Trouble finding Blondie (37 page)

“Yeah, like that’s believable.”

“Well, that’s what they all think!”

“Well, you know what she says.”

In perfect harmony, they both lifted up their martini glasses with Simona’s famous toast, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”

21

"HOW MANY MARRIED COUPLES DO YOU KNOW THAT ARE TRULY HAPPY?"

ANOTHER NICE SUNNY morning in the south of France. Simona made breakfast for the boys. Francois and Mateas were fully entertaining each other, and she could finally spend time with Arye. They talked about many things including his school, his soccer, the girls, last night’s party…

“Good morning,” Elise slept in, grateful for the glass of water with aspirin on her nightstand.

“Finally, grandma,” Francois exclaimed. “Mama said we couldn’t use the pool until you woke up. It’s nine o’clock. How can you sleep so long?”

“Oh my God! My apologies. I should have known. Your brotherhood is gonna be on my case today.”

“Grandma, you woke Mateas up with your snoring.”

“Me? I don’t snore. That had to be you.”

“Grandma! Everyone knows that about you. That’s why you always get the corner room.”

“Francois! That is so impolite,” Simona scolded Francois.

“Mama, I’m not being mean. I’m just explaining.”

“God help us all with this one.”

Elise was laughing, kissing both grandsons, walking back to the kitchen for some coffee. She returned with a coffee mug and a croissant in her hand.

“Grandma! You can’t eat those. You are a dieter.”

“Not dieter, silly, diabetic.”

“I stand corrected. Excuse me, mama, diabetic.”

Simona looked at Arye and said, “Who says that? I stand corrected?”

“Especially at age four,” Arye agreed. “Mom, you have some serious issue with this kid.”

“I don’t talk like that. Maybe Philippe.”

“Mama, you need to take that croissant from grandma. I can’t be the responsible adult. We are going for a swim.”

Everyone was laughing. Simona got up to take Elise’s croissant with a guilty gesture, promising to replace her breakfast with wholegrain toast. She returned to the patio which was full of laughter, splashing water, and amazing harmony. Elise finally asked, “Is Andre still sleeping?”

“Yeah, mama, where is Papa? Can we wake him up already?”

“Papa stayed at the chateau last night. He was having so much fun that all his friends wanted him to stay.”

Elise grabbed her wrist and whispered, “What happened? What did he do?”

“I love you, Elise. Any other mother-in-law would say ‘what did you do?’”

“Seriously, mom, did we miss something?” Arye continued the questioning.
 

“Oh yeah, you missed quite the show. And no, not the time or place to talk about it.”

“Mom, I’m sorry. I know how much yesterday meant to you.”

“Yesterday was beyond anything I could envision or produce. It was a memorable day, a collective effort of many.”

“I know you don’t like to take compliments. That’s not what I meant. I know how much you wanted to make Andre happy. I’m just sorry it didn’t work out that way.”

“It may not have been a happy ending per se, but it was a fantastic and definitely very memorable evening.”

“I’m going to kick his ass, no matter if you tell me or not,” Elise had determination written all over.

“I’ll go with you, Elise. Ass whooping, here we come,” Arye said.

“Stop with the nonsense you two. I have some ironing to do as well, so you are on babysitting duty.”

“What’s the plan? I’d like to go to town. Can I take the car?”

“Yes, how about you take the boys and grandma to the Bed and Breakfast and then go while I take the other car and go to the chateau.”

“But we don’t get to do the ass whooping.” Arye didn’t even finish the sentence.

“Who is getting whooped?” Mateas was inquiring.

“Probably Papa. Mama always says he is legally required to be in his bed in the morning and have breakfast with us,” Francois said as a matter of fact.

Everyone was laughing out loud. The mood was great. Arye was stunned by his overly mature baby brother again.

Simona waved them off, rushed to the bedroom to put her bathing suit on. She was trying to figure out a cover-up, finally picking a long, race-backed red summer dress with white stripes. It was a simple, sporty dress by Ralph Lauren. The color was fresh, and the simplicity made it chic and easy. That was the look and also the approach she was going for: easy, open, and simple.

❖ ❖ ❖

Simona was driving and was lost in her thoughts. As she pulled into the gate, a runner came out of nowhere. She barely had time to slam on her brakes.

“Are you crazy? I almost killed you!” She yelled out of the car window.

“I am crazy? I thought the title was yours.”

“Funny,” she smiled. “Chef Bernard, you would be the last person I would pick for exercise of any kind.”

“And how do you suppose I keep this fabulous body in shape?”

“Fabulous perhaps. In shape, who knows?”

“You are awful. Delicious, I heard, but awful.”

“What do you know? Spill it.”

“You are guilty of transforming this lovely, historical jewel chateau into a whore house!”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Yes. Thanks to your performances last night, they all turned into horny rabbits. The moans were coming from everywhere. The only two schmucks that didn’t get any last night were the two in love with you.”

“Wow, you already had an omelette with funny mushrooms this morning?”

“Laugh as much as you want, but you didn’t get any last night either.”

“And how would you know?”

“Hmm. You are bluffing. Wait. Your friend?”

“Nobody gives it to me like Jada.”

“Not buying. She came back too fast. Even stirred some money shit.”

“What? What do you know? Spill it before I ship your ass back to Paris on the train.”

“All I know is that I wasn’t out of the kitchen yet when you decided to go full monty.”

“Spear me the poor me. It was way past dessert time, and there was no chef to be found in the kitchen at that hour. So you had to be busy, but somewhere else.”

