Trust (40 page)

Scrambling to my feet, I ran into my bathroom to finish getting ready. I was nervous about Stephan and Dr. Perkins meeting, but I was hopeful as well. Stephan helped me get better, and so did Dr. Perkins. As I stood in front of my bathroom mirror brushing my teeth, the doubts began to creep back in. What if they hated each other? What if she thought Stephan was manipulating me, like Cal did?

No. I couldn’t think like that. I couldn’t. It would be okay. It had to be.

Finishing up, I took one last look in the mirror, and I went to find Stephan.

He was waiting in the living room for me, dressed in clothes I normally only saw him in on the weekends. I smiled, and he smiled back. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

The lab wasn’t far from Stephan’s house, but it took us fifteen minutes longer than it should have. When we pulled out of the parking garage, Stephan noticed a car following us. It took several turns through the business district to lose them. Only after he was sure that we were no longer being followed did he continue on to the lab. Although I’d heard about the reporters from Cal, this was my first personal experience, and I had to admit it was scary. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t leave us alone. Weren’t there more important stories to cover?

We were in and out of the lab in less than ten minutes. I didn’t know if that was because of Stephan, or because they weren’t that busy. He left me to sit in a chair a few feet away, but in his direct line of sight, while he went up to talk to the woman behind the screen. Words were exchanged, but I couldn’t hear what was said. When he came to sit beside me, he took my hand and smiled. About two minutes later, my name was called.

Because of the holiday, my Friday appointment with Dr. Perkins had been moved to Wednesday. The time had also been changed to eleven thirty in the morning rather than three in the afternoon when I usually saw her. I noticed right away that there seemed to be more people in the building. Was that because of the time or the day? Either way, I didn’t like it, and I held tighter to Stephan’s hand.

“I’m right here.”

His warm breath tickled my ear as he whispered. It was the reassurance I needed, though.

Hand in hand, we walked down the hall until we reached the door to Dr. Perkins’s office. Stephan opened the door, and we entered the small waiting area. I breathed a sigh of relief when I didn’t see anyone else waiting.

The woman behind the desk greeted me with a smile. I’d learned her name was Monica. “Good morning, Ms. Reeves. Have a seat, and I’ll let Candice know you’re here.”

It seemed to take forever, but I knew it was only a couple of minutes. Dr. Perkins never made me wait long. My nerves were getting the better of me.

When the door opened, I jumped, drawing the attention of Stephan, Dr. Perkins, and Monica.

Dr. Perkins walked toward us, more cautious than usual.

Stephan stood, and I followed.

He extended his hand to her, and she took it. “You must be Dr. Perkins. Brianna has told me a lot about you.”

She looked curious. “And you are?”

“Stephan Coleman.”

“Ah. The infamous Stephan. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise.”

I stood watching the exchange. It was polite, but I could tell they were sizing each other up. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

Dr. Perkins switched her gaze to me. “Anna, would you like Stephan to sit in on your session today, or would you rather it just be the two of us?”

“I’d like him to come in, too, if that’s okay?”

She smiled, but it wasn’t as relaxed as it normally was. “Of course, but I always like to see my patients alone for a few minutes to start.” Her attention refocused briefly on Stephan. “If you’d wait out here for about five minutes, I’ll let you know when we’re ready for you.”

Dr. Perkins motioned toward the door, indicating she wanted me to enter . . . without Stephan.

I looked up at him, questioning.

He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. “It’s all right. Go on. I’ll wait here.”

Taking a deep breath, I nodded and followed Dr. Perkins into her office.

Chapter 34

Brianna

I sat down on the couch in Dr. Perkins’s office, but I kept glancing
toward the closed door.

Dr. Perkins took her seat across from me. She smiled, and it was slightly more relaxed that it had been a few minutes before out in the waiting area. “I wanted us to have a few minutes alone, Anna. Before Stephan joins us, I wanted to see if there are any topics you don’t wish to discuss while he’s in the room with us. This is your session, so it’s completely up to you. I don’t want you to feel as if there is any pressure. If you’re not comfortable with him being in here while we talk about something, then I will make him wait outside.”

“You don’t want him here?”

“That’s not what I said. Besides, what I want isn’t what’s in question. It’s what you want, Anna. Only you, not me, and not Stephan.”

“I don’t have any secrets from Stephan.”

She relaxed her shoulders, and this time her smile seemed genuine. “Okay. I’ll go get him.”

It took longer than I expected for her to return with Stephan in tow. I smiled at him as he took a seat beside me on the couch and threaded his fingers with mine. What had taken so long, and why was Stephan holding himself so rigid? I was always nervous when I came to talk with Dr. Perkins, and I wondered if it was the same for him.

Dr. Perkins had never hurt me in any way, but I never knew what emotions I’d have to deal with while I was there. Today was different. Stephan was here with me. He’d take care of me no matter what happened like he always did. We’d be there for each other.

I snuggled closer to Stephan. He wasn’t relaxing, though, which I didn’t understand. Did something happen? Glancing between the two, I could feel the tension radiating off them both.

Deciding I didn’t care if it was appropriate or not, I climbed onto Stephan’s lap and held him. His arms circled around me, and I felt his chest rise and fall beneath me as he started to relax.

He kissed my forehead. “Thank you.”

I nodded. “Is something wrong? Did something happen?”

Stephan glanced up at Dr. Perkins, and I noticed they exchanged a look before he refocused his gaze on me. “It seems your therapist was worried about our relationship.” He caressed the side of my face lovingly. “She wanted to make sure I wasn’t taking advantage of you.”

