Tragically Wounded (5 page)

"A little."

We both sat up. Sean emptied the contents of the picnic basket onto the blanket. There were a variety of sandwiches, fruits, and pastries. Everything looked delicious. Then he pulled out two glasses and a bottle of red wine. He poured two glasses and handed me one.

"To taking things slow," he said.

I nodded and clanked my glass against his before taking a small sip. The wine was sweet and it went down easily without much of a burn or an after taste (just the way I liked it). I licked the flavor from my lips and closed my eyes to savor it. Sean startled me when he leaned over and captured my lips in a lingering kiss that had the potential to spiral quickly out of control. And that's exactly what happened. Sean took my glass from my hand and set it aside along with his before using the force of our kiss to guide me back down on the blanket. He lay half on me half on the blanket. I lost track of how long we kissed, or how many times he caressed my stomach, face, arms, waist, but when we finally came up for air. I was in a blissful daze. "Mmm," I said dreamily, "What happened to taking things slow?"

I chuckled. "In hindsight, that probably wasn't one of my best ideas."

In fact, I had no idea what the hell I'd been thinking when I'd suggested taking things slow. All I really wanted to do was tear the clothes from her body and get to know her in the most intimate way. 

She smiled. "I agree, but we do need to slow down just a little, okay?"

I knew she was right. We barely knew each other. Sex right now would only complicate things and things were so not complicated with Nicole. I loved how easy it was to be with her, how relaxed I felt around her. I'd never be able to live with myself if I messed this up.

"Of course, and if I ever cross the line, I want you to tell me because it's obvious I have no self-control when it comes to you."

That elicited a soft chuckle from her. Man, how I loved that sound.

"I promise to tell you if your behavior is anything less than gentlemanly."

"Gentlemanly?" I cocked a brow and grinned. "That's a pretty high standard to live up to," I teased.

"Well, so far, you've been doing a very good job."

"Really? Hmm, well, that's good to know." I could spend all afternoon just like this with half her body beneath mine, her lips within my reach, ready and eager for me to kiss them whenever I wanted. If we didn't speak another word, I'd be okay with that. Just holding her, having her close, it was all I needed or wanted. With Nicole by my side, I knew I could overcome anything. I wasn't sure how I knew that, I just did.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Ask me anything you want," I said, refusing to move an inch. Not that she seemed to mind at all.

"What are you going to do when you finally leave the VA Center?"

"I don't know for sure. I do know I'm going to be staying around here, though." Her smile was all the answer I needed to know she was happy with that decision. "Jeff, he's my roommate at the VA, we've talked about getting an apartment together. The center will help get us set up in a place, but then we've got to find a way to pay for it. We'll get veteran benefits, but I want to work again."

"What did you do before you were sent to Afghanistan?"

"Lots of different things. I gave private music lessons. I was a substitute music teacher at the high school for a while. I really enjoyed that."

"I bet you did," she said in a playful tone.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I'm sure all those high school girls just adored you," she laughed, "I know if I had teachers that looked like you, I would've paid a lot more attention in those classes."

It was my turn to laugh. I really had no idea what to say to that, so I simply leaned down and gave her another kiss. Her fingernails scraped along the nape of my neck and I trembled.

"I love it when you do that," I whispered. She smiled against my lips and did it again. What a little minx, I thought as I nipped at her bottom lip. "Keep it up and I'm going to be forced to do something that might be out of the realm of gentlemanly behavior."

She laughed again, "Okay, I'll stop."

I really didn't want her to stop, but she'd said she wanted to slow down, and I would respect her wishes.

 "So, what do you do when you're not singing with your quintet?"

"I spend time with Toni or read. I do a lot of volunteer work for different organizations. And I do some babysitting for my neighbor's little girl. She's adorable. I love the time I get to spend with her."

I listened intently, realizing how perfect and pure she was. Everything about her was kind and giving. What could she possibly see in me? I was riddled with demons, emotional and psychological ones. I couldn't sleep through the night without thrashing and screaming, waking up in a cold sweat, thinking I was still in that Godforsaken desert.

"Sean?" Her sweet voice pulled me back to reality.

"Huh? What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yea,." I nodded and smiled, "Do you want to have kids of your own?"

"Someday, after I'm married, yeah. Do you?"

I shrugged, "I hadn't really thought about it, but I'm not opposed to the idea."

