Trust Me (Finding my way) (2 page)

I excuse myself and make my way to the bathroom as the rest of the guests arrive and lunch is being served.

As soon as I make it to the bathroom, I’m momentarily pushing back the stars that have taken over my vision as I’m slammed into the door from behind. A hand covers my mouth and I stop breathing when a familiar voice is in my ear whispering harshly.

“
In the bathroom, now. Not a noise from you”

I nod and open the door slowly. He pushes me inside and follows behind, not taking his hand from my mouth. After he locks the door behind us, he kicks my legs out from under me. Slammed into the cold bathroom tile, I resist the urge to rub my knees from the fall knocking them on the hard tiles.

I look up and watch as my step dad leans over me and pulls my hair.

“
I see you still haven’t changed, still the same whore you’ve always been,” he snarls at me, spitting every time he says something. I cringe inwardly at the spit that’s gathering around his mouth and my stomach turns.

“Have you got a boyfriend yet?” he asks me while pulling up the sleeves on his old, grey long sleeved shirt that has a few cigarette burns in the front.

I know I need to answer his question, but as I take in his appearance, from his worn top, to his equally old jogging bottoms and odd socks; I
’m transported back to when I turned thirteen and my life turned into this nightmare. Of course I could have told, but he threatened to kill me if I told anyone. On a few occasions, he took it upon himself to show me how much he meant that promise. He would choke me until I started to lose consciousness. He would let go of my neck; allow me to come back and repeat the process three times. This happened every time he thought I was close to telling someone.

  I
’m brought of out my memories by a sharp blow to my jaw; my head slams to the side and hits the corner of the sink. I can already taste the blood filling my mouth, but I block the pain out. It’s then I realise he never expected me to answer. He was going to do this anyway, as a punishment for leaving it too long since my last visit.

He needs my visits so he can exercise this control over someone.  He doesn
’t hurt his son; he used to tell me how Phin is perfect and I’m nothing but a dirty little whore and how I deserve to be with my dad. Of course the irony is that I would have gone with my dad in a heartbeat if I could have, but he died when I was eleven.

I manage to block out the next few kicks until we
’re interrupted by my mom shouting up the stairs for him to join them for lunch. Without a word, he leaves me lying on the bathroom floor.

I wait a few minutes until I hear him talking in the kitchen beneath me.

Leaving as quietly as I can, without whimpering in pain and clutching at my side where his foot connected with my ribs, I make my way through the backdoor so I can leave unnoticed.  I get back in my car and head back to my life. Knowing that at least for another month, I can forget that the family I just left even exists.

My parents dated in high school and my mom quickly got pregnant with me. I can’t remember if she ever liked me, but my dad did and that’s all that mattered. When my dad died the day after my eleventh birthday, a part of me died along with him. Not long after, Sam, my step dad, moved in.

I don
’t know if it was the way my mom openly hated me, or if I’m just the type of person people automatically hate, but he never liked me.

When Phin was born, they eased up on me a little; they didn
’t treat me any better, they just left me alone, which was fine by me. I had Luke, and that was enough, until my thirteenth birthday.

Pulling up in front of the dorms, I notice Sophie’s car is in the lot. Not ready to try walking again, I pull out my phone and call her.

“
Hey Soph, are you in the dorm?”

“
Yeah, where are you?”

“
I’m outside if you want a lift to the party.”

“
Umm…yeah, okay. Do you want to come up for ten minutes first? I know how you hate the long drive back. Is Luke with you?”

“
No, he couldn’t make it.”

“
What do you mean?”

“
Katie broke her arm; they were at the hospital this morning, so he couldn’t come with me.”

“
Oh, are you going to come up?”

“
No, I’ll just wait down here for you, if that’s okay?”

“
How bad is it?”

“
I don’t think I can handle the stairs,” I admit weakly.

“
Shit. We’ll be right down now.”

“
Who’s we?”

“
Just Matt and me.”

“
Great. Just be prepared when you come down Soph; it’s not as bad as it looks, but I’m a bit of a mess.”

“
Do you want me to stay in with you tonight?”

Sighing, I decline her offer and wince when I touch my lip.

“See you in a minute.” She hangs up.

Holding my breath, I chance a look in the mirror. Cringing at how bad it looks, I start rubbing the dried blood from my chin and the cut by my eyebrow. I
’m not brave enough to run a brush through my hair, so I throw it up in a loose pony tail, but the lump on the back of my head is unavoidable. I immediately pull my hair back down so it’s loose around my shoulders again, remembering the nail marks that are no doubt visible  on my neck.

My passenger door opens and Sophie leans in. I keep my head down and close my eyes, silently willing myself to keep it together, at least until I
’m on my own.

“
Brooke, look at me.” My head snaps up at the sound of Matt’s voice. I look around, but Sophie isn’t with him. “I’m on my own,” he informs me while running his gaze over every bump, scrape, cut and already forming bruise on my face. I don’t miss the way he winces when he sees my jaw that has already started to swell.

“
Anywhere else?” he asks, looking as though he’s dreading the answer; I can only nod.

“
Where?” his concern is my undoing, and I feel a lone tear run down my cheek making me flinch when it touches the cut on my lip.

