Truly I do (17 page)

Instead he
shifted testily in his chair and said, "What? Sorry that you turned
me down when you realise that you could have had all this?" He
raised his eyebrows challengingly and looked squarely into her
face. "I'm not going to make an idiot of myself again Julie-Anne. I
thought we were friends as well as lovers, I thought we had it all
and I wanted you to become a part of all this with me. I loved you
truly and honestly Julie-Anne." He got to his feet and strode over
to one of the windows. Staring out over the formal gardens he said
in a deep, sober voice "I allowed myself to become too vulnerable
to you. In the mistaken belief that we had it all, I offered you
protection, permanence, marriage . . . and you just bolted. Well, I
can't live my life waiting for the next time you come over all
melodramatic and run away. You had your chances - you blew it." He
twisted and glared menacingly at her.

Julie-Anne
could hardly breathe. She was so afraid and yet so determined not
to rise to her instincts and run away from him. What could she say?
Could she ask him outright to give her one more chance? His
expression was thunderous and she felt that such a plea would only
cause his anger to grow.

With a sense
of indignance she straightened her back, squared her shoulders and
replied, "What ever we had, Russell, it was not based on this kind
of opulent wealth. Our relationship was honest and it was based on
the humble surroundings and lowly day to day life were had at . . .
at home in Surrey. Maybe it was the thought of having to live in a
building that's so big you have to run you whole life as a business
that frightened me? Maybe it was the coldness and formality of all
this", she waved her arms to indicated the entire estate, "that I
was running away from? Don't you see Russell? I was just going to
become a convenience for you! Oh, how useful it was to find a
frightened, widowed woman that could slip into this . . . this
grandiose rise in you social status. How very convenient that I
just happened to be clued up on fine arts and aesthetics!" With her
temper rising, Julie-Anne stood up and swept around the room in a
gesture designed to emphasise the grandeur of the place before
turning on Russell to carry on. "You put me in a position where you
were going to lift me away from the place I was born and brought
up. You intended to tuck me in here and call on me just like you do
Della and Patti, there at your beck and call but nothing more than
a cog in your big wheel of good fortune." Her temper now in full
flow she was shouting in a harsh, wild tone. "You weren't even
going to tell me were you? You tried to keep all this a secret from
me, pretending you were coming here for some other reason. I would
have been trapped in this ice palace of yours before I'd woken up
from the honeymoon wouldn't I? Your proposal wasn't based on you
and me and the way we had learned that we truly loved one another!
Your proposal was cold, it was a business arrangement set up to
enhance your new life style - all planned behind my back; all
planned to brush aside a truly loving relationship and replace it
up here with - with - with nothing, that what with!" Her eyes were
wide open and burning with fury, her face was white with rage and
Julie-Anne's petite body trembled with shock at what she herself
had just said.

For a long
moment she and Russell stood, face to face, ingesting the points
she had just made. 'Oh god, he's so handsome!' her betraying mind
thought as she glared at his tall, lean figure silhouetted against
the window. She could picture his shoulders and arms rippling with
the tension, his legs, strong as oxen, holding him rooted to the
spot would be iron hard and shapely. His firm belly and muscular
back would be taught and straight under that costly jacket. There
was an animal magnetism that made it so hard not to step forward
and tear her way under his clothes. The heat of her thoughts
flooded her face with a red glow, dispersing the pale languor that
had rested her appearance moments before. As anger began to resolve
into lust Julie-Anne fought to keep control of herself and stare
him down.

Russell
narrowed his eyes. He'd finished thinking and was ready to
retaliate. "Is that how shallow you think I am?" He growled. "Then
you don't know me at all do you?" He shifted himself to loom more
menacingly toward her, over towering her slight figure with his own
tall, masculine stance. "In fact, Julie-Anne, you know me so little
and your opinion of me is so distorted that you even accused me of
- I don't know what - with Grace. Of all people? I thought we knew
each other so well, mind, body and soul, but then you came up with
that ridiculous idea!"

