Tyrell (15 page)

I'm like a spy or something trying to sneak into Novisha apartment without none of her nosy neighbors seeing me and telling her moms that I was there. But the second I'm in there, I don't waste no time waiting to kiss her. We kiss from the living room to the kitchen, then, finally I back her up into her bedroom. I got my hands on her waist and I'm pulling her real close to me and I know she can tell how excited I am.

Finally Novisha come up for air. “Wow. You're on fire. I need to catch my breath.”

“I'ma give you two minutes, tops.” I sit on her bed and try to cool myself down so I can take my time with her. It's Wednesday. We don't gotta rush today.

While she take off her uniform blazer and shoes, I grab the fake diary from under her pillow and start reading.

Dear Diary,

I don't understand how my mother could forgive my father so easily. It hasn't even been two years since he left us.
Why doesn't she remember crying all night and having to beg him for money to pay my tuition and the other bills? I definitely remember how he didn't even show up to my graduation last year.

My mother has me thinking too. She tells me she's a good Catholic, but she's having sex without being married. Does that make it right? I'm confused.

I put the diary back under the pillow. “Just ‘cause your moms read that, don't mean she gonna stop letting your pops come ‘round. He pro'ly doing the right thing in bed.”

Novisha make that face again, like she just ate something nasty. “I don't wanna hear about my mom's sex life, Ty. It's disgusting.”

“Yeah, but it's true. My pops beat my moms down, twice, and she still with him.”

“That's because she's dependent on him for money. My mother was like that too, when they were married. He cheated all the time and she pretended it wasn't going on because she needed him, but now that she's working full-time there's no reason to get back with him. He's only going to walk out on us again.” Novisha get all sad and her eyes get all watery, but she don't really cry.

“Next time he walk out, y'all gonna be prepared,” I tell her. “It ain't gonna be no surprise, so y'all gonna be okay.” What I'm saying is bullshit and I know it. Like, we all knew my pops was gonna get locked up again and we wasn't prepared for shit. The first couple weeks after he was locked up, all three of us was walking ‘round in shock like we couldn't believe what the fuck happened to our family.

“You're right,” Novisha say, and wipe her eyes. “But I just
hope my mother will read that and do what I'm telling her to do and dump him. I know what's best for her.”

“Look at you, thinking you can get people to do what you want them to.”

She put her hands on her hips. “It's not like that!”

“Forget all that and come over here, girl.” This conversation is getting too sad, and I ain't looking to ruin the mood.

She walk over to the bed and turn St. Mary ‘round.

“Now that's what I'm talkin' ‘bout!” I say, getting all excited again.

She unbutton her uniform blouse and I'm liking the cute little black bra she got on. Then she take off her skirt and she wearing matching black panties, and I know she wearing her sexiest underwear just for me. And her body is so tight, damn, I don't know how long I'ma be able to wait to get me some of that.

So before she can even start to do her thing on me, I tell her, “Females first.”

“What does that mean?” She look a little scared and I don't know why.

“I wanna do you,” I say.

She start to move away from me, but I just grab her waist and, ‘cause she so light, I just flip her on the bed next to me. She start laughing but try to get away at the same time. “Relax,” I tell her, tickling her stomach. “You gonna like it.”

She scream ‘cause she hate getting tickled. Man, watching her laugh and wiggle ‘round on the bed get me even more excited. ‘Specially the way she arching her back all sexy. Damn.

“Ty, stop. Stop!”

I stop, but then I go for that bra, trying to reach ‘round and
unhook it. Then I see it's one of them bras that hook in the front, the ones they make just to confuse dudes.

“Ty, c'mon. You know how I feel about this.” Then she go into all that shit she always say ‘bout how she Catholic and she wanna wait and all that, but this time I ain't paying her no mind.

“I respect you,” I tell her. “But I wanna get closer to you.”

