Translated Accounts (15 page)

that now, from

As the first fellow pushed out from the bus, our colleague. What is your human rights for human life if you are not human, you are human, are you human, what life do you have if you have none
you are not human, let me kill you, it is slaughter I am butcher. Where are your identification papers is this your country if it is so show us where are they. It is supposing, I am supposing. I
thought it. They were shouting, angry voices, very loud, I could not read my book and was looking down to the street below. Yes of course. I did not see the elderly male and female. It was the
first fellow that one military shouted at, first man pushed out from the bus. It was this first man knocked down rising up knocked down rising up and shouting at him, shouting, these military and
insignia, insignia men military men shouting at him, parading for us the colleague, yes, I now saw they knew it.

These personnel parading for us. I then thought so, yes, they parade for us, it is a theatre for travellers, relatives, vendors, all customers, suspected colleagues.

But soon this parade was not so by this first man, who he was and decisions that had been made, who had made them

And some will oppose humiliation. Also militarys, having regard one for another, respecting themselves, we are great men, greater, and with all weaponry, see our weaponry.

We have experience. It is predicted. We can say, Opposition will come.

I do not know if he was grandson. I say that. Perhaps son, nephew, neighbour I do not know. What could he be. He was led to one side, he did not look to anywhere, could be looking to anywhere,
be to anywhere but did not look to anywhere. This is a way, method, who will survive, we shall survive. Who understands this, all understand this. We have the experience. What humiliation is.
People do not look to anywhere. He looked to what only took place and in front of him, as happening there, then, his eyes seeing only that.

If a moment, who says, I do not think so.

Honourable militarys, honourable securitys, all honourable operatives and personnel, yes, all were foolish. I say it, am saying it and am saying it. With such experience, oh such experience,
held by such personnel, one may never witness such experience. What was happening, death was happening, this human race, inexperience that information was not possible, better bayo-net better
shoot, simply execute, this power is here, now kill him, better than such for no purpose wasted, energy for nothing, buses will depart the terminal, shoot this first man, it is better for us also,
bus-travellers, better for all, we are a practical people.

I thought it might happen. I saw the curving line of men’s faces, from men’s faces, military and security faces, to a dead man on this street. I could say it, my experience, all of
ours, this first man knocked down rising up knocked down rising up

predicted by all, our colleague, and I watched it, so witnessing.

On the upper deck people stared down to that street, none speaking. The first man was looking now this way and that. Crazed emotions were onto his face. I saw it. We waited. If the bullet would
be fired into his head, when, we waited, yes, when, we knew this and waited, simply this, we waited. But not the younger man who did not wait who now was become maddened and his act signalled this.
Wrath, rage, humiliation. Where his elderly relatives might be, I could not see them. Their grandson, who that he was, now his act, stepping to a vendor of vegetation, pumpkins, this box upon which
these pumpkins rotted, lifting the pumpkin and throwing this at personnel, and one military, if insignia was there on his heart, oh such dignity, higher military comrade-colleague, how are you this
afternoon a pumpkin is now breaking onto your uniform, splashing, proud uniform

what I am

None can say. The pumpkin was lifted, the pumpkin was thrown, it hit onto his insignia breast, splashing, and how he started, military official, now staring, wild in his eyes, widened eyes, big
and roundly, now seeing us on this upper flight deck, we travellers. All people were stunned by the action of the younger fellow. I can say this first man, our colleague, who now should be dead, he
too stared, only staring, as with everyone, and military and all operatives, shocked by one action, splashing pumpkin.

I say this was a pumpkin, so witnessing. Others have said watermelon, this is a watermelon story. Now the military official was stepping to the younger fellow, firing bullets into his head
immediately. These military were not maddened. These are experienced fellows.

No disturbance followed. What was to happen. I did not see the elderly couple.

I did not see the first man. If he was removed from there. I did not know him, nothing of him but that he was our colleague, I have no doubt.

We can ask, we may ask.

I also may laugh, and at these questions, who is to forgive, if of myself. I ask it.

Other details.

No disturbance followed, buses depart. I said. This is the pumpkin story, or watermelons, I now have narrated it. What is memory, if I who was there and so bearing witness to it, if times may
arise for opposition, when do these times arise, what was the time of the younger man and we travellers who could do nothing, what time is it for myself, if questions are to follow, if they should,
not for myself, who am a practical man.

You have told me you are a religious man and you have told me of the religion itself, as held by you.

I have stated this.

You also are prepared for attacks, and all hostility.

Yes.

If I may say, a man from your culture is less likely to hold such beliefs, also anyone, if he has such beliefs, man or woman, often they remain secret.

I was surprised you have asked me.

I would ask you, where is honesty.

Where.

Such beliefs are considered foolish.

Yes.

So you are foolish?

You charge me with foolishness, it is a serious charge.

Then why smile. Or not, yes.

Charge me.

I charge you with foolishness.

If so then so. I do not care what people may think of me, you also are a person. And you asked of the religion, which is my religion, which is amusing to myself.

If I may apologise.

No, it is myself, I apologise to you.

There is no need, only advise me, I am asking these questions, having faith in your answers.

Thank you.

You have said it is your own religion. You have invented it from your own head.

Yes.

There is no god but your god.

Yes.

I have told you that for other religions this is blasphemy. You have replied that you do not care.

Cannot care.

Cannot, yes.

I cannot.

You cannot care.

