his best to protect her, even from her own demons. “If you have a bad dream, you can hold on to me. You won’t be alone.”

Tears welled in her eyes and he couldn’t bear it. He tucked her head under his chin, then stretched out his arm to grab a throw on the back of one of the chairs. He spread the cover over them, propped his legs up on the coffee table and leaned back. Brandi shifted a few times, making him painfully aware of his aroused state, but he gritted his teeth and held in his moan of pleasure.

“Sebastian?”

“Hmm?”

“Good night.”

Now, that felt right. Holding Brandi, listening to her gentle breathing, hearing her tell him good-night. It was something he could get used to, something he wouldn’t mind hearing for the rest of his life. He pressed his cheek to the top of her head and felt her wildly curling hair tickle his nose. So soft, so damn sweet. “Good night, babe. Rest easy.”

She sighed into him. “I will.”

And just as she’d done in the limo, she passed out, going boneless within a minute.

It took Sebastian longer to relax. He tried to remember what he’d been like, how he’d behaved, back when he’d first begun experimenting sexually. It was a very long time ago—a lifetime. He didn’t like remembering, because those days had been full of poverty and sadness and desolation. He’d started too young, trying to find comfort with the neighborhood women who needed the distraction as badly as he did.

After he joined the service, he’d gotten more particular, and there were times when he’d gone long stretches without the touch of a woman. Most times he hadn’t missed it much, but when he had, he’d easily found feminine comfort. And always, he’d stayed in control—no ties, no commitments.

Now here he was, fully committed to Brandi. Knowing she’d missed her sexual maturity filled him with a primitive greed, both emotionally and physically. She was his. Regardless of the rape, he would be her first man, her first lover.

She sighed in her sleep and he smoothed his hand over her waist, then down her hip to her thigh. It had been an automatic touch, not something calculated, but it thrilled him anyway. She felt so slender, so delicate. The flannel gown was soft and somehow suited her perfectly, though he thought her own skin would have suited her even better.

Images filled his mind and he closed his eyes, relishing them. She would be his, he was determined. He still had four days, and he’d make the most of them before his time was up.

First thing in the morning, he would begin.

He grinned, knowing what he planned was a little underhanded, but Brandi needed control, and he wanted to give it to her. The trick was in making her think she held the reins, when in truth she’d be following his lead.

S
EBASTIAN CONTINUED TO
rub the towel over his damp body even though he knew Brandi stood frozen in the bathroom doorway. He’d been at it for fifteen minutes or more, just waiting for her to show up. Under normal circumstances when alone with a woman he wanted—who he knew wanted him, too—he would have been oblivious to his nakedness, most likely because the woman would have been naked, as well.

Not so with Brandi standing there, her flannel gown dragging the floor, her eyes still puffy from sleep, her soft lips parted in shock. He could feel her curious gaze burning over his body and he wanted to pull her close, to feel the inquisitive touch of her hands, her eyes…her mouth.

He pretended indifference, but in fact he was wound so tight he hurt.

The weather matched his mood, waking him this morning with a powerful thunderstorm. Rain slashed the windows and the sky appeared as dark as early evening. He’d slipped away from Brandi after a loud crack of thunder and he had purposely left the bathroom door ajar as he’d showered. He’d hoped the sounds of the running water would eventually wake her, even
though the storm hadn’t. Of course, she’d been snuggled up close to him then, warm and secure. He’d felt the chill of the room as soon as he’d left her, and though he’d tucked the blanket around her, he’d thought that the loss of his warmth might be enough to rouse her.

He wanted her familiar with him and his male routine. He wanted her comfortable with his body. The more she thought of him as just a man, male to her female, the less she’d think of him as a dominant counterpart to her feminine vulnerability. The mundane chores of shaving and bathing and eating would help lower him to the status of just another flesh-and-blood person.

Finished drying, he slung the towel around his shoulders and turned to face her with a wry grin on his lips, but Brandi didn’t notice. Her gaze was nowhere near his face. He cleared his throat and she jerked. When her eyes rose quickly to meet his, he asked, “You okay, babe?”

“You’re naked.”

“Am I? Damn, that’s right.” He mustered up a puzzled look. “I took my clothes off to shower. That’s usually how it’s done, you know.”

Brandi slowly and carefully licked her lips, her gaze now glued desperately to his. “You’re…awfully big.”

Chuckling, he deliberately looked down at himself—and saw he was thankfully still inattentive to the fact of a very appealing female in the area. “Hmm. And I’m not nearly so impressive as I can be.” Then he looked at her. “Does it bother you?”

She shook her head, her dark curls moving around her pale face, and her eyes again went over his body.
She said softly, “I wasn’t talking about that. I meant you were just so massive. All over.”

“I know. I was teasing you.”

“Oh.” She looked around, then shrugged. “The door was open.”

“I wanted to hear you if you woke up,” he said with a straight face.

Brandi nodded. “The storm woke me.”

