Tragic Love (27 page)

I grew up in Memphis and always felt like it would be my home, but when I came to Sunny Ridges, Memphis was the last place I wanted to be. Over my time here, I’ve discovered home is where you’re happy and with people you love. I never thought I would say this, but Sulfur Heights is my home because everything I’ve ever loved lives there.

The bench outside faces a large oak tree and it reminds me of the trees behind the house. Beyond them is wild grass and empty land. When I arrived here three months ago, I saw the wild flowers of every color growing behind those trees and was instantly sad. On that day, I thought I was never going to make it out of treatment alive. Now the scene in front of me is tranquil and makes me smile, knowing how far I’ve come since that day.

I no longer want to die. I want to survive. For Drake, for Mia and for myself; I want to live for us. For the first time in a long time I feel my life has purpose and I’mactually looking forward to my future. If I could pick any song to play right now—a song that encompasses every emotion living inside me—it has to be Nina Simone’s “Feeling Good”. I wonder if Delilah has it on her iPod. If so, I will be blasting it the entire fourteen hour trip back home.

After ninety long days, I am finally going home.

Chapter 18

Presley

One Month Later

Christmas tree lights shine brightly in the Evans’s family living room and Drake admits to me that this is the first tree they’ve had since he was young. This is Mia’s first Christmas and the entire family agreed a Christmas tree is a must have.

Two weeks ago, Jake and Jeremy drug in the saddest looking tree I think I’ve ever seen. Part of it was missing a section, leaving holes impossible to cover up with decorations, part of the needles were brown and starting to fall off and it looked like it was hacked off right in the middle. Once they put it in the tree stand and we managed to cover it with lights and ornaments, it turned into the best tree I’ve ever seen. Not because we managed to make it look any better—in fact it looks worse—it’s because Mia’s face was mesmerized and frozen in delight. This Christmas tree is perfect.

Mia has been in my arms since I came home from treatment. I could tell Drake was a little anxious because of my confessions of my initial feelings for her. However, once I held Mia in my arms and looked into her precious eyes, love filled my heart and has been living there ever since. She didn’t take to me right away, being I haven’t seen her in ninety days and really wasn’t much of a presence in her life before, but now she crawls to me, falls asleep on my shoulder and smiles at me all the time. Of course, whenever her daddy’s in the room no one else in the world exists. She has eyes only for him—a complete daddy’s girl. I remember those days because I once looked at my daddy the same way.

Before I left, Dr. Garner ingrained in me to formalize a routine, take my medication every day and practice using my coping techniques even when they’re not needed. Over the last few weeks, I’ve done exactly that. Setting my alarm every night, I wake early to shower and get ready for the day. I tend to Mia’s morning routine of breakfast, baths and playing. Then lay her down for an afternoon nap. At that time, I clean the house, wash the laundry and prepare for the evening’s dinner. In all honestly, I really enjoy doing it. Everyone in the house really likes my new routine. Of course, it benefits them with the home cooked meals and clean house, but I’ve managed to rebuild relationships I once thought were severed.

Reggie often tells me how proud he is of me while Darcie acts like herself; outspoken and boisterous. Jake is a little more standoffish than normal, but I think it has something to do with his relationship with Delilah instead of me.

When she brought me home from rehab, they barely spoke two words to each other. Well, from what I saw. I don’t hold it against him. I simply love him because I know he cares in his own little way. I even established a relationship with Jeremy we’ve never had before. The turning point in our relationship happened over vegetables and deep conversations.

I was in the kitchen, cutting up onions and peppers for a stir fry, when he came in from the garage. Jeremy was wearing dark grease stained jeans and a dirty pullover hoodie. The air was brisk as he walked through the door, sending a chill down my spine. I’ve always been a little nervous around Jeremy because we’ve never really had a conversation and he always seems so serious. In fact, he’s the complete opposite of his twin brother.

Anyway, Jeremy had just walked through the door and stood in the kitchen. His hands were planted in his pockets and he had yet to make eye contact. I squeaked out a hi and went back to chopping the green peppers when he finally spoke.

