Troublemakers (24 page)

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Authors: Harlan Ellison

BOOK: Troublemakers
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“I’m sorry, Looten’nt,”

   
“No. Not Lieutenant, I told you,”

   
“Oh, yeah, right. Sorry, Mr. Gropp,”

   
“Not Gropp, Jensen, Mister
Jensen.
You’re
also
Jensen; my kid brother. Your name is Daniel.”

   
“I got it, I remember: Harold and Daniel Jensen is us, You know what I’d like?”

   
“No, what would you like?”

   
“A box’a Grape-Nuts. I could have ‘em here in the car, and when I got a mite peckish I could just dip my hand in an’ have a mouthful. I’d like that.”

   
“Keep your eyes on the road. “

   
“So whaddya think?”

   
“About what?”

   
“About maybe I swing off next time and we go into one’a these little towns and maybe a 7-Eleven’ll be open, and I can get a box’a Grape-Nuts? We’ll need some gas after a while, too. See the little arrow there?”

   
“I see it. We’ve still got half a tank. Keep driving.”

   
Mickey pouted. Gropp paid no attention. There were drawbacks to forced traveling companionship. But there were many culs-de-sac and landfills between this stretch of dark turnpike and New Brunswick, Canada, or Mazatlán, state of Sinaloa.

   
“What is this, the southwest?” Gropp asked, looking out the side window into utter darkness. “The Midwest? What?”

   
Mickey looked around, too. “I dunno. Pretty out here, though. Real quiet and pretty.”

   
“It’s pitch dark.”

   
“Yeah, huh?”

   
“Just drive, for godsake. Pretty. Jeezus!”

   
They rode in silence for another twenty-seven miles, then Mickey said, “I gotta go take a piss.”

   
Gropp exhaled mightily. Where were the culs-de-sac, where were the landfills? “Okay. Next town of any size, we can take the exit and see if there’s decent accommodations. You can get a box of Grape-Nuts and use the toilet; I can have a cup of coffee and study the map in better light. Does that sound like a good idea, to you...Daniel?”

   
“Yes, Harold. See, I remembered!”

   
“The world is a fine place.”

   
They drove for another sixteen miles and came nowhere in sight of a thruway exit sign. But the green glow had begun to creep up from the horizon.

   
“What the hell is that?” Gropp asked, running down his power window. “Is that some kind of a forest fire, or something? What’s that look like to you?”

   
“Like green in the sky. “

   
“Have you ever thought how lucky you are that your mother abandoned you, Mickey?” Gropp said wearily. “Because if she hadn’t, and if they hadn’t brought you to the county jail for temporary housing till they could put you in a foster home, and I hadn’t taken an interest in you, and hadn’t arranged for you to live with the Rizzos, and hadn’t let you work around the lockup, and hadn’t made you my deputy, do you have any idea where you’d be today?” He paused for a moment, waiting for an answer, realized the entire thing was rhetorical-not to mention pointless-and said, “Yes, it’s green in the sky, pal, but it’s also something odd. Have you ever seen ‘green in the sky’ before? Anywhere? Any time?”

   
“No, I guess I haven’t.”

   
Gropp sighed, and closed his eyes.

  
 
They drove in silence another nineteen miles, and the green miasma in the air had enveloped them. It hung above and around them like sea fog, chill and with tiny droplets of moisture that Mickey fanned away with the windshield wipers. It made the landscape on either side of the superhighway faintly visible, cutting the impenetrable darkness, but it also induced a wavering, ghostly quality to the terrain.

   
Gropp turned on the map light in the dome of the Firebird, and studied the map of Nebraska. He murmured, “I haven’t got a rat’s-fang of any idea where the hell we
are!
There isn’t even a freeway like this indicated here. You took some helluva wrong turn ‘way back there, pal!” Dome light out.

   
“I’m sorry, Loo-Harold...”

   
A large reflective advisement marker, green and white, came up on their right. It said:
FOOD GAS LODGING 10 MILES
.

   
The next sign said:
EXIT 7 MILES
.

   
The next sign said:
OBEDIENCE 3 MILES
.

   
Gropp turned the map light on again. He studied the venue. “Obedience? What the hell kind of ‘obedience’? There’s nothing like that
anywhere.
What is this, an old map? Where did you get this map?”

   
“Gas station.”

   
“Where?”

   
“I dunno. Back a long ways. That place we stopped with the root beer stand next to it.”

   
Gropp shook his head, bit his lip, murmured nothing in particular. “Obedience,” he said. “Yeah, huh?”

   
They began to see the town off to their right before they hit the exit turnoff. Gropp swallowed hard and made a sound that caused Mickey to look over at him. Gropp’s eyes were large, and Mickey could see the whites.

   
“What’sa matter, Loo...Harold?”

   
“You see that town out there?” His voice was trembling.

   
Mickey looked to his right. Yeah, he saw it. Horrible.