Damn. He couldn’t very well stay unenthusiastic if she continued to watch him this way. He had to distract himself, so he moved to the sink and turned on the hot water, then opened his shaving kit.

“What are you doing?”

There was less shocked reserve in her tone, and more natural curiosity, which is what he’d been counting on. He flicked her a glance and saw that she’d stepped a little closer. He treated his nudity as natural, and she seemed to be attempting to do the same.

“I’m going to shave.” Then he added casually, “I don’t want to scratch you with my whiskers if you decide to do any of that touching or kissing we talked about.”

She remained silent, her eyes boring into him, over him. Squirting the shaving cream into his hand, he asked, “Have you ever watched a man shave?”

“No.”

“Not even your father?”

“My dad’s very private. Besides, he and Mom had their own bathroom.”

Flipping down the toilet seat, Sebastian said, “Come on in and sit. I don’t mind the company.”

“I…um…” He watched as she shifted her feet, her hands clasped together in front of her, then she
blurted, “Okay, but could you wait just a moment? I’ll be right back.”

Before he could answer she darted out. Sebastian chuckled. Of course, she needed a trip to her own bathroom. He only hoped she didn’t stop to change clothes. He liked her in the loose-fitting flannel gown with the tiny blue flowers all over it. Its Victorian styling suited her.

He didn’t want her to comb her hair or splash her face, either. He liked seeing her all sleepy-eyed and warm and tousled. She looked sexy as hell and so sweet, his stomach muscles ached from being pulled so tight.

She returned a moment later, her hair still wild and disheveled, her gown in place and her blue eyes bright. She rushed forward and took the seat beside him, which put her eyes on a level with his navel.
Damn.
He’d never survive this.

“Go ahead.”

He laughed. “Intend to enjoy the show, do you?”

She’d regained enough of her impudence to stretch out her legs, cross her ankles and lean back against the commode. “You offered. It’s certainly not something I’ll get to see again anytime soon.”

“Ah, now, there you’re wrong. You can watch me shave any time you like. All you have to do is tell me.” So saying, he started by spreading the shaving cream around his face, then went through the contortions all men employ to reach those hard-to-shave places. Brandi sat in fascinated silence beside him. Amazingly, her gaze was as much on his face and the process of removing whiskers as it was on any other part of his body.

He was almost done. As he swiped the razor one last
time across his jaw, Brandi said softly, “You look so hard.”

He nicked himself and cursed, but when he turned to her, he saw her staring at his hip where his skin was a shade lighter from being forever protected from the sun. She lifted her hand slightly from her lap, then lowered it again.

Sebastian grabbed up a facecloth and wiped his jaw before turning to face her fully. He couldn’t help himself, his body stirred with her interest, and being that he stood there completely naked, hiding his reaction wasn’t an option.

Her gaze flicked to his face, then back to his swelling erection. She looked absurdly amazed, and he tried to grin, tried to muster up one ounce of humor, but failed.

“You…you get excited just because I’m looking at you?”

Rather than answer her, he let his own gaze linger over her body as she lounged back in feigned negligence. He could detect the soft mounds of her breasts, the slight curve of her belly, the gentle slope of her thighs. He took his time, letting her
feel
where he looked. She shivered and her cheeks flushed—but not with embarrassment.

“You react when I look at you, too, babe. It’s just that your body isn’t as obvious as mine. But if a man is smart, if he knows where to look, it’s plain to see.” His tone was low and gravelly and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Without moving closer to her, he reached out his arm and very gently, with only the barest touch, circled a pointed nipple with his forefinger. Brandi gasped and her eyes closed, but she didn’t pull away. “This is a small clue.”

Her lips parted while she breathed deeply. “I liked that.”

She sounded amazed, not at all repulsed. “Good. Should I do it again?”

Her eyes opened and she stared at him. Biting her bottom lip, she gave a tiny, uncertain nod.

To most people this might have seemed to be the most bizarre situation—a woman covered from neck to toe in sturdy flannel, a man buck naked and on display, leaving himself vulnerable, doing no more than touching one sweet soft breast. To Sebastian, though, it meant he’d made incredible progress. He wanted to shout with his success—Brandi wanted him to touch her in a sexual way. Nothing else mattered to him at the moment.

His hand trembled a bit as he reached out again. He wanted to move closer, to touch her everywhere, to give her unbearable pleasure and hear her moaning his name, hear her crying out in an intense, mind-blowing climax. But he was also afraid of doing one little thing wrong and spooking her. He didn’t dare push her too far too fast.

He toyed with her nipple, still using only that one fingertip. He brushed against her, used the edge of his nail for a more tantalizing stroke, circled and flicked until Brandi panted and said in a tiny, almost indistinguishable voice, “Please.”

He was so hard, he hurt. His erection pulsed with every heartbeat, but Brandi was now oblivious to everything but her own body. Sebastian licked his lips and whispered, “Both breasts, all right, honey? You’ll like this, I promise. But if you don’t, just say so.”

