Trust (14 page)

        I found Penny and Clare together at their home. I had expected to see other people there as it was Penny’s birthday but the house was strangely quiet. As I stood at the door all that I could hear was the distant crash of rolling waves hitting the rocky shore. The smell of the sea hung heavily in the grey air.

        Much as she tried to hide it from Penny, it was obvious as soon as I was inside that Clare was upset. Selfishly I thought about truncating my visit and quickly heading back home but my conscience got the better of me. I could sense that my friend needed to talk. She stood there in silence at first, just watching her daughter happily playing with her birthday presents.

        Whatever it was that was troubling Clare, she had obviously done all that she could to keep her feelings hidden from Penny. `So what’s up?’ I asked as I sat down on the sofa next to her.

        She shrugged her shoulders and looked away. `Nothing, why?’

        Here we go again, same old bullshit, I thought. `Come on,’ I sighed. `You do this to me every time. It’s bloody obvious you’re upset. So are you going to talk to me about it or should I just piss off back home now…?’ `Don’t have a go at me,’ she sniffed. `I’m not. I’m trying to help, that’s all…’

        `But there’s nothing you can do.’ `Try me.’ `There’s nothing.’ `Try me,’ I said again. `It’s impossible. You can’t be a dad for Penny, can you?’

        I had guessed that whatever was wrong would have been connected to Bill, Clare’s estranged husband. That man (in the loosest possible sense of the word) deserved nothing more than to have seven shades of shit beaten out of him. And I would happily have done it for doing what he did to Clare and Penny.

        No matter what his reasons were I couldn’t forgive him. I had never seen anyone suffer as much as my precious friend had during those first few days, weeks and months since the bastard had walked out on her. `So what’s he done now,’ I asked dutifully. `It’s what he hasn’t done,’ she replied, her voice beginning to waver with emotion. `What d’you mean?’ `You’ve made the effort to come and see Penny on her birthday, haven’t you?’ `Yes.’ `You’ve brought a present and a card…’ `Yes,’ I said again. `Well that’s more than that fucker has.’ `You can’t be serious,’ I said, genuinely appalled. `For Christ’s sake, she’s his only child. You’d have thought he’d…’

        I didn’t bother to finish my sentence. The desperate, empty look on Clare’s face said it all. `I know…’ she sighed. She took a deep, unsteady breath and I watched as her tired eyes filled with heavy tears. She tried to nonchalantly and discreetly brush them away but it was too late. `Have you heard anything from him?’ `I phoned him up last week to ask him what time he was going to come over and see her…’ `And…?’ `And do you know what the bastard said?’ she sobbed. `What?’

        `He asked me what he needed to come round for. I told him it was Penny’s birthday and he started to backtrack and apologise and…’ `It’s okay,’ I said softly, passing her a tissue.

        She cleared her throat and continued. `He said that he had something on and that he wouldn’t be able to come over. He said he’d try and make it at Christmas.’ `So what did you say?’ `I told him that if he was too busy to come and see her on her birthday then he could fuck off at Christmas.’ `And what did he say to that?’ `Don’t know. I hung up.’ `And you haven’t heard anything from him?’ `I found this this morning.’

        She reached down and picked up a ragged brown envelope from where it lay discarded on her low coffee table. There was a typewritten name and address on the front which had been scribbled out with a biro. `Penny’ had been scrawled just above the address. `What was in it?’ `A card and a ten pound note,’ she replied. `And how’s Penny taken it?’

        Clare shrugged her shoulders and wiped her eyes again. `As well as she could do, all things considered. She’s got used to not having him around now but it still hurts. I tell you, Tom, I sat there this morning and watched her looking out of the window for over an hour waiting for him to turn up. She thought he’d be coming back to see her…’ `Bastard,’ I muttered under my breath.

        In the days, weeks and months since the aliens had arrived virtually everyone’s lives had been affected to some degree.

