Twisted (10 page)

“Yeah, well you weren’t the one gettin’ beat constantly for just bein’ you. You weren’t the one that the whole town picked on. You didn’t have to sleep on the streets and go through dumpsters to find food. Don’t expect me to feel any sympathy for him because now he feels guilty for what he done.” Mike raised his voice as he continued to talk, almost yelling as he was done. I put my hand on his knee to try to get him to calm down a little.

“Mike, sometimes psychological scars are worse than physical scars.”

Mike was fuming, and waves of anger were rolling off of him. He snarled at me when he saw me watching him. “Just what in the hell are you lookin’ at?”

“You.”

“I don’t wanna hear you anymore, harpin’ on me I should just forgive and forget now.”

“I ain’t about to do that, Mike. I told you before, whatever you do, I’ll support you.”

“I dunno what I want.”

“I understand that. Just take your time, and you’ll be fine. Come on, let’s get dried off and dressed. You got some cookin’ to do, and Sandy and Maria are gonna be here soon. You gonna stay out here, Jason, or come in now?”

“If I can, I’d like to stay out here a little while longer.” I showed him how to cover the hot tub when he was done.

We dried off and headed upstairs. Mike had a sour look on his face. I was really at a loss for what to say or do to make him feel better or help him. I got an idea, and I remembered a month or so ago we had switched clothes. Mike wore mine, and I wore his. I picked up my longhandles and socks and threw them at him. He caught them and then glared at me.

“Just what in the hell is this?”

“My socks and underwear, put ’em on.”

“Jeffy, I ain’t in the mood. Is sex all you ever think of?”

“You were the one who got all turned on before by us swappin’ clothes. I’m just tryin’ to make you calm down a bit.”

“Just leave me alone. I don’t wanna calm down. You don’t understand what I’m goin’ through.” He threw my socks and underwear back at me, and I put them on. I got dressed. He was sitting on the bed, still bare-assed with his arms folded across his chest. He was still giving me an angry look.

“Okay, buddy, I will leave you alone. I guess it’s easier for you to sit all wrapped up in your anger than deal with the situation. And rather than deal with it, I guess it’s easier for you to take it out on me. I’ll leave you alone now, but bet your ass we’re gonna talk about this later.” I walked out.

I understood that Mike was in a world of hurt. Meeting back up with his father was huge for him. He was trying to get past that hurt to make a rational decision about his dad, his relationship with him and his mom, and how to relate with Guy and Eve, and how those relations are gonna change. This all just got thrown at Mike now, putting him in emotional turmoil.

One thing, too, I had to remember. When he said no one knew what he went through, he was right. I’d always had a roof over my head and a dad who loved me. I’d always had enough food to eat. Mike didn’t. Although he was lucky enough to have found shelter and soon after a job sponsored by the city, being betrayed by those who had always been closest to him and then totally rejected left some nasty scars. All the anti-gay shit his father threw at him really made him hate himself. It was amazing he didn’t kill himself or end up a dead hustler. I understood why he was so angry. He’d really gone through hell. Homeless gay youth don’t have a good survival rate. He survived. He was angry about what happened, and he had been dealing with it. Now it was thrown in his face again.

I told myself to put myself in his boots. I was pretty upset. I’d been sitting in the office with my head in my hands as I thought about all he was going through. Then I saw Mike, standing there outside the door. He’d obviously been watching me for a bit. He looked like he’d just come from a funeral. His face was streaked with tears, and he had a sad look on his face.

“Jeffy…,” he started to say. All of a sudden, he was in my arms with his head on my shoulder, crying into me.

“It’s okay, buddy, let it all out. I’m here, it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry. I dunno why I take out all my shit on you. I’m so lucky, and then I act like a piece of shit. I’m sorry.” He continued to sob against me. I stroked his hair and held him while whispering into his ear.

“It’s okay. You said what you needed to say now, and I’m here. I ain’t goin’ nowhere. We’re okay, buddy. You and me are okay.”

“I acted like an asshole. I almost fucked up things real bad.” I continued to hold him until he stopped sobbing.

“I got your back, buddy. I’m here for whatever you decide with them. Just count to ten the next time you want to yell at me.” He chuckled a bit. It was a nice sound to hear.

“Jeffy, can I wear your underwear and socks?”

I started unbuttoning my shirt. “You little horndog.”

“I heard make-up sex is real good.”

“That it is!”

“Well then tonight, I’m gonna blow my socks off of you.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.” He smiled and we switched and got dressed. We had a lot to do, so we headed downstairs to get ready for everyone.

