Trusting Stone (25 page)

She could barely get the words out as a sob caught in her throat. She knew she had to get away from him. She moved to get out of the closet, but he stepped to the side, blocking the doorframe with his shoulders.

“I don’t want you seeing Joachim ever again.” He held up his hands, about to grab her shoulders.

“If you touch me, Sebastian, so help me, I will scream.”

Sebastian glared down at her. “And then what, Eden? Who will hear you scream? You’re in the penthouse.”

“You will, Sebastian.
You
will hear me scream.” She stepped forward now, daring him to stop her and he didn’t. He stepped out of the doorframe, letting her pass.

“You don’t know what you saw, it’s not what you think,” he
finally
said just as she had reached the bedroom door. “You promised you wouldn’t run from me again.”

“Are you going to tell me what I saw?” Eden asked without turning to face him.

“No.”

“You promised that you would never hurt me. I gave you everything, Sebastian. Every part of me. And you’ve given me nothing. If you don’t tell me what’s going on, we’re over.” Tears were streaming down her face and she kept walking even when he started to talk again, knowing already it wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

“Eden, I forbid you to see Joachim again.”

 Eden barely made it to the elevator before the sobs wracked through her body, and she held her purse against her mouth to stop from screaming. She had walked away from Sebastian Stone, from the man she loved, and he hadn’t even tried to stop her.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Eden sat on the couch, her face swollen from the hours of crying she had endured over the past two days. She couldn’t imagine a future without Sebastian Stone. When she had walked away from him, part of her truly expected him to follow her, to grab her and tell her she would always be his, just like he had so many times before, that he would explain everything to her—that he wasn’t simply using her to get back at her parents and doing business with the four men she hated most in the world.

She didn’t want the words she’d said to mean anything, because she knew that without Sebastian, she could feel nothing. Without him, she returned to being the scared little girl she had been before she met him. And yes, she wanted the
sex
. He made her feel alive again, his touch, his caress, it was as if the electricity she felt under his fingertips literally brought her to life. It was this fact that she settled on and she remembered again why she had walked away.

Eden knew she couldn’t live her life only when Sebastian was near her. He filled her field of vision and nothing else mattered to her. Her work at the archives was simply a time-filler between waking up in Sebastian’s arms in the mornings to when she returned to his
apartment
in the evenings and held her again. She hadn’t been in her
apartment
for more than a few nights since they had met and even then Sebastian had stayed for most of the evening, only leaving after she had fallen asleep.

Every move, every decision, everything in her life
suddenly
seemed to only function with Sebastian being with her. Away from him, she stopped functioning and all the hard work she had done, all of Dr. Shepherd’s advice, seemed to fall to the wayside with Sebastian by her side. Wasn’t her current state proof of that? And yet she was completely in the dark when it came to Sebastian. As far as she knew, she was simply a distraction on the sidelines of his life. While he filled her life, as far as she could tell, she was a hobby that barely got past his peripheral vision. She had no idea who he really was. Besides his mother’s death and the role Simona played in his life, she knew nothing. Eden didn’t even fully understand what Stone Corporations did. That fact was made all the more evident by her total confusion when she had tried to understand the documents she’d found in his office.

Eden sobbed again as she remembered the words she had let slip out on his bed. Even after telling him that she loved him, he couldn’t be honest with her. She had misinterpreted his possessiveness and jealousy as true emotions. She had been nothing but a challenge. She’d been a virgin, for God’s sake!

Reflecting over the past weeks, she shuddered at the thought that she had been part of a revenge plan. A community that had for over a decade treated Sebastian and his mother like family had turned their backs on them, left them to become destitute. And it had resulted in the brutal death of his mother. No wonder he wanted revenge on them. He must have thought he’d hit the jackpot when she told him she was a virgin. And she’d fallen in love with him.