“But—”

“I love you. I wanna make love to you, but I'm cool with waiting, you know that. But we been together, like, a year and a half, and I wanna show you how much I love you. And I want you to trust me, a'ight?” I look her in the eyes with my real serious face.

She just stare at me and I see how scared she is. “Ty, I don't want one thing to lead to another. I know how boys are.”

“Not all boys is the same,” I say. “And I ain't no boy. I'm a man. Your man. And I ain't gonna take it too far. You gonna hafta marry me ‘fore I give you any.”

She laugh a little and I take that as a green light. And I go. I take that bra off and I kiss her all over. And when I start slipping them black panties off, for the first time she let me, and I'm like, man, this is easier than I thought it was gonna be. I keep kissing her everywhere. Matter of fact, there ain't a spot I don't miss. And when she all relaxed and smiling, I go down on her and finish her off real slow. When I'm through, she breathing all heavy and shit, and I'm feeling, like, finally I'm the man.

Then we just lay there kissing. “You a'ight with that?” I ask her.

“Yeah,” she say. “I'm happy.”

I put my arm ‘round her waist. “Tell me I'm your man.”

“You're my man.”

We kiss some more. Then after a while she try to take the sheet and cover herself up, but I ain't having none of that. Not after all this time it took me to see her naked. I take the sheets and blankets and kick them off the bed. “Nah,” I tell her. “You too beautiful to cover up.”

She smile and we lay next to each other kissing and talking. Personally, I'm feeling real good ‘bout this, like we now tighter than we ever was. A couple more Wednesdays like this and she ain't gonna be thinking ‘bout going away to no college without me. She gonna know she need me.

Later, after we both satisfied, I get dressed and Novisha fix me a plate and let me eat in her room while she go call her moms to make sure she ain't gonna close the laundromat early and bust us.

I sit at her desk and scarf back them leftover turkey wings, white rice, and spinach. From the kitchen phone, I hear Novisha lying to her moms on the phone, talking ‘bout how she was doing her homework, but got real hungry and practically ate all them leftover turkey wings herself. The girl is a good liar, I gotta say that. There's a whole ‘notha side to her that her moms don't know nothing ‘bout.

While I'm sitting there, I find her real diary and do what I always do, read the last thing she wrote.

Yesterday, Shanice asked me what school Ty goes to and I finally admitted to her that he hasn't gone back to school since Christmas break. She told me she would never go out with a boy who dropped out of school, and while she was
talking I felt really embarrassed. I'm not proud of myself for feeling that way, but I did. Am I going to have to live my whole life feeling embarrassed because my man doesn't even have a high school diploma? I hope not.

Man, every time I read this diary, she got something in it that make me feel like crap. And after the fun we just had together, I ain't really in the mood for this. To be honest, I'm kinda tired of reading how she too good for me.

“Okay, she's closing the laundromat in forty-five minutes,” Novisha say, coming back in her room.

“I'm out,” I say, kinda glad I got a excuse to leave. All of a sudden I just wanna be by myself.

Novisha walk me to the door and she kiss me, but I don't drag it out. I just kiss her and grab the doorknob to get outta there. “You don't have to pick me up tomorrow,” she say. “I'll call you the second I get home, so you won't worry about me.”

I nod. “A'ight. That's a'ight.”

“Are you okay?” She try to take my hand, but I don't let her. I just open the door. “Did I do something?”

“Nah, we good,” I tell her. “Don't forget to call me tomorrow.”

“I won't.” She smile, but I can tell she still trying to figure out what's wrong with me. “I had a nice time today.”

“Me too.” And I leave, go out in the hall and press the
DOWN
button for the elevator. I know I shoulda said something ‘bout what I read, but I ain't looking to get into no argument with Novisha ‘bout the shit she be writing in her diary. I'm trying to hold on to her, not push her away. She all I got.

My moms is in a real good mood when I get back to our room. And for the first time since my pops got locked up, she actually look kinda nice too. She went and got her hair braided with long extensions, and she smiling. That's probably why she look different.

