Twist (Siren Publishing Allure) (16 page)

She nodded, sighing heavily as she sat upright. She saw the tears on Rolf’s cheeks and hadn’t known he was crying. “I think I would like that. Are you sure you want to give up your life?”

“I am not giving it up, I’m just relocating it. I’m tired of California anyway. Part of the reason I stayed was just because I didn’t want to face my parents’ death. I waited so long, and once I came back, I realized that there was nothing to face. I am no longer the child who is always in trouble. They are gone, and staying away isn’t going to bring them back. All I did was distance myself from the people who truly love me. Enar made me realize that. I want to be here with you and Lee. I think he is a great brother also.”

She smiled, looking at Lee. He sighed, pushing himself to his feet. “I need to cook. It will keep me busy.” He lifted the folder and carried it back into the house.

Lana leaned her forehead into Rolf’s. “I feel as if I have been torn in half. Half of me wants nothing more than to crawl into Enar’s urn and die. The other half wants to be with you. How is it possible for me to love you both that much?”

“I don’t know. I’m just glad that it is possible. We have a chance then?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it okay for me to move here?”

“Yeah. When are you moving?”

He opened his phone, hit a button, and said, “Patty, can you do me a favor and call the number I left on my nightstand? I have already packed the belongings that I want shipped. They are in my study. You know where the key is. There is an envelope in the desk for you. I would appreciate it if you would stay until my house sells. There is also a job offer in the envelope. Give them a call, and once the house is sold, you have a job…” He nodded and then added, “Oh, there is also a note for Jessica to let her know that her living quarters are being sold. I already gave her half a million to find a new place to live and support herself for a while.” He listened and then nodded again. “Thank you. I will tell Lana. You have my number if you need me.” He flipped the phone closed. “It’s done.”

“You already have everything packed?”

“Everything that was important.” He stared at her, stroking back her hair. The gesture was so similar to Enar’s that tears instantly choked her. Rolf wiped a tear from her cheek. “It hurts. Every little thing makes me remember him,” said Rolf.

“Me, too.”

“Is this going to be too hard because we look so much alike?”

Lana shrugged.

“Okay. Then I will ask you this. Can I ever be sure that you are in love with me and not just trying to replace Enar?”

“I was in love with you when he was alive. I don’t know how to distinguish why that love happened. You do look like him, but you are not him. The two of you are different in many subtle ways. I don’t want to replace Enar. I would give anything to have him back, but that doesn’t mean that what I feel for you is not for you. You just have to give me some time, because right now every thought, every emotion is shadowed by grief.”

“I know.”

“Maybe the question should be are you ever going to trust that I’m actually in love with you.”

“If you were any other woman, I would say no. But I have come to know you well enough to believe that you are capable of boundless emotions. I see it when you look at me, even though your eyes are red from crying. I feel sorry for Lee.”

“Me, too. I keep hoping he will find someone. He has devoted his life to helping me with Enar, and I appreciated it so much. I just hope that with Enar’s passing Lee won’t feel the need to spend so much time here.”

Rolf rubbed his eyes, letting his face fall into his palms. Lana knew the gesture and grimaced. She put her hands over his. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything against you. Enar was so happy that you started coming and staying. When you would go home, he would talk for days about all the things the two of you discussed. He loved having you here, and I honestly believe that part of the reason he lasted seven months longer than he was supposed to was because you were in his life again. He loved you, Rolf. He understood why you stayed in California. You have nothing to regret.”

He shrugged. “I can’t say that I agree, but it is nice to know how he felt. As a child, I was always the forgotten one. I won’t say that our parents didn’t love all three of us. They did, and deep down I knew that. Our father traveled a lot. Mother was always fussing over Enar because he was sick with his heart. Whenever we would play like little boys, I would get yelled at for being too rough. Lee was four years older than us. He loved books and he was perfectly happy to sit in a chair and read. Father took him to China a few times and enrolled him in martial arts classes because he figured it was part of Lee’s heritage. I wanted to go, but because Enar couldn’t, I couldn’t either. I never figured out that logic, but that’s how it was. I took classes once I got old enough to take myself.