"And what about marriage? Are you one of those guys Toni's always complaining about? The type who's afraid of commitment?"

"No, that's one thing I’m not afraid of. My father always told me there was nothing better than finding that one woman to spend your life with and then giving her everything you've got. I plan to do just that someday."

I kissed the tip of her nose and she wrinkled it in the most adorable way. I chuckled. "You said you wanted to have kids after marriage. That must mean you're open to the idea."

"In theory, yes."

"In theory?" I gave her a confused look.

"I like the idea of marriage, but I watched my mom go through a painful divorce and then man after man after man, none of them ever loved her. It was sad and pathetic. I don't want that for myself. That’s is the reason I hardly date."

"I have a hard time believing you don't date."

Any man that wasn't lining up to go out with her was just plain stupid. How lucky was I she was here with me right now? I still couldn't believe it.

"I don't," she said.

I decided not to push the issue. The fact she didn't date was good news for me. It meant I didn't have to compete with anyone else for her affections. I sighed, "We should probably head back to the center. I have a session with Dr. Monroe this afternoon."

Nicole nodded, "That's okay. I have to get home and get some stuff done anyway. Toni is coming over later."

We both got up and gathered our stuff. I took her hand, loving how perfectly it fit into mine, and kissed her knuckles. She blushed and I had to stop and admire the gorgeous crimson hue of her cheeks. I noticed she did that a lot, usually when I kissed her or said something sweet to her.

 "What?" she asked self-consciously.

My lips quirked up into a faint smile. I tugged on her hand, pulling her closer to me.

"You're blushing."

Nicole looked away as if embarrassed. "I don't even realize I'm doing it half the time."

"Hey," I turned her face back to me, "I think it's sexy."

"You do?"

I clutched her chin between my thumb and forefinger and lowered my mouth to hers, stopping before they actually touched. Keeping my gaze locked with hers, I said, "Everything about you is sexy, Nicole." Then I kissed her.

I popped a wheelie in my wheel chair then rocked on the two hind wheels.

"Well, it looks as though your spirits are high this afternoon," Dr. Monroe said with a grin.

"I've never felt better."

"Want to tell me about it? What has you feeling so good today?" He tapped his pen against his notebook.

That constant, repetitive sound normally annoyed me, but I barely noticed it. "Nicole." I couldn't say her name without smiling.

"A woman?" He sounded genuinely surprised. "Is this the same woman who is assisting with your musical therapy?"

I nodded. "We went to the symphony last night, and today we had a picnic out by the pond. She's wonderful. She makes me feel…alive."

"That's good. The last time we spoke you were having trouble sleeping. Are you still?"

"Sometimes," I said, "Last night I slept like a baby, and after the day I had today, I'm sure I'll sleep the same tonight."

"How's the prosthesis working?"

"I've been wearing it a lot more lately. It hurts, but it's getting easier."

"Let's talk about Nicole some more." Dr. Monroe jotted something down in his notebook. "Have you told her about your injury?"

"Yes. I told her about how it happened."

"And how did she respond?"

I shrugged. "She was sympathetic."

"And how has she dealt with your injury?"

"What do you mean?" This line of questioning was causing my mood to plummet. Where was Dr. Monroe going with all of this? "She acts like she could care less. It doesn't seem to bother her."

"How does that make you feel?"

What kind of question was that? Of course it made me happy. I was glad my missing leg wasn't an issue for Nicole. "Okay, I guess. It's good she doesn't dwell on it. In fact, when I'm with her, I sometimes forget I have a fake leg." Dr. Monroe shook his head. He hated it when I called it my fake leg. He said it minimized my trauma. "Do you think she could love someone like me?"

"Love?" He raised his brows. "That's a strong emotion for someone you've only just met."

I hated it when he did that. I'd ask a question and he'd pick out one word and focus on that instead of answering me. "I didn't say I loved her. I'm just wondering if someone like her could ever love someone like me."

"What do you mean by someone like her and someone like you?"

I rolled my eyes and indulged him with an answer. "She's just so pure and innocent. She's good and kind and sweet. And I'm…well, I'm not any of those things. I have scars. Lots of them," I said and then added, "I've seen and done things; bad, horrible things that she'll probably never understand."

"You've put this woman on a very high pedestal."

"So?" Dr. Monroe didn't know Nicole. He didn't know the type of person she was and he had no right to tell me how I viewed her.