Not giving her a chance to think about it, he lifted
his other hand and this time he cupped her breasts, feeling them warm and firm in his palms. Her heartbeat thundered. Brandi made a strangled sound and her gaze remained glued to his face. He knew she was watching for any loss of control, so he did his damnedest to hide the level of his arousal. He couldn’t remember ever being so primed, so hot. But Brandi’s innocence, her trust, was both a powerful aphrodisiac and a potent reminder of who she was to him. More than he wanted anything, including his own pleasure, he wanted hers. He wanted her to trust him enough to let go, to give herself over to him for safekeeping while the pleasure swamped her and left her insensate.

Luckily, his arms were long, keeping him a safe distance from her. It gave her the room she needed to feel secure. It also afforded him an incredible view of her body; the way her stomach muscles fluttered, the way her thighs tightened, how her throat worked and her hands clenched.

He breathed as deeply as she. “Do you like this, sweetheart?”

“Yes.”

That one word sounded like a moan, and Sebastian had to clench his jaw to hold in his own guttural sounds of approval. “Honey…I’d like to try something else, okay? No, don’t look at me like that. I’m not planning a wicked perversion on your person. You’re the boss, remember? I’m just going to make a suggestion.”

It took her a moment, but she finally said, “All right.”

His appreciation for flannel doubled as he felt her small breasts swell and fill his palms. He continued to pleasure her breasts as he spoke. “You like my fingers
and hands on you here. But I think you’d like my mouth even more.”

Frantically, she shook her head, her eyes going wide.

“Shh,” he soothed, his fingers still taunting, teasing. “Just listen a minute. You could stand on the toilet lid. I’ll even put my hands behind my back if you want. And if I do this and you don’t like it, you can just say so. No arguments.”

He could tell she was tempted and he held his breath.

“I don’t want to take off my gown.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Those men…the ones who raped me.” Her voice trembled and Sebastian automatically stilled, his heartbeat frozen. “They told me I wasn’t much to look at, that I was all bones and no meat. They…they laughed at me. I know I’m too skinny. Shay is always teasing me about needing a few pounds. My mother says I just take after her, that I won’t round out until I have kids. But since I’d never thought to do that—have kids, I mean—I figure I’ll always be too small.”

Goddamn them. Violent emotion slammed through him, making him want to crush those responsible for stealing away her confidence, her self-esteem. And even her family had added to her insecurity. Couldn’t they see how they’d hurt her with their careless remarks? They should realize, with what she’d been through, how sensitive she would be.

Shay would be devastated to hear of her part in this, but he damned well ought to tell her, anyway. He knew she loved Brandi and wanted the best for her. It wasn’t in Shay to deliberately hurt anyone, especially not those people she loved.

His eyes burned and his head pounded. He must have looked as violent as he felt, because Brandi scurried off the seat and moved around him, toward the door. He didn’t turn to her, didn’t try to stop her. No sane words came to his mouth. He wanted to howl in anger and frustration. He needed a minute to get his thoughts in order before he tried to explain a few facts to her.

“Sebastian?”

He shook his head. Without meaning to, his hands fisted and his voice came out in a growl. “They’re all idiots. Every damn one of them.”

Silence. Sebastian turned and found Brandi still standing there, her expression wary as she seemed to consider his words. “Look at me, Brandi.” When her eyes met his, he asked, “Do you think I’d want a woman this damn bad if she wasn’t sexy?”

“You don’t think I’m too small?”

He did shout then, a low, mean sound that made Brandi jump and take a startled step back. Sebastian was too far gone to heed that small message. He stalked toward her. “You can do anything you like this trip, babe. You can tell me to be quiet, to get lost, to stand on my head if that’ll make you happy. But don’t you dare believe anything those idiots told you. Listen to me. You’re small and delicate and feminine. You’re also the sexiest woman I’ve ever met in my life. And despite my own multitude of sins, I’m not an idiot. I know a beautiful woman when I see one.”

Surprisingly, she stopped backing away from him. “You really think I’m beautiful?”

“Yes!”
He shouted the word, jutting his chin toward
her for emphasis, practically looming over her. He watched her flinch, and then just as quickly, she smiled.

With one more perusal of his body, she said, “I think I’ll go get dressed now.”

He’d forgotten he was naked. Sebastian nodded, though it was the last thing he wanted. “That’s probably not a bad idea.”

“Maybe you should get dressed, too.”

His eyes narrowed at her teasing tone. “What’s the matter? You don’t want me strutting around the cabin naked?”

She looked to be considering it and he groaned. “Never mind. Forget I asked.” He moved past her and down the hall. With every step, he felt her eyes on his backside. Damn, but this was the most stressful trip he’d ever forced himself through.

Then he thought of the look on Brandi’s face as he’d touched her breasts, her nipples. It wouldn’t be long now. He had to believe that or he’d go crazy. Soon, she’d belong to him. Very soon.