Twist of Gold (7 page)

COLONEL
: ’Twould be a terrible world if it were the other way around. I will tell you my secret because you have told me yours: when I reached the
age of twenty – and all this is over thirty years ago now – I inherited my part of our father’s fortune. I didn’t want to spend my life running a great furniture store
in Boston; I wanted to travel, to see the world. So I was young and rich and very foolish – a catastrophic combination. I began to gamble – and I was good, very good – or I
thought I was. But within two years I had gambled away all my money, drunk myself silly on whiskey, and had run into debt. I couldn’t pay. I couldn’t give up the liquor. I escaped
prison by joining the army, where I made a tolerably good soldier. My sisters never forgave me, as I’ve never forgiven myself. I vowed I would never gamble again, or drink again –
and to this day, I have never broken that vow.

ANNIE
: But Little Luke found you gambling in the drinking saloon.

COLONEL
: Not gambling, or drinking, Annie. Touting for business. I have a casino on board the
Henry Martha
, and I’m always looking to lure
gamblers as my passengers. ’Spicable, you might say.

SEAN
: Have you never been back to Boston to see Miss Martha and Miss Henry?

COLONEL
: I have stood outside the house – the house we were all born in. And I have longed to go inside, but have never dared. I have faced and
outfaced English soldiers, Mexicans, Red Indians; but my sister Henry has eyes that reach to my very soul. So I have always walked away, have left Boston without so much as a hello.

ANNIE
: Mister Colonel…?

COLONEL
: Yes, Annie.

ANNIE
: You’re not as ’spicable as you like to think.

COLONEL
:
(To
SEAN
.)
Now, young man, you take the wheel.

ANNIE
: What about me?

COLONEL
: You, Annie: I want you to explore the
Henry Martha
as if she were your own.

    
SEAN
takes the wheel: the ship’s hooter hoots, the paddles rotate into action;
ANNIE
explores
the boat, to the accompaniment of music. Then she comes running to
SEAN
at the wheel.

ANNIE
: Sean, Sean! I seen him! I seen him!

SEAN
: Seen who? Father?

ANNIE
: No, no. The bounty hunter who stole our torc, I seen him. He’s on board, he’s gambling in the casino. Come quickly.

COLONEL
: Hold fast, young girl. No one comes bursting into my wheelhouse screaming like a wild animal.

ANNIE
: But I seen him –

COLONEL
: Calm yourself.

ANNIE
: The man who took Little Luke and our torc is sitting in your gambling den. Without the torc we will never reach California.

COLONEL
: First, it has to be said that this rogue may well have sold your torc already – which may be why he’s sitting gambling on my ship.
Second, if the torc is in his possession, then it belongs to him –

ANNIE
: But third, he stole it.

COLONEL
: He would deny it. It would be his word against yours.

ANNIE
: And who wouldn’t believe me?

COLONEL
: Every battle in my experience has to be planned meticulously. The frontal assault would be of no use. We have either to steal it back
ourselves, or somehow to winkle it out of him.

ANNIE
: So let’s steal it.

COLONEL
: To steal would be difficult, and even if he does still have it, we don’t know where he’s hiding it.

    
He ponders.

    There is a way…but you must not interfere nor ask questions of me, no matter what happens. Promise?

SEAN
: We promise.

COLONEL
: I will begin my campaign tomorrow.

ANNIE
: But how do we know your campaign is the right campaign if we don’t know what that campaign is?

COLONEL
: In my army, Annie, soldiers do not query an officer’s orders.

ANNIE
:
(Saluting.)
Yes, sir!

COLONEL
: Now you dance a jig, soldier – and that’s an order!

    
She does;
SEAN
fiddles, and this segues into…

    
The
COLONEL
sits at a gambling table, opposite the
BOUNTY HUNTER
.

CARD-DEALER
: Gentlemen. This is straight poker. Place your bets.

    
The
COLONEL
appears drunk; the
BOUNTY HUNTER
wins hands down.

    
SEAN
and
ANNIE
observe unobserved.

ANNIE
:
(To
SEAN
.)
He’s gambling. He said he’d never gamble again. And he’s drinking whiskey. There is
no plan. He’s just a drunkard – ’spicable, like Miss Henry said.

SEAN
:
(Unsure.)
’Tis his battle plan, to be sure.

ANNIE
: But he’s drunk.

SEAN
:
(Still unsure.)
I know. But our orders were not to interfere.

    
The
COLONEL
loses another hand. The
BOUNTY HUNTER
rakes in the chips. The
COLONEL
’s pile is low.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: You want to give up now, afore you lose everythin’?

COLONEL
: I’m only just getting into my stride. Double or quits.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: But you have nothing worth gamblin’. I’m not interested in small money.

COLONEL
: Then I shall gamble the
Henry Martha
.

    
General astonishment.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: The who?

COLONEL
: This paddle-steamer. She’s all I have and she’s worth a dollar or two.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: You’re drunk.

COLONEL
: That’s as maybe, but what do you say? Can you match the bet?

BOUNTY HUNTER
: And what might she be worth?

COLONEL
: A good few thousand, I’d say.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: I got around one thousand here in greenbacks – and I got the rest in gold.

    
He removes the torc from inside his jacket – to everyone’s astonishment.

    Are you satisfied, Colonel? Will you play the hand?

COLONEL
: I want to touch it first. Feel it.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: What?

COLONEL
: Your gold thing.

    
The
BOUNTY HUNTER
carefully hands it over, suspicious.

    No. This is not pure gold. Pure gold would not spring like this.

    
He bends it.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: Careful, man!

