True Choices (11 page)

Lucy looks to me and smiles. She's getting used to her role in public.

Chapter 13 HER

"Hey!"

"Yeah...you're home!" Laura sounds excited to hear from me. I wasn't sure she'd pick up being a work day. "I know you didn't know how long you'd be gone..."

"We got back yesterday. I've been sleeping since." Well...mostly sleeping anyway.

"Where'd you go?"

"We went to Italy. Rome and Capri. It was amazing, Laura!" 

"I am so jealous! I've always wanted to go. Did you take lots of pictures for me at least?"

"Max took a ton.  I'll send you some." I look at the dining table, where my list of chores for the day sits. Downloading the pictures is #7. I was a little shocked yesterday to see the list waiting for me when we got home. Max put it there before he left for our wedding.

"So...how was it?" I giggle and she laughs, "That good, huh?!"

I giggle more, "Yes!"

"Ok...details...and I don't mean about the ruins either!"

"It's ten in the morning! Shouldn't you be in a meeting or something?" I laugh, but I miss seeing her around the office already.

"Good point...ok, come for lunch then."

"I can't." I pause though on the rest. I think I can say this to Laura...but only her. I could use one friend who understands exactly how things are for me anyway. "I didn't get Max's permission..." This is what he expects of me. Saying it out loud, the opposing humiliation and pride, I feel a little giddy.

I had this reaction on our honeymoon. Acting so obviously submissive to Max around strangers, I felt a lot of humiliation. The looks from people, the comments. But I also felt this strange sense of pride. I am his possession, his property. And I'm proud of that. I'm proud of how happy I make him.

"Oh..." I wait to see what else Laura will say. We talked a lot before the wedding and at the reception she helped to smooth things over with Tracy about my vows, but I've never been this blunt with her. "Well...then check about tomorrow...or come to Romona’s Wednesday?!" She sounds fine. I let my breath out.  I'm really going to have to get more details about that guy she dated in college.

"Ok. I'll let you know." I can't believe how easy that was. I know I won't be having this conversation with Tracy. "And thanks, Laura."

"No problem! I'll let Tracy know you're back too. She's been driving me crazy with the whole 'how could she be ok with not knowing how long she's going to be gone' shit. I'll tell her you're going to try to come Wednesday to shut her up..."

I laugh. We hang up and I finish my coffee on the sofa. I smile thinking of my list, but I keep going back to yesterday instead of getting up.

Max carried me over the threshold again. And when he set me down, he said, "
This
is your island, Mrs. Traeger." Looking around the apartment, it's a nice island. I'll happily come and go just as Max pleases.

And I better get going! I have to finish some items on his list before he comes home for lunch. And I have to log some distance at the gym in the journal Max gave me.

Chapter 13 HIM

I drop the plastic dish on the coffee table in front of her. She jumps and looks up at me before frowning down at it. I finish buttoning my shirt. Lunch and a quickie has been our routine.

"I've made an appointment for you tomorrow." She doesn't move just stares at me from the sofa, her legs bent under one of my t-shirts, arms crossed on her knees.

We've been back from Italy for two weeks and she's settled in nicely to the routine I've set for her. Each morning, I leave her a list of chores, each afternoon I come home for lunch to check her progress. I haven't let her leave the apartment except for a chore. And she hasn't questioned when I tell her no.

"What's the appointment? ...I'm not due for," she raises her eyes to the ceiling, thinking, "five months."

I cup her cheek. "Because this is your last month of using those." I move my eyes to the container on the table. "As soon as the doctor okay's it, we'll start trying."

"But." She stops herself quickly at the clenching of my jaw. "I mean..." she swallows, "You want to start having a family this soon...we've not even been married for a month?"

I ignore her question. "You'll also need to discuss any pre-natal care. I've left a book about planning for pregnancy on your side of the bed. It has a list of questions I'll expect answers to tomorrow. Read the first three chapters today before I'm home for dinner."

I turn to get my jacket and she jumps up to follow me. "Max...wait...shouldn't we..."

I turn around quickly and grin when she backs up, "Shouldn't we...what?"

"We...we should talk about this..." She swallows and moves one foot behind her, like she wants to back up more.

I close the distance between us quickly and shove her against the wall, my hand on her chest. "Who do you belong to?"

"I belong to you, Max." She answers without hesitation.

I move my hand down to her belly, gently, "Yes. You do. And you'll do exactly as you're told."

"Yes, Sir." Her stomach shakes against my hand with a long breath in and out.

