Trust (38 page)

Gritting my teeth, I dug my fingers into the back of the leather chair. I tried to keep myself from dwelling on it since there was nothing we could do at the moment. Marco was still hopeful, but a trial date had been set for February fourth. I would have to inform Brianna of this new development.

Feeling, if not calmer, more in control of myself, at least, I unlocked the drawer where I’d put the book on Shibari. Brianna was nowhere near ready for most of the things in this book, but I was hoping we could work on changing her view of bondage in general. She liked it when I held her down. I also knew, although she said she wanted me to tie her up, the thought scared her. We were going to work on that.

Tucking the book under one arm, I made my way back downstairs. Brianna was still in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher. I smiled at her as I strolled across the room to retrieve my briefcase. It was still on the floor where I’d dropped it after she’d attacked me. I couldn’t help but smile at that pleasant memory.

Picking up the briefcase, I carried it over to my chair and sat down. Brianna would join me when she finished what she was doing. This was our routine—our ritual. It was something we both loved and needed.

Sure enough, roughly five minutes later, Brianna appeared beside my chair. I had my hands folded in my lap, so she hesitated. “May I sit on your lap, Sir?”

I opened my arms, and she smiled.

Once she was seated comfortably, I spent a few minutes holding her before I began our nightly conversation. “Ross sounds as if he’s finally accepted your new living arrangements.”

She nodded. “Yes, other than asking if I needed anything, he talked mostly about Thanksgiving. He’s going home with Jade to meet her family. I think he’s a little nervous.”

“He’s not met her family yet?”

Brianna shook her head.

“Haven’t he and Jade been together for a while?”

“Almost two years. But her family lives in Georgia. He says they’re ultraconservative, and they’ve been putting off the meeting because they don’t know how her parents are going to react to the two of them together. Cal isn’t very religious, and he and Jade are pretty much living together now.”

“That would be tough.” I almost felt sorry for Ross. Certainly for Jade. She would most likely take the brunt of it if things went badly.

Brianna continued to play with the buttons on my shirt. “What about you? How was your day?”

“Long, but things are slowing down some. Everyone’s still on edge after what happened, which I can understand.”

“I understand why the one lady stole the money—to help her mom—but the other two . . . I can’t understand that.”

“It was greed, pure and simple. The fact that they had the money stored in a bank account rather than using it to help with the medical bills Greta was stressing over proves that.”

She shook her head, and her hair brushed against my neck, tickling me. I was still reeling from how good it felt to have her back. Every moment was precious.

Because of that, I dreaded the conversation we were about to have. “I received a call from Agent Marco while I was upstairs.”

Brianna stilled. Her muscles tightened.

She pressed her nose against my collarbone. “I don’t like him.”

I chuckled. “Neither do I, love. Unfortunately, we have to deal with him whether we like him or not.”

There was no reaction from Brianna.

Rubbing my hands up and down her arms in hopes that she would relax, I continued on. “He spoke to the prosecutor today. So far, Pierce isn’t taking the deal they’ve offered him, and a trial date has been set for February.”

Brianna gripped my shirt. Her hold was so tight that I thought she might rip it in two. “I’m going to have to testify.”

I pulled her close against my chest, as close as I possibly could with the clothing between us and our current positions. “I’ll do everything I possibly can to make sure that doesn’t happen, Brianna. You’ve been hurt enough by that monster.”

She didn’t say anything right away. She would need time to process everything. This was huge. The fact that she hadn’t gone straight into a panic attack was a remarkable accomplishment, and my pride in her swelled.

After several minutes, she brought her hand up to touch the side of my face. I looked down at her, and her eyes were full of worry.

I caressed her cheek, wanting to reassure her, but before I could speak, she did. “It will be okay.”

Sucking in a deep breath, I let it out slowly before I responded to what she’d just said.
She
was worried about
me
. “Brianna, it’s not me I’m worried about. It’s you. I don’t want you to have to go before a room full of strangers and relive what that man, and I use that term very loosely, did to you.”

“But I deal with it every day.”

I opened my mouth to protest.

“It’s not the same thing, I know, but as long as you’re there, as long as I can see you when I’m up on the stand . . . I think I can do it.” She was quiet for a long time, but I could see she wasn’t done. “He shouldn’t get away with what he did.”

Closing my eyes, I tucked her head up against my neck and rested my cheek against her hair. Whatever did I do to deserve her? “No, he shouldn’t.”

If I had my way, part of his punishment would involve spending several hours a day being tortured, beaten, and raped. He deserved to experience firsthand every injustice Brianna had. That was only fair. Unfortunately, the most I could hope for was that he was convicted and spent the rest of his life behind bars—his freedom taken from him permanently.

I hated that it was looking more and more as if she may have to testify. It only made me hate Ian Pierce more.

“Sir?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can we . . . can we talk about something else?”

I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I’d been holding. “Sure. What would you like to talk about?”

She shrugged. “Is there something in your briefcase?”

Meeting her gaze, I raised one eyebrow in question.

“It’s just that you brought it over and set it beside your chair tonight. You never do that.”

Always so observant.

I smiled. “There is something in my briefcase, but we’ll get to that a little later.”

Shifting her in my arms slightly, I reached behind my back to retrieve the book I’d hidden. I held it out to her.

Brianna sat up and took the book from my hand. “What is it?”

Although
Shibari
was printed in large red letters across the top of the book, I wasn’t sure Brianna knew what Shibari was. “It’s a book about ropes . . . tying people up.”

She looked up at me, wide-eyed. “Oh.”

