Tracie Peterson (45 page)

“But I’ve already lost a big portion of that,” Ashley protested.

“I know, but it would only get worse.”

“So I just go back to him and let bygones be bygones? Forgive and forget—is that it?”

“What more should there be?”

“I don’t know, some kind of justice?” Ashley said, sounding very much like a spoiled child.

“And who would decide what justice is in this case?”

“You aren’t making this easy on me, Grammy.”

Mattie smiled. “Was I supposed to?”

Ashley had to grin at this. “You always have a way of cutting through the weeds to get to the flowers—or in this case, the thorns.”

“If you came here for pity, Ashley, you know better. Pity has never helped anyone. It cripples and maims in the worst sort of way. I won’t give you pity, but I will give you support and love, no matter what you choose. I’m just asking you not to counter Jack’s mistake with one of your own.”

“So you think I should just put this behind me and go back home?”

Mattie drew a deep breath and let it out in a rather heavy sigh. “I’m saying that like so many other things in life, there comes a time to make hard choices, and that most of the really difficult choices are ones that we have to make alone.”

“But you’ve always said that we’re never really alone. You’ve always told me that I could take everything to God in prayer and that He would give me answers. You said that no matter how difficult . . .” She fell silent and Mattie smiled, knowing that she’d suddenly become very aware of her words.

“I don’t want to add to the problem,” Ashley finally admitted, walking to the window.

Mattie followed her and saw that Harry had the boys out on the dock. He was showing them how to get into the water safely. Not far from where they played, Morgan and Deirdre watched in apparent silence.

“Can you forgive Jack?” Mattie suddenly asked. “Really forgive him? I know as a human being you can’t forget very easily, but can you forgive him?”

Ashley continued to watch her boys. “I’ve asked myself that so many times. I just want to put the pieces back together.”

“Then you’ll have to work with them one at a time and carefully stitch them back into place.”

Ashley turned at this comment and smiled. She went to her armoire and opened one of the drawers. “Can you put this back together as well?” She held up the wall hanging and gave Mattie a sad smile. Mattie’s vision blurred for just a moment as tears came to her eyes and Ashley continued. “I don’t want the quilt to be torn apart any more than I want my family torn apart. I know you did what you did because of the way I was acting—the way we were all acting. I think we all see that now. The question is, how can we make things right? How can we piece our lives back together, along with this quilt?”

Mattie reached out to touch Ashley’s cheek. “Piecework is never easy. It requires diligence and patience and above all else, dedication and hard work.”

“And forgiveness?” Ashley asked softly.

“It’s always best to learn from our mistakes and move forward,” Mattie replied. “Otherwise we have a tendency to keep coming back around to the same place again and again. Never moving on. Never completing our work.”

Ashley nodded and looked at her quilt piece for a moment. “I want to put things back together, and I’d like to start with this.” She handed Mattie the wall hanging. “I know you have the sixth piece. You can at least join
them
back together.”

Mattie was touched by Ashley’s need. She longed to give her granddaughter the hope that mending her future might be as simple a task. But there was no way she could guarantee that for Ashley . . . no way she could promise her a perfect life.

Chapter 40

“Surprise!” Brook announced, walking into Mattie’s farmhouse without knocking. A week had passed since they’d been together, but it was as if no time at all had separated them.

“Brook!” Mattie declared, coming across the room to embrace her granddaughter. “Why didn’t you let us know you were coming? Are you here for Fourth of July celebrations?”

“I’m here for that and more,” Brook replied. It was nearly six-thirty in the evening and to her surprise, everyone was assembled rather casually in the living room. She beamed a smile. “I sold everything in New York and I’ve decided to come back to Kansas for a time. I’m not sure where I’ll land—it might be here for a time or Kansas City. Erica told me I could stay with her while I decided.”

“Well, come on in and just leave your bags by the stairs. We’ll help get you settled later. We were just trying to decide about an evening swim. With the days staying light until nine or so, it seems like we have so much more time for fun and games after our work is done.”

“A swim sounds like fun,” Brook admitted. How long had it been since she’d had a chance to go swimming in the lake? She spotted her twin and smiled. “How about it, Ash? Going swimming?”

Ashley smiled. “I’ve been thinking about wading. I’m not sure I’m up to actual swimming yet, but the boys, as you can see, are already dressed for it.”

Brook looked across the room to where the boys played checkers by the floor-to-ceiling windows. They were wearing swim trunks and T-shirts and had nothing more than plastic sandals on their feet. “I
guess they are. What about you, Deirdre? You and Morgan going to take a swim?”

“I don’t know,” Deirdre replied. “I need to check on Morgan and see if she’s interested.” She got up and closed the book she’d been reading. “It’s really good to have you home, Brook.”

“It’s good to be here too. How are you doing?”

Deirdre shrugged. “It’s hard. I miss Dave a great deal. It still doesn’t seem real. The worst part of it is Morgan. She still isn’t talking.”

“Have you taken her to see someone?” Brook questioned. She noted immediately that Mattie and Ashley exchanged looks. Apparently she had touched on a tender subject.

“I don’t want to rush her,” Deirdre replied. “She’s healthy otherwise.”

“Yes, but you can’t just leave her locked up inside herself. You need to get her with a grief counselor.”

“She’s
my
daughter, Brook! If you want to make the decisions, have your own kids!” Deirdre declared, completely out of character. She stormed from the room and Mattie instantly went after her.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her,” Brook said, shaking her head. “Me and my big mouth.”