   
Many years ago, when Gropp was briefly a college student, he had taken a warm-body course in Art Appreciation. One oh one, it was; something basic and easy to ace, a snap, all you had to do was show up. Everything you wanted to know about Art from aboriginal cave drawings to Diego Rivera. One of the paintings that had been flashed on the big screen for the class, a sleepy 8:00 A.M. class, had been
The Nymph Echo
by Max Ernst. A green and smoldering painting of an ancient ruin overgrown with writhing plants that seemed to have eyes and purpose and a malevolently jolly life of their own, as they swarmed and slithered and overran the stone vaults and altars of the twisted, disturbingly resonant sepulcher. Like a sebaceous cyst, something corrupt lay beneath the emerald fronds and hungry black soil.

   
Mickey looked to his right at the town. Yeah, he saw it. Horrible.

   
“Keep driving!” Gropp yelled as his partner-in-flight started to slow for the exit ramp.

   
Mickey heard, but his reflexes were slow. They continued to drift to the right, toward the rising egress lane. Gropp reached across and jerked the wheel hard to the left. “I said:
keep driving!”

   
The Firebird slewed, but Mickey got it back under control in a moment, and in another moment they were abaft the ramp, then past it, and speeding away from the nightmarish site beyond and slightly below the superhighway. Gropp stared mesmerized as they swept past. He could see buildings that leaned at obscene angles, the green fog that rolled through the haunted streets, the shadowy forms of misshapen things that skulked at every dark opening.

   
“That was a real scary-lookin’ place, Looten...Harold. I don’t think I’d of wanted to go down there even for the Grape-Nuts. But maybe if we’d’ve gone real fast...”

   
Gropp twisted in the seat toward Mickey as much as his muscle-fat body would permit. “Listen to me. There is this tradition, in horror movies, in mysteries, in tv shows, that people are always going into haunted houses, into graveyards, into battle zones, like assholes, like stone idiots! You know what I’m talking about here? Do you?”

   
Mickey said, “Uh...”

   
“All right, let me give you an example. Remember we went to see that movie
Alien?
Remember how scared you were?”

   
Mickey bobbled his head rapidly, his eyes widened in frightened memory.

   
“Okay. So now, you remember that part where the guy who was a mechanic, the guy with the baseball cap, he goes off looking for a cat or some damn thing? Remember? He left everyone else, and he wandered off by himself. And he went into that big cargo hold with the water dripping on him, and all those chains hanging down, and shadows everywhere..
.do you recall that?”

   
Mickey’s eyes were chalky potholes. He remembered, oh yes; he remembered clutching Gropp’s jacket sleeve till Gropp had been compelled to slap his hand away.

   
“And you remember what happened in the movie? In the theater? You remember everybody yelling, ‘Don’t go in there, you asshole! The thing’s in there, you moron! Don’t go in there!’ But, remember, he
did,
and the thing came up behind him, all those teeth, and it bit his stupid head off! Remember that?”

   
Mickey hunched over the wheel, driving fast. “Well, that’s the way people are. They ain’t sensible! They go into places like that, you can see are death places; and they get chewed up or the blood sucked outta their necks or used for kindling...but I’m no moron, I’m a sensible guy and I got the brains my mama gave me, and I don’t go
near
places like that. So drive like a sonofabitch, and get us outta here, and we’ll get your damned Grape-Nuts in Idaho or somewhere...if we ever get off this road...”

   
Mickey murmured, “I’m sorry, Lieuten ‘nt. I took a wrong turn or somethin’.”

   
“Yeah, yeah. Just keep driv-” The car was slowing.

   
It was a frozen moment. Gropp exultant, no fool he, to avoid the cliché, to stay out of that haunted house, that ominous dark closet, that damned place. Let idiot others venture off the freeway, into the town that contained the basement entrance to Hell, or whatever. Not he, not Gropp!

   
He’d outsmarted the obvious.

   
In that frozen moment.

   
As the car slowed. Slowed, in the poisonous green mist.

   
And on their right, the obscenely frightening town of Obedience, that they had left in their dust five minutes before, was coming up again on the superhighway.

   
“Did you take another turnoff?”

   
“Uh...no, I...uh, I been just driving fast...”

   
The sign read:
NEXT RIGHT 50 YDS OBEDIENCE
.

   
The car was slowing. Gropp craned his neckless neck to get a proper perspective on the fuel gauge. He was a pragmatic kind of a guy, no nonsense, and very practical; but they were out of gas.

   
The Firebird slowed and slowed and finally rolled to a stop.

   
In the rearview mirror Gropp saw the green fog rolling up thicker onto the roadway; and emerging over the berm, in a jostling, slavering horde, clacking and drooling, dropping decayed body parts and leaving glistening trails of worm ooze as they dragged their deformed pulpy bodies across the blacktop, their snake-slit eyes gleaming green and yellow in the mist, the residents of Obedience clawed and slithered and crimped toward the car.

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