        Everything seemed to have somehow changed now that the boundaries that had previously restricted us had suddenly disappeared. But Clare’s life hadn’t changed at all. Before the aliens had arrived her sole aim in life had been looking after her little girl and providing for her. Today that aim remained exactly the same. My other close friends like James (and Rob and Siobhan to an extent) along with, it seemed, pretty much everyone else, had let themselves be carried away on the crest of a wave of euphoria and excitement. I was beginning to wonder where I stood in the newly defined overall scheme of things.

        The atmosphere in the room was as cold and grey as the miserable day outside. I had two choices; do something about it or leave. Much as leaving seemed to be the easier option, I owed it to Penny and Clare to stay. `Right then,’ I said, standing up and stretching. `Pizza, burger or chips?’ `What?’

        Clare mumbled. `Burger and chips!’ Penny yelped.

        Clare stared at me quizzically. `I can’t leave you two ladies trapped inside on a day like today now, can I? You need to get out, and you need to get out now.’

        She obviously wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere. Penny, on the other hand, obviously was.

        Three long hours later it was over.

        Three long, loud hours sat in a Day-Glo burger bar on the sea front watching the rain drip down the windows.

        Penny loved it. Clare and I hated it.

        As far as I was concerned our trip out had the desired effect.

        It took Clare away from her home and distracted her from her painful thoughts and memories for a while. Penny remained in blissful ignorance of her mother’s pain and that was all that Clare had wanted.

        It had been an unexpected and somewhat surreal Sunday afternoon. Greasy junk food, plastic cutlery and Styrofoam packages were the order of the day and Penny wouldn’t have had it any other way. I didn’t know what they made of it (either the ritual of the takeaway or the nutrition-free food itself) but four aliens sat at a table nearby eating quietly. They had travelled billions of miles and, surely, they had witnessed countless incredible sights and experiences along the way. What they thought of sitting in a burger bar in Thatcham on a wet Sunday afternoon I could not even begin to imagine.

        I dropped Penny and Clare off at their place and was back home by half-past six. Rob was at the cottage with that damn alien again. He and Rob had become quite close since they’d met back in August but I just couldn’t warm to him. It was more than the fact that he was an alien - there was something about him that I really didn’t like. I had spoken to him on several occasions - once or twice at length - and we had discussed many different topics. We’d talked about families, technology, homes, hobbies, sport and even war. Regardless of all that I’d learned about him I still felt the same distrust and dislike today as I’d felt the first time I’d set eyes on the bastard. `Where you been?’ Rob grunted as I closed the front door and took off my jacket. `Out with Clare, why?’ `Siobhan’s been on the phone for you.’ `Oh, right. Does she want me to call her back or is she…’ `I think you should call her,’ Rob said, cutting across me. `Did she say whether she’s…’

        I stopped talking when the alien appeared in the hallway from the living room. `Evening, Tom,’ he said in his low, monotonous voice. He sounded like Mr Franks, the maths teacher who had made my life hell when I was thirteen. Maybe that was why I didn’t like him? `Evening,’ I replied, my voice as curt and abrasive as I could make it sound with a single word. `Had a good day?’ he asked as he walked towards me. `Fine,’ I snapped as I neatly side-stepped him and went into the kitchen. What I’d really wanted to say was `it’s none of your fucking business,’ but I didn’t.

        I glanced over my shoulder and, to my relief, saw that Rob and his friend were heading back towards the living room. I filled up the kettle and, as I waited for it to boil, I picked up the phone to speak to Siobhan.

        It rang out five or six times before she answered. `Hello?’ a quiet, distant voice said. `Hi, it’s me. How you doing?’ I said, suddenly feeling more alive and awake than I had done all day. `Do you give a damn how I’m doing?’

        For a second I could think of nothing to say. `What?’ I eventually mumbled. `I said do you give a fucking damn how I’m doing?’ `Of course I do. Look, what’s the…’ `I don’t think you do. Christ, it’s been so long since you bothered to speak to me that I was starting to think you’d forgotten I existed. Thought you’d found someone better to spend you time with…’

        There were such unexpected levels of anger, bitterness and unwarranted accusation in my girlfriend’s voice that I found myself having real difficulty trying to respond. `What are you talking about?’ I stammered. `Of course I haven’t forgotten about you. We went out on Wednesday, didn’t we? I called you yesterday…’ `I wasn’t there.’ `That wasn’t my fault.’

