Two Steps Back (12 page)

Sixteen

Jaylah walked into Barnyard and immediately spotted her sister sitting at a wooden table that looked like it had been torn off the frame of an old farmhouse. Clad in a black and white Aztec print skirt and red blouse, Jourdan was sipping a drink and scanning the menu when she saw Jaylah coming her way.

“Hey sissy!” she said, face breaking into a gigantic smile. “Well, you don’t look fat!”

“Umm, I missed you too,” Jaylah said, kissing Jourdan on the cheek. “Thanks for meeting me for lunch. I know you’re in the middle of pulling the gallery opening together.”

“Are you kidding? I would’ve run out and met the
plane last night, but you were with
him.
I can’t believe you were only gone a month. Felt like an entire year! How are the parents?”

“
They’re fine. Excited about everything.”

“You owe me a drink, you know,” Jourdan said. “Af
ter I finish this one, of course, and make it a double.”

“For what?”

“You didn’t believe me when I said you were keeping the baby. I knew you’d come ‘round!”

Jaylah rolled her eyes and removed her coat, happy to be hanging with her girl once again. “
Whatever.”

“
Admit it. You know I was right,” she said, grinning at Jaylah. “Now for the details! How far along are you and what are we having?”

“
Ten weeks, and currently a blob,” Jaylah said, grabbing Jourdan’s menu and eyeing her drink.  “What is that? Rum?”

“
Close, whiskey.”

“I’m so jealous. I
really
want a drink right now.”

“Let’s make a deal. You eat for two and I’ll drink for three.
Okay?” Joudan said, draining the glass. “Now, let’s give the blob a name! …” She tapped her pale chin like she was deep in thought. “I know, we’ll call it Nemo!”

Jaylah looked
dumbfounded. “Like the cartoon?”

“Yes! Remember? ‘Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.’ That’s what
Nemo is doing, yeah?”

“Umm, that was Dory,
J,” Jaylah said, scrunching up her face.

“So! Nemo sounds a million times cuter
than Dory. Dory sounds like some kind of disease you catch when you’re bored. Anyway, hello little Nemo, it’s your auntie speaking,” Jourdan sang while Jaylah chuckled in spite of herself. She missed her friend’s crazy antics, which always seemed to bring out the best in Jaylah.

When she first got to London Jourdan helped save her.
Without introducing herself to the quirky blonde girl in the impossibly high boots Jaylah may have missed out on this part of her life all together. 

After all, it was Jourdan who hooked
her up with her
Glamour
editor, dragged her to the Mau Mau bar where she met Johnny, and folded Jaylah into her life so completely most people thought they were actually related. Since the moment they met, Jaylah felt blessed to have Jourdan in her life.

“So how did meeting the parents go? Did they warm to Johnny?” Jourdan asked, stuffing
a piece of bread in her mouth and Jaylah took a long heavy sigh, like she was preparing to spill all of the gory details. “That well, huh?” Jourdan said. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I happen to like the bloke.”

“He proposed,” Jaylah
blurted, unable to contain the news any longer.

“Proposed…marriage?”

“Yes!” Jaylah screeched.

“With your parents looking on? That takes some balls.”

“No, no. On the plane. On the way back here.”

Jourdan grabbed Jaylah’s hands and inspected he
r fingers for evidence of a proposal. “No ring? Isn’t he some sort of a banker? He couldn’t even give you a—“ Jaylah pulled the teal box out of her purse and set it on the table bringing her friend’s rant to a halt. Jourdan tore open the lid and gasped. “No fucking way!”

“I know…”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. This ring is like…it looks like it cost a million pounds!”

Jaylah laughed. “I don’t think it’s quite that much, but it’s crazy
, right?”

“Why isn’t it on your finger? I’d wear
this rock
everywhere
, shoving it in everyone’s face like, oh look, my ring costs more than your car.” The women giggled as Jourdan wiggled her fingers in the air like she was the Queen waving to her loyal subjects. “But seriously, why aren’t you wearing it? You would have to cut it off my cold, dead finger.” Jourdan suddenly paused and eyed her friend, “Wait. Did you say no?”

“That’s the thing,” Jaylah said, lowering her voice
and leaning in like she was about to tell Jourdan a secret, “I didn’t say anything.”

Her friend looked
bewildered. “I don’t understand. How can a man ask you to marry him, give you this
fabulous
ring, and you not say anything?”

“He didn’t re
ally give me a chance. After he was done with the speech he just slipped it on my finger and kissed me. I guess he just assumed I’d say yes.”

“Like I said, he has balls,
Jay.” Jourdan admired the ring one final time before putting it back in the box. “So what are you going to do?”

“Wait till he brings it up
again?”

Jourdan looked at her friend like she’d grown a pair of horns. “You can’t be serious. You have to give him a proper answer.
You have to straighten this out.”

“That’s the thing. I’m not sure what I want to do.”

“You love him, yeah?”

“I do, but is that enough? Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should speed off and get married.”

Jourdan raised her glass. “Here, here.”

“E
verything is already moving so fast. When you think about it, we really just met. Yeah, we messed up and I got pregnant, but I just want to catch my breath and really think things through before I make that kind of commitment.”

“
Sounds like you two need to have a conversation, sissy,” Jourdan said, patting her friend’s hand. “But whatever you do, keep the ring. It can make for one hell of a rainy day fund.”

“See, this is why I love you. Always thinking ahead.”

“Damn straight. Now that you’re all hopped up on baby hormones one of us has to be the brains of this operation. You’re lucky to have me.”