Brianna

He rubbed his thumb gently back and forth over the pulse in my neck. I knew my heart rate had picked up. I could feel it.

As I looked at the cover of the book, I began to wonder. “Is this the book Lily gave you last night?”

Stephan nodded. “Yes. I asked Logan if I could borrow it. All my books and toys are still in storage.”

I thought about that for a minute. “Are you going to get them back?”

“My things? Yes. Hopefully I can arrange to have them returned soon since there’s no longer a threat of my condo being searched. It doesn’t have to be done immediately, though. They’re safe where they are for now.”

Nodding, I concentrated on the book I was holding. I didn’t know what to say to that. Although I knew he had “toys”—I had to suppress a shudder—I wasn’t sure I was ready to see them.

“They’ll be locked away upstairs like they were before—at least until you’re ready for us to explore some of them. I won’t push you on it.”

I also knew that while he wouldn’t push me now, that didn’t mean that would always be the case. Eventually I’d have to at least look at what he owned. It was part of him, and I had to accept that.

“May I open it?”

He knew I was once more talking about the book. “Go ahead.”

The first couple of pages were what you’d expect in any book—a title page and a table of contents. Some of the chapter titles were interesting, though.

When I came to chapter one, I was surprised to find a picture of a naked girl kneeling. The only rope was the one she had draped across her lap. I guess I’d expected it to be . . . more.

I realized a few minutes later that “more” was only five pages away. The first chapter was all about safety, and the dos and don’ts of Shibari—Japanese rope bondage. Chapter two was where the actual bondage started.

At first, it was a lot to take in, and if not for the smiling women and even some men in the photographs, I would probably have reacted much differently. My pulse was still racing as I flipped through the book, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. “Will you do this to me?”

“I’d like to do some of it, yes, but I’m not experienced enough to try the more intricate bindings.” Stephan went back a dozen or so pages to a picture toward the beginning and pointed. “This is more along the lines of what I’d like to try with you after we get past some of your fears. Given your rather . . . enthusiastic response to breast play, I think you’d enjoy it.”

The picture was of a woman with rope tied around her breasts. It wrapped around her back and also tied in the middle, separating each breast. “Is it painful?”

He shook his head. “No. Not if it’s done right. What it does is restrict the blood flow just enough to heighten sensation.”

“Okay.”

Stephan turned me to face him. “Brianna, I would never do anything I didn’t think you could handle. You said you were interested in rope—in having me tie you up. I thought this would give you an overview, an education of sorts. Most of what’s in the book I would never attempt because I know I’m not that good. I’d be putting your safety at risk, and I won’t do that. Understand?”

I nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Now for the second part of what I had planned for tonight.”

He smiled, but there was something behind it that I’d never seen before.

Reaching down beside his chair, Stephan picked up his briefcase and laid it on my lap, directly on top of the book. Without comment, he opened the briefcase. Inside was a length of red rope. I swallowed, nervous.

Stephan removed the rope, and after closing the briefcase, set it back down beside the chair. “Here.”

“Wh-what?”

“Take the rope. I want you to see what it feels like.”

“Okay.” My voice was weak, and my limbs were shaking, but I did what he asked. “It feels soft.”

“It’s cotton.”

I didn’t know what to do with it, so I held it loosely between my fingers until Stephan’s hands covered my own. He took the section of rope from my left hand and ran it gently along my wrist. It felt strange, but not in a bad way.

He kept rubbing it back and forth until I relaxed against him. “Good girl. Now I want you to watch what I do, and if you start to get frightened, I want you to tell me.”

Doing as he asked, I kept my gaze on his hands. His movements were almost hypnotic as he continued to brush the rope over my skin.

Slowly he began to unravel part of the rope and then fold it in two. Once he appeared satisfied with it, he resumed his ministrations.

With every stroke, I felt myself being lulled into a state where I almost felt as if I were floating. I closed my eyes without thinking.

The motion stopped. “Open your eyes, Brianna.”

I snapped my eyes opened and immediately looked down at my wrist. What I saw shocked me. The rope was wound around my wrist and tied in a knot.

I flexed my fingers. It was tight but only to the point of pressure . . . not pain.

A rush of guilt for not obeying him bubbled up inside.

He kissed the bare skin between my neck and my shoulder. “It’s all right. You got caught up in the moment more than I thought you would.”

Although I nodded, I still felt a churning in my gut at not keeping my eyes open.

“Stop,” he ordered.

I took a deep breath and tried to relax.

He tugged on the loose end, getting my attention. “This is what I want to do to start out. I will bind both of your wrists in this fashion and tie the other end of the rope to my bed.” Stephan then took his fingers and placed them on the knot. “If something were ever to happen, you can pull here, and it will release the knot, setting you free. If both your hands are bound, it would take some concentration and effort on your part, but it’s able to be done.”

“I can untie myself?” This didn’t make sense. I thought the point was for me
not
to be able to get loose.

“If necessary, yes. Brianna, whenever a Dominant binds someone, whether it be with rope or anything else, there should always be safety measures in place, whether that means the submissive’s knowing how to untie a knot, or having a pair of scissors handy so they can cut themselves loose.”

I still wasn’t sure I understood, but I nodded.

Stephan finished removing the rope from around my wrist and handed it to me. “This is yours. When you’re ready, bring it to me and I will use it on you. Until then, I want you to get comfortable with it. Just as with the dildo in my toy drawer, this is a tool, nothing more. It can be used to give pleasure, or it can be used for pain, depending on the intentions of the person using it.”