Trying to Survive (Part 3) (15 page)

   I had a faint idea of what Jenny was thinking… When I thought of them burning, I felt like I could almost smile. I could taste my revenge. I looked back at Walt’s body one last time, and then allowed the want to see them all dead force me from the car and into the restaurant.

   As we walked through the double-doors, Allen came out of the kitchen and said “Nothing but bodies in here.”

   Jenny and I both almost slipped on all the shell casings on the floor. She said “They really did kill all of them… Or at least someone did.” She turned back and called out to Veronica and Clara. “It’s safe to come inside!”

   It wasn’t long before they were all gathered around me. I hated to feel their eyes on me, so I closed mine. I expected to start having to fight back tears, but I still felt nothing but the calm and collected rage that was continuing to build.

   I felt several hands rest on my shoulders and a series of “I’m sorry’s” coming from every direction. I just kept my eye closed and thought about Walt. I thought about what it would have been like if we made it to that little island.

   I imagined us hunting together like I did with our father. I could see us fishing off the beach as the sun set while the others sat around a campfire and waited for us to catch dinner… It simply made the rage intensify even more when I reminded myself that it wasn’t real.

   It was a vision that could have come to life if they hadn’t stolen my brother from me. Now it was nothing more than a dream, and fuel for my immeasurable anger toward those people.

Chapter 21
  

   I demanded some alone time in the kitchen so I could just chain smoke and think… Or try not to.

   I’d secretly been preparing myself for Walt to die, though it wasn’t anything like I pictured it would be. I wasn’t ready for him to just be shot for no reason. I’d imagined it happening so many different ways, but never like that.

   The horror of the room was mainly hidden by darkness, but for some reason I found the need to leave a flashlight on so I could stare at the rotting shredder no more than two feet away. From what I could tell, a shotgun blast had almost completely decapitated it. Pieces of its hair, skull and brain were stuck to the dried blood sprayed all over the wall and low ceiling.

   Its discolored and elongated fingernails were caked with flesh and almost completely stained red. The gold wedding band on its ring finger barely caught the light and shined like a distant star.

   The entirety of the room was covered in the blood of people it managed to kill before its demise. I didn’t care. My senses were so numb that the putrid smell barely even bothered me.

   Moments came and went where I fantasized about finding some liquor and drinking myself to death. I hated being conscious. No matter how much I tried to concentrate on the death surrounding me, Walt’s lifeless face was all I could see. My only inspiration for staying alive was knowing I had still had the opportunity to exact revenge.

   I didn’t answer when there was a knock on the door. When it came again I still ignored it. After a few moments, the door slowly opened and revealed Jenny. “Are you ready to hear my plan? Allen said he’s willing to come with us.”

   I lit another cigarette and slowly nodded. Jenny hesitantly approached. She grimaced at the gruesome sight of the room, then sat down and leaned up against the wall next to me.

   “I thought of it last night when I was looking down on them from the rooftop… I thought about just doing it so we could take over their little fort and there’d be no risk… But I told myself we have to stay good people, otherwise there’s no hope for the future.”

   “I used to think that too… What do you think now?”

   “That it’s bullshit. Most people are fucking horrible and we just lucked out by finding each other… We should have just killed them all.”

   “What’s your idea? I’m not setting foot out of this town until they’re all dead.”

   “They have a fire pit, two tables and some chairs set up outside where they eat. I could tell by all the empty bottles and cigarette butts that they hang out there every night.”

   “Yeah?”

   “The tables are right near one of the buildings… We’re going to find glass bottles and fill them with gasoline. We’re going to burn them, James. They’re going to suffer for what they did. And even if one or two of them manages to escape the flames it’ll be easy to shoot them during the panic. They’ll have no idea where we are.”

   “Let’s do it.”

   As I went to stand up, Jenny stopped me. “Not yet. I’m thinking we wait a few days so they think we just ran away. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but…”

   “No, you’re right… I want them to feel safe when it happens, for it to be totally unexpected… I want them to feel the same shock and confusion that Walt felt when he took that first bullet.”

   “They will, and then we’ll have our safe-zone.”

   Jenny got up and walked over to the door. Without looking back, she said “I understand if you want some more time alone, but it really might make you feel better to be around people who care about you… Clara and I really do care about you, James.”

   “I know, me too.”

   “We’re going to stay here and hide out for now, but tomorrow you and I will go out and find everything we need. There’s bound to be spoiled things in glass bottles that they left behind at the grocery store. We’ll find a way.”

