Trust Me, I'm Lying: Confessions of a Media Manipulator (45 page)

We must rid ourselves of the false beliefs that caused so much of this. Publicity does not come easily, profits do not come easily, and knowledge does not come easily. The delusion that they could was what fed the monster most heartily. It is what propelled us past so many of the warning signs that this was simply not working.

You cannot have your news instantly
and
have it done well. You cannot have your news reduced to 140 characters or less without losing large parts of it. You cannot manipulate the news but not expect it to be manipulated against you. You cannot have your news for free; you can only obscure the costs. If, as a culture, we can learn this lesson, and if we can learn to love the hard work, we will save ourselves much trouble and collateral damage. We must remember: There is no easy way.

The current system cannot stand without these faulty assumptions. My contribution was to expose the problem, because once seen for all its contradictions and selfishness, it begins to fall apart. What is known can’t jerk us around unwittingly. Before anything can be resolved, the implicit must be made into the explicit.

This may seem simplistic. But I have repeatedly used the metaphor of a feedback loop or arms race in this book—a company hires an online hitman like me, and so their rival does too; a blog tricks their readers with an exaggerated story, and their next post must deceive their skeptical audience more boldly. Opting out of this cycle, choosing not to feed the monster, is not some thankless favor I am asking for. It has massive and immediate implications for the rest of the chain.

Every new invention brings new problems with it. This is true for every medium and every communication method in history. For instance, in only the last thousand years of Latin were spaces inserted between words—a direct result of the spreading of books and scrolls that drowned people in so much text that they couldn’t read. Blogs have created their own problems. We too are drowning in information that bleeds together into an endless blur. Someone has to stand up and say the emperor has no clothes—the words have no spaces between them, and godammit, that’s ridiculous—because only after the problem is identified and the new ideal articulated can creative solutions can be found.

Part of writing this book was about a controlled burn of the plays and scams I had created and used along with the best of them. They have become constant dangers to me and the people I care about—to culture itself, in some ways. I not only want to render the tricks useless by exposing how they work, but I want to opt out of doing them myself. I want to force everyone else to opt out as well. Hopefully clearing this ominous pile of debris will make it easier to start fresh.

Of course, I know some of you might ignore that part and use this book as an instruction manual. So be it. You will come to regret that choice, just as I have. But you will also have fun, and it could make you rich.

To those of you who I have burned in this book, who I have hurt or taken aim at or criticized or made fun of, I’m sorry. Trust me, I’m lying when I say that. It’s just that you deserve better. And the second you stop and walk away, the monster will start to wither, and you will be happy again.

I confess all I have confessed in order to make that an option.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

TO MY MENTORS: TUCKER MAX, ROBERT GREENE, Aaron Ray, and Dov Charney. I learned these lessons on your dime and patience. You taught me a craft and a profession and imbued me with the humility and responsibility not to let it corrupt me or go to my head. Thank you for shaping me into the person I am today—in every sense of the word.

Tucker, as a clueless eighteen-year-old I felt there was a lot I could learn from you. Who would have thought that the most valuable of those lessons would be how to be a loyal and generous friend? Thank you for everything.

Dov, you made me feel loved and cared about in a way that goes far beyond the obligations of a “boss.” No one deserves the punishment that the monster mercilessly inflicted on American Apparel, least of all you. They’ll get theirs. You have supported me, been my patron, and given me immense resources. I hope I have made you proud.

Thank you to my literary agent, Stephen Hanselman, whom I called on October 9 with the unsolicited manuscript of this book and by November 15 had more offers on it than I knew what to do with. Thank you to Julia for your tireless work behind the scenes. More important, thank you to Tim Ferriss (so glad we met all these years ago) for introducing us and paving the way.

Thank you to the wonderful staff at Portfolio—my excellent editor Niki Papadopoulos, publicist Amanda Pritzker—and to Adrian Zackheim.

Thank you to Erin Tyler for an amazing cover and graphic design.

Thank you to my employees, who were often tasked with participating in the escapades detailed in this book. I was training you in the dark arts whether you knew it or not. Use that power responsibly.