"The higher the pedestal, the bigger the disappointment," he said, setting his notebook and pen on the desk and then folding his hands in his lap. "I'm worried about how all of this will affect your mental health should things not work out with this woman."

Guess that was my answer, "So, you don't think she could ever love me?"

"That's not what I said, Sean. Don't put words into my mouth. I simply think you need to go into this with your eyes wide open. Relationships among young people, even under the best of circumstances, are difficult. You're coming into this with a host of problems."

"Gee, thanks," I said. My mood had soured, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. "I like how I feel when I'm with her. I want to pursue this with her."

"And I think you should."

"You do?" I swear he talked in circles better than anyone I'd ever met. It was frustrating.

"Yes. I think it will be good for you, providing you have realistic expectations about the relationship."

"I do."

He smiled, "Good. So, I'll see you on Monday then."

"Yup, thanks, doc," I said, wheeling myself out of his office. I usually left those sessions feeling better or the same. Today, I just felt weird.

"Sean, you have a call at the front desk," said Beth, the front desk receptionist.

I had a call? That was weird. Who would be calling me? Nicole had the direct number to my room. I wheeled up and stopped by the front desk. Picking up the receiver, I said, "Sergeant Sean McKenzie." It was force of habit.

"Hi, Sean, this is Toni, Nicole's friend," she said in a bubbly voice.

"Oh, hi Toni."

Why was she calling me? Then a disturbing thought struck me. What if something had happened to Nicole? The color drained from my face as I waited for her to speak.

"Do you have a minute? I have a huge favor to ask you."

She had my interest.

I opened the oven door and peeked inside. The cheese on my lasagna hadn't even started to bubble yet. It would be another hour or so. Perfect. That would give Toni and me time to practice before dinner. I heard a knock on the door.

"C'mon in, Toni, its open," I shouted as I hastily wiped my hands on a dish towel before turning to greet her. Only, it wasn't Toni standing in my doorway. It was Sean. He has his violin in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. To say I was shocked was an understatement.

Sean smiled ruefully and said, "Toni called and said you needed some help with your music. She said you asked if I'd be willing to come over and help you with it."

I gritted my teeth. I was going to kill Toni. This was a new low for her. Not that I wasn't happy to see Sean, because I was. But damn it, she could've given me a warning or something. "I…"

My ringing cell phone cut me off. I dug it from my pocket and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Nikki, so sorry to do this to you on such short notice, but something came up and I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. I found a very suitable replacement, though. Have fun. And you're welcome." She hung up before I had a chance to say anything.

I looked down at my phone and shook my head with disbelief. She was unbelievable. Slowly, I looked back up at Sean, who was hesitating at the door. God, he looked good.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have just shown up like this. I can leave if you want," he said.

"No, of course not, please, come in." I took the bottle of wine from him and closed the door. "I'd love to have you help me." He smiled and followed me into the kitchen. "Something smells good."

"I hope you like lasagna," I said, putting the wine in a bucket of ice to chill.

"It's one of my favorite dishes."

"Really?" I spun around to look at him and he nodded. His eyes sparkled and my heart fluttered. He had the most amazing eyes. I could spend hours getting lost in them. "Well, it'll be about an hour before it's done. We could practice until then."

"Sure."

I smiled and led him into the living room. He took a seat on the sofa and I sat beside him. I warmed up my voice while he prepared his violin. Within moments, he was playing so beautifully I almost forget to sing. When I did, my voice blended so perfectly with the dulcet tones of his violin. It was magical. My gaze was focused on Sean as we approached the part of the music I'd messed up on this morning. I breezed through as though I'd been singing this piece my entire life. Sean smiled and I felt my heart rate increase. I fought to keep my voice steady as my body heated and raced out of control toward some unknown, unfamiliar destination.

One look into his eyes and I knew. Passion, hot and thick burned between us. It was palpable. As soon as the last few notes of the music faded into the air, Sean practically dropped his violin to the floor, clutched my face in his hands, and kissed me. His tongue glided around mine, exploring my mouth with expertise, ratcheting my growing desire higher and higher with each flick of his tongue. I remembered what he said earlier about loving it when I grazed my fingers across the back of his neck, so I did it. He shivered from the contact and I moaned into his mouth.