 
And they’ll burn…

Chapter 22

   I eventually left the kitchen and joined the others. It felt like hours before I finally got up and walked through the door, but I really had no idea. I still felt almost completely numb, and it was comforting. It was a lot better than being panicked, overwhelmed by tears and completely irrational.

   At the same time, another fear had become a reality. Because of everything that’s happened and everything I’ve seen, I felt that I couldn’t offer Walt the emotional response he deserved. I even tried to let it come out, but it wouldn’t. The calm rage and numbness kept it tightly locked away.

   The other’s attempted to sooth me with kind words, but they soon gave up as they could tell I wasn’t really hearing them. My mind was now focused on fantasizing about watching them all burn while I listened to their screams.

   I squinted as the rising sun cast a glare through the window. I’d been up for most of the night, waiting for the moment when I could get back out there and start collecting what we needed to carry out Jenny’s plan.

   I trembled with anticipation as the sunlight washed over her feet and slowly began to make its way toward her face. When I looked over at Clara, I could see that her eyes were open and fixed on me. She was giving me the same type of pitying look I always saw on her face when my leg was useless and I was constantly distraught with frustration.

   I hated that look…

   To my relief, Veronica began to move her legs around and ended up kicking a small table by accident. A large, brass candlestick crashed to the floor and jerked everyone awake. Jenny immediately grabbed for her rifle and started clumsily getting to her feet, but I stopped her and explained what happened.

   Veronica said “Well… that scared the shit out of me.”

   Jenny let out a deep sigh, dropped the rifle and let herself fall back against the wall. She closed her eyes and asked “Did anyone see them driving around throughout the night?”

   We all answered no, and Jenny began rubbing her eyes as she let out a yawn. “They think we’re long gone… Otherwise they would have come after to us to finish the job and make sure we don’t attack them.” She turned to me. “I think we can do this tonight if we’re able to find the bottles.”

   I’d been thinking about something else that I assumed a military engineer might be able to make happen. “Could you make something that silenced our shots?”

   “It would be pretty easy, but it would only work once and not very well.”

   “I’m worried they might leave some guys up on the wall while the others eat because of what happened. We’ll have to take them out first.”

   Allen said “You’ve seen what I can do. If their backs are turned, I’ll take two down – no problem. I’ll fire the second you throw the bottles.”

   Jenny agreed and said “That should work. James, all we have to do is each hit a table top and it’ll splash all over their faces and chests. They won’t be able to do anything but roll around on the ground until we decide to shoot them.”

   Veronica focused on me as she said “Aren’t you guys taking this a little too far? It’s one thing to kill them, but purposely making them suffer like that?… Can you really just stand there and watch them burn instead of putting them out of their misery?”

   I sighed. “I might feel like I can right now, but when it comes down to it… no, probably not. I’ll pull the trigger.”

   Jenny frowned in confusion due to my statement, and I said “Let’s get out there. You never know how many places we’ll have to check before we find something. We can’t settle on little bottles… Did anyone notice a liquor store? They usually have some pretty big glass bottles.”

   Jenny shook her head. “There were a lot of empty bottles and beer cans around the fire. These guys definitely cleaned out the liquor stores, just like the bar here… We’ll find something left behind in a grocery store, I know it.”

   I shrugged. “Alright, let’s do it.”

   I stood up and put the rifle strap around my shoulder. Jenny followed and scoffed “We need to start making coffee.”

   When I took a step toward the door, Allen stopped me and said “The back seat… If you want, I’ll help Jenny move him.”

   I closed my eye for a few moments…
Asshole… I was so distracted I completely forgot…

   “No, I want to.” I looked around the room at everyone. “I’d like to put him somewhere nearby so I can bury him once this is all over.”

   Jenny walked over and put her hand on my shoulder “Of course. I’ll help you, come on.”

   Before we left the restaurant, she directed Allen not to leave the others alone, no matter what happens.

   My feet dragged all the way across the street to the SUV. Jenny was already waiting with the door open when I walked up. Her eyes moved to the ground as I slowly approached. When his shoes came into view I stopped dead in my tracks.

   I took a deep breath. Jenny started to ask if I wanted Allen to help her and I shook my head. “No, I can do it.”

   We both positioned ourselves in front of the open door, and I took hold of his legs. I gently slid him out and then allowed Jenny to reach under his arms. At that moment, I would have given anything to make it so his eyes would close.

   I led Jenny to the closest store and pushed the door open with my foot. It was a dry cleaner. There was another body near the cash register, so I directed Jenny to set him down off to the side by the front windows. I didn’t want him to be near one of those things.

   It was a struggle, but I managed not to look at him. I didn’t want that to be the way I remembered him. I didn’t want to see his dead eyes whenever I pictured him.

