Trust Me (Finding my way)

For everyone out there

that
never feels good enough.

You Are.

One

I lower my head as I enter the café, avoiding the eyes of the other students. I make my way over to my usual table in the corner, noticing that Sophie is already seated. I glance up and look around the room.

I know I don’t have to keep my head down to avoid conversation; no one is really that interested in talking to me. I’m not typically pretty and wear baggy clothes to cover my figure.  

I sit down next to Sophie and start picking at my lunch, while she tells me all about the party she’s headed to this weekend. I honestly can’t keep up with her social life; she seems to go to a party every other night. Sophie’s not the typical type of girl that I’d get along with, but as soon as we came here and were put in a dorm together, we quickly became close friends.

We’re soon joined by one of Sophie’s friends from the dance club
and Tucker; they both sit on the opposite side of the table rather than take the empty seats next to us which I appreciate.

“Who’s your friend Soph?”

I look up to see Tucker staring at me, knowing we have met many times before at parties but he’s always been pre-occupied with his entourage of girls. I roll my eyes and return my attention back texting my mom.

“
Brooke. You two have met before right?” Sophie asks me looking confused.

“
I’m not sure” I mutter not looking up from my phone.

“
No. I would definitely have remembered you. I’m Tucker.” I look up to see his hand outstretched.

“
Pleasure, I’m sure,” I say shaking his hand briefly.

“
What’s going on? You’re very occupied this afternoon,” Sophie asks me while trying to peek a look at my phone.

“
Trying to get out of a party tomorrow at my mom’s,” I explain, dropping my phone back into my bag at my feet.

“
Is
he
going to be there?” she asks, but the concern on her face is quickly replaced by an adoring smile as Matthew takes the seat next to her.

“
Hey baby, who’s
he
?” Matt asks her, using the same emphasis and pulling the same face Sophie did moments ago, referring to our conversation.

“
He is no one,” I quickly put in before Sophie can give away too much “And yes, he most definitely will be there,” I add to Sophie.

“
I can go with you if you need me, you know that right?” she whispers to me while Matt talks to Tucker about their weekend plans.

“
I know but if I do go, I’ll ask Luke, so it’s not a problem. I know you have plans this weekend anyway.”

“
Hey, how come you never come out with us?” Tucker asks me while staring at my chest; thankfully it’s completely covered in the baggy hooded jumper I’m wearing. It’s not that I’m ashamed with my body; it’s just that I hate men staring at it and checking me out so blatantly.

“
I’m busy,” is all I offer as an excuse, no need to explain that I only go out about once a month.

I reach into my bag to get my phone when it starts ringing; I freeze when I see the name on the screen. I snap my head up and start looking for an escape. Realistically, I know that there is no need, but rational thought escapes me. Tucker and Matthew are exchanging confused glances between staring at me, but Sophie reaches over takes the phone from my hand.

I faintly listen to her side of the conversation and try to appear normal.

“
Hello,” she smiles at me as she chirps happily into the phone.

“
No, Brooke’s just popped out a minute.”

“
Of course I can.”

I catch her wincing and know it
’s not good. “Ok, I’ll tell her, bye.” She hands me back the phone and doesn’t say anything else.

“
Thanks.”

I jump when I feel two strong hands cover my eyes from behind and almost fall out of my chair.

“Guess who?” A husky voice whispers in my ear.

“
Luke!” I squeal and jump up to wrap my arms around him.

He swings me around laughing and a settles me back on my feet with a kiss on the cheek.

“Missed me, huh?” he smirks at me.

“
When did you get back?” I ask, grinning before he has a chance to reply. Sophie clears her throat beside me.

“
Sorry,” still grinning, I return my seat “Tucker, Matt, this is Luke. Luke, Matthew: Soph’s boyfriend, and his cousin Tucker.” I make the introductions. Tucker looks surprised that I know he’s Matt’s cousin and looks at me as if trying to remember if we’ve met before.  I smirk when a very busty blonde comes over and sits next to him; his attention is immediately on her.

“
Do you think Kate would mind if I borrowed you for the day tomorrow?”

“
No, why?” he asks, while helping himself to the burger on my plate.

“
I need you to be a barrier at my mom’s,” I explain.

He looks at me knowingly and nods his acceptance.

“Anything I should be worried about?” I ask Sophie referring to the phone call she took for me.

“
Just make sure you go to the party,” she says apologetically

“
Right I need to go; I’ll catch up with you all later,” I call as I leave to head towards my next class.

“So, is he your boyfriend?” I turn to see Tucker following beside me.

“
Who?” I feign confusion just because I’ve been asked this question so many times before.

“
Luke” he replies with an exaggerated eye roll.

“
No”

“
Fuck buddy?” he asks causing me to stumble.

“
Friend,” I say, disgusted that anyone could think I would just casually sleep with anyone.

“
Mmm hmm,” he murmurs as if in thought. I carry on walking and ignore him.

I
’m completely aware that he’s still walking next to me as we make our way across campus, not because my body seems to be aware of him, but because I can hear different people calling out greetings to him as we pass. I put my head down and pick up my pace, not wanting anyone to notice me; he catches up with me easily.

“
Is there a reason you are here?” I snap at him, irritated that he hasn’t left me alone yet.