Troy is sitting on the bed playing something on the Game Boy and my moms is sitting next to him watching. And she into it too. She telling him shit like, “Watch out for them aliens,” and “Jump over that black hole.”

For a second I think he using my Game Boy ‘cause he always playing with my stuff when I ain't ‘round, but then I look closer and see he got the new Game Boy that just came out, the one I wanted to get. “Where he get that from?”

My moms look up at me, and all she gotta say is one word: “Dante.”

Damn. I shoulda knew it was him. Who else gonna go outta his way to get on my moms good side? And Troy is sitting there
playing his game, not caring what kinda asshole got it for him. He just happy. “Troy, you know how to talk?”

Troy put the game on pause and finally look at me. “Hi, Ty. Look what Dante got for me.” He hold up the Game Boy like I ain't seen it already. “I'm on level two.”

“That's good.” I try to sound happy but, truth is, I'm way past pissed. I unzip my jacket, but before I can even take it off, I look ‘round the room and see that not only did Dante buy Troy a Game Boy and pay to get my moms hair did, but he been food shopping for us again. We got more crackers and cookies and shit on the dresser, and this time all of it is in plastic containers with lids to keep the roaches out. Dante thinking of everything. “When I'ma get the equipment back?” I ask my moms.

“He need it for Friday, so you can get it back Saturday.”

“How I'ma get it from him?” My pops got a lot of equipment and huge speakers. Ain't like I could just roll up there and carry the shit out by myself. I'ma need a couple guys and a van or truck to do that.

“He said he could bring it where you want on Saturday, but you gotta find a way to get it back to the storage place on your own.”

“A'ight.” I know what Dante after, trying to be nice to me, and if he keep on doing what he doing, he gonna get my moms and my pops equipment for hisself. Just like that.

Troy start laughing ‘cause he winning the game and my moms is clapping for him. “See, I said you could get past them aliens.” She got way too much energy all of a sudden.

“You do laundry?” I ask her.

“Yeah, it's all folded in the bag over by the door.”

“Y'all eat?”

“Dante took us out for pizza, after we finished shopping. You seen all the food he got us?”

“Yeah.”

“If you hungry, there's some peanut butter crackers in one of them plastic containers, but save some for your brother.”

“Watch me, Mommy,” Troy say. “Look.”

“Troy, you gonna hafta start gettin' ready for bed,” I tell him. And I don't even know why I gotta be the one to tell him that. I can't stand when my moms do that, make me the one that gotta stop all his fun. She used to do that with my pops too. Make him the bad guy.

“I need more time, Ty,” he say, like he doing some real important work. “I'm almost finished this level.”

“Well, you better finish that level in five minutes. What ‘bout your homework? You did it?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me check it.”

“The church girl checked it already.”

“Jasmine?”

“Yeah, her.”

I look to my moms for some kinda explanation.

“That Puerto Rican girl came by looking for you,” she say. “Me and Troy was doing his homework. She said she could help him if I wanted, so I let her. She a nice girl. We talked for a long time.”

“'Bout what?

Troy stomp his foot on the floor. “Mommy, keep watching me.”

“Everything,” she say. “We talked ‘bout you. I think she like you.”

“Nah. We just friends.”

“I can't believe you standing up there lying to your mother like I don't know no better.”

“It's true.”

“
I
like her,” Troy say. “She the prettiest, most beautifulest girl I ever saw.”

I'm just ‘bout to ask my moms what she told Jasmine ‘bout me, when she get up off the bed and say, “Let me show you what else Dante got for your brother.”

She walk ‘round to the side of the bed and pick up two big shopping bags. From one of them she pull out a thick black North Face jacket, the kind that got a hood with fake fur inside. “See, this the kinda jacket he need ‘cause the one he got is all ripped up,” she say. Then she pull a big Timberland box out the other bag. She open it up and show me new boots. “And you know he really need boots with all that snow out there.” She close the box and start putting everything away. “I don't know why you don't like Dante. Look at everything he doing to help us. And he went to the management office of his building ‘cause that apartment gonna be empty soon. They told him we could have the place as long as we have the two months' rent and one month security deposit up front.”