   Jenny leaned down and reached out to his face. When I glared at her she stopped and said “I was just going to close his eyes. I’m sorry.”

   “No, it’s okay. Please…”

   As we drove around looking for a store that might have large glass bottles, all the holes in the windshield kept bringing me back to the moment the bullets started hitting the car. I was glad to be distracted by having to figure out what all the stores were and think of whether they might have what we need.

   It wasn’t long before I spotted the “Richmond Hill Farmer’s Market”. “Hey, I bet that place has all kinds of weird shit in big glass jars that people wouldn’t even want at a time like this. Those health food stores always do.”

   Jenny slowed down and veered across the street. “Can’t pass up any place that might have something. We have all day to search.”

   The moment we entered the empty store, Jenny said “They must have so much food stashed away behind those walls… This is crazy. Nothing’s left… Nothing.”

   We split up and walked to the far ends of the store. It wasn’t long before I spotted a massive glass jar on one of the shelves. It had to be close to a foot tall and about eight inches in width…
Who the fuck would buy this many artichoke hearts at once?..

  
I wrenched open the metal cap and dumped the contents onto the floor, then put it under my arm and continued to walk around. There were more than a few items left behind in glass containers and bottles, but everything else I was seeing seemed far too small.

   When I heard a whistle, I tightly gripped the jar and ran to the other side of the store. Jenny appeared from an aisle holding two glass jars that were only slightly smaller. Her brow raised when she saw I was holding one as well, and she said “Three should be plenty. We probably won’t even have to throw the third one, but we’ll bring it anyway.”

   “We should be able to safely pack all of them in that duffle bag so I can get them up that ladder too.”

   “Did you see any smaller ones? That we could throw at least twenty yards?”

   “Yeah, why?”

   “Not every building has access to the roof. I had to check more than a few before I found one with a ladder leading up. We might end up farther away than I’m hoping.”

   “We’ll make it work.” I said as I led her over to the aisle where I found the assorted jars and bottles.

   I handed her the one I’d found, and then emptied out four more that were a little larger than tall beer cans. “These should be perfect.”

   “Like I said – if we can hit the table tops, they’ll basically explode right in their faces. They won’t be able to do anything but run away in a panic and try to put themselves out. We’ll have more than enough time to shoot them all if we have to.”

   As we left the market and climbed back in the SUV, I found myself wondering why Walt was straggling behind. The bullet holes in the windshield and the metallic and musty smell of his blood coming from the back seat were an instant reminder of where he really was.

   “I guess we can head back. We have exactly what we need… There’re plenty of cars to siphon gas from outside the restaurant.”

   I didn’t feel like talking, but Jenny understood my silence and knew I heard every word she said. I was wishing it would have taken us hours to hunt down what we needed. Knowing I’d have nothing to do but sit around and wait for nightfall only made my anger levels rise.

   When we pulled up to the restaurant I turned to Jenny and said “Do you mind if I fill all these up by myself? I need something to keep me busy for a while.”

   “You sure?”

   I ignored her question. “So, what do I just cut little holes in the lids? About the size of a quarter or something?”

   “Yeah, that’ll be perfect… Just make sure to listen for cars.”

   As Jenny disappeared into the restaurant, I dug around in the trunk for the hose. I gathered as many jars as I could carry and walked out to the middle of the road. I took a few moments to stare in every direction, focusing on the scattered trails of corpses leading off into the distance.

   It was so quiet I could hear myself breathing. If it wasn’t for the light breezes coming through, there wouldn’t be a single other sound in existence…
Is this what the world will be like when they all die off?..
I welcomed it.

   For whatever reason, I wasn’t the least bit worried about those men coming after us. I knew they weren’t going to leave the safety of their walls, but that gave us an edge. Their feeling of safety was a delusion that we were going to capitalize on…

   It wasn’t exactly easy to work my knife through the metal caps for all of the jars, but I was thankful because it kept me busy for another hour after I finished filling them all with gasoline. My only interruption was Jenny periodically opening the door to look outside and check on me.

   By the time I was done, I could feel that it wasn’t even close to noon yet. I walked back inside with the others, and without saying a word I retreated to the kitchen. I still didn’t feel like talking, or listening as they attempted to comfort me, or tell me everything’s going to be “okay”.

   At the moment, the only company I desired was that of the dead shredder lying on the kitchen floor, and the rancid smell emanating from it.

   I switched on the flashlight and placed it standing straight up, pointed at the ceiling. I collapsed, leaned back against the greasy and stained tile wall and straightened my legs out. My heels scraped up flakes of the dried blood on the floor. Suddenly, I found myself feeling exhausted.