Julie-Anne was
beyond restraint, "You were all over each other - what else could I
think?" she spat angrily. Her dark eyes challenging for a
reasonable answer.

With viper
quick movements Russell's hand shot out and grasped the back of her
neck. Callously he pulled her forward and forced her to stand at
the window in front of him. With his strong fingers digging into
her shoulders he harshly grated, "Look at those tow new sculpture
on the lawn there . . . recognise the artiste?"

Julie-Anne
gasped. The wind knocked from her by his rough handling and by what
she saw standing on the manicured lawns between the house and an
endless view of the Yorkshire ridings that rolled away to a murky,
grey horizon. White and smooth and beautiful in their design were
two of Grace's finest pieces of work.

"It was meant
to be a surprise!" Russell's bitterness was evidenced in the cold,
quiet of his voice close to Julie-Anne's ear. She felt her long
dark hair disturbed by his hot breath, her shoulders tingled where
his grip had released. Her body yearned to lean back and melt
together with his. She could not move. 'Oh - what ever have I
done?' She felt terrified. 'It's all so wrong! I'm so wrong. I've
just made such a mistake!' She couldn't turn to him, he was too
close and she would not be able to control herself in the face of
the rejection that she had so well and truly ensured by her stupid
angry outburst.

Russell
stepped back and retreated into the big room. "If I hurt you just
now I'm sorry." He said softly. "But it's nothing to the depths of
pain you have caused me Julie-Anne, I can promise you that. "I
thought we loved each other truly, turns out we don't know one
another at all."

Julie-Anne
turned into the room to plead with him. "Yes we do Russell, my
problem isn't that I don't know you or love you . . . " but it was
too late.

The room was
empty.

Russell had
gone.

"It was just
me, I was wrong!" her words hung in the air.

'This time',
her thoughts were clear, 'there's going to be no running off,
sobbing like a twelve year old. I'm not going to give up until I've
proven to Russell that I know I was wrong, badly behaved and
stupid. I need to get him to let me back into his life.'

One of the
doors opened and Della stepped into the room. She regarded
Julie-Anne with an expression that was half disapproving and half
maternalistic empathy.

"Finished with
the coffee?" she asked calmly.

Julie-Anne
looked at her cautiously. "Er, yes. I think my meeting with Russell
is finished - for today."

Della bustled
in to put the coffee cups on their tray and tidy the table back to
its proper place. "Had a bit of a falling out have we?" she asked.
Her voice was sweet, not patronising. 'I might have an ally here.'
Julie-Anne thought.

"Come with
me." Della said patiently.

Julie-Anne
followed her from the drawing room, across the entrance hall,
through a butler's pantry where the coffee tray was deposited and
on into a dream kitchen. The floor was blue slate, many of the
mundane appliances were hidden away in a useful armoire and they
sat at the table with a slate topped work surface behind them,
looking out through a venetian window at the court yard. Either end
of the kitchen were arched fire places, giving a homely feel to an
obviously efficient and modern set-up. Julie-Anne calculated that
the room must have been as good as 18 feet square and the ceiling
was unusually high, giving the same sense of opulence and
spaciousness that the rest of the house seemed to offer.

"Do you want
to talk about it?" Della asked.

Julie-Anne
hesitated.

"It's all
right, you can trust me. I've got no reason on earth to betray you
- but I might be able to help."

"How did you
know we'd had a fight?" It was a naive question that put a broad
smile on Della's lips as she answered.

"Dear girl!
For one thing you two have just been yelling at each other at the
tops of your voices - we're not deaf around here you know! For
another thing, Russell has been mooching around like a kicked dog
since he moved in. It has been obvious he's been missing his
partner - we've all speculated over it. I'd hoped someone might
show up. From what I've seen so-far I think I'm rather glad it's
you."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Well . .
. there were the two arty types who came to install his new garden
ornaments." Della's sat with an ironic expression of judgmental
humour etched into her face and quirky grin turning up the corner
of her mouth.

"You mean
Freddy and Grace?"

"That's
them."

"Awgh!
Freddy's a bit of a handful, but Grace is okay - I think."