“I resented my brother and Lee because they always seemed to get the special attention that I craved. I became a brat because getting yelled at was better than being excluded. I probably wasn’t excluded, but when you are little you have a different mind-set.”

Lana instantly thought of Mona when she was little. Mona had always been a dramatic child, taking everything that was said to her badly, even if it wasn’t meant that way.

“I got older but continued to get into trouble because it had always gotten me attention. When I was fourteen, they sent me to boot camp for bad boys, for the summer. I deserved it, but instead of straightening me out, it made me worse. I resented being sent away. It’s weird because I never actually resented Enar. Life often kept us apart, but I always loved him. We got closer as the years passed, but I was always taller and more muscular than him. I got a reputation as a troublemaker in school and it followed me. I tried to straighten out my life, but I couldn’t seem to undo what had been done when I was younger.”

Lana could sympathize with that. It had taken her a lifetime to overcome the teasing she had received in school because she was chubby.

“At nineteen, I moved away to make a life where I could forget who I had been. I was interested in archeology, but I wanted something that paid better. I ended up in a fine art gallery, working as a janitor. I talked to anyone who would give me information. I read about what makes things valuable. I learned how to tell the real thing from a fake, and I ran with it. When our parents died, I should have come back. I loved them and I only wanted to get their attention. I realize now that all I did was cause them a ton of anxiety that they didn’t need. Unfortunately, it is too late to go back and change things.”

“Enar said that they loved you. If they adopted you, it means that they wanted you. I’m sure they didn’t love you any less because you were a brat. You are old enough to look back and understand. Give them credit for being smart enough to understand why you acted as you did.”

He balanced his chin on his thumb, the bent knuckle of his first finger resting thoughtfully on his lips. “I guess.” He hesitated, seeming unsure if he wanted to speak what was on his mind. “Do you know how our birth mother died?”

“Yes. Enar said she was attacked by a wolf.”

“Yeah. I have always taken that kind of personally.”

“Why?”

“I have gotten a lot of shit over the years because my name is slang for ‘vomit.’ The Swedish spelling is r-o-f-f-e, but my adoptive parents spelled it r-o-l-f, which is the German or Scandinavian version and means ‘famous wolf.’”

Lana frowned. “I never made a connection between your name and throwing up. I’m sure that your name had nothing to do with your birth mother’s death. It was purely a coincidence.”

“I have done some checking into our history, and Rolf was my great-grandfather’s name. It was passed down to me. It still bugs me. I dream about turning into a wolf sometimes.”

“Is this a warning that you are a shape-shifter?”

He chuckled. “No. It’s only in dreams. That would actually be kinda cool, but it has never happened. Enar is the only one who knows the correlation. I wanted you to know. If you hear me growl in my sleep, get up. I tend to get a bit violent on occasion. I have hurt Jessica a few times.”

“Thank you for the warning. I will remember that.”

Rolf shrugged. “I never want to hurt you.” He pushed back a wisp of stray hair. “We should go in and eat. I don’t want Lee to think he isn’t wanted here.”

Lana slid from his lap, and Rolf rose, holding his hand out to gesture her into the house.

Lee was sitting at the table, his head down upon his crossed arms. Lana went over, leaning on him and hugging his back. His sobs echoed through the empty kitchen, and Rolf sat down, rubbing his brother’s arm. They remained as such for a while and then Lee sat up, his eyes red from tears. “I don’t know what I am going to do with myself. Enar and I used to go jogging three times a week and work out twice a week. I used to cook for him and we would alternate which house to eat at. I just realized how lonely my life is going to be without him.”

Rolf tilted his head. “I know that I have been a crappy brother. I’m sorry. I would love to go jogging and have someone to work out with. I usually go to a gym by myself. I can’t stand cooking, although from what Enar told me, I had better get used to helping Lana. I don’t want to replace him. I could never do that anyway. But I would love to try and be the brother that I never was when we were younger. Also, maybe now would be a good time to stop worrying about making everyone happy and go make yourself happy.”

Lee appeared to be struggling with some internal demon, and Lana stroked his hand. “What, Lee? You know that you are always welcome here. I never even considered giving up our dinnertime switches. I have always enjoyed that.”

