Tracie Peterson (4 page)

“With my proposal, you needn’t disturb your sleep,” Bartolo said with a smile. “I only ask that you consider my proposition. We could further discuss the details, and you could of course continue to name your own hours and responsibilities.”

Tess shook her head. “I don’t see it working that way. Whenever you add staff, there are always added problems. Right now, when someone calls with a need, I know what I can and can’t do for them. I won’t have some overzealous nineteen-year-old promising some pension-bound retiree the moon when I can’t deliver it.”

“You are a thoughtful woman.”

“I’m a realistic woman,” Tess countered. “I’m also a Christian businesswoman. Two things that do not always
go together very well. I have a deep concern for the elderly and their needs. I have seen many of them taken advantage of by major corporations and our own government. I don’t wish to add to that problem. Rather, I’d like to be a light through that dark tunnel.”

“I admire that and would never want your goals to change.”

“But you don’t understand,” Tess replied. “Increasing the number of employees and making the location a fixed business will only impersonalize this service. People feel comfortable because they are only dealing with one person instead of the thirty or more that might otherwise be needed for such a major move. I won’t even employ a secretary for that very reason. I take only so many cases a month and I heed well my limitations.”

“But if your heart is in helping the helpless,” Aznar said rather firmly, “would it not be better to train additional people and help even more? Why not train a staff to be just as personal? You could assign cases to each person and let them be the one sole contact for each client. Give them individual pagers and phones. Arrange it as it is now, with you to supervise the entire situation—approve all the final decisions.”

Tess nodded. “I suppose something like that could work, but at this point I’m just not ready for expansion.”

“At least think on it,” Aznar requested. “The timing might not work just now, but perhaps later.” He handed her his business card.

She took the card and shrugged. “Perhaps.”

Tess felt a tremendous sense of relief when the last of the businessmen, with the exception of Justin, had departed with Mel for one of the more popular nightclub spots. Mel could always be counted on to show his people a good time. Miami wasn’t really the kind of town known for its late-night activities, but such events could be had if a person knew where to look. And with Mel married to the vivacious Kelly, he had no trouble in locating a party.

“I thought they’d never leave,” Brad said in an apologetic
tone. “I’m really sorry. I figured it for being two, three hours tops.”

“It’s really no problem,” Tess said, picking up glasses from the living room.

“Why don’t you just leave those for a minute and come sit down? Justin and I have something to discuss.”

Tess looked at her husband’s eager expression and began to run through a mental list of anything he’d hinted at over the last couple of weeks. There were no men’s retreats planned or church parties that would require her attention. She couldn’t remember Brad planning any getaways for fishing or other activities that might spell complications for her own very organized life. Smiling, she put the glasses down and straightened.

“All right, what are you two up to?”

Justin looked to Brad. “Do you want to tell her or should I?”

Brad grinned. “You go ahead.”

“Well?” Tess questioned. “Somebody tell me.”

Justin shrugged. “I guess the responsibility falls to me. I know how badly you and Brad have been wanting a baby.”

Tess felt her stomach tighten. She hadn’t expected Justin to speak on this matter.

“Well, I was telling Brad that I know of several unwed mothers who are expecting. You know I’m involved with the Christian Crisis Pregnancy Center. Some of these mothers-to-be are just kids themselves and they come from good families who are Christian and want to see the babies adopted rather than the sad alternative.”

Tess held up her hand. “I’ve told you both how I feel about adoption. I think it’s a wonderful option, but I don’t know that I can do it. I really want to have my own baby.”

“And if you can’t?” Justin questioned softly.

Tess felt as though he’d struck her. Her cheeks grew hot. “I don’t know.”

“Look, Tess,” Justin began, “I’ve been friends with you and Brad for a long time. I know what you’ve been through with
all the doctors and trying over and over again to get pregnant. I just want you to know there’s another route to consider.”

“I appreciate that,” Tess said, reaching again for the glasses. “I know very well that this is a viable choice for many people. My own friend Kim is adopting in this manner. I think I’ve told you about her.” Tess straightened and met Justin’s compassionate gaze.