“
I’m going to class,” he says, as if stating the obvious. I throw a glare his was as he follows me into the lecture hall.  I make my way over to my usual seat and pull out my notebook and pen. I huff dramatically when he takes the vacant seat next to mine and out of the corner of my eye, I see him smirking at me.

I
’m just about to make some sort of sarcastic comment to him when my phone beeps beneath me. Thankful for the distraction, I reach for it and look at the screen.

Cassie: Who’s the hottie sat next to you?

I turn in my seat to look at where Cassie and two of her friends are giggling in the back; she winks at me. I turn around disgusted and pass my phone to Tucker.

“
I have to say, it normally doesn’t take this long to get a girl’s number.” He winks at me grinning.

“
I’m assuming the message is about you, as there’s no one else sitting next to me,” I reply begrudgingly. He reads the message and looks at me questioningly. I gesture to the back row with my head; he turns and seems amused as he starts texting back and forth with the girls in the back.

“
Please delete all the messages when you’re finished.”

“
Jealous?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow at me.

I roll my eyes at him making him grin.

“No, I just like to keep my dinner down, if possible.”

He flicks his eyes over my body assessing me, and frowns before turning back to the texting. I plug my iPod ear buds in and tune out the class as I wait for the lecture to start. After about ten minutes, I
’m poked in the side. I turn with a restrained sigh, only to have Tucker wink at me before standing and leaving the class closely followed by Cassie.

Once class is over, I leave the room. I’m stopped in my tracks by the sight of Matt leaning up against the wall in front of me.

“
Hey,” I smile as I make my way towards him.

“
Tucker gave me this to return to you,” he cocks an eyebrow at me as he hands my phone back to me.

“
Thanks. I was worried about that; I didn’t know when I would get it back.”

“
Any reason why he had it? I didn’t realize you two were friends.”

“
We’re not; one of the girls in the class texted me asking who he was. I passed him my phone so he could message her himself and when they left shortly after, he took my phone with him,” I explain as we make our way outside and head to the coffee stand.

“
Well, as long as it isn’t your heart he’s breaking,” he smirks at me.

“
I’m not sure I’m his type,” I return dryly, momentarily distracted by the smell of coffee that’s strong in the air, making me smile widely. Matt, used to my addiction by now - thanks to being in the dorm I share with Sophie - just rolls his eyes and chuckles at me. I playfully shove his shoulder and jump in the queue.

“
So… big party tomorrow huh?” he asks.

“
Uh, yeah, something like that.” I’m not sure how much of my home life he knows about from Sophie. I know she may have mentioned a few things to him in passing, which I understand and assure her regularly that I’m fine with that, as long as he keeps the information to himself.

“
You know, I can always help out if you need me, never be afraid to ask.”

“
Never be afraid to ask what?” comes from behind us. We spin around to see Tucker standing there, eyeing us curiously.

“
Uh ... if Brooke needs Sophie and me to stay over mine instead of their dorm, you know, if we get to be too much,” Matt quickly says, sending me an I-got-it-covered smile.

“
Ahh … so you’re a prude,” Tucker says, swiping my coffee and taking a sip.

“
Ugh, you can keep it,” I mutter, backing away from the drink he keeps trying to hand back to me.

“
What?” he looks offended, but he’s ruining the effect by looking slightly amused too.

“
I don’t know where your mouth’s been, and as far as I can tell, you have no standards.  So, I’ll pass on that thanks,” I state, turning to get another coffee, hoping he’ll leave it at that. I’m not so lucky when I turn back around and he’s staring at me open mouthed.

“
I’ve never been with an ugly woman!” he argues.

“
You’ve never been with one who can tie her own shoe laces either,” I return with a wink as I walk away; leaving Matt chuckling and Tucker mumbling about not knowing if that is true or not.

I grin to myself as I wonder whether he was referring to me, or himself not having that knowledge.

* * *

The next morning, I’m woken up by my phone beeping and a text message that makes me want to cry.

Luke: Sorry hun, can’t make it today, went to a party last night. Kate fell and broke her arm, we’re still at the hospital waiting for her cast to be put on xx

Me: OK not a problem. Hope she
’s okay. Later xx

Sighing and throwing my legs over the bed, I sit up and glance at my wardrobe, thinking about what I can wear today that will be the safest option; not that whatever I wear will save me. Defeated, I get up and throw on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, covered by a big woolly jumper. Grabbing a cup of coffee, I head out for the drive.

An hour later, I get the familiar queasy feeling in my stomach that I always get whenever I
’m near my mom’s house. Resigning to stay only for an hour or two, I drag myself out of the car and into the house.

“
Honey, I missed you. When are you going to start visiting more often?” my mom cries as she throws her arms around me. 

This of course is just a show for the group of her friends that made it over here before I did. What they can
’t see is me wincing from her sharp nails digging into the back of my neck and her harsh whispers in my ear; warning me to behave and not embarrass her.

When she finally lets me go, I head into the kitchen where my half- brother is making drinks.

“Hey sis, how’s life?” Phin asks, handing me glass of orange juice.

We take a seat at the kitchen table and chat for most of the morning about school and catching up in general. He asks a lot of questions about Sophie, and I can
’t hide the smile that takes over my face whenever he talks about my roommate. Since meeting her six months ago, he’s had a crush on her, which she finds adorable and flirts with him at every opportunity, of course.