“It’s not the dinners. I would love to have you as a workout partner, Rolf. I would really like for us to be brothers again. I also have a confession to make. Lana, I do love you, but there is another reason that we would never work.” He sucked the side of his lip between his teeth, chewing on it. “I’m bisexual. I met someone last night while you were celebrating your anniversary. I really like him. He just called and I told him about Enar. He wanted to come over, but I said no.”

Lana was undaunted by his revelation, as she exclaimed, “Call him back right now! I will not have you fucking up your life because of some stupid bias bullshit. I do not care if you are bisexual or gay. I only want you to be happy!”

Rolf chuckled. “Bro, I live in California. Some of my best friends are gay. Call him back!”

Lee smiled and picked up the phone. He released a small chuckle as it was ringing and then said, “Hey, Ant, is that offer still good?… Great. I would like to see you. I would like you to meet my brother and my sister-in-law…Yeah, they are sitting right here…Cool.” He clicked the conversation off and keyed the address into his phone, sending it as a text. “I never told Enar.”

“Why?” asked Lana.

“I don’t know. I guess that up until the other night, I was denying it to myself. I went to check on things at the restaurant, and when I saw Ant walk in, I felt as if I was floating on a cloud. He sat down and I was watching him. He saw me, and it was as if a light had sparked in his eyes. He got up in the middle of his salad and walked over to talk to me. I was so turned on. After his meal I left with him. We went to the park and talked, walked. It was incredible. I went home afterward with the most insane sense of happiness and completeness. When Enar threw me out last night, I went and dropped off the info at the funeral home. Then I called Ant. We went for coffee and, well, when you called this morning, he was just leaving.”

Lana’s grin was overshadowed by sadness. “Now all three of us are on the same plane.”

“What?”

Rolf nodded, taking Lana’s hand and giving it a squeeze of understanding. “She’s right. New love on one hand meets death on the other. She said a while ago that she felt as if her emotions had been cut in half. I agree with her.”

“Oh. You’re right. Has anyone ever tested your IQ, Lana?”

“No. I’ve taken those stupid IQ tests on the computer and always come up with a mid-genius score, why?”

“Because some of things you say are nothing less than brilliant.”

* * * *

When Ant arrived an hour later, Lee and Lana were preparing a feast. Rolf answered the door, ushering Ant in. Ant immediately walked across the room, hugging Lee tightly. Lana frowned. He was nothing like she had expected. Ant was about a foot shorter than Lee, slightly overweight, and looked very Italian, his short, jet-black hair slicked back to his head. He turned and gave her sad, puppy-dog eyes. “Oh my god, you must be Lana. I am so sorry to hear about Enar. I can’t even imagine what you must be going through.”

“Thank you.”

Rolf put his arms around her, and she snuggled into his grasp. “Hi, I’m Lee’s brother Rolf.”

“Really?” he asked, trying to hide the befuddled expression on his face with exuberance. “I assumed that you were also Chinese. You’re not, are you?”

“No. I’m actually Swedish. Enar and I were twins.”

His eyes were locked on Rolf’s arms. “Oh.”

Lee interceded, “We were all adopted. Our parents couldn’t have children of their own.”

“Oh.” He appeared to be struggling to find words and then sniffed the air. “Something smells good.”

“Lana and I were making fried eggplant. The garden is overflowing with them. Would you like a cup of coffee?”

“I would love one.”

Lana gestured to the table with her hand and then took a seat. Rolf growled at her. “Up!”

She stood and he sat down, dragging her into his lap. She watched the odd expression on Ant’s face, feeling as if she could see the wheels turning in his brain. He finally blurted out, “Forgive me if I am wrong, but wasn’t Enar your husband?”

Lana nodded. “We were married one year ago, yesterday.”

“Oh,” he replied in a slightly deeper tone, a frown seeming to make his eyes into tiny, dark dots.

Rolf sighed. “My brother’s final wish was for Lana and I to be together. We always went for the same women, and he figured that Lana would be perfect for me. It was also sort of a selfish wish because he didn’t want anyone else to be with her. He figured if she was with me, then in a way, she was still with him. I have no problem honoring that wish if it makes Lana happy.”