He nodded. “She’s the one who had the hysterectomy, right?”

“Yes. There’s no possibility of her getting pregnant. She’s worked through an adoption agency and attorney, and within the next few weeks she expects to have a baby.”

Justin nodded again and moved closer. “Is she happy?”

Tess thought back to Kim’s animated phone call a few days earlier.
Happy
seemed a weak word to describe the woman’s jubilant enthusiasm. “She’s ecstatic.”

“You could be too.”

Tess felt overwhelmed by the turn of events. Adoption was the last thing she had figured to deal with this evening. Looking to Brad she questioned, “Was this your idea?”

Brad got a sheepish expression on his face that answered her without words. “I just thought it was time to . . . well, to think about a new approach. It actually seemed like it might be something God was steering us to consider. I mean, Justin is the one who came to me with the idea, and this came after I’d spent most of the day praying about having kids.”

Tess softened, feeling an abundant love for her husband. He had prayed about their need. He had cared enough to consider the situation throughout the day.

“Look, it’s just not an easy situation,” Tess said. “Adoption is a wonderful thing. I cherish the parents it gave me. I’ve known many blessings because I was adopted.”

Brad’s eyes seemed to light up at this. “
Blessing
is just the word I was thinking. Perhaps this is God’s way of blessing us with a child.”

Tess hated causing him pain and she didn’t want to take
away from his otherwise very successful evening by causing a scene. “I’ll think about it,” she finally said. “But please don’t pressure me. I’m doing well just to consider this.”

Brad and Justin exchanged a look. “There’s plenty of time,” Justin finally said. “Most of the cases I know about aren’t going to be having their babies for several months.”

Tess tried not to let her emotions take control. “Good” was all she managed to say before heading to the kitchen. She might have fooled her husband and his friend, but inside, the tight band that wrapped itself around her lungs, threatening to cut off her air, proved that she hadn’t fooled herself.

****

“Do you think she’ll come around?” Justin asked as Brad walked him to the door.

Brad drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly before answering. “She’s been so focused on getting pregnant that I don’t think she’s ever allowed herself to seriously consider that adoption might be her only chance to have a family.”

“Why is she so against adoption?” Justin asked as he opened the front door.

“Like I said, for years she’s thought only of having a child that would be her own flesh and blood. I don’t think she’s so much opposed to adoption as she is fixed on the idea of bearing a baby herself.

“Then, again,” Brad added, remembering some of the conversations he’d shared with Tess, “I think she’s terrified of trying to adopt a baby. Every time there’s something on television about adoptions gone bad, Tess is right there to watch the story. Usually it’s some situation where the biological parents come to realize that they made a mistake. There was a story on a couple of nights ago about a mother who had given her baby up at age seventeen because the father skipped out on her. Then when the father came back into her life four years later, they married and wanted their child back.”

“I saw that too,” Justin admitted. “Sad case. The judge actually ruled that the mother had given the baby up under duress and that the adoptive parents had taken advantage of her state of mind. Things like that seem to be creeping up all over the country.”

“Exactly. And it scares Tess to death.”

“But it doesn’t scare you?” Justin asked softly.

Brad knew it did. He had battled his fears and disappointments as best he could, trying hard to never burden Tess with them, but he wouldn’t hide them from Justin.

“It does scare me. It scares me to think of growing attached to a baby, only to lose him or her years later from some strange trumped-up technicality. It scares me to watch Tess grow more disappointed and empty. I want to believe that God has a reason for all of this, but it sure doesn’t make much sense to me.”

“God’s like that sometimes,” Justin said with a smile. “He just doesn’t seem to think it necessary to give us all the details of His plan.”

Brad grinned. “If I thought I could coax it out of Him, I’d sure give it a try.”

Justin smiled rather sadly. “Try just trusting Him for the outcome. I never thought I could say those words again and truly mean them—not after the accident. But God is good and He’s making my way better every day. He can do the same for you and Tess.”

“I know He can. It’s just a matter of the details.”