“You kno
w what, J? You’re goddamn right.”

* * *

Jaylah barely had time to breathe since returning to London.
As soon as she hit the ground, she threw herself into work, covering musicians at the London Jazz Festival, taking in the explosion of fireworks for Guy Fawkes' Night, interviewing local chefs for her new series on the city’s diverse food scene, and penning columns about being a new transport to the Queen’s city. Jaylah tried to keep busy, never idling around the house or wandering the streets like she used to for fear her mind would linger too long on Johnny’s proposal and what she should do about it.

Somehow, Jaylah had
managed to avoid that conversation for weeks. After all, it wasn’t like Johnny could press her to pick a wedding date or decide on a venue because he was still married and going through a divorce. Plus, like Jaylah, Johnny worked even longer hours since returning to London, dragging home well past nine each night chatting about brokering deals that could help them buy a house “in cash,” he said one evening, “just from my commission alone.”

These days,
Johnny seemed preoccupied with talking about money more than usual. Previously, Jaylah never cared about his finances, but she guessed he was doing just fine. Between his car, home, the expensive gifts he gave her, and the fact that she never needed to pay for anything when they were together (and sometimes when they weren’t), Jaylah never gave Johnny’s finances any serious thought. But with her mother’s advice—
be sure
he can take care of you
—still ringing in her ears, Jaylah actually listened whenever he brought up money.

“I’m going to be home a little later than
I planned tonight,” Johnny said as Jaylah wrestled with a story she was working on at the dining table. He was gobbling up the last of the eggs and toast she fixed for him before he ran off to work.

“
Again? I thought you were done with that project?”

“I am. I’m meeting with my solicitor after work,” he said, draining his
coffee in one large gulp.

She glanced up. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah…” he hesitated, seeming to weigh his words. “Fiona filed her own divorce petition. We’re meeting to discuss it.”

“What does that mean? Is she fighting it? I thought you said wanted to get divorced as well.”

“She does. She she’s just filing her own petition under different grounds.”

“Which mean what exactly?
What
grounds
is she using?” Jaylah asked, cutting him off.

“Adultery,” he said quickly, sending a pang of guilt down Jaylah’s spine.

“Adultery,” she repeated quietly, her eyes instantly filling with water.

Johnny walked around the table to comfort
her; he was never any match for her tears. “Shhh. Don’t do that, please? It changes nothing, I promise. My solicitor thinks it’s just her way of negotiating.”

The word
s
home wrecker,
flashed before her eyes, once again making Jaylah feel like she’d destroyed Fiona’s life. Despite telling herself a million times that Johnny had ruined his own marriage—that it was
his
choice, not hers—Jaylah couldn’t help but feel like she and the baby had put the final nail in its coffin.

“Hey,
” he said, trying to coax her away from the sickening feeling that she’d shattered another woman’s world. “Why don’t you come with me? We can have dinner at after the meeting, yeah? We’ll go someplace really lovely.”

Jaylah shook her head and willed her emotions into check. “We’re supposed to go to that gallery opening tonight, remember? I promised Jourdan
we’d come. She’s been working on it for months and this is a huge deal for her company. I have to be there.”

“Shit, I totally forgot,” he said, kneel
ing in front of her like he was getting ready to propose again. “Let me cancel the meeting with the solicitor then. What time’s the opening?”

“
Seven, but don’t cancel it. You go to the meeting and get that sorted out. I’ll go hang with Jourdan. Maybe we can all have dinner afterward.”

“
You sure? I can make another…” Jaylah put a finger to Johnny’s lips, silencing him. Then she caressed the side of his smooth face. The truth was she wanted to hang with Jourdan alone. Every moment she and Johnny were together Jaylah was afraid he would bring up their engagement, and although she adored him, there were other things Jaylah felt she needed to focus on first before committing to be Johnny’s
second
wife.

“
Okay babes,” he said, kissing her palm and noticing her naked ring finger. He scrunched up his face. “Where’s your ring?”

  
She froze. It was still in her purse where it had been for the past few weeks. “I put it back in the box,” she said slowly.

Johnny looked
puzzled. “In the box? Why?”

Jaylah
had a choice. She could either come clean about her ambivalence about their engagement or she could conjure up a lie.

“I…” S
he started to speak the truth, but changed her mind when they locked eyes. “My hands were swelling, so I took it off. I didn’t want it to get stuck. I guess I need to drink more water or something.” She shrugged, hoping he’d believe her.

“Oh…”
Johnny seemed to run her answer through his head. “Do you need me to go to the store to grab some water or ginger ale before I leave? I don’t want you to get dehydrated again.”

She kissed his lips. “No I’m fine. I can’t drink water on an empty stomach
anyway or it’ll come back up.”

“Then eat
something. How come you didn’t make yourself any eggs?”

“I will, babe. Eating makes me sleepy and I want
to finish this first,” she said, trying to smile wide enough to put him at ease.

“Okay. I’ll call you later, yeah? If you feel up to
it, maybe we can meet for lunch.”

“Sounds good.
”

She walked him to the door and met his lips.

“Jaylah? Please drink water, okay? You have to get that ring back on. I don’t want guys out here getting their hopes up,” he said, smiling. “You’re already taken.”

* * *

Victoria Miro
’s Hackney gallery was abuzz with art lovers from every corner of the city. Expansive, colorful canvases, gritty photographs, and intricately woven tapestries clung to the stark white walls, and from the looks of things, the well-heeled hipsters seemed to eat it all up.