Transcending Queen (4 page)

“I remember when I used to lie in bed at
night so scared of the possibility of losing him and your right,
now he’s gone.”

“Where does Jack come into the picture
besides promising to help you through this?”

“What do you mean?” I questioned.

“Is he consoling you? You know, maybe more
than a friend.”

“No, he’s like a brother.” I said almost
offended where he was taking this. I hated reliving my past for
these sessions as it throttled me back into a bad place and I
desperately desired to change the subject. “This picture on the
wall, I noticed it the other day. Where’d you get this taken?”

“Photographers come around and update them
for directories.”

“The blue background brings out your eyes,
Father.”

“I took pleasure the other day when you
called me Colin, its acceptable in certain situations.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good habit to start,
when I get comfortable with someone I forget boundaries, what if I
slip in public?”

“I’ll simply correct you. I can explain
myself out of quite a bit these days.”

That last statement left a lot to be desired
considering what Jack and I were trying to accomplish. I needed to
throw some curve balls at him to get a fix on his reactions, which
will assist me later when he’s really under pressure to gauge his
tells.

“You seem down all of a sudden, what’s going
on?” He asked.

“It’s just hard reliving the past with all
these memories coming through.”

“Well this is the stuff you have to put away
and move on from. Do you remember Marjorie’s wedding? You were
there and we shared a dance together. Good memories, those are the
ones you need to hold onto and remember.”

“Yeah, it was nice. Listen, there’s something
else on my mind. I’ve heard people talking around town.”

“We’ve already been through this. There are
always rumors in these small towns, but what in particular would
you like to discuss.”

“This one is different this time, it’s
serious.” I admitted.

“Ok, lay it on me then.”

“Just remember, I am only the messenger.”

“I don’t have time for this, tell me now.” He
insisted.

“It involves you and the church, allegations
of skimming money from collection trays.”

He blinked hard several times as he leaned
back in his chair and brought forth two index fingers resting them
on his lips. The ball got slammed into his court and yet no
response came as he held a poker face taking his sweet time
contemplating his next move. Unnerving as it had become, I held
tight studying his every move waiting for a response. He finally
spoke, “You know rumors are just that, rubbish. I thought you
didn’t care what these people thought?”

“I don’t, of course not, I’d believe you over
them any day. But I thought you needed to know.”

“How could I not know? There’s an
investigation in process.”

I held my breath uncertain what he knew. Did
he know about our investigation and if so how? I looked at him with
concern before asking out loud, “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. No need to play
games.” He held firm in his position.

I lowered my gaze toward the couch on which I
sat and took in the pattern of plaid with strong, abundant colors
breaking eye contact while trying to switch gears. Still nothing
came to mind as I thought, “Damn, he’s good.” I gazed back in his
direction letting him know I had no knowledge of what he was
talking about.

“If you already know what their accusing me
of, then you must have some inclination of the diocese running
their own investigation.”

I shook my head in confusion wondering if
this is who hired Jack or a whole other situation beyond our
knowledge.

“I think our time here is done, you need to
go.” He insisted.

“I apologize, I didn’t mean…..”

“I want you out.” He scolded in a strict tone
while flinging the door wide open as if he expected a herd of
cattle to make their way through.

“Again, I didn’t mean to…”

“Goodnight Melissa.”

I stood out on the street away from his house
under a street lamp when it had occurred to me that maybe I should
go back, but his voice dictated a punishing tone and my gut
instincts told me to leave well enough alone. With his stature, he
easily commanded people’s attention. I felt as if I had been
reprimanded much like a child. And through it all he was in
complete control of his emotions and responses, unlike what I had
endured with Max. “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”

Chapter 5 – We Might Be Leaving Sooner Than
Expected

“I fucked up.”

“Did I hear you right?”

“You heard me.” I said disheartened.

Jack stared me down concerned what that meant
exactly.

“Can we go home now?” I asked
unexpectedly.

“No, you need to fill me in.”

“Bottom line, I asked him about the
accusations and he certainly didn’t appreciate it. He threw me out
onto the street.”

Jack shook his head in disbelief, “He
literally threw you out on the street?”

“Pretty much, I mean he didn’t touch me but
that’s the gist of it.”

“How could this happen?” Jack asked
perplexed.

“We got beyond the formalities, I told him
enough to trust me and then I brought up the rumors. He snapped,
shut down abruptly. It’s not what I’m used to, what do you do with
that?”

“You need to accept that you messed up,
apologize and get back in there. Just pick up where you left off
and get to the bottom of it. We agreed to do this.”

“He mentioned something about the diocese
running an investigation. Are we working for them?”

“He told you that?”

“I couldn’t pull that out of my ass if I
tried.” I insisted while staring at the table top wondering if
Father Clayton would let me back into his precious world that he
covets so much when it occurred to me Jack had already made an
exit. I was alone in a white room, left to my own thoughts and
unable to guess where my life would take me next. It was up to me
to resolve this situation, move forward and it remained crucial to
dive headlong into the dark abyss that awaited us. Then somehow,
search blindly to uncover the treasure we were intent to find.

I moved on to the lobby, Luann saw me first
and immediately informed, “Donuts are over by the coffee…some
muffins too. If you want some eggs you’ll have to wait until I can
get away.”

“No, what you have will do.”

“So, how yah holding up in this place?” she
asked.

“Average, I guess.”

“I’m curious to know, how are the counseling
sessions going?”

“Enlightening…”

“Sarcasm will get you nowhere.” She
flippantly articulated with a chuckle.

“It’s more of a detour guiding you away from
the question, being a private matter, you understand.”

“Honey, nothing around here is private, the
sooner you learn that the better off you’ll be.”

