True Heroes (76 page)

              “Except me, apparently.”

              Caleb turned to David. “The choice still exists, but you can’t see it. Don’t feel bad, Dyllo can’t either. The only one with communicable knowledge of the choice of three sits in a big, comfy recliner in the middle.” He looked between everyone’s faces. ‘Elaborate.’ “Here, let’s push to logical extremes. The psychologist’s paradox is that you’re always going to live with rational extremes, because you’re right at the interception line between every rational extreme, meaning you will never have a true self, but if you were pushed to the very edge of your own rationale, you would arrive where? What is the why behind the action?”

              “Why do I help people?”

              “Exactly.”

              “To…help them.”

              “Infinitely, do you see? As you are constantly bombarded with their paradoxes, you cannot give one universal answer because you simply don’t see one. So, your extreme would be to stop helping, to seek out the ‘I,’ therefore oscillating you to Dyllo’s position, and Dyllo,” he walked quickly, spinning Alice’s chair again and using Power momentarily to see her growing smile, “would have the complete opposite rational extreme. Underneath all the ‘I,’ he would one day realize his uppercase-letter is only valid, therefore his self is only valid, in the presence of others, which would have him rotating down to ‘we.’” Caleb theatrically turned in place and pointed to the couple still at the base of it all. “And why? Because it is the combination of the intention of love and action of logic that is a perfect, subliminal mechanism that we can all direct ourselves to, about, or through. It is a self-sufficient mechanism. This is why the one in the middle is only capable of understanding this.” He looked down to Alice while feeling his eyes soften and his knees weaken a bit. “Which makes all of their actions come out of love, completely clear of bias.”

              “You believe the middle man to be, what? A hero?”

              Caleb laughed, causing ripple-effect smiles through the entranced faces of his set parts. “No, believe it or not, the category of hero falls completely under your two sections,” his hands pointed towards Dyllo and David before they came together at the base of Alice’s chair. “Here sits a true hero in every sense of the name.”

              “Because heroes may do the right thing, but not for the right reason?”

              “Precisely, Mr. Dyllo.”

              Caleb’s set pieces could no longer remain still. Benny was the first to race over and punch Caleb in the shoulder. He was soon surrounded by all of his circle companions minus a seemingly stunned David and a brightly smiling Alice. She stood after Joy had released a strangling hug and balanced herself to his ear with her hands at her sides. “Out of love? Sounds like you want to be in my seat.”

              He moved his mouth to the lobe of her unpierced ear. “Out of love is where I want to meet you in another blackout.”

              She hugged around his neck, their cheeks creating flares in and out of the flesh as they rubbed fully together. The shoulder that didn’t hold her chin perfectly so felt the warmth of a hand. “Caleb,” he turned around and immediately found Dyllo’s hand extended to his open one, “do not think me a monster for the way I am.”

              “No, Mr. Dyllo, I admire you for having the courage to think. I can’t look down on you for the choices we made differently.”

              “You’re a bigger man than I, then.” They finished shaking and shared a smile of respect. Dyllo’s other hand casually flipped a brown fedora onto his head as he headed for the exit.

              As David dismissed everyone, Caleb and Alice wandered around and picked up the strewn chairs. She would pick them up, fold them, and then add them to Caleb’s outstretched arms. His muscles burned as he kept Power at bay, and the contorted face made Alice smile with each glance. “Hurt yet?”

              “No, not at all. Add ten more,” he said through held breath. When the last one was folded and slowly—purposefully slower than the rest—hung upon his pinkie, he waddled foolishly to the half-empty rack and let them slip too quickly from his ached hands. A few of them crashed in ringing fashion against the floor, which caused another cringe on the faces of Alice, Caleb, and David. ‘He’s cringing for a different reason.’

              Caleb glanced over to him as he rearranged the chairs properly. ‘Leave him be. He looked a little shaken with the whole paradox thing.’

              ‘If it took your insights to show that he was a fool, then he’s juxtaposed in too many ways to count.’

              ‘Three, technically.’

              ‘You’re going to see that number everywhere now.’

              ‘It is everywhere. It’s the second lowest you can go.’

              ‘Technically, it’s nowhere near the lowest.’

              ‘The human world only has three levels. He seems shaken all the way down to his third.’

              ‘He did call the military on you not four days ago. Perhaps your pity is a bit misplaced.’

              ‘I don’t pity him at all. I observe his distress.’

              ‘How very “middle” of you.’

              ‘If it didn’t make sense in every way you could think of, you would’ve been the first to hop down my throat.’

              ‘My silence equates to my agreement now?’

              ‘You’re complicated, but not impenetrable.’

              ‘Where am I then on your little scale?’

              ‘You have to ask?’

              Power flared slightly inside his body as the last chair loudly conformed into place. ‘What does it mean?’

              ‘That you only see the extremes of practical use. You’re completely entranced with ends without a thought to the means. In the end, you will destroy yourself.’

              ‘So Dyllo was right?’

              ‘About you, yes.’

              Caleb suddenly felt the cooler air of the outdoors. ‘What does it mean?’

              ‘That you make me too dangerous to be around her.’

              ‘Don’t do that.’

              “Go home, get changed, go downtown, meet everyone there?”

              Caleb looked up from the sidewalk. “Sounds good.”

              ‘It’s the truth.’