"I want my child inside you, Lucy." The blue of her eyes swim in the tears not shed. I say in a low growl, close to her ear. "And when I spread your legs, I want you to pray each time for a baby." I pull back to look as two tears blink down her cheeks. I move my hand and wipe one away, kissing the other.

"Yes, Sir." She whispers against me.

I stay close, my voice almost a whisper too, "You gave up control of your body, baby. I thought you understood that."

"Yes, Sir." She pushes into my hand still on her cheek. My sweet puppy. "I do understand that. I'm sorry, Sir."

I stand back and take a step away from her. She waits with her hands almost behind her back. She instinctively tried to move them there when I shoved her. I smile and kiss her before leaving.

I know she's worried about getting pregnant. I'll ease her fears tonight when we discuss the book.

Chapter 14 HER

I stand for a little longer in the same spot. I don't know for how long. I start to feel my feet going numb and finally push myself away from the wall.

In a daze, I walk into the bedroom. A thick pink and blue covered book waits for me. I sit next to it. Stare at it.

I don't know what I'm thinking. Two trains, two tracks.

I always wanted a child, children. Max and I talked about it once. He said three. I joked; said why not ten. He laughed; said he wasn't sure my little body could handle even one Traeger boy's big head.

I always assumed we'd have kids, try to have kids. After he proposed, I cried telling him that my Mom miscarried so many times. Aunt Emma too. I worry that it will happen that way for me. He said we'd deal with whatever happens together.

But today, he wasn't talking, he wasn't dealing.

An unfamiliar flutter of anger flies in my head. I try to shake it away.

It's too soon. I'm not ready.

I want to scream this at him. As loud as he likes to make my scream when he punishes me.

I laugh a little. I could imagine what would happen if I ever dared to yell anything at him.

I get up and walk to the bathroom, the mirrors reflecting me back in multiples. I turn to the side, hand where his hand was. It's not anger I see. It's fear.

I'm afraid. I bow my head.

What if I couldn't give him something that he demanded? What if he couldn't control everything about my body? What would happen to us if I couldn't bend to his will no matter how hard I would try?

I shudder and put my arms around my middle, hugging myself. I'm not ready to face a possible darkened future. A day that I couldn't give in to Max's needs.

I shake my head a final time, close my eyes and breathe in normally. I let go of my waist and square my shoulders. But I keep my head down. I'll do whatever it takes to make Max happy. Whatever is in my power to do.

I want his child inside me too.

Chapter 14 HIM

I can hear Lucy laughing with her friends. I finally relented and let her go for their Wednesday night dinner. We celebrated our one month anniversary last weekend and she deserved a reward. Tonight is the first time I've let her off our island on her own.

I walk around the corner and stop. Jake's hand on my shoulder is quick to try to restrain me, but I'm frozen in place anyway.

I was supposed to work late, so she's not expecting me. Jake came to the office, convincing me to go for dinner and drinks instead. 

She doesn't look up. Rich is sitting next to her. Close to her. She only mentioned her friends would be here tonight. She knows I would never give her permission to go out with another man.

And Rich has his hand over hers. He's smiling at her and talking to her and touching her. My Lucy.

"I'm going to kill him." It's more a rumble than words. Jake grips my shoulder more, but this won't stop me.

"Control yourself, brother." Jake's voice is only slightly less a growl than mine.

Chapter 15 HER

As I'm pulling my hand back in my lap and trying to move away from Rich again, I see Max's face in the mirror above our table. Oh my God. Clearly he saw that. I swallow, not taking my eyes from his in reflection. He stopped at the small entrance to the back room. Jake is with him, also frozen, staring at me. I steal one quick glance at him and I see the same look. Shock. Disappointment. Anger. The Traeger brothers, finally united. I swallow again.

Laura's next to me. She sees my reaction and looks in the mirror. She stands up and turns to both men. I move in my chair to follow her, but don't stand, my back to Rich. I just sit with my offending hand in my lap. Rich and Tracy continue talking over the table; I can see he still has his hand on hers. I ignore them both. Rich puts his hand on my back and I jump forward, out of my chair, away from his touch.

But I see Jake's hand on Max's shoulder squeeze, his other hand grabbing his arm, holding him back, Laura still standing in between us. The wild look on Max’s face is one I’ve not seen before. I'm too scared, too numb to hear what Laura says, but both men turn their eyes to her for a second. I take the opportunity to run away, out of the room.

I head outside. There's a garden room that isn't open anymore. The staff use it for smoking. No one is out here though. I can breathe fresh cool air and think. How do I explain this to Max so he's not mad at me?!