“Hey, Presley…um…I’m really glad you’re doing okay.” His voice was deep and quiet. The look in his eyes was sincere, which instantly relaxed me.

“Thanks, Jeremy. Thank you for everything you’ve done; helping with Mia and Drake and just everything.”

“I really didn’t do anything, but you’re welcome.” He hesitates for a moment and I can see the anxiety in his eyes. “I wanted to ask you about Carter.”

My stomach drops to the floor at the sound of his name. I’ve been too busy establishing my routine and making up for lost time, I’ve never really thought about Carter. My breathing starts to hitch and the puncture holes in my arms start to itch. It feels like thousands of tiny bugs are crawling on my skin and instantly I start scratching my arm, digging my nails deep into my skin.

Jeremy’s grease stained hand covers mine, halting my frantic itching. “Stop, please.” My hand slows then eventually stops, but I begin counting and clearing my head. I close my eyes and try to remember my coping techniques.

It’s situations like these that Dr. Garner was trying to prepare me for. I’m craving the numbing serum and the sheer mention of his name makes everything I’ve learned over the last three months fade.

“Presley, look at me.” Jeremy’s eyes are intense and his tone is commanding. “I just want to know if he hurt you. Did Carter hurt you?”

The urge is still lingering as I gave Jeremy a bewildered look. “Hurt me? Do you mean in other ways than introducing me to heroin?” I ask, completely confused.

“Yes. I’ve heard…he has his ways of possessing women, stalking them. Once he’s fascinated with a girl, he just locks onto them and refuses to let them get away.” Jeremy was dead serious. Then I think of the last thing I said to Carter. I lied to him to get my fix. I told him I cared for him and then I kissed him. I kissed him hard.

“Not that I’m aware of. We mostly got high together and talked, we never really did anything else. How do you know all this?” I divert his question, purposefully omitting kissing Carter.

“He’s a huge supplier in town and stories have been flying around for awhile. Not about you, but from before with his past girlfriends. He’s kind of a loner, so when he latches onto people it’s harder for him to let them go. Well, that’s what I’ve heard anyway.” He lets go of my hand and steps back slightly. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay and if you could do everyone a favor.”

“Sure, anything.” I will do anything for any of these people. They have done so much for me, I could never repay them.

“Stay away from him. He’s nothing except trouble. I think you of all people could account for that. I just don’t want anything more to happen to you, to anyone who lives in this house. We’ve had too much shit happen to all of us and I think we could all use a break from it.” I give Jeremy a nod and move in to hug him. He reciprocates and then leaves, heading back to the garage.

From that point on, when Jeremy and I see each other, it’s no longer awkward. I’m not afraid to have a conversation with him, and on many occasions, I’ve seen him snuggle up with Mia, quietly talking to her or reading a story. He is a very kind man and I hope one day he finds what he’s looking for because he deserves it.

There is no other relationship I need to mend more than the one I have with Drake. I’ve done so many mean and hurtful things to him over the last year and trust is always in the back of his mind. Of course, the night I came home we were all hugs and kisses, spending the night wrapped in each others’ embrace, but when the sun rose the next day, we both realized there was a lot of work to do before we could jump into a happy-go-lucky relationship. Since then, we’ve agreed our physical relationship needs to be put on hold for the time being until we can get back to good.

At nights, we will stay awake talking. Drake asks me questions about rehab and how I’m coping with everything. A week ago, he finally mustered up the courage to ask me about my relationship with Carter. He wanted to know everything and told me to hold nothing back. I was really scared to say anything to him. Carter not only is a big trigger for my urges, but facing the guilt of how I hurt Drake is a whole other trigger.

I did as he asked and I told him how we met and the first time he injected me with heroin. The room was dark with only the faint light of the moon providing light, but I knew immediately he was upset. The muscles in his arms started to harden even more. When I rolled over, I could see his jaw formed into a hard, straight line. I kept talking, telling Drake as I got more and more addicted I would spend my entire day in Carter’s apartment getting high and talking about our painful pasts. Guilt was enveloping me because I pushed Drake away and pulled Carter closer. In my messed up state, he was the only one who could take my pain away.