That I cannot care, yes, I have told you, for it is my central belief, I stand or fall by it, all it, of it, remembering that my god so may resemble an ordinary god.

And of other gods, complicated gods, having complications, gods whose nature is not ordinary, whose nature is extraordinary.

Yes.

These are the preferable ones.

Yes.

What of these?

I know little of them.

All religions down through these many centuries, ten or twenty, fifty, how many years on this planet for human beings, one million. If other planets, how many religions are there.

I do not know.

So also religions on this one planet, thousands, how many?

I do not know.

What of them?

I do not know about them, but if a distinction will exist radically and that it is a matter fundamental, if so, I do not know

But from all such religions radical not radical there can be one to suit all, all peoples may find one truth for oneself, yet you have one for yourself, invented by yourself for yourself.

I cannot care.

Explain further arguments to me.

You are deaf to religious matters.

Only my ears. My mind will listen.

You said you have repugnance for religions.

I had such an upbringing, it was my mother and father, all families, people there of our community, all believing in gods yes and all prophets and evil persons, yes and also if all gods had all
relations, mother father, what sons or daughters, we children would say, we had heard, some had watched a television if they may be christian or muslim and for the “god”, all-powerful
beings, and in his son mithra also devils, ghosts, these animals also having spirit beings and too almighty trees and bushes and all-powerful waters or darker shadows, deities, entities if we say
entities as that spiritual coming to you in the dark, piercing blue light emanating from these skulls and who is to be in such light, who, we children hold the covering over our heads that we shall
hide from all spirit beings, yes, but they also were amusing, for we children, only ourself. Yes, such an upbringing. Who can speak of it.

None.

What might be said, if one so does it, what can he say?

Nothing.

I thought to ask of yourself why only the christian or muslim god that it is not, that yours is not, as you have said, and why that it is not one another, from the jewish, the sikh or
buddhist?

I do not understand.

You have said.

I apologise

Yet you have said it.

I apologise

No sense is there

Yes

If it is religion, I am speaking of religion. I, I am speaking of religion.

You are the religious man.

I am the atheist.

You are the religious man.

You are the religious man.

Though I know very little.

I also.

I know very little.

Yes, as myself.

I cannot dispute it.

I understand that we are to be together for several days. I may watch you closely. I may learn from you.

I may learn from you

Yes.

If I so choose.

Yes.

Perhaps I do not choose.

Yes.

If we are to be together for several days, between us there seems no ground in common.

What of the enemy forces, surely these are in common?

You take this for granted?

Until in error.

I cannot so take this for granted, if it is possible for yourself, not for myself.

You do not trust colleagues?

I shall not live forever.

You regard the enemy not as enemy?

Yes

But not as I understand “enemy”.

Yes, I shall kill them.

Of course you shall kill them, if they come to kill yourself. But I do not believe you if during these acts you also shall love them. Why do you laugh? You must answer, I cannot understand
you.

I shall now pour further wine into your container, further wine also to my container. And, I say to you, say to you now, as I am pouring this wine, your hand is not shaking, it is enough for
you, now my own. Yes, I also drink, all health to ourselves, and telling now something different to you, if this that I have invented no longer is religion, religious.

You are not from their place. These people do not see a place where you can have come, they do not understand there are so many places, that they are throughout the world
(places), they have not that understanding

but the world is small

but not as they think it

I do not believe that they think it.

You have had (no) reason to give the opinion. Are there not occasions when their faces haunt your waking hours unwaking hours, when you sleep, am awake, these faces,

yes they crowd in on my brains mind, mind of my brains, what I can say may say if to

mind of my brain

what I can say about it. They see you and think you are of alien species.

Yes.

You ask them to do things.

They would do them, achieve them, at cost to themself. I could see these faces, music of these faces, in these faces, yes, yes, as a camera is there and the children crowding into frame of the
shot, large eyes as all children

And what.

What.

Finish what you are saying. Finish. Finish what you are saying.

I am not saying, I say nothing

The pain in the back of my head did not begin from so great a point and if a fall then such that it withstood the greater impact though I was stunned for some period of time as
I may state.

I had not set these things down. They would have laid that charge against myself. Their decision had been made and if that what could I do but nothing.

Not to antagonise. Beyond that.

I could not rationalise.

I was the suspect, they said that, to me also, yes, I listened to them, heard them.

No, I said nothing, what could I say to them, those who suspected me.

They harboured these suspicions. This position was theirs. I scratched my neck and one said to me, Do not scratch your neck when we are speaking.

I continued. The one looked to myself. I did not apologise.

His voice was at such a distance.

Soon I had entered into my own self and things that I knew, knew from myself, if he had assaulted me, it was as nothing, he and they cannot know, they think of death that might be of them, ours
is unimaginable to them. I stared way way beyond. I saw how the wind feels that it moves by its own force. A split had formed in my brain caused by the shadow of an act that I committed
unknowingly

It was unknowingly.

A matter of power, the matter of power

mattering

The freedom not being a true freedom which I knew even then. If based on a degree of exploitation. These are self-evident things. A knowledge that lay beyond the edge of my brain

listening to my breathing, not daring to move

I saw him there, the one, again looking to me, at me. He had been speaking. I knew it. Did I wonder?

what he had said.

method of inclosing myself in nothing but myself so to rid myself,

rid myself of them, all

Them, of them. And the place itself was round me and inside attempting to overthrow, take control