T
HE
house looked and smelled real nice. The Christmas tree was still up, contributing a piney smell to the living room. Mike’s gumbo smelled wonderful. Sandy had helped him cook, and they outdid themselves. Besides the gumbo, there was rice, bread, potato salad, black-eyed peas, smothered cabbage, and jambalaya.

Before Christmas, I had put blue lights around four of the pines in the front yard, and they glowed. It was clouding up, and unless I missed my guess, we’d have snow before the New Year got here. Mike and I had pulled up the rug in the living room, in case anyone wanted to dance.

Mike was in the kitchen finishing up some last minute stuff, and Sandy, Maria, and I were in the living room. Mike had asked us to play Cajun music, so we had CDs of Beausoleil, Chivari, Steve Riley and the Mamou Playboys, and the Jambalaya Good Times Cajun Band ready to go. I also had some Zydeco CDs of Queen Ida, Rockin Dopsie, and Buckwheat Zydeco. We were listenin’ to “Zydeco Gris Gris” by Beausoleil.

Sandy was one of the first people to make friends with Mike when he started working on the ranch, before I came back. She was really worried about his Dad trying to reestablish contact and how that brought back bad memories and really hurt Mike.

“So Mike’s really upset over seein’ his father?”

“Yeah, Sandy, you could say that again. He’s been goin’ off the deep end occasionally.”

“Jeff, what do you think of his father? Is he telling the truth that he feels very bad over the way he treated Mike?” Maria looked at me while I thought about her question.

“I think he is sincere, and I know how damaged that treatment made Mike. He keeps goin’ back to the Mike we knew early last fall, ornery and mean spirited. Funny thing is, I understand just how he feels. Were I in his boots, I don’t know I’d act any different.”

“It’s good you are there for him, Jeff. It can’t be easy to have the past come back like this.”

“No, Maria, it can’t. My buddy’s in a world of hurt and confusion now.”

“Do ya think, Jeff, maybe he could just work on keepin’ in contact with his brother and sister and tackle the parent issue later?” Sandy was always pragmatic.

“We talked about that. He’s gotta come to the decision on his own. I can’t do it for him.”

Just then we heard a commotion in the kitchen. From what we could hear, the guys from the bunkhouse had come in, accompanied by Renee, Josh’s girlfriend. Josh was one of our hands. He was a stocky little guy with a big mustache. Renee, his girlfriend, was from Seattle. She was about twenty years older than him, but they seemed to get along real well. José was our foreman. I had known him since we were teenagers. We had a big falling-out over my being gay, but he’s come around, and now we’re really close friends. Smitty was our other and newest hand. A blond Texas cowboy, he was writing a book on the West. He also seemed pretty captivated by Sandy. Our last hand was Jeanette. Mary Grace had walked in with them. She must have gotten a ride from Renee.

José came into the living room.

“
Hola
, boss! Are you ready for the New Year?”

“Ready as I’m ever gonna be. What about you, José?”

“Yes. I am looking forward to a good new year.” I said hello to Josh and Renee. Smitty had moved immediately over to Sandy, who seemed to enjoy the attention.

“How’s the bunkhouse, Jason? Are you comfortable out there?” Sandy looked at Jason. He turned to me.

“Can I have my own TV in my room?”

“You sure can.” He brightened noticeably at my response. “You just tell me when you got the money saved up, and I’ll drive you to Wenatchee so you can buy it.” Everyone laughed, and finally Jason smiled a sheepish grin.

Then everyone turned to me. “What?” I looked down to make sure my zipper was up.

“You just got a smart-ass answer for everything.” Jason grinned at me.

There was another commotion at the back door. I reckoned Mike’s dad had shown up. Sure enough, after a few minutes, Mike led him into the living room.

“Hey, everybody, this is my… uh… uh, this is Mr. Guidry.”

A brief look of pain passed over Mr. Guidry’s face, but he covered it with a smile and said, “Please call me Al.”

I started making drinks and getting beers and Cokes. Maria joined in to help me, and pretty soon everyone was taken care of. It was interesting to watch Mike and his dad. He totally ignored his father. Sandy and I both noticed Mr. Guidry watching Mike, a mixture of pride and pain stamped across his features. Finally Sandy spoke up to me.

“Jeff, let’s go talk to Mike’s dad. It took a lot of guts for him to come here. Mike’s gotta work out his stuff, but we don’t have to ignore him too.”

I followed Sandy across the room.

“Hi, Mr. Guidry. I’m Jeff and Mike’s friend Sandy.”