It's Laura who finds me. "Max is waiting for you by the curb..." She moves my hair behind my shoulder and squeezes my arm. "You ok?"

"Yeah...I'll be fine..." She doesn't look convinced. I finally confide in her everything. "Max has a temper." She only nods and continues rubbing my arm. "He...he punishes me...when he's mad...when I've made him mad..." I don't look at her.

Finally, after she's not said anything for a while, I look up. "I told you that I had a boyfriend very much like Max...controlling...bad temper...jealous...I think I might know a little about what you're going through..."

I stare into her eyes for a long time. Not wanting to say more. Not wanting to leave. "What did you say to Max and Jake?"

"I told them that Rich just got here moments ago. And he's drunk. And you didn't do anything wrong." I squeeze her arm back.

"Thank you for saying that!" I shudder and take a deep breath, looking down again. I can't stay here for long. That would only upset Max more. "Do you....do you think he believed you?" I hate sounding so pathetic...but I know the wrath that I'm facing!

"You'll be fine," she squeezes my arm again, "He loves you..."

I smile into hers, "Yeah...I know...I should go...will you tell Tracy...?" She nods. "Could you...could you get my purse and coat for me?" She nods again and heads back inside. I wait a moment before heading towards the door.

She hands me my things and hugs me quickly, "Call me tomorrow..."

I only nod and head out the door.

I see Jake waiting for me by the car. He looks about as angry as I expect Max to be. I stop a few steps away and just look at him. I plead with my eyes for him to understand, maybe he could help me with Max.

"You've really messed up tonight..." He only indicates for me to get into the car. His voice matches the deep angry voice Max uses when punishing me, I shudder before getting in. He won't be any help.

Max doesn't say anything when I sit next to him. Jake moves into the seat to my right and closes the door himself. I look at Jeff in the rearview mirror. Not even he's looking at me!

I stare at Max, but he's looking out the window as the car pulls away.

I look straight ahead. I can see both brothers in my peripheral vision. Their anger buoys in the small space.

Max finally looks forward and puts his hand on my knee. I can see Jake move his head slightly to look in our direction too.

"What were you doing with another man's hands on you again, Lucy?"  He squeezes my leg painfully, but I don't move. "No...The
same
man you let touch you before?!" His voice fills the car. I shake, my leg going numb where he's still squeezing.

"I didn't..." but he doesn't let me finish.

"No. Shut up. Not a fucking word out of your mouth until we get home." He lets go of my leg and I have to stop myself from rubbing the red fingerprints, my hand shaking above my knee. I finally put my hand back in my lap. I don't look at anyone, just my hands. Max goes back to looking out the window.

I've never been more scared of him. After a moment, I steal a look at Jake, still hopeful that he might be able to help me. His jaw is as clenched, as set. He meets my sideways glance and gives me a shake of disapproval before turning his gaze out his window too. I'm alone.

                                                                                    .....

I stop at the elevator, watching as Jake talks to Max on the curb. I can't see Max's face, but Jake's hasn't softened at all. Max finally comes in, doesn't look at me, just puts his key card to the elevator and waits for me to get in.

I find the courage to ask, "What did Jake say?"

He grins at me, a frightful sight. His beautiful smile twisted and angry. "He told me to take it easy on my wife." He laughs at this.

I shudder and shrink further against the wall of the elevator. I picture for a moment about not getting out when the doors open, I know this isn’t an option.

Once inside the apartment, he closes the door quietly. I don't bother walking down the hall, I know what's coming next.

But he doesn't order me to undress or face the wall. He only walks down the hall. I hesitate a long time before following him.

He's moved onto the terrace. The fall breeze is chilling. He's poured himself a glass of scotch. I wait just by the terrace doors.

He takes a big gulp of his drink, holding it on the low wall. He doesn't turn around, only continues looking out at the city lights. "
Should
I go easy on you, Lucy?" His voice is steady. Not as I've heard from him before. A mix of pain and anger that I've not known?

"I..." I swallow my words. I want to plead for his forgiveness, his mercy, to explain that it's not my fault. But I know that if this were true, I wouldn't be in trouble. I was guilty the moment I let Rich touch me that first time, in the office. Just a friendly gesture, nothing but a hand on my shoulder. But I was guilty of letting him think it was okay then. It's no excuse now that he was drunk and I didn't know he would be there. I take a deep breath and say nothing.

Max turns when I don't answer. He looks for a long time into my eyes. Searching for what I don't say. Finally, he nods. Only once, but it changes his whole expression. The pain is gone. Replaced by pure anger. I shudder and take a step back.