"Oh I wouldn't
have wanted to have to put up with them swanning around all over
the place." Della opined, "No! That wouldn't do at all. Good
friends of yours are they?"

Julie-Anne let
out a little self-conscious laugh. "We were friends at university.
But last time we were together I think we all realised we'd grown
out of that relationship somewhat - or at least, some of us
had."

"University?"
Della looked interested. "What did you study?"

Julie-Anne
spent the next hour comfortably resting by the kitchen table
talking to Della about fine arts and her time at university. This
inevitably led to her explaining all about Andrew and their
relationship. And that in turn led her to describe how Russell had
come along and what terrible mistakes she'd made in her handling of
their time together.

Whilst she was
talking Patti came in and dutifully made fresh coffee for them. She
reported to Della that the books from the book case they'd been
working through were all now catalogued and that this was the last
batch.

"Very well,
good girl!" Della thanked her. "Now go and make sure that you've
finished all the upstairs cleaning for today. Do make sure you do
the spare bedrooms properly this time! Oh - and don't disturb Mr.
Bryson-Steinar, he'll be feeling a bit sensitive just now and it
wouldn't do to risk getting on his nerves. Okay?"

Patti nodded
and went off to do her work while the tow women carried on with
their talking.

When
Julie-Anne had finished talking Della thought for a moment and then
put her head on one side and said, "Do you know anything about
tapestries?"

"Well, I did
some comparative studies of fifteenth century tapestry restoration
whilst I was doing my Masters degree, so I guess I know a little.
I"d say I could give a fair appraisal and then advise on more
suitable experts for a second opinion if someone wanted me to."

"Good." Della
pushed herself up from her chair. "Come back tomorrow morning about
ten o'clock will you. There are two big tapestries stored down in
the basements. They've been there for a very long time, they
certainly haven't been used in this house since the modern decor
and paint finishes were applied. But I think they might be of
interest to Russell and I want to discuss them with him. First
though, I would like you to tell me all about them so that I can go
to him armed with knowledge and information."

Julie-Anne
followed Della's lead and stood up, realising that she was about to
be invited to leave for the rest of the day. "All right, I'll come
back tomorrow," she agreed.

"Good!" Della
stated. "And if you happen to bump into our Mr. Bryson-Steinar
during your visits - well, then we'll just have to see what
conversations you can engineer along the way won't we? I do think
that all you two need is time and patience to work things out
between you. It'd be better if he knew you were around a little
bit. We'll make sure he knows you're not stalking him or anything
silly like that. Okay?"

Julie-Anne
grinned. "Thank you Della, I really appreciate it."

"Oh, make no
bones about it my girl," Della winked, "I most certainly am using
you for my own convenience. It really couldn't have been more
fortuitous what with your degree education in arts and the-like."
She clapped her hands as if dismissing an errant child. "Now, be
off with you until tomorrow. I've got work to do . . . and that
wretched Patti to mind over too." She was bustling out of the
kitchen, leaving Julie-Anne to find her own way out through the
butler's pantry and out of a rear exit door that led off from what
appeared to be a behind-stairs or servant's passage.

The afternoon
got darker and duller, but Julie-Anne was warmed by her own inner
glow. For the remainder of the day she felt excited about going
back to see Della's tapestries and even more so about the
possibilities of meeting with Russell again.

Back in her
cosy hotel room she took a long hot bubble bath and then lazed away
the long evening watching mindless TV. She went to sleep infused
with hope.

*

"The weather's
changed for the better, I think!" Hillary, the receptionist,
greeted Julie-Anne with a bright smile and a toss of her head to
indicate the crisp sunshine outside.

Outside the
hotel Julie-Anne paused to watch a group of game keepers load their
excited spaniels into the back of a truck along with their riffles
and some boxes. They were ready for the day and talked quietly
among themselves about what they were expecting to do. The cold
sunshine was glinting off a mist that hung low in the dells and
dips where a river ran past the property. Next to the hotel was a
castle, Julie-Anne promised herself she'd make time to visit it
while she was staying there.