“You are simply wretched!”

“So how do you know all that if you were not there?”

“I make it my business to know.”

“Would you like a ride, Monsieur Bernard?”

“I’ll beat you there.”

Simona tried to run him over, but Bernard was surprisingly fast as he beat her to the parking lot.

“I’m impressed. But if you are hoping for mouth to mouth rescue, I have to warn you, you are going to drop dead.”

“Your sarcasm is turning me on.”

Simona got out of the car, and Bernard gave her the head to toes check.

“Are you kidding me? You go from Mata Hari last night to playing Mother Teresa today?”

“It’s a simple, full-length summer dress.”

“Hope you got some bikini under that.”

Bernard was smiling with his hands crossed on his chest, waiting for proof of his theory. But Simona shut him down with stink eye, and he gave up his hope.

“I can only imagine the torture you were going through last night. You should have had a threesome of ‘poor us.’”
 

“Sadly, you are underestimating me. I wasn’t drooling, spying with my ear on the wall. I was part of the orchestra,” Bernard said proudly.
 

“What? Are you nuts? Whom?”

“Relax, not your guests.”

“My staff?”

“Well, technically it’s not yours, and it wasn’t mine. It was Mr. Arnaud’s.”

“You are unbelievable. Poor girl. Let’s just hope she was a consenting adult.”

“It was a night she won’t forget, and she was very happy to be sleeping at the castle versus the dormitory.”

“Hmm, you confessed your sins. Now spill what you know about last night.”

“You are soooo going to owe me.”

“Bernard!”

“Okay, okay. What do you want to know?”

“To start with, who was there?”

“All the men, some women.”

“Zatopek clan?”

“The seniors left right before. Only your Don Juan was there. And by the way, I got to see the dance. Wow.”

“You are going to make me blush. How about the other brother? Anton.”

“Not sure, but I think he was still talking to his helicopter wife at the table which was too low for any visual.”

“How many staff?”

“You are asking the same questions. We were destined to be soul mates.”

“Stop fooling around. Except the bartender, who else was there?”

“For your performance and speech, I think it was just the bartender and Arnaud. But some saw you leaving out the front. Those gave a detailed description of every lace, every hair, and every freckle.”

“Well, I hope you didn’t pay for your information. Clearly, you have been taken for a ride, considering I don’t have any hair or freckles.”

“Everyone does. And I would be happy to count them. Any time.”

“I’m about to walk in there. Give me ammunition to have some leverage.”

“You mean to have something on all the rabbits? I don’t kiss and tell.”

“Good to know. Let’s go then, Casanova. We need to play nice today.”

“Wait, I do have a question. You owe me, remember?”

“Hmm, this better be good.”

“Why does Philippe not like me?”

“That’s easy. Because of the sexual tension between us of course.”

“Seriously. I mean it.”

“Me too! I have to admit I love driving him crazy at parties, and you are like the repeat customer.”

“You are scandalous.”

“And you are hopeless, Monsieur.”

“Do you need a wingman?”

“No, thank you. But you need a shover.”

“Go get them, tiger.”

Simona smiled as she walked into the chateau. She had no idea what mood to expect once inside, but she had all her meridians in harmony, determined to get her happy ending.

“Good morning, everyone,” Simona was smiling, scanning the room, doing a headcount. She saw Philippe smiling back, but she wanted to hug Andre first. Finally she spotted him and walked right towards him. He was up on his feet before she walked over to hug him.

Everyone started to clap, and the tension of unknown vanished. The fear of a strange day was gone, and everyone started to breathe freely.

“Blondie, can we talk?”

“Oh, hell to the NO! This whole thing went down in public; the apology needs to be in public, too,” Jada was taking charge.

Simona and Andre looked at each other in disbelief, then at Jada. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious. This was a soap opera. Let’s see the ending.”

“Wow, public display. Let me gather my speech.”

“I don’t want a speech, Andre. I came to tell you that I’m sorry.”

“What? What did you say? Did she say sorry? Can you repeat that? You all heard that, right? She said sorry.”

Everyone was laughing. Simona was giving him a small victory, knowing as any good general does that you have to let the opponent enjoy his small victories and satisfaction in order to win the whole battle.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I got sidetracked with all my planning and surprises. I never stopped to put myself into your shoes.”

“Wait, this is not about last night?”

“Yes and no. It’s about this whole birthday. I shipped you off to your dream destination, not thinking through that you may not want to go if it meant being away on your birthday. I planned this weekend for months, but it would have been impossible with you being at home the last two weeks. My plan was perfect, executed well, but I never stopped to think if that’s even what you wanted.”

“Oh my God, Blondie, please don’t do this. Nobody ever did anything like this for me. I loved everything, every minute, and everybody in it. I need to apologize for my behavior last night. I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for, Andre?”

“For being an idiot.”

“You were going from one extreme to another. From jealous to needy. You were suffocating me.”

“I know. I just missed you so much. I felt like I kept losing you every time you came close.”

“Last night, I finally figured out… actually Jada made me figure it out where all these feelings come from. I get it now. It’s your separation anxiety.”

“I don’t want to use it as an excuse, and I’m sorry for being obsessively possessive.”

“Haha, apology accepted. I hope it was a one-time deal.”

“Ok, now, how about your wild behavior?”

“Well, if you don’t let me be ‘me’ and enjoy the party, you are going to end up pushing my buttons. And that can be unpredictable as you saw last night.”