Trust (18 page)

        She just stared into space. `Are you okay?’ I asked when she didn’t respond. What a fucking stupid question of course she wasn’t okay.

        She mumbled something, but I couldn’t make out what it was she’d said. `Pardon?’ `Leave me alone,’ she said, this time a little louder. `What?’ I sighed with tears welling up in my eyes. `I said leave me alone,’ she repeated again. `But why? Christ, what is it I’m supposed to have done…?’ `I don’t want you here. I don’t need you anymore. I don’t want to see you again.’

        Her vicious words were spoken without emotion in a dull, low and cold tone. Her voice was monotonous and lifeless and it seemed to be a struggle for her just to open her mouth and speak. `But after everything we’ve been though…?’ I pleaded. `You can’t just turn your back on me without any reason. Have you got any idea how much you mean to me?’ `Just go.’ `What’s the fucking matter with you?!’ `Nothing.’ `What’s happened, Siobhan?’ `Go.’

        Her orders were ruthless and final. There wasn’t even the slightest hint of remorse in her brutal words. `Okay,’ I said quietly with tears of frustration now rolling freely down my face. `If that’s what you want…’

        I turned and slowly walked back towards the door, feeling that I should turn around and try and reason with her again but knowing that it would be pointless while she was in this desperate state.

        I stood in the hallway for a second before relenting and allowing myself to turn back. The woman I loved the perfect creature to whom I had been ready to dedicate my life and soul sat motionless, slumped forward in her chair with her head hanging down heavily. She stared at the floor just in front of her feet.

        I cleared my throat and wiped my eyes. `I’ll come back soon,’ I said, doing my level best to sound strong and composed but failing miserably.

        Siobhan grunted something unintelligible but still didn’t look up.

        I tripped and stumbled through the house and stepped back out into the cold autumn air. I made sure that the latch had dropped and the door was secure before walking back towards my car.

        In the same way that I had found it necessary to try and compose myself before I’d seen Siobhan, I now needed to stop and steady my shattered nerves again. Seeing her in such a desperate state had torn me apart, and the lack of any explanation made her condition all the more difficult to accept. I gave up trying to work things out. There was little to be gained from searching aimlessly for ways to try and rationalise the completely irrational.

        My options were becoming increasingly limited. I could go back to my empty house or I could try another friend. Clare was next on the list. I had no idea where Rob had gone earlier and so she seemed like the best person to try. With her elderly mother still away and her bastard ex-husband providing no support whatsoever, I knew that she too would have few people to turn to.

        The temperature seemed to have plummeted in the short time I had been with Siobhan. I zipped up my jacket and looked around. The world was still. Nothing moved. An overwhelming silence had descended everywhere. There was a definite and unexpected air of finality and resignation in the air.

        Before I drove away I allowed myself one last long look at Siobhan’s house, hoping that I would see her. Just a moment of movement would be enough. Just to know that she still cared enough to drag herself out of her seat to see me would have made all the difference to my mood and resolve. But there was nothing.

        I made a silent promise to myself to get back to her as soon as I could. As soon as I had found someone who could make sense of the madness of this morning I would drive straight back to the house and make her talk to me. I’d do whatever I had to. If I ended up knocking her out cold and dragging her back to my car then I would. There was no way I was going to leave her. I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her alone but I knew that for now I didn’t have a choice.

        Fighting hard to keep my concentration, I drove towards Clare’s house.

25

        Clare was at the door before I was out of the car. She ran over to me and then just stood there in silence with tears rolling down her face. My brain was struggling to cope with everything that was happening. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. `Are you okay?’ I eventually mumbled, my voice wavering and cracked with emotion and uncertainty. `No,’ she replied in little more than a whisper. `What’s wrong?’ I asked nervously, almost too scared to listen to her answer. `It’s Penny…’ she began before stopping when the pain and tears took over. `She’s… I don’t…’

        She withered and collapsed in front of me, virtually falling into my arms, and I instinctively reached out and caught her. I hauled her back up onto her unsteady feet and she buried her head in my chest as she sobbed hysterically. I held her tightly, keen to let her know that I was there for her, but also because I was relieved to have found someone else who had not deteriorated into the same pathetic and sorry state as most of the rest of the population seemed to have done. `Tell me what’s happened,’ I pressed gently as I walked her back towards the house. `What’s wrong?’