What a perfectly twisted way to make her parents suffer. They had treated his mother like trash and now he had done the same to her—treated her like she was nothing, a bit of fun to dispose of when he was done. Eden couldn’t help but laugh out loud
suddenly
. Sebastian Stone had literally and metaphorically screwed her.

She was wearing the silk turquoise skirt he had admired on her. In some sort of masochistic punishment, she had worn it knowing how much he liked it. He had noticed it in her closet once and told her how much he loved silk on her. She looked down at the crumpled outfit, now tear-stained and ruined. Had all of it been an act? Had it been nothing but simply good
sex
? There was no way he could have faked that part of it, but everything else, all the sweet words, little terms of endearment, was that just part of the revenge plan? Had he deliberately tried to get her to fall in love with him?

Eden hadn’t eaten more than a few bites since she walked out of his
apartment
. She was lightheaded and knew she would have to do something soon. Her phone buzzed and she leapt up for the first time since getting home, praying it was him. He had sent her one text since then and nothing else—
I
t’s not what you think. Let me know you are ok
.
Don’t see Joachim
. She had ignored it.

Instead, it was Joachim. A
re you ok? I’ve been calling you for days xx
.

She quickly looked at her missed calls and
realized
he had called over six times since yesterday. After their awkward breakfast date, Eden hadn’t wanted to talk to him.
Not good, it’s over with Seb. Can’t talk, will call you later in the week. Xx
.

Eden didn’t expect a response, but her phone buzzed again.

I’m here for you Eden, whenever you need me, whatever you need xx
.

She shook her head. No, she didn’t want to see Joachim. She didn’t want to see anyone. She just wanted to lie on the couch and try to figure out how she was going to put one foot in front of the other, how she was going to even breathe without Sebastian in her life. She had worked so hard to get her life back on track, and now it seemed like she was losing everything—her relationship with her parents was worse than ever, Joachim wanted something she couldn’t give him, and Sebastian didn’t want her at all. Or he had wanted her, but not for what she thought. She kept picturing him in the doorway of his office, irritated that she was looking at his desk, involving herself in parts of his life that he hadn’t let her into, without a trace of concern about what she had discovered.

Eden stood and
finally
went to her bedroom, falling into the bed and pulling the covers over her head. She stayed there the next day, only getting up to go to the bathroom. She had work the following day and she managed to get up and shower. If nothing else was working out, she at least still had a job. Her face looked like hell, huge dark circles under her eyes, but she didn’t put on any makeup. Instead, she simply tied her hair up in a messy bun and got dressed, not caring what she wore. It didn’t matter anymore. She ran her fingers over her old jeans and sweaters, wishing she could wear more informal clothes to work. She knew she would feel better if she could put on her old
armor
that let her disappear from the world.

In the archives, she had hoped she could lose herself in the work, focus on the images and stop the ache in her chest and the black pit that was expanding in her stomach. It grew with each breath, and she knew that if it continued, it would consume her, drag her into herself, and she would shut down. She looked at her hands, clenching them into small fists until they started to turn white. She would fight it, no matter what. She would fight this time. The last time, she let it eat her alive she almost hadn’t survived.

The days crawled by and,
somehow,
she survived the weekend without the mild distraction of work to keep her busy. Eden stayed in the
apartment
. She had been subsisting on crackers and an old jar of peanut butter she’d found in the cupboard. Whenever she ate, though, it made her feel nauseous, sick with the thought of how careless she had been, how stupid she had been to trust Sebastian.

He
finally
texted her on Sunday.
Remember what I said about Joachim. Eat something
.

She threw the jar of peanut butter across the kitchen, disappointed when it didn’t break. She had told Sebastian that she couldn’t eat when she was upset. She had lost almost 30 pounds during her breakdown and spent months trying to build her strength back up. She hated that she had revealed so much of herself to him. Even now he was able to tell what she was doing. Eden especially hated that he knew she was upset. Of course he knew. She had told him she loved him.