“I’m very pleased to meet you. Please call me Al.”

“Okay, Al.”

“I hope you’re enjoyin’ yourself, sir.”

“Thank you, Jeff, I am. Your opening your home to me is more than I could have expected.”

“It’s no problem, sir.”

“Thanks again. Sandy, I saw pictures of you in the magazine articles on Mike, Jeff, and the ranch. It looks like you and Jeff go way back.”

“Yes sir, we sure do. We grew up together. I was always Jeff’s ‘date’ for school stuff, and he was like my big brother.”

“You were Jeff’s date? I had the impression, Jeff, that you’ve been out since you were a teenager.”

“Yes, sir. I came out to my dad when I was sixteen. He was pretty supportive. When kids at school figured out I was different, I started gettin’ picked on. Dad and Sandy’s dad, Sheriff Johnston, taught me how to stick up for myself. I had to kick the sh… stuffin’ out of a couple of bullies, but after that it was easy. Sandy was always there for me if I wanted to go to a dance or something where I’d need a date.”

“That’s great, son. I’d give anything to go back and give Mike the same opportunity.” He looked grief stricken. Mike walked over and looked at his father.

“I, uh, just wanted you to know I wasn’t tryin’ to hurt you when I introduced you as Mr. Guidry. I’ll be honest with you. I just can’t call you Dad.”

“I understand, son. Your even talking with me is much more than I deserve.”

“You keep sayin’ that. I’m tryin’, okay? I still wanna kick the, uh, stuffin’ out of you. I had a good talk with Jeff today. He’ll tell you a bit about what I went through. Sometimes hatin’ you was the only thing that kept me from steppin’ out in front of a truck as it drove by. I don’t know if I can ever get over it. But you need to know I’m thinkin’ on it.”

“Okay. Whatever your decision, I’ll respect it.”

“Everybody keeps tellin’ me that. Why in the hell do I have to deal with this?” Sandy put her arm around him, and I put my hand on his back.

“I’m sorry, son. Do you want me to leave?”

Mike was silent for a minute. “No, just don’t keep starin’ at me, okay?”

“I’m just proud of you, Mike, and happy for who you’ve become.”

“No thanks to you.”

“You’re right. It’s in spite of me, not thanks to me.” Mike looked at his father for a long moment.

“Jeffy, will you dance with me?”

“Sure, buddy.” I took his hand. “Pardon us, Sandy, sir.” We headed off to a bare spot on the floor by the Christmas tree.

Mike and I both had on Brooks and Dunn type cowboy shirts, cowboy hats, and big rodeo belt buckles. The song playing was a Cajun two-step. I took Mike in my arms and began to glide with him across the floor. We dance pretty close when we do dance, and we were definitely rubbing belt buckles.

“Jeffy, thanks for talkin’ to him. I don’t want to talk to him, but I don’t want to hurt him either. There’s been too much hurt between us.”

“No worries, buddy. Thanks for askin’ me to dance. It’s been a while.”

“I like dancin’ with you. I feel safe when you’re holdin’ on to me.”

“Well, you’re surrounded by friends here, buddy. Everyone here really cares about you.”

“I know, Jeffy, and I realize I am one hell of a lucky guy.” I nuzzled into his neck and ear.

“How’s it feel, wearin’ my longhandles and socks?”

“Fuckin’ hell, Jeffy, it’s really got me goin’.”

“Good. I want you all hot and bothered.” He grinned at me. I noticed Smitty and Sandy were dancing, and so were José and Maria. Mike’s dad was watching us with a smile on his face.

“It makes me nervous the way he just keeps starin’ at me and watchin’ me.”

“I can understand that. I reckon though, he thought he’d never see you again, and now he has, and you’ve grown up to be a guy any dad would be proud of. It’s probably a big deal.”

“You stickin’ up for him again?” I pulled back and just stared at Mike until he broke eye contact.

“Don’t go there, buddy. I’m on your side, period. I dunno what I gotta do to get that to sink into that cute head of yours.”

“I reckon I just got like you were a bit ago when we were chasin’ the rustlers, actin’ or speakin’ in this case first and thinkin’ later.” He smiled as he said that, letting me know he was joking.

“If I hear it again, I’m gonna have to take you over my knee and paddle that tight ass of yours good.” Last month we were fooling around, and I playfully hauled Mike over my knee and spanked him. That really turned him on. It was surprising how much. When I mentioned paddling him again, he got a big grin on his face and snuggled closer to me. We were dancing while all intertwined.