Thank you to everyone who has e-mailed me from my site and asked me thought-provoking questions. It was in trying to answer them that I developed many of the ideas described here. Thanks to everyone who read a draft of this book and gave great notes: Nils Parker, Derek Kreindler, Neil Strauss, Andrew McMillen, Amy Holiday, Sep Kamvar, Jeff Waldman, Ian Claudius, Ben Bartley, Drew Curtis, and Milt Deherrera. Thanks to those (everyone else I know) who didn’t read a draft but endured my many rants about the subject.

Sammy. My rule has always been to keep the crazy at home. You got stuck with the crazy and supported and loved me anyway. I could not have done this—or anything—without you. Thank you. Hi Hanno.

Here’s to books.

NOTES

INTRODUCTION

1
. Tucker Max e-mailed Daulerio in June 2009 about a
Deadspin
story that incorrectly guessed the identity of someone in one of Tucker’s exploits. Daulerio’s candor was breathtaking. In addition to his line about gossip blogging being “professional wrestling,” he said, about the speculative errors, “Honestly, I could give a fuck who it is, intrepid reporter or not, so cover your ass, their ass, as much as you feel is necessary for this. You keep doing whatever it is you’re doing, and I’ll do the same.”

I: BLOGS MAKE THE NEWS

1
. Jeremy W. Peters, “Political Blogs Are Ready to Flood Campaign Trail,”
New York Times
, January 29, 2011,
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/30/business/media/30blogs.html
.

II: HOW TO TURN NOTHING INTO SOMETHING IN THREE WAY-TOO-EASY STEPS

1
. Lindsey Robertson, “The Do’s and Don’ts of Online Publicity, For Some Reason,” last modified January 12, 2010,
http://lindsayrobertson.tumblr.com/post/330892541/the-dos-and-donts-of-online-publicity-for-some
.

2
. “National Survey Finds Majority of Journalists Now Depend on Social Media for Story Research,” January 20, 2010,
http://us.cision.com/news_room/press_releases/2010/2010-1-20_gwu_survey.asp
.

3
. Ibid.

4
. NPR staff, “The Music Man Behind ‘Entourage’ Shares His Secret,” last modified November 20, 2011,
http://www.npr.org/2011/11/20/142558220/the-music-man-behind-entourage-shares-his-secret
.

5
. Tina Dupoy, “Tucker Max: America’s Douche,” last modified September 24, 2009,
http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlla/tucker-max-americas-douche_b9479
; Dakota Smith, “LA Not Particularly Welcoming to Tucker Max,” last modified September 24, 2009,
http://la.curbed.com/archives/2009/09/la_not_particularly_welcoming_to_tucker_max.php
.

6
. Mackenzie Schmidt, “16 Angry Women Attempt to Protest the World’s Biggest Douche. Or, The Anti–Tucker Max Story, ‘I Hope They Serve Subpoenas in Hell,’” last modified October 1, 2009,
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2009/10/16_angry_women.php
.

7
. Dan Shanoff, “Brett Favre on ‘Dancing With the Stars?’ No. Not Even a Rumor,” last modified February 11, 2011,
http://www.quickish.com/articles/brett-favre-on-dancing-with-the-stars-no-not-even-a-rumor
; Barry Petchesky, “From Bleacher Report to ProFootballTalk: A Brett Favre Non-Rumor Goes National,” last modified February 11, 2011,
http://deadspin.com/5757958/from-bleacher-report-to-profootballtalk-a-brett-favre-non+rumor-goes-national
.

8
. Steve Myers, “Florida Quran Burning, Afghanistan Violence Raise Questions About the Power of Media Blackouts,” last modified April 7, 2011,
http://www.poynter.org/latest-news/making-sense-of-news/126878/florida-quran-burning-afghanistan-violence-raise-questions-about-the-power-of-media-blackouts
; Jeff Bercovici, “When Journalism 2.0 Kills,” last modified April 7, 2011,
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffbercovici/2011/04/07/when-journalism-2-0-kills
.