        I frantically checked and rechecked over the events of the last few days in my mind to make sure I hadn’t missed anything important. Her birthday was in April. It wasn’t Christmas. It wasn’t Valentine’s Day. I was at a loss. But my memory had served me well. I had taken her to the pub on Wednesday night.

        We’d had a bar meal and then stayed on for a few drinks. `You should have called me again. You should have kept trying.’ `You could have called me,’ I protested. `I shouldn’t have to.’

        Again I struggled to comprehend the garbage that was coming from Siobhan’s mouth. She was normally so calm and level-headed. We’d been apart for longer recently, so why was she making such a fuss about the last few days in particular? I thought our relationship was stronger and more solid than that. `Look,’ I began, keen to hear some kind of explanation from her, `I don’t know what the matter is. Am I supposed to have done something? I was going to try and call you this afternoon but…’ `But what?’ she demanded, interrupting. `Couldn’t you be bothered? Had you got something better to do? Something more important…?’ `No. Fucking hell, you’re more important to me than anything else, you know that.’ `Do I?’

        `Of course you do. I love you.’ `Do you?’ `You know I do. Look, have I done something wrong? Have I forgotten something I should have remembered? If I have then I’m sorry, but…’

        Rather than bother to listen to what I had to say, Siobhan instead chose to ignore me. `Where were you this afternoon?’ she asked, her voice cold and uncharacteristically stern. `What?’ `Come on, I asked you where you were this afternoon?’ she repeated angrily. `I know you weren’t at home because I called you. And I didn’t just call you once, I tried about fifteen fucking times and I still couldn’t get an answer. I came over but the house was empty…’ `Look, I…’

        `Where were you?’ she screamed.

        She’s lost it, I thought, completely lost the fucking plot. Why should I stand here and listen to this? Just because we were going out together didn’t give her the right to know my every move. `Does it matter where I’ve been? I don’t have to tell you everything I…’ `Where were you?’ she screamed again.

        Like a frightened school boy I answered quickly. `I went to see Clare,’ I snapped reluctantly. `Is that all right with you or should I have checked first…?’

        `What were you doing there?’

        I took a deep breath. For a second I thought about just hanging up the phone but I knew that would have done more harm than good. `It’s Penny’s birthday. I took her card and present over and I took them both out for a burger. Clare’s having problems with…’ `Is there something going on between you two?’ `What?’ `I said is there something going on between you two? She’s a single woman now. If you didn’t have anything to hide you would have told me you were taking her out.’ `I didn’t take her out. Anyway it was a spur of the moment thing…’ `Bollocks,’ she spat. `I know something’s going on.’ `You’ve got this all wrong,’ I sighed. `Clare’s a good friend of ours…’ `…of yours…’ `She’s a good friend of ours who happens to be going through a rough patch at the moment. I’m not about to let her…’ `What about me?’ demanded Siobhan, now screaming down the phone at me. `What do you think I’m going through? How the hell do you think I feel when I find out that my fucking boyfriend’s seeing another fucking woman?’ `Don’t talk rubbish,’ I said, fighting a losing battle to keep calm. `You know damn well that I’d never cheat on you…’ `That’s what I used to believe.’ `So what’s happened to change your mind? I’ve spent time with Clare before and never had any of this from you. What’s different this time?’

        She didn’t answer. The empty silence was deafening. I could still hear faint sounds coming from the other end of the line so I knew she hadn’t hung up. I looked around the kitchen helplessly as I waited for her to speak. I still couldn’t comprehend the bizarre conversation we were having. `You could’ve asked me to come with you,’ she sobbed suddenly. `I’ve already told you, it was a spur of the moment thing. I went over to Clare’s to drop in Penny’s present and card. They were on their own and it was Penny’s birthday and I decided to take them out. That’s all there was to it.’ `I was on my own.’ `You were at work. You told me you were shopping afterwards.’ `I didn’t. I came home early. I didn’t feel well. Christ, do you know what you’ve put me through today?’