COLONEL
: It’s too dull, too red. It contains an alloy of some kind, copper I should guess. If this is all you have, then I withdraw my offer.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: Chicken.

COLONEL
: A chicken can lay eggs. She helps to feed people. She is of some use in this world. May I ask if you have ever in all your miserable life done
anything as useful? You’re a fool, sir, a scavenger and a scoundrel. Do you have something else to match my offer, sir?

BOUNTY HUNTER
: That’s all I got, Colonel. No more than the clothes I stand up in.

COLONEL
: Then I shall take those as well, as an assurance of the bet.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: My clothes?

COLONEL
: Yup.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: You gotta bet. And when I’ve finished with you here, Colonel, I’ll take great pleasure in throwin’ you off
my
boat!

COLONEL
: So play your hand.

    
The
BOUNTY HUNTER
does so with a flourish.

CARD-DEALER
: Four Kings and the Ten of Clubs

    
Gasps.

COLONEL
: A good hand. Too good I fear to be an honest hand –

BOUNTY HUNTER
: What the…?

COLONEL
: But even if it were an honest hand it would not be good enough.

    
And the
COLONEL
lays his cards down one by one.

CARD-DEALER
: Four Aces and the Queen of Hearts.

    
More gasps. The
BOUNTY HUNTER
looks green. The
COLONEL
is suddenly sober.

COLONEL
: You are worse than a dog, sir. You robbed my two young friends here –

    
SEAN
and
ANNIE
step forward.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: You!

COLONEL
: You robbed them of everything they had in this world, and that was not much. But now you hand the torc back to them, and you hand them your
greenbacks. A bet’s a bet.

    
The
BOUNTY HUNTER
knows he’s been beaten, and hands over the torc and dollar bills.

    Aren’t you forgetting something?

BOUNTY HUNTER
: Colonel?

COLONEL
: Your clothes, man, your clothes.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: You’re kiddin’ me!

COLONEL
: Jacket, boots, trousers – and what’s left of your modesty, I shall throw off
my
ship.

    
The
BOUNTY HUNTER
disrobes to roars of laughter.

BOUNTY HUNTER
: You cain’t do this to me!

    
But the
COLONEL
can and so the
BOUNTY HUNTER
jumps overboard in nothing but his underwear, before he
is thrown. The
COLONEL
throws the
BOUNTY HUNTER
’s clothes overboard after him.

ANNIE
:
(To
COLONEL
.)
You cheated. I saw you under the table. I saw where that Ace of Diamonds
came from.

COLONEL
: Well that’s gratitude for you! Of course I cheated, Annie. I cheated because he cheated. I just did it better, that’s all. Did you
see where the Ace of
Hearts
came from? You didn’t, did you?

ANNIE
: But that’s dishonest.

COLONEL
: What did you want me to do? Lose? You’ve got your golden torc and the world has righted itself, so what are you grumbling about, young
lady?

ANNIE
: I’m never grumbling, Mister Colonel. I just wanted you to know that I knew, that’s all.

SEAN
: Are you sure we’re to have all this money, Colonel?

COLONEL
: Not all of it, no. We’ll need much of it to finance our trip – our wagon, our provisions, our food…

SEAN
: ‘Our’?

COLONEL
: Well you didn’t think I’d let you go alone into the wilderness and miss out on the adventure myself, did you? I have always yearned
to see the Pacific Ocean before I die. We shall all go West together and find your father.

ANNIE
: You don’t have to come with us, Mister Colonel. We can manage.

COLONEL
: No, I don’t
have
to come with you Annie, and I’m sure you would manage. But I
want
to come with you. Now, two thousand miles is a
long way to travel – and we cannot go it alone – we’re going to have to join a wagon train. We’ll need to pick our friends carefully.

SEAN
: How will we do that?

COLONEL
: We’ll hold a meeting.

    
And a meeting of
FARMERS
, heading West from a bustling Frontier Town, forms.

    My name is Colonel Whitman, Colonel Paul Whitman. You’ll be looking for someone to lead your wagons across to California. I have been thinking it
over and I’m willing to offer my services.

FARMER
: Why you?

COLONEL
: You are all farmers. You know your land, you know your stock, you can read the weather from the wind, from the clouds. You know when to plough
and when to till.

    
The
FARMERS
murmur their assent.

    I can do none of those things. But I am – or was – a soldier. My business was to lead men into danger – and to bring them through it.
I have also been Captain of a ship. I have to tell you that as a soldier I never lost a battle, and as a ship’s Captain I never lost a ship. Those are my qualifications.

FARMER
: We need a younger man.

COLONEL
: We need young men to drive the wagons and the stock, young men to forage, to hunt and to scout. Every one of you here – man, woman, and
child, young and old, has their part to play. Ahead of us lie two thousand miles of some of the worst terrain on earth: scorching plains, flooding rivers, and the deserts. I will get you across
it all, if you will let me. As your leader I will have to make harsh decisions on your behalf, decisions you may not approve of, decisions you may not like. But if I lead you, I make the rules.
I know no other way to command. I don’t expect you to like me. But I do expect to reach California, with all of you – alive.

FARMER/MATT COLBY
: That’s straight talkin’, Colonel. I’m Matt Colby, farmer from Illinois, and I surely like what I hear. You get my
vote. We got all the wagons we need. We got all our cattle. We got our families. And I wanna be first on the trail, first to the grazing, first to every water hole. I don’t want the
prairies eaten and hunted out in front of us. I don’t wanna eat dust for two thousand miles. I say we puts our trust in this Colonel and makes him our Captain.