“Why don't Dante give you that too?”

“He would if he could, but he don't got that kind of money. If you bring home enough from the party, we could get that apartment.”

Yeah, that's what I want. A apartment in Dante building.
Close enough so that asshole could come by whenever he want.

My moms is staring at me. “What's your problem?”

“Nothing. You know what you doing with Dante, right?”

“I told you, I ain't doing nothing with Dante.” She fold her arms in front of her like she a little kid.

“A'ight. You ain't gotta convince me of nothing. I ain't your man.” All I know is I really hafta get outta this room. The longer I stay here, the madder I'ma get. “Make sure Troy go to bed when he finish that level. I'ma see y'all in the morning.”

I say bye to Troy, but he don't hardly hear me ‘cause he too into the game. I can't believe my moms don't see what Dante is doing. He think he could just step in and take my pops place. Now that might be okay with my moms and Troy, but it ain't never gonna be okay with me.

“Did you used to walk ‘round like this in fronta Emiliano?” I ask Jasmine when I get to her room ‘cause as usual she half naked.

“All the time,” she say.

“And he never tried nothing with you?”

“Never.”

I sit on her bed. “Then either he blind or gay ‘cause no other guy could take it.”

“Well, you been sleeping with me, how many days now? And you never tried nothing. So what does that say about you?”

“That I'm stupid. Or crazy.”

She laugh. “Or faithful to your girlfriend. I think it's cute.”

“Great. I'm cute, but what's that doing for me? Being cute
ain't gettin' me outta Bennett. It damn sure ain't gettin' me no money. It ain't even working with Novisha no more.” I'm in a real fucked-up mood, but, still, I wasn't looking to say all this to Jasmine. She ain't ask for none of this shit.

Jasmine come over and sit next to me on the bed. She grab ahold of one of my hands. “What's the matter with you? You drunk again?”

“Nah.”

“Then why you so sad? You getting depressed being here?”

I shake my head. “I don't know. Pro'ly.”

“You having more problems with your mom?”

“Yeah,” I say. “But that ain't it.” Then, next thing I know, I just tell her what I'm going through, ‘bout how I thought I was gonna be in a good mood tonight ‘cause I was spending the day with my girl and we was gonna get closer than we ever was, and how things ain't go the way I wanted. “She wrote in her diary that she embarrassed ‘cause I ain't in school, and she ain't gonna wanna end up with nobody that don't got a high school diploma. Like that's the only thing that matter to her.”

“She lets you read her diary?” Jasmine ask, like that's the only thing she heard.

“Yeah.”

She shake her head. “I bet she's not writing what she really thinks. Not if someone else is reading it.”

“Nah. That's the thing with us. We tell each other everything.”

Jasmine get this half smile on her face. “You tell her you been sleeping with me every night?”

Damn. Why she had to go there?

“I didn't think so.” She start laughing. “I'm just saying, you
keeping stuff from her and she's keeping stuff from you. All girls keep secrets.”

“Not her. You don't know her.”

“Okay, you right, but, c'mon, if she knows you reading her diary, she's not gonna write everything. She's gonna leave some things out. It just makes sense.”

I ain't in the mood for this tonight. “Look, let's go to bed. I'm tired.”

She stand up and go to the mirror and start putting her hair in a ponytail like she always do. “I came by looking for you today,” she tell me like I ain't already know that. “I wanted to tell you about my interview at the restaurant. The lady, she was so nice to me and it was so easy talking to her. And you know what? I think I'm gonna get the job.”

“Nice,” I say.

“But I have to call her back Friday to find out. I could tell she liked me though. She let me stay and eat for free. And you know how good her food is, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Your mother was nice to me too,” Jasmine say, still looking at herself in the mirror. Man, I ain't never seen nobody stare at theyself more than her. “She told me all about you, when you were little, how you knew all the words to the rap songs your father used to play.” She giggle. “And I helped your brother with his homework. He's really a cute little boy.”