“No, don’t take it so hard,” Ashley said, coming to give Brook a hug. “We’ve all tried to talk to her about it. She refuses to listen. I can’t figure out what has her so afraid of letting Morgan talk to someone else. Maybe it’s just that she wants to be the one to fix Morgan’s hurts. I just don’t know.”

“What about you?” Brook questioned. “Am I going to tick you off by asking how things are going for you?” She smiled gently and watched Ashley’s face for some sign that she’d overstepped her bounds.

Ashley just grinned. “Nah, come on out into the garden with me. I don’t want to talk in front of the boys.”

Brook followed her sister out into the balmy evening. Shadows touched the vivid green landscape as sunlight filtered through the
trees, sending veiled streams to the ground below. It was the time of day that Brook liked best. Not quite evening, but not the harsh heat of the afternoon. The sun seemed to just hang in the west like an iced yellow cookie. The blue of the Kansas summer sky was fading, promising a beautiful sunset to come later. It was simply perfect.

Brook smiled at the glorious aroma of Mattie’s flower gardens.
Honeysuckle and roses
, she thought, remembering childhood games of hide-and-seek in Grammy’s landscaped yard. She had a favorite hiding place near an old well where Grammy had planted several lilac bushes to discourage the kids from playing atop the uncertain foundation. It never discouraged Brook from hiding there, however, and in May the sweetness of the lilacs would draw her in for more than hiding games.

“I’ve been meaning to call you,” Ashley suddenly began. “I’ve wanted to get something off my chest for a while, but I’m glad we can talk face-to-face. I really prefer it to talking on the phone.”

“Me too,” Brook replied. “You seem better somehow. I think I sensed that even in New York. I just kept praying for you and then all of a sudden I had this peace about it. Is it time or being away from Colorado that’s helped to heal your heart?”

“It’s facing the truth and letting the truth set me free,” Ashley said as she gazed out across the rose bed.

“And what is that truth?” Brook questioned.

“Jack had an affair. That’s what I learned the day of the accident—the part I couldn’t remember.”

Brook listened angrily as Ashley explained her husband’s infidelity. How could she act so nonchalant about the very deed that had changed her life forever? How could Jack have done this to her?

“I don’t know if I could be so forgiving,” Brook said when Ashley finally concluded.

“I wasn’t sure I could live with the alternative.”

Of course she was right, Brook realized, but her own initial anger at Jack’s insensitive actions gave her little sympathy or forgiveness for the man.

“In and of myself, I know I don’t have it in me to do,” Ashley continued. “I’ve pretty much given up on the idea of doing it on my own. But Grammy and I talked and I realized that I don’t want to live without Jack. He’s genuinely sorry for what happened. He’s been completely devastated at losing the baby, and the reason he lied to me about being in his office was because he knew that if I remembered him with Gina, he’d lose me too.”

“But not now?”

Ashley sighed and looked at her twin. “No. I still need to think through some of this, but it’s time to heal and put the family back together. I can face that there will be no more children. I can face that somewhere along the way, Jack was human and made this awful mistake. And now I have to find a way to let it go. I can’t go back until I let God work this out in my heart.”

“I admire you,” Brook said softly. And she did. Her sister was such a pillar of strength considering everything she’d been through.

“Don’t,” Ashley said shaking her head. “My first reactions were just like yours. I guess one of the things God reminded me of was what it was like to grow up without a father. I can’t do that to the boys. Jack adores them and they worship the ground he walks on. I can’t lose my family just because of pride.”

“But how can you be sure he won’t do this again?” Brook questioned, feeling guilty for bringing up the issue.

“I can’t be sure of anything,” Ashley said seriously. “But that’s where faith comes in. All I can do is accept his apology and forgive him, then trust that it won’t happen again. I have to have faith or there’s no sense in even trying.”

Brook nodded. “I know you’re right. I’d hate for the boys to grow up like we did.”

“It wasn’t that Grammy didn’t do a good job, but she was only one person. She shouldn’t have had to be our mother.”

“No, but she did a fine job. She did what was asked of her and she never let us down.”

“Even now,” Ashley said, “after all the years and heartaches,
she’s still working to put us back together. I even brought my wall hanging from Colorado and asked Grammy to piece it back with her part. I can’t bear for her to think of us all divided up like that.”

Brook laughed and Ashley frowned. “What’s so funny?”

Brook shook her head. “I brought my piece along with me from New York. I was hoping for the same thing. Every time I looked at it, all I could think of was that Grammy had gone to such lengths to show us our errors.”

“Me too. I guess great minds think alike,” Ashley said, grinning. “It wouldn’t be the first time we both came up with the same thought.”

Brook nodded. “I think we’re both moving ahead.”

“Here’s to forgetting the past and looking forward,” Ashley said as though making a toast.

“And to that slender thread that keeps us tied together through thick and thin,” Brook added with a peaceful sigh.

Chapter 41

Erica paused her car at the end of the lane to Grammy’s farm. She wanted to soak up the ambiance for several moments before plunging into the business of reuniting with her family. She loved this farm with all of her heart and felt a warm sense of belonging whenever she came back to this place. She was loved here. A warmth of happiness washed over her. She had agreed only two nights ago to marry Sean. They had talked long into the evening and worked out all of their concerns related to careers and the future. Erica felt that the entire world had been set right. She loved Sean and knew that he loved her.