“But you’re not!” It was my turn to go rigid.

Dr. Perkins settled back into her chair and picked up her notepad. “I needed to make sure that you weren’t being pressured in any way. This is meant to be a safe space, and you have choices here, Anna.”

Stephan stiffened beside me, and my heart picked up its pace.

“Brianna always has choices, Doctor. I told you I make sure of that.” He must have sensed my anxiety over the exchange and began rubbing his thumb back and forth along my index finger. It helped, but I remained fearful of what might have happened out in the lobby between the two. After another tense minute, he leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Take a deep breath and relax. Everything’s fine.”

I took a deep breath as he instructed, and it did make me feel better.

He squeezed my hand and smiled, letting me know he was pleased.

“You two seem to be very in tune with each other.” She paused. “That can be a good thing, as long as one doesn’t overwhelm the other.”

I heard what she was saying, but I was paying attention to Stephan. He was still anxious, so I rested my head on his shoulder and began playing with the buttons on his shirt like I always did. Almost as if without thinking, he rested his head against mine as the rhythm of our breathing became in sync with the other’s. This often happened when we were in his chair, and I loved it. It was almost as if his taking a breath prompted my own.

No one spoke for several minutes as all I could hear was the inhale and exhale of our breath and the beating of his heart. We both needed this moment.

This time when Dr. Perkins spoke, it was in a much softer tone, the same one she usually used with me. “How does it come into play when you deal with conflict?”

“What do you mean?” Stephan’s defenses were up again, so I did my best to calm him.

“All relationships have conflict from time to time. From my observations, Anna is extremely nonaggressive. I’m wondering how that plays out during any disagreements the two of you have.”

“Are you asking if I force her to do what I want and negate any feelings she would have on the matter?” He didn’t raise his voice, but I could hear his anger boiling just beneath the surface.

“That’s not what I said, nor is it what I meant. I’m merely asking how the two of you deal with things when you don’t see eye to eye.”

When Stephan didn’t respond to her question, Dr. Perkins turned to me. “Maybe you’d like to answer, Anna. Would you like to share an instance when the two of you have encountered a conflict . . . had a fight as it were . . . and how you resolved it?”

“Um. I don’t know.”

Dr. Perkins wasn’t satisfied with that answer. I should have known better. “What about when you thought Stephan lied to you? You obviously resolved it somehow?”

“We talked?” I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to say.

“What did you talk about? Did he come to you, or did you go to him? Was there a compromise?”

I glanced over at Stephan. He looked relaxed enough with the exception of his mouth. It was too stern, so I knew he was wound tighter than he appeared. He didn’t like therapists. I figured it had something to do with his parents’ death given what little he’d told me and what I’d overheard. That was all I knew, though. “He came to see me, but I wouldn’t talk to him. Then he sent me e-mails. I didn’t read them right away, but when I did, I went to see him.”

“And you talked?”

“Yes. He explained. And apologized.”

“Ah. A man who knows when to say he’s sorry.” She gave Stephan a small smile.

Stephan tightened his hold on my hand. “A person who cannot apologize for their mistakes is a fool.”

“Very wise observation.” Dr. Perkins jotted something down. I was always curious what she was writing when she did that, but I never asked.

He snorted.

“Something the matter?” Dr. Perkins lifted one eyebrow in question.

Stephan sat up straighter in his seat. “I thought this was supposed to be about Brianna, not our relationship. You’ve not once asked her a question about her past, or how she’s dealing with her flashbacks. When exactly will you be getting around to that?”

“Your relationship with Anna is just as important, if not more so, than what has happened to her in the past. She needs to be in a stable environment that supports her emotionally and is healthy. How the two of you deal with conflict is essential. Abuse survivors tend to shy away from conflict. They often don’t stand up for themselves as they should and too often end up in another abusive situation.”

Instead of answering her right away, Stephan took several keep breaths and began running his hand up and down my arm. I relaxed into him.

Stephan brushed the hair away from my face and placed a soft kiss on my temple. “You asked how we resolve conflict. This is how.”

“By you holding her?”

“She calms me, and I do the same for her. Every night we sit in a chair in my living room, her on my lap, and we talk.”

No words were spoken for several minutes. When the silence was eventually broken, though, it was by Dr. Perkins. She cleared her throat, and we both turned to look in her direction.

“The change in both of your body language . . . it’s remarkable.” Her eyes were wide and observant. A part of me wondered what exactly she was seeing besides me sitting on Stephan’s lap. Her reaction made it seem as if there were more to it than that.

“When you’re like this . . .” Dr. Perkins motioned toward us with her hand. “What do you talk about?”

“Everything. There are no secrets between us.”

Dr. Perkins considered this for a moment. “You failed to tell her about the woman you had living with you.”

“A mistake on my part. I’d wanted to tell her in person, and our face-to-face contact was limited at the time. That won’t happen again.”

“And how do you propose to accomplish that?”

“Simple. I won’t allow it.”

She pursed her lips. “That’s a rather controlling attitude.”

He shrugged.

I reached up to touch the side of his face. He met my gaze, and I saw the distance in his eyes melt away.

He kissed my forehead.

Dr. Perkins cleared her throat, and we both looked in her direction, the intimate moment gone. “Well. I don’t know what to say.”

“An apology would be good start.” I had no idea what had happened between them out in the lobby, but I knew it had to be something big. Otherwise, why would Stephan ask her for an apology?

It was her turn to look uncomfortable. “My apologies. I feel rather protective of my patients, and I suppose I may have gotten a bit carried away. Your situation is unusual.”