III: THE BLOG CON: HOW PUBLISHERS MAKE MONEY ONLINE

1
. TMZ Staff, “TMZ Falls For JFK Photo Hoax,” last modified December 28, 2009,
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/celebrity/tmz-falls-jfk-photo-hoax
.

2
. Forest Kamer, “Gawker’s March Editorial Review Memo: Essentially ‘Stop Writing Shitty Headlines.’ Also ‘MOAR SEX CRIMES PLZKTHX,’” last modified April 7, 2010,
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2010/04/gawkers_march_e.php
.

IV: TACTIC #1: BLOGGERS ARE POOR; HELP PAY THEIR BILLS

1
. Ben Parr, “What Do the Big Tech Blogs Such as Techcrunch or Mashable Look for When They Hire Writers?” last modified December 28, 2010,
http://www.quora.com/What-do-the-big-tech-blogs-such-as-TechCrunch-or-Mashable-look-for-when-they-hire-writers
.

2
. Darren Rowse, “Weblogs Inc. Pays $4 per Post to Bloggers,” last modified August 27, 2005,
http://www.problogger.net/archives/2005/08/27/weblogs-inc-pays-4-per-post-to-bloggers
.

3
. David Kaplan, “Updated: Seeking Alpha On Track to Pay Its Bloggers $1.2 Million This Year,” last modified July 5, 2011,
http://paidcontent.org/article/419-seeking-alpha-on-track-to-pay-its-bloggers-1.2-million-this-year
; Joe Pompeo, “The Awl to Start Paying its Writers in January,” last modified December 14, 2010,
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/cutline/awl-start-paying-writers-january-20101214-111403-891.html
.

4
. Henry Blodget, “More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About the Economics of the Online News Business—A TWEETIFESTO,” last modified March 27, 2010,
http://www.businessinsider.com/henry-blodget-more-than-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-the-economics-of-the-online-news-business-a-tweetifesto-2010-3
.

5
. Jenni Maier, “Tucker Max Proves You Can Pay Celebrities to Tweet Whatever You Want,” last modified February 9, 2012,
http://crushable.com/entertainment/tucker-max-pay-celebrities-to-tweet-213
.

6
. Nate Silver, “The Economics of Blogging and the Huffington Post,” last modified February 12, 2011,
http://fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/02/12/the-economics-of-blogging-and-the-huffington-post
.

7
. Victoria Barret, “Is Pure Journalism Unaffordable?” last modified February 17, 2011,
http://www.forbes.com/sites/victoriabarret/2011/02/17/is-pure-journalism-unaffordable
; Blodget, “More Than You Ever Wanted To Know.”

V: TACTIC #2: TELL THEM WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR

1
. “A Study of the News Ecosystem of One American City,” last modified January 11, 2010,
http://www.journalism.org/analysis_report/how_news_happens
.

2
. Taylor Buley, “Tech’s Would-Be Takeover Con Artist,” last modified October 27, 2010,
http://www.forbes.com/2009/10/27/fraud-stockbrocker-google-technology-Internet-takeover.html
.

3
. Robert Scoble, last modified July 28, 2010,
https://profiles.google.com/111091089527727420853/buzz/EsMhJvooEWv
.

VI: TACTIC #3: GIVE THEM WHAT SPREADS, NOT WHAT’S GOOD

1
. Nicole Hardesty, “Haunting Images of Detroit’s Decline (PHOTOS),” last modified March 23, 2011,
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/23/detroit-decline_n_813696.html
; Stephen McGee, “Detroit’s Iconic Ruins,”
http://www.nytimes.com/slide show/2010/03/06/us/0306_STATION_7.html
; Andrew Moore, “Slide Show: Detroit, City of Ruins,” last modified April 8, 2010,
http://www.nybooks.com/blogs/nyrblog/2010/apr/08/slide-show-detroit-city-of-ruins
;
The Observer
, “Detroit in ruins,” last modified January 1, 2011,
http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/gallery/2011/jan/02/photography-detroit#
; Bruce Gilden, “Detroit: The Troubled City,” last modified May 6, 2009,
http://blog.magnumphotos.com/2009/05/detroit_the_troubled_city.html
.