Drake never raised his voice or made me feel worse than I already do, he merely kept encouraging me to talk and so I did. I started to tell him about the last day I spent with Carter; running to him to get high, sleeping in his lap and finally seducing him to get drugs. Tears were soaking my face and urges to use were resurfacing. I had to count myself down, close my eyes and put myself in a place where I could clear my thoughts of heroin. When I opened them, Drake was gone. As I heard the back door open, I ran to the window to see if he was leaving, but he never did. He went to the garage for a couple of hours and when he returned he was sweaty and worn out.

After his shower, he says, “Baby, I’m not mad at you in anyway. I know you’re thinking that I am, so stop. I’m pissed because that asshole took advantage of you and your situation. From what Jeremy’s said, Carter is the type of person who preys on weaker people and that’s exactly what he did.” I just nod and kiss his lips. We’ve closed the subject on Carter Brown and it won’t be one we’ll open soon or perhaps ever again.

I was really proud of me that night, the anxiety over telling Drake about my time spent with Carter was all-encompassing, but I worked myself through it and all without the use of drugs or sex. Little triumphs like that keep me forging ahead every day.

Now, Drake and I spend our time together as a family. We play with Mia, watch movies with everyone else and lie in bed holding each other. Our life now is simple. It’s perfect.

Drake

Christmas day has arrived and I can’t remember the last time I was ever this excited to wake up at the ass crack of dawn. With Mia as the newest addition, we decided as a family to restore the actual Christmas traditions in the Evans’s household. Something that hasn’t been done since the first Christmas Darcie spent with us. This includes putting up a real tree, hanging lights, baking cookies and wrapping presents.

We all trudge into the living room, Jake being the first one to complain. “I went to bed like an hour ago. Can’t we wait until at least ten in the morning?”

I glare at him as Presley snuggles Mia in her arms. She was everyone’s alarm clock this morning. After all, Christmas morning is all about her.

“Sorry, Jake,” Presley says. “Mia wakes early these days.”

He crosses the living room, only wearing his boxers and a wife beater, then kisses the top of her head, making her smile. “You’re lucky I like you, Axl. Otherwise, my ass would be in bed.”

“Watch your language, douche,” I snap then laugh because I need to watch mine. Don’t want my baby’s first word to be douche.

Reggie and Darcie come strolling up the hallway, looking half drunk and head over heels. Hands are mingled together and stupid smiles spread across their faces. Yeah, their I-just-fucked faces are transparent. Gross. Don’t want to think anymore about that.

Jeremy is last to make it into the room, looking as tired as everyone else. I curl up with Mia in my arms and Presley by my side on the couch. Reggie and Darcie are curled up in the recliner while Jake and Jeremy cover the floor.

We all walk through the motions of opening presents and giving thanks. Mia is surrounded by toys, toys and more toys. Delilah mailed probably a hundred packages filled with clothes, toys and books. Presley was hoping Delilah could sneak away for a couple of days after her finals, but she was so wrapped up with charity shit and her engagement party she couldn’t make it. Being the generous person she is, Delilah bought gifts for everyone and we all take turns opening them. Detroit Lions cap for me, clothes for Presley and Darcie, some car shit for Reggie and Jeremy, but Jake refuses to open his. We simply ignored his rant and finished unwrapping all our presents.

We’ve spent the last hour tearing into packages; wrapping paper litters the floor and Mia is getting a bigger kick at tearing it into shreds than playing with her mound of new toys.

“Okay, I saved the best for last,” Jake announces from the kitchen doorway. “I found the perfect present for Axl and try not to be jealous when she loves me more than you.” Jake pushes a Mini Cooper Power Wheels through the door, parking it in front of the TV. The car is pink with white racing stripes and Axl is written in cursive across the door.

He lifts Mia off the floor and puts her into the driver’s seat. “Now, Axl, you can tell all your little friends how Uncle Jake bought you your first car.” She looks extremely small in the seat, but appears to love it, go figure.

“You dumbass, how is she supposed to drive it?” Darcie asks while she shoves a cookie in her mouth.