              ‘It makes you unable to change, and that’s not true. I’ve seen you do it; I’ve felt you change beside me even over the last year.’

              ‘We’re two things sharing one body.’

              ‘A paradox.’

              ‘The most dangerous kind.’

              ‘No, you said a paradox cannot see the truth. You just did.’

              ‘I’ve got the three inside of me just like you have it in you, but it’s when we come together that the paradox is impassable.’

              ‘No, you’re not thinking it through, you can’t be.’

              ‘I’ve been pondering this for a long time.’

              ‘What six months? Yes, that constitutes a lifetime of work.’

              ‘I’m sorry.’

              ‘You’ll give it all up now? When everything is there for us both? For everybody?’

              ‘I don’t have a choice.’

              Alice and Caleb walked into her apartment. ‘There’s always a choice.’

              She disappeared into her room as Caleb sat down heavily on the sunken couch. His mind was wild with guilt and fear as he gripped at his own hands again. ‘If there is a way, I can’t see it.’

              ‘Because you hate yourself, Caleb. You can’t! Not with her here, now. There’s where you don’t have a choice.’

              ‘I can’t see it. It’s so dangerous that I can’t; the road is fogged and my lights are out.’

              ‘You have to.’

              ‘Why?’

              ‘Because I’m not capable of seeing it.’

              ‘All I can see is my past.’

              Alice walked back into the room with a pair of high rubber boots, embroidered along the edges with running ivy, a skirt with black leggings hiding her pale legs, and a blue shirt with small, sewn words atop the cotton bulk. “Boots?”

              “It’s supposed to rain tonight. Do you think they match? Maybe I should bring a sweater because it usually gets colder after raining.”

              “Teal boots, black leggings and a jean skirt, and a dark blue shirt: it looks as though you’re dressed for rain.”

              She smiled for a moment before continuing. “Are you just going to wear that? I can wait for you to change if you’re not, or if you want to shower or eat or whatever. I haven’t seen you eat in a few days.”

              Caleb smiled up at her and leaned forward. His hand came up to grab hers. ‘The right thing…I’m showing her a paradox.’

              ‘Do it. She won’t mind.’

              ‘Yes, she will. In the long run, it will destroy her.’

              ‘You want to touch her.’

              ‘Only if it’s right. I’ve made it wrong.’

              He lowered his hand into his own lap. “Today’s been quite a day. I think I’m going to stay here and think everything out a little.”

              Alice smiled. “You haven’t thought out everything already?”

              “There’s only one thing left to think about.” He looked up at her with a forced smile. “And it’s by far the most important thing.”

              She lost her smile and looked vacantly at him. ‘She thought it was all solved. I’m so sorry, Alice. Just one more thing, and it’ll all be perfect.’ “Us?”

              “Yeah.”

              Alice tilted her head and found a smile again. “Do you think you’ll know tonight?”

              “I think I have to.”

              She stepped back and mumbled while fiddling around with the outlined words on her shirt. “How should I feel about this?”

              Caleb stood up and moved her hands from her shirt to her side. “You shouldn’t feel anything until you know how this is going to turn out.”

              “How do you feel?”

              ‘Tell her.’ “I’m…feeling a lot of negative things right now, which doesn’t help our cause.”

              Her hand flinched up to his cheek for only a moment before she mumbled lightly and removed it. “Don’t feel a thing, then. I’ll be back late, but if you do know before I come back, come find me. Please.”

              “I promise, Alice.”

              They both instinctively moved together, but Caleb intervened, touching her forehead with his while keeping the magnetism of their lips apart. She pushed off of him and walked out the door. ‘She’s not looking up. She probably won’t until she gets downtown.’

              ‘Can you blame her?’

              ‘I never can. She’s melting away a lot of things, but this brick of ice won’t go away. It just seeps into everything I do, telling me this or that is wrong. You’ve gotta know that.’

              ‘I know. I’ve been in that position much longer than you.’

              Caleb walked into the kitchen. ‘Find a pen.’

              ‘What are you doing?’

              A pen floated into his hand while the other held a piece of torn notebook paper. ‘I’ve done her wrong already….’

              ‘Stop.’

              ‘I won’t do her the wrong—’

              ‘Don’t!’

              ‘Of not saying good-bye.’

              Caleb’s writing hand became paralyzed as a blue filter filled his eyes. ‘This is premature. This isn’t what’s supposed to happen.’

              ‘Why do you care? Every fiber of your being should be encouraging me to go through with this.’

              ‘I….’

              ‘See? This is our paradox. There is no reconciliation between us. No communication. We’re simply a hybrid. Because you’re so damn stubborn and I’m so damn crippled, we’re not what’s right for her.’

              Power removed its influence from Caleb’s hand, suddenly unable to stand without doubt at its side.

---

              Doctor Ancel opened the door slightly and tossed the small remote into Stephen’s lap. “Four minutes. I won’t expect you to come back.”

              Stephen could almost hear the creak in his bones as he stood. “No faith?”

              “I have faith in your ambition.”

              With that, Ancel moved to the side and Stephen jammed half of the buttons at once.

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              Caleb landed lightly on the large cliff and adjusted the pack hanging off one shoulder. He attempted to engulf himself in power again, but found his speed remaining dismal. A cursory glance showed nobody around before he spoke. “Can’t do this alone.”