“Well, let me know if Tess changes her mind. Maybe once she considers the magnitude of this opportunity, she’ll want to give it a try.”

Brad hoped she would but wasn’t about to count on it. “I’ll let you know.”

Closing the door behind Justin, Brad leaned back against the heavy oak wood and stared down the hall. Could she be persuaded? Could Tess ever give up her dream of pregnancy now that the doctor had deemed them unable to conceive?

She doesn’t understand
, he thought and shook his head.
She only knows how empty her own arms are, but she never thinks about my arms being just as empty
.

CHAPTER 4

“But I don’t understand why you’re so opposed to adoption,” Kim Cummings said as she sampled the coffee Tess had just poured. They had agreed to catch an early breakfast at Tess’s home and now the conversation had turned less favorable.

With a glance toward the bedroom where Brad was still getting ready for work, Tess tried to gather her thoughts. “I know you’re happy with your choice. I think you should be. In fact, I’m happy for you.”

“But?” the soft-spoken blonde prompted.

“But I just don’t think I can go that direction. Not yet.”

“Not until you’re as desperate as me?” Kim asked. She toyed with a bagel, cutting it into four pieces before attempting to smear it with cream cheese.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Tess replied. “I know you have no other choice. You can’t very well conceive after having a hysterectomy. But I remember how much you wanted your own baby.”

“Yes, I did. And now I’m getting my own baby,” Kim said quite seriously. “Travis helped me to see that it’s all a matter of heart. If we take this child and love him or her as we would our own, then it
will
be our own. Blood accounts for very little when you really think about it.”

“I don’t expect you or your husband to understand,” Tess said rather dejectedly. “I don’t expect anyone to.”

“Oh, don’t sound so maudlin,” Kim chided. “We’ve been friends for too long for you to take that attitude with me. Just tell me what’s on your heart.”

Tess poured a generous amount of cream into her coffee and considered her words carefully. “Kim, I don’t want to bring you down about this adoption. That wouldn’t make me a very good friend.” She attempted a smile, but the result
was feeble. “I really am happy for you. I’m happy that this satisfies the longing inside you. Honest.

“But for me, it’s different. You know who your mother and father are, who your siblings and grandparents are. You have a family. You can point to a long line of deceased people and you know that you are tied to them by blood. I can’t do that.” Tess held up her hand as Kim opened her mouth to speak. “All of my life I’ve wanted to belong to someone. I thought marriage . . .” She glanced over her shoulder and lowered her voice. “I thought marriage would fill that desire, but it didn’t. I love Brad—just as you love Travis—but husbands are one thing and children are another. Children are the culmination of the love shared between a husband and wife. They join the blood lines of both with an inseparable tie.”

“I think you’re too hung up on blood relations. I have a great many of them I wouldn’t give you a dollar for,” Kim said, trying to lighten the mood. “Believe me, Tess, I know how important this is to you. I’ve heard all your arguments and they all make sense—to a point. But past the point where you either deliver a baby from your own body or never have a child, never know what it is to mother someone, it makes no sense at all. I think you’re just being stubborn.”

“Morning, ladies,” Brad said, coming into the room while adjusting his tie. “Did I hear the word
stubborn
mentioned?”

Kim laughed. “We were just discussing Tess’s more obvious attributes.”

Brad leaned down and kissed his wife. “I assume you already covered beautiful and charming.”

Tess rolled her eyes while Kim spoke. “Well, we hadn’t gotten that far. Guess we were just waiting for you.”

Brad grabbed a mug and poured himself a cup of coffee. Joining Tess and Kim at the table, he eyed his wife. “So what is this really about? I can tell by the expression on your face that the topic is much heavier than just your good points.”

“We were discussing the idea Justin posed last night,” Tess finally admitted.

“And what did you conclude?”

Tess grew uncomfortable as both Kim and Brad trapped her with an intense stare. “Look, you both know how I feel.” Still they continued only to stare. Tess grew even more restless. “Okay, okay,” she said, holding up her hands. “I’m stubborn and selfish and wrongly focused.”