        Clare looked up at me with red eyes filled with desperate, stinging tears. She sniffed and wiped her face. `It’s Penny,’ she sighed. `What’s the matter with her? Same as last night?’ `Worse.’ `Worse?

        How?’

        I closed the door behind us and followed Clare into the living room. I sat down with her on the sofa.

        `Last night,’ she began, `after I’d spoken to you she just seemed to get worse and worse. I’ve hardly had any sleep. I had to lock her in her room because…’ `Because what?’

        She shook her head, tears running freely again. She couldn’t bring herself to finish her sentence. `It’s all right,’ I said, reaching out to hold her. My attempts to console and reassure her were failing pathetically. Even after all that had already happened I was still frightened and disturbed by news of Penny’s condition. I tried to at least appear strong for Clare’s sake. `Can I see her?’ I asked.

        She nodded, stood and led me upstairs, holding my hand all the way. As we approached the door of the little girl’s room she squeezed tighter and tighter. `I’ve been sitting here for hours just listening,’ she whispered, nodding towards a small area of the landing which was littered with empty coffee cups and other rubbish. She stopped, dried her eyes on the sleeve of her blouse, and then lifted her head to look at me. Her face was a picture of frozen fear and pain. She turned back to face the door, lifted her hand to open it, and then stopped, letting her hand fall away again. `I can’t…’ she began. `She’s…’ `She’s what?’

        Clare shook her head and sniffed back more tears. `Nothing.’

        She took a deep breath and pushed the door open. She moved to one side and gestured for me to go through. `It’ll be okay,’ I whispered as I passed her. She didn’t believe me but she managed half a smile.

        I peered cautiously around the door into the little square bedroom. I couldn’t see Penny at first. It was difficult to make out much. The light was low and the room looked as if it had been hit by a tornado. `Is she okay?’ Clare asked, trying to lean over my shoulder to see inside. `Don’t know,’ I replied. `I can’t see her. Maybe she’s…’

        In one unexpected movement Penny appeared from behind the door and stopped in front of me, staring at me with dark eyes full of anger and inexplicable hate. Her sudden appearance and malevolence caught me off guard and I jumped back, almost tripping over Clare behind me. And then she moved. With the speed of a wild animal and the strength of someone ten times her size the little girl shoulder-charged me and sent me flying back out onto the landing. It took all my strength just to keep hold of her. As I dragged her back towards her room she spat and hissed and bit me. I threw her down onto her bed and then ran back and slammed the door behind me, feeling her slam into the other side just moments later. She was thumping on the wood, trying to get out. And she screamed. A fucking awful wail of a scream which paled into insignificance alongside the desperate cries of her heartbroken mother standing next to me. `What’s happened to her?’ she demanded. `Why is she doing this?’

        I didn’t answer. I couldn’t answer. I locked the door, leant against the wall and slid down to the ground.

        The thumping and banging continued for another twenty minutes. When it finally stopped I crept back into the bedroom and found the little girl curled up in a ball underneath her bed, shaking. Stronger than a shiver but nowhere near as violent as a full-blown fit or convulsion, she was trembling from head to toe.

        She was breathing and her vital signs were okay but apart than that she didn’t move or respond to me in any way. I didn’t know what to do other than just leave her there until we’d managed to fetch a doctor to her. I stood up and ushered Clare out of the room and then turned back to look at Penny once more. She was bruised, bloodied and exhausted. Her normally sparkling eyes were dull and clouded. She was just an empty shell. There didn’t seem to be anything left of the beautiful little creature that I’d taken out for a birthday treat just a couple of days ago.