“
My ribs and left ankle,” I whisper but I know that he’s close enough to have heard.

I watch as he sighs heavily and comes around to my door. He smiles at me and politely ignores the way I flinch away from him as he lifts me from the car and continues to carry me into the building and up the stairs to my room.

“How is she?” I ask as he sets me down on my feet outside the door and pulls my arm around his shoulders.

“
Worried,” he says full of sympathy.

I nod and take a deep breath as he opens the door and we enter the room. He helps me walk over to Sophie
’s bed and sits me down.

I manage to wince only once and hold back the groan as my ribs protest at the awkward position.

“Brooke! What the hell were you thinking, going alone?” Sophie demands.

She sits next to me on the bed and uses a wet cloth to wipe away any dried blood that I missed during my inspection in the car. I
’m saved from answering her when my phone rings. Already knowing who it is, I prepare myself for the normal phone call I always get after my ‘visits’.

“
Hello?”

“
Are you home yet?” my step dad hisses into the phone.

“
Yeah.”

“
Who’s there?” he demands as usual.

“
Just Sophie and me, no one else,” I reply knowing that if he knew there were any men in my room, the next time will be worse. I chance a glance around the room; Matt turns away from me, but not before I catch a glimpse of the pure rage on his face.

“
Remember, you tell anyone…”

“
Yeah I know, I die,” I finish for him.

“
Very well, see you soon. Oh, and wear something…nice next time. I have something a little different planned; something we have never done before. In fact wear a skirt,” he laughs down the phone at me before he hangs up.

I can only stare at the phone.

He basically just told me in advance that he’s going to rape me. He’s never even hinted at it before, but I don’t think for a second that he doesn’t mean it. I’m a little surprised it’s taken this long, but that doesn’t stop my stomach from turning. I somehow manage to throw myself off the bed and toward the bathroom, where I make it just in time to empty my stomach into the toilet.

A few minutes pass and I think I can hear Sophie crying softly, but I can
’t be sure because there’s a slight ringing in my ears.

Matt comes in hands me a glass of water and some tissues.

I weakly smile my thanks to him and think that he’s going to leave; instead, he closes the door and sits down next to me on the bathroom floor. I notice that he’s careful to sit a small distance away from me and makes sure not to touch me. I can’t help the snort that escapes my mouth from thinking that just a few hours ago; I was in a similar situation but yet completely different.

“
Any reason for your sudden need to toss your stomach contents?” he asks me softly.

“
I can’t go back there on my own, ever again,” I tell him while struggling for breath; belatedly, I realise I’m crying.

“
Well, I would have said that months ago.”

“
No. He told me to wear a skirt next time.” I start sobbing as the reality of it hits me.

“
He didn’t…today did he?” he asks, stiffening slightly.

My body shakes with the sobs that come when I realise how I only narrowly escaped that fate today: if he
’s thinking it, then there’s no reason why he didn’t do it today.

“
That son of a bitch!” Matt shouts next to me, making me jump.

“
No, no, not today. He said next time,” I quickly correct when I realise he took my silence for the wrong answer.

“
Damn it, Brooke! There isn’t going to be a next time,” he sighs. “Why didn’t you call me? I would have come with you. I told you this yesterday,” he says more softly, and seemingly has his temper controlled.

“
I didn’t want to bother you. I knew you had plans to go tonight, which you’re missing by the way. You should get a move on; you’re already late.” He just stares at me, looking at a loss for words.

“
Could you help me up please?” I ask him softly, bringing him out of his trance.

Once he
’s set me down on my own bed, I clear my throat getting their combined attention.

“
I think you should both leave now. I’ve kept you from your party long enough. If you help me down the stairs, I’ll give you all a ride over.” 

“
No, we’ll stay,” Sophie insists, making her way over to my bed and gingerly putting her arm around me.

“
No, I would really like to be on my own…honestly, I can deal with it better that way. I’m probably just going to go to sleep after I’ve iced my jaw.”

“
Are you sure?” Matt asks.

“
Of course, go have fun.” I smile.

With a little more coaxing on my part, they finally leave for the party. I ice my jaw and settle in for another restless night
’s sleep.

***

I’m woken up by the sounds of someone opening and closing drawers and cupboards in our little kitchenette. I pull my eyes open and frown at the sight of a topless Tucker, moving around in my kitchen muttering “coffee” to himself.

“
In the freezer,” I call out, amused.

He drops a mug in the sink at the sound of my voice, then spins around to face me smiling sheepishly.

“Morning, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

I throw my legs over the side of my bed and gingerly stand to test my ankle. There
’s only a little pain, so I limp my way over to him.

“
What are you doing here?” I ask, moving around him to start the process of making coffee.

“
Matt and Sophie took my room last night because his roommate had a few guys over. So they kicked me out of my room and sent me here.” He watches me pour the coffee beans into the machine. “Can’t you just use the stuff from a jar?” he asks, and laughs at the look I send him.

“
Not if you want a decent cup of coffee,” I sigh, bending over to inhale the scent as coffee drips down into the pot.

“
You’re crazy,” he laughs at me.

“
No, I just like coffee,” I correct and get two mugs. We wait in silence for the machine to finish and then sit at the small table.

When he sits opposite me, he frowns at me.