“First you tell me I'm cute, now you say he cute.”

“Both of you are cute.”

“Yeah, right.” I gotta get outta here too. I need to get away from her bullshit for a couple minutes. “Look, Jasmine, I'ma be
back, a'ight?” I get up and walk out the door real fast, before she can try to stop me.

In the hall, it hit me. I really don't got nowhere to go. For real. I mean, I don't feel like staying with Jasmine tonight, but I damn sure ain't going back to my room and hafta stare at the jacket and boots Dante got Troy.

So I go downstairs to the lobby and, man, every time I go through there, the place look more and more tore up. It's downright nasty now with all kinds of garbage, soda cans, and cigarette butts and shit on the floor and tables. There's some kinda red juice or something spilled on one of the couches, and course nobody did nothing to clean it up.

I swear, this place probably ain't been cleaned for months. And the smell is a whole ‘nother story. Bennett stink like the inside of a garbage truck. I mean, the rotting fast food, stale cigarettes, and funky people is definitely giving the room a kick. Man.

Two women is sitting on them nasty chairs drinking beer outta brown paper bags while they kids is going buckwild, running ‘round and making all kinds of noise. Mr. Mendoza is at the front desk on the phone and he look like he too through with them kids. A couple guys my age is standing ‘round too. They by the candy machine talking and eating Doritos. I give them a nod and a what up, then I see Wayne outside in front of the building smoking, so I go out there to let him know the party is on for Saturday and tell him what time I'ma need him there.

I zip up my jacket and step out in the cold. Wayne is leaning up against a car talkin' to some other guy. I think his name is Rafael or some shit. I give them a what up too, and bum a
cigarette from Wayne. Then I just lean against the car and chill. Try to relax.

Wayne and Rafael is talking ‘bout the subway fare hike that's gonna start next month. “That shit's crazy,” Rafael say. “How they gonna charge that much to ride them dirty-ass trains?”

“Word,” Wayne say. “And all them homeless people they got on them trains. Shit, man. They charging us more money and they ain't doing nothing to get rid of them bums.”

I just smoke and listen to them talk, but, in a way, it don't feel like none of this is really happening. I mean, I can't believe I really been stuck here at Bennett for so long. Or that I'm really homeless. Me. Two weeks ago, I had a address. When I was hungry, I went in the kitchen and got something to eat, and when I ain't wanna deal with my moms, I went in my room and closed the fucking door and ain't had to put up with nothing for a while.

Now what I got? Some clothes in a garbage bag, a cell phone with, like, ten minutes left on my prepaid, a jacked-up CD player, and a couple MetroCards. Oh, yeah, I got a room in a disgusting roach-filled motel. I don't even got my own bed.

When they stop talking, I tell Wayne ‘bout the party, and I ask Rafael what he doing that night. “Nothing,” he say. “You need help?”

“Yeah, setting up and keeping shit running.”

“It's two hundred for the night,” Wayne tell him, and I wanna punch him ‘cause I was ‘bout to tell Rafael I would give him $150.

“Yeah, I'll be there,” Rafael say.

I give him all the info. “But you gotta help break down the equipment and load up the van.” Course I don't actually got no van right now. That's another thing I gotta set up.

“Two hundred.” Rafael look real happy, like he already got the money in his pocket. “Cool, man.”

“There you are!” I hear, and when I look up I see Jasmine standing in the doorway. She got her clothes back on, but she ain't wearing no jacket. She come outside anyway. “I didn't know where you went.”

She stand next to me, close, so I put my arm ‘round her shoulder. She take the cigarette out my hand and start smoking it. “That ain't right,” I tell her, trying to get it back. “And you smoke too much anyway.”

She start laughing and fight me off. “I'm not the one out here smoking in the cold.”