Sean's hands left my face slipped around into my hair as he deepened the kiss. The sound of a loud beeping startled me and I jerked away from him. He looked as flustered as I did. It took a moment for me to realize what it was. Once I did, I jumped off the sofa and rushed into the kitchen. "The oven," I said, opening the door and saving my lasagna from burning. Sean joined me in the kitchen and we both laughed nervously.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked.

"You can open the wine. There's a corkscrew in that drawer right there." I nodded toward the drawer near the sink. Picking up the pan of lasagna, I carried it to the table in the small dining room just behind the living room. I set it down then hurried to gather some candles from the china cabinet in the corner. I managed to get them set up and lit before Sean came walking in with the opened bottle of wine.

"Wow," He whistled appreciatively, "This looks fantastic, Nicole. You didn't have to go to so much trouble."

"It was no trouble," I responded.

Sean poured each of us a glass of wine as we both sat. The table was a small, round, two person table, so we weren't that far apart even though we sat on opposite sides. I nervously twisted my hands in my lap before cutting into the lasagna and serving each of us a piece. Butterflies took over my stomach. I wondered if I'd be able to eat anything. I didn't know why I was so nervous all of a sudden.

It was that kiss. It had been so intense and unexpected. I didn't know what had come over me. Maybe I'd just been caught up in the moment and the music? What would happen after dinner? I wondered. Would we practice more? Would more practice lead to more kisses? Where would those kisses lead? The thought paralyzed me for a moment.

"Nicole? Are you okay?" Sean's hand covered mine on the table.

"Yes." I smiled and removed my hand from beneath his. I liked Sean's company, but right now, I wanted to strangle the life out of Toni for putting me in this situation. She knew I didn't know how to deal with anything like this.

"Oh my God, Nicole, this is fantastic," Sean said, swallowing a forkful of food.

"Really?"

"Yes," he put more food in his mouth.

"Cooking is a hobby of mine. I took a few classes at the local community college a couple of years ago," I said, taking a bite of my creation.

"Mmm…a woman who can sing like you do and cook like this," he shook his head, "you're going to make some man very happy someday."

I laughed and the nervous tension left my body. "I don’t know much about relationships, but I'm pretty sure that it takes more than a good singing voice and culinary skills to make it work."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

From the tone of his voice and the sparkle in his eyes, I knew he was teasing me, but I went along with it, enjoying the ease of the conversation.

"Trust, communication, respect, love," I replied.

Sean set his fork on his plate and took a sip of his wine. I watched him lick his lips and my face ignited with warmth. What was this effect he had on me? "How many men have you been with, Nicole?"

I swallowed hard. "What do you mean by been with?"

"You know, dated, seriously, not casually."

I sighed, hoping my relief wasn't too evident. The last thing I wanted to talk about was my past sexual experiences, or lack thereof. "Including you?" I asked before I had a chance to stop myself.

He slowly smiled and relaxed in his chair, draping his arm over the back of it. "I don't know. Are we dating?"

Oh crap! I blushed and took a sip of wine. How was I supposed to answer that? If I said yes, would he be freaked out? I mean, we'd only been out together a total of three times, including right now. But, if I said no would he think I wasn't interested? Even though I wasn't sure I wanted a full-blown relationship right now, I didn't want to blow this, either. I cleared my throat. "Well, isn't that what we've been doing?"

Sean shook his head and I swore my heart shattered to the floor. I was too mortified to speak, so I just sat there and started at him. Finally, he said, "There's a difference between going on dates with someone and dating them."

"There is?" Honestly, it sounded like the same thing to me.

 "Yes. Going on a date with someone means the two of you go out somewhere and do something. If you have fun then maybe you do it again. Dating, however, implies exclusivity."

"Oh." No wonder I'd avoided this for so long. It was all so confusing. I realized I was going to have to swallow my pride and ask Toni for some dating advice. Or at the very least, ask her to explain it all to me. "So, you want to know how many men I've been exclusive with."

"Yes."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I’m just curious."

"Three," I said, averting my gaze down to my plate. I heard Sean's chair creak, and I snuck a glance at him. He'd leaned forward and folded his arms on the table. He caught me looking at him, and he reached across the table and took one of my hands into both of his, rubbing his thumbs over my knuckles before bringing it to his mouth and kissing it.

"Am I included in that number?" he asked.