With that comment, I closed my eyes for a
second to compose my thoughts, the words that came out of her mouth
grated on my last nerve. “Let’s get one thing straight, rumors
swirl around here like an incessant tornado but the facts are very
hard to come by. Secondly, don’t ever call me honey because I can’t
stand it. Third, like I said before, it’s private.”

The look on her face was far more priceless
than I expected and anyone could’ve knocked her over with a
feather.

“Thanks for the food, but I got to go.”

People in this town were closing the gap as
they intruded into my personal space. Each one of them had
differing opinions and yacked in their circles busting down
boundaries with their judgmental attitudes trying to burn someone
at the stake. In their eyes, I seemed like a young kid but they had
no idea how many times I’ve already been through hell and back. The
odds were in my favor.

After leaving the motel, I spotted Colin
making his way across the lawn heading for the church. I willfully
made a beeline in his direction hoping for the best, prepared for
the worst. Once I hit the stairs it was all systems go, biting my
lip, pushing myself through the foyer and past the main entrance
into the heart of the beast.

“Melissa…” a loud, deep voice echoed
throughout bouncing off every wall and crevice like a bullet
ricocheting.

I stopped with a little smirk on my face when
I heard his voice. He saved me a lot of time searching. But he had
yet to make an appearance when his voice again echoed forcefully
bouncing off numerous walls, until the third time when I caught a
glimpse of him at a doorway near the altar.

“Are you here to help?

“It’s like you read my mind.” I said knowing
full well that’s the last idea I’d ever want to think.

“C’mon then, get to work.”

I made my way back to where he waited feeling
very small against his magnificence. Some people around here
believed in him so much, he almost beckoned to be a character in a
tale of folklore. However, it seems I must believe it too because I
couldn’t get past my own inferiority when near him. Patiently, I
waited for direction.

“I need you to gather the old candles and
replace them with new for the lighting ceremony on Sunday. Go and
I’ll join you out there in a minute.”

I slowly gathered the items and then began to
interchange them hoping the longer I took the less I’d have to do.
Soon after, he briskly marched out and came to supervise my
duties.

“Good work, now come and follow me, we’ll
switch out the bulletins in the pews and be on our way.” He
advised.

As calm gently washed over me, I began to
have some sense of peace. It began easy enough when I found a
minute clearing my head. I stayed in the moment, letting go of the
drama and trouble that trailed behind. When reading some of the
bulletin it reminded me of Tupelo, it reminded me of Alice. Not the
Alice I still talk to, but the one that helped me through childhood
angst. I smiled while remembering so many good moments that flew by
until she passed away.

“Are you alright?” Father asked breaking me
away from my daydream.

“I was just remembering Alice. She lived in
Tupelo.” I acknowledged.

“I wasn’t there long enough to really get to
know any of them personally.” He said.

“Remembering her made it alright for a minute
there.”

“Where is she now?” he asked.

“She passed on several years ago.”

“Maybe she’s looking after you. Have some
faith and believe it’ll all work out.”

Whatever happened gave me relief even if only
for a short period of time and before I knew it we were done.

“Take a seat; I want to talk to you.” He said
while pointing to the exact pew where he thought I should sit. He
exhaled as he found a seat next to mine.

“Where do we go from here?” I asked pushing
the conversation forward. “You have to understand we’re on the same
team here.”

“You’re here to get through your grieving
process, that’s our main focus. That’s all that matters.” He
acknowledged as he gently placed his hand on mine.

“What about getting to know each other? We
both need someone to confide in, don’t push me away.” As those
words stumbled out of my mouth he caressed the back of my hand
seemingly in the effort to comfort. His touch felt right and the
situation ripe for the taking. We exhausted time staring into each
other’s gaze, I refused to make the first move. I wanted him to
have desire for me when seizing our opportunity. And just like that
it was over as we were intruded upon. The side door flew open with
glaring light blinding us when a man came barreling in so rudely
interrupting.

“Deacon Joseph, I didn’t expect you today.”
He said with a hint of question in his voice.

“We have business to attend to.”

“Uh Melissa, this is Joseph.” He uttered
while repositioning himself further away from me. “He also lends a
helping hand around here.”

“Nice to meet you, I apologize if I
interrupted an important meeting.”

“Think nothing of it, also good to meet
you.”

The atmosphere changed rapidly as both men
challenged each other to make small talk followed by uncomfortable
silences in between their lackluster conversation.

“I think I’ll show myself out, so you can
attend to business matters.”

“No, don’t be silly, you can stay.”

“It’s better this way. I’m late for another
appointment anyway.” I insisted checking the time on my phone.

“If you must, I understand. We can reconvene
at a later time.”

Instead of hoofing it all the way back to the
front doors, I slinked out the side door for a quick exit. I wanted
to escape as stealthily as possible. Off to the side, I heard
children laughing in a park area between Father Clayton’s house and
the church school during their lunch break. Even though I might
want a normal life, I was in no way ready to deal with kids and
wanted no part of them at this time. So I headed to the only place
I knew would be safe, the bar. The general atmosphere in this town
is stillness as most people commute to work outside of county
limits. After nighttime falls the general consensus is more
silence, so much so it can be hard to sleep, too much peace and
quiet can drive a person insane. To make matters worse, I still had
no idea where Jack had disappeared to but that was probably for the
best.

Back at the church Joseph asked, “Was that
her?”

“Yes, you will keep a close eye on her won’t
you?”

“It’d be my pleasure.”

Upon entering the bar again, no one uttered a
word. As I slowly sauntered over to find a seat, I felt not
welcomed as I ordered really not caring if Tony would oblige. He
acknowledged me as he made his way towards the grill mumbling
something to the effect that he’d get it on the flattop. No eye
contact deemed necessary as I glanced around, the others kept
talking amongst themselves acting as if I wasn’t there.