Screw him, she thought. He didn’t want her. She had been right that first night when she told him about the attack. He hadn’t really wanted her. He wanted to use her, just like every other man did. Except Joachim. Sweet Joachim. Even with the information she had found out about her father’s deal with the Benedicts, she didn’t doubt that Joachim’s feelings for her were genuine.

Eden wondered if that was why Sebastian wanted her to not see Joachim. Did he think that she might
realize
what a bastard he was when compared with Joachim, the one man who had never hurt her, never betrayed her? Part of Eden desperately wished in that moment, curled up on her kitchen floor, that she could love Joachim in the way that he wanted her to. At least then she would be safe, there would be no more real drama. He was everything that a woman could ask for—handsome, kind, generous. He always seemed genuinely interested in what she was doing. And he knew her, he knew what had happened, and despite all that, he still loved her. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t love him back?

She moved to lie on the kitchen floor, feeling the cool wood against her cheek. She should call Dr. Shepherd. She knew she was in a bad state. But she couldn’t bear the thought of having to explain to anyone what had happened. She didn’t want anyone to know how Sebastian had humiliated her. How could she still miss Sebastian so badly? How could she still love a man who had used her? She didn’t want Joachim, she wanted Sebastian, even after all that had happened, even though he had pushed her away and clearly didn’t love her. She was messed up and she whimpered now, rolling this fact around in her head. She was beyond repair, as damaged now as she had been when she arrived in Edinburgh.

Eden managed to work through two more days and was actually looking forward to Wednesday night when she would be able to return to her hermit-like existence for a few days. She had begun to hate the commute to work. She hated seeing other people, living their lives, everyone so busy and active. She had started taking cabs back and forth to work, unable to sit on the bus with other people.

Everyone walking past her on the
street
, the newspaper sellers, the tattooed student who handed her the latte in the coffee shop, even her doorman—everyone seemed to be able to function in their lives, and here she was barely able to dress, wash, and feed herself, barely able to find the energy to exist. At least in her
apartment,
she could sink into herself and try and find some stillness in her pain.

Sebastian hadn’t texted her again after that one message on Sunday. It had been a full week and Eden couldn’t see how she would be able to keep doing this. She had ignored several phone calls from her parents and Mara. She didn’t want to face anyone. Joachim had texted her every day and she had ignored him as well, only texting him once on Monday to reassure him that she was still alive. Barely.

Standing on the sidewalk outside her office after work, she looked at her phone again, feeling it buzz. It was Joachim. He had sent her a picture message, clearly meant to make her laugh—it was a squirrel hanging onto a laundry line with one tiny paw, with the inscription “hang in there” underneath. She ignored it, putting the phone back in her bag. She stepped forward, ready to hail a cab, flinching as people jostled her as they walked past. She knew it wasn’t going to get any easier. She had been right—without Sebastian, she was nothing. All the confidence he had restored in her, he had taken it away when he let her go. All her fears of not being able to survive without him by her side to make her feel like the strong, capable woman she became around him were right. She was disappearing without him.

Eden looked up, watching the traffic rush by her. She inched her toes closer to the sidewalk’s edge. All she had to do was take one more step, one timed movement in front of one of the speeding taxis or enormous
buses
that barreled down the road. It might not kill her, but it would probably make it all stop. Make the pain go away and replace it with something else. At least then her body would match what she felt inside—broken and useless. She held her breath, remembering how she had felt when Sebastian took her to the
opera
. She couldn’t have been happier, despite what had happened with her parents. She had fallen for Sebastian, and the fact that he had seemed so attentive had made her believe that there was a chance he felt the same way. She squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the feeling of the music wrapping around her and, for a moment, she found a sliver of peace.

The sounds of the busy
street
disappeared. She didn’t feel the rushing commuting crowds around her, only the gust of wind caused by the traffic that she was just a few inches away from. Eden focused on the music in her head, letting it seep through her. She remembered the small comfort it had given her in Edinburgh when she found the CD, how the repetitious listening had helped her through her panic attacks that used to come at night.