I mentally groaned. Why did he have to ask me things like that? I had no idea what to say. If I was honest and told him no then that might hurt his feelings. But, I didn't want to lie to him, either. So, I did the only think I could think of. I did what Toni would have done. "Do you want to be?" I asked.

He hesitated for a long moment before he answered. "When you're ready; then yes, I want to be."

Holy crap! Sean actually wanted to date me? Like seriously, exclusively date me? How did that happen?

"So," Sean said before I had a chance to respond. "What would you like to do for the rest of the evening? Do you want to practice some more?"

"If you're up for it that would be great. We have a big show in two days, and I really need to get that piece down." I stood with the intent of gathering our dishes and taking them to the sink. But as Sean got up from the table, he stumbled. I rushed to him and put my arm around his waist to steady him. "Are you okay?" I asked as I helped him to the couch.

"I'm fine." Sean sat and looked away from me, mumbling something I couldn't quite understand, but I'm pretty sure I heard the words fuck and shit. He was clearly frustrated and embarrassed. I wanted to do something to calm him, to make him understand that I wasn't judging him. But I couldn't think of anything appropriate to say, so, I leaned over and kissed him. Yes, it was impetuous, and probably stupid, but it worked to soothe him. It also worked to release a level of passion in him that I'd never felt before – from him or any man. My one spontaneous kiss led to another and another and another until we were lost in one long, unending kiss that left me breathless and mindless. I never wanted it to end.

Sean's lips left mine and he trailed hot, firm kisses across my jaw, around my neck, and down my throat. Instead of stopping him, I put my head back to give him greater access. It felt so good to have his arms around me, holding me, and his mouth on my increasingly hot flesh. I groaned softly when he nibbled on that sensitive spot right behind my ear.

"I want you, Nicole," he whispered, his breath tickling my ear. "I've wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you."

No one had ever said anything like that to me before. I liked hearing Sean say stuff like that to me. It made me feel special; loved and wanted. I don't ever remember feeling that way with any of the other guys I'd dated. "Sean," I said his name as more of a whimper than a whisper as I speared my fingers into his hair and brought him to me for another kiss.

Before I could comprehend what was happening, Sean had his hands up my shirt, lifting it until I finally pulled away from his kiss so that he could remove it over my head. Then he unhooked my bra and removed that, tossing it onto the floor. The cool air in the apartment hit me, and my body erupted in goose bumps. I shivered involuntarily and crossed my arms over my chest in a feeble attempt to cover myself and warm up.

He gently removed my arms from my chest. "Don't hide yourself, Nicole," he whispered, bringing his lips down to my chest and licking that spot between my breasts. "You're too beautiful to hide."

It was in that moment that I knew: tonight I was going to give myself to this man, to my brave, brown-eyed soldier. And I'd do it without hesitation or regret. I shivered again. Only this time I wasn't sure if it was from the cold air or Sean's kisses.

"Cold?" he asked as he dragged his mouth up to mine and kissed me again.

"Yeah," I murmured.

"I'll warm you up." His fingers worked the buttons on his shirt.

I reached out and helped him, surprising both of us. I was not a forward, take charge kind of woman, but Sean brought that out in me. When I'd unclasped the last button, I guided his shirt from his shoulders then his arms. I tossed it to the floor with my clothes.

Sean took my hand and placed it on his bare chest, which was smooth and perfectly sculpted. "It's okay to touch."

I was amazed at how in tune he was with me and my uncertainties. It's like he knew I was terrified of what was happening, of where things were going between us. But he didn't judge or tease or act superior in any way. He took his time, and he was oh so gentle, too. Hesitantly, I ran my trembling hand down his chest then back up before putting both of my hands on him, tracing his muscles and hard abs. My sudden boldness must've been all the encouragement he needed because he reached for my jeans and undid the button then the zipper. My heart raced as I stood and wiggled out of them, letting them pool around my feet before stepping out of them and kicking them to the side. I stood before Sean in only my panties. His gaze raked over my body like he was trying to memorize every inch of me, and I blushed from the intensity of it. No man had ever seen me like this before. It was exciting and unsettling.

"Come here." Sean patted the sofa.

I sat beside him and he kissed me again. First on the mouth, then my jaw and chin, across my collarbone, and down toward my breasts. It felt incredible and I didn't want him to stop. As he kissed my exposed skin, I ran my hands up and down his biceps, over his shoulders, and down his back. I felt him tremble beneath my touch and I smiled, liking that I had that effect on him.