        Clare and I quietly made our way back down to the living room where we spoke in hushed whispers. `Is she going to be all right?’ she asked. `Don’t know,’ I replied honestly, shrugging my shoulders. `Impossible for me to say. We need to get someone out to see her but…’ `What’s caused this?’ she demanded, cutting across me.

        `I don’t know. Look, Clare, have you been out today?’ `No, I’ve been here with Penny all day, you know that.

        Why?’

        I paused for a moment. After the trauma she was already having to deal with, could my friend cope with any more news? `Because she’s not the only one who’s like this.’ `What do you mean?’ `I told you last night that Joe Porter had been acting weird…’ `But he’s a sixty year-old man and Penny’s just a child for God’s sake…’ `Yes, but that’s not all. Did I tell you about Siobhan?’ `No,’ she mumbled, shaking her head. `She’s hardly spoken to me since you and I went out together at the weekend.’ `Why not?’ `Christ knows. She’s screamed at me, shouted at me, ignored me and virtually accused me of having an affair with you just because we went out together on Penny’s birthday.’ `What?’

        The disbelief on Clare’s face was clear to see. `I’ve just come from her house. I left her sitting on the sofa like she was in a fucking coma, just staring at the floor. And James and Stephanie were the same when I saw them earlier, and Ray Mercer from the pub says that his wife Brenda has…’ `So what are you saying? Is it a fucking epidemic?’

        I shrugged my shoulders and walked across the room to look out of the window. The street outside was deserted. `I don’t know. To be honest I haven’t really thought much about it. I had just assumed that Siobhan and Joe Porter were both off on one and I thought Penny must have picked something up from nursery…’ `But what about the rest of them?’ `Don’t know,’ I mumbled again. `It’s got to be a virus or something doing the rounds, hasn’t it? Last winter half the village went down with flu just before Christmas. Maybe that’s it?’ `Could be.’ `Mrs Conner’s the same. Explains why she was so vile to me this morning.’

        `Who’s Mrs Conner? I thought you said you hadn’t been out?’ `She lives next door. She was out in her garden this morning.

        I saw her when I went out to put the dustbin out. I said good morning to her and she just started ranting and raving at me. No warning. Christ, she’s over eighty years old and we’ve never had a cross word in all the time I’ve lived here but today…’ `So what exactly did she do?’ I asked, keen to know if this old lady’s behaviour matched that of the other people I had come across. `Like I said, I was just minding my own business and she started yelling at me. It was fuck this and fuck that, the kind of things you just wouldn’t expect to hear from someone like that.’ `The people I’ve seen have either been like that or completely bloody catatonic. Siobhan went off the handle at me on the telephone but today I left her sitting there like a bloody cabbage.

        You know James’ eldest? She said her mum and dad spent the night shouting at each other and this morning they haven’t even got themselves dressed.’ `Christ, what about their baby?’ `I left the kids with next-door. You, James’ neighbour and Ray Mercer are the only people I’ve been able to have anything resembling a sensible conversation with so far today.’

        Clare held her tired head in her hands and ran her fingers through her hair. I could see that she was trying to make sense of everything that was happening and, for the first time, so was I.

        So far I had spent the day moving from conflict to conflict to conflict and I hadn’t actually stopped to try and understand what was going on. It was only now that I was able to take a step back that I began to think there might actually be more to the day’s events than I had first thought. It had been all too easy to gloss over the reasons behind all that had happened as I had been preoccupied with each individual argument. `What about Rob?’ she asked. `Haven’t seen him all morning,’ I answered. `He went out before I got up.’

        After that there was silence.

        About ten minutes later Clare got up from her seat and picked up the telephone. She tried a few numbers various family members, the doctor, Siobhan, my house but predictably didn’t get any answers. All that had happened was so sudden and inexplicable that my mood and feelings were swaying violently.