Toxic Secrets (35 page)

I already didn’t want to go home. She stuck her bottom lip out and gave me her best puppy dog eyes
. Damn bitch always got her way.

Standing in front of the mirror, I pulled my hair loose from my hair tie. “You know we won’t get away with this. The smell will be obvious on our breath,” I said, pulling my hair back into a tighter ponytail.

“Really, Court? You know I’m smarter than that. I got us vodka. We each have our own bottle. We just have to be careful of our intake. We don’t want to gulp it down within an hour then pass out before the fun starts.”

To be honest, I was ready to head back to Jaxon’s house to take a shower and see what hidden message he’d left for me on the shower glass. Every day it was something new. Once it was a heart with our names inside, or a sweet message saying, ‘Hurry up! My eyes miss your beautiful face.’ My favorite was his quirky little message saying, ‘Don’t cover up, I like watching’ with a set of eyes drawn on the glass. That one freaked me out for a second. After I showered, I searched around the bathroom for a hidden camera.

Jerking the hair tie out in frustration, I turned to face Kendra. “Well, if anything goes down, I’m holding you responsible.”

I learned that night to never drink vodka again.

That morning I woke up to a severe migraine. My head was literally hurting from lying down. My pillow felt like the same ones they used on The Flintstones. My mouth was as dry as the Sahara desert. I tried swallowing, but my throat was too sore. I needed water. Severely. I didn’t want to open my eyes, but I had to. I had to get up to take something for my head before it exploded. Jaxon wouldn’t want brains plastered all over his walls. As I scooted my way over to the side of the bed, I bumped into a warm, firm body. At first I thought it was Kendra, but the body felt too big and solid to be her. It also felt familiar.
Jaxon!
My eyelids shot open. Looking around me, I gasped when I took in my surroundings. I was sleeping in Jaxon’s bed with Jaxon, and I was wearing nothing except my panties and bra.
Oh God, did I have sex with Jaxon last night and not even remember it?
All the pain from my migraine was forgotten as the memories from last night came flooding back into my head.

“How much do you have left in your bottle, Court?” Kendra asked, already slurring her words a little. “Half,” I answered. My motor skills were already becoming dysfunctional. “Good, don’t drink anymore for a while. I want us to sing some karaoke, and we can’t get up there in front of everyone singing like a couple of sloppy drunks,” she giggled, pointing up to the stage where everyone was taking turns singing, or, for better words, screaming their favorite songs.

Oh God, the memory of our singing made me cringe. We both agreed on the song, but the rest was all Kendra’s doings. I didn’t know what her intentions were when we made the song choice.

“Whassup ladies and gentlemen! My name is Kendra, and this here is my best friend Courtney. We are from the awesome state of North Carolina, and we want to dedicate this song to the two hottest guys up in this place tonight—my super sexy boyfriend, Reed Ashburn, and the California hottie, Jaxon Vaughn.” Jaxon’s head popped up as soon as he heard his name, I was mortified. I wanted to run off the stage and hide in the bathroom, but Kendra knew me all too well. She had her claws digging in the crook of my arm, not allowing me to go anywhere. The song started up, and I either had the choice of standing there looking like a fool or joining my ex-best friend in her private concert. I chose the latter.

The first line of Enrique Iglesias’ ‘Tonight I’m Fucking You’ popped up on the screen. Kendra’s pitch-perfect voice started right on queue. Mine got stuck in my throat. I was frozen. I couldn’t peel my eyes away from Jaxon. He made himself comfortable leaning against the bar with his arms folded across his chest. His sun-kissed skin glowed underneath his white button up shirt. His sleeves were rolled up close to his elbows, showing off the tight muscles in his forearm. At that moment, I realized that we were dressed alike. I chose a simple white sundress with gold strappy sandals for the day since we would be spending a lot of the time on the beach.

My eyes raked over his body, inspecting every inch of his physique from head to toe. When I reached his mouth, I paused. The memory of the way his mouth felt on me made me blush. I tried to stop thinking about it, but the vodka was fighting against me. He seemed to be amused as he flashed his signature sexy, smirky smile, displaying those damn lickable dimples. I think I actually sighed into my microphone. My eyes continued their journey until they connected to his, and I was lost. His lips may have told everyone he found the song humorous, but his eyes held me tight telling me he wanted what the lyrics were saying.

Jaxon began stirring around, bringing me back from my reminiscing of last night’s events. I lay still on the bed, even holding my breath until my lungs started to burn. I didn’t want to wake him yet. I wasn’t prepared to talk to him. I wasn’t prepared to face him.

More memories come crashing back down, and I couldn’t blame Kendra for the rest of the night. I was solely responsible for my own ignorance.

Stumbling over to the DJ, I requested my next song. This one was mine. I shook my head at Kendra. She knew. She took a step back and let me have my moment on the stage. The music started up and I captured Jaxon with my eyes. If he wasn’t familiar with the song, I was gonna familiarize him with it. I started off with “na na na” to Kylie Minogue’s ‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head.’ Maybe I wasn’t the best singer, but right at this moment, I didn’t care, I wanted Jaxon to know how I felt. I wanted him to hear the words my sober lips couldn’t tell him. I indulged in the valor alcohol gave me. I liked how it made me feel alive and free.

Jaxon watched me like there was no one else but him and I as my hips swayed to the beat. I noticed he didn’t watch my body or my mouth, instead, his sky blue eyes connected to mine, like an invisible tether linking us together and not allowing either one of us to look away. The song ended, and it was like everyone around me disappeared. Silence settled in. I zeroed in on Jaxon, blocking out all of my surroundings. I had tunnel vision, and all I could see was him; he was my light at the end of the tunnel. He watched me curiously, and I wondered how much he read into the lyrics of my song.

I jerked in response to Kendra bumping into me. All the sounds in the restaurant came crashing back to my eardrums. My invisible tether snapped, ending our private moment. A thrill of excitement traveled to every nerve ending, and I wanted to sing him another song. I choose ‘Animal’ by Neon Trees. I didn’t bother asking Kendra what she wanted. I think she saw what I was doing anyway and let me take the reins for a little while… or maybe not. I was intoxicated more than I thought, and, halfway through the song, I tried adding a few dance moves into the rhythm. My impaired judgment caused me to stumble and fall off the stage, and never got the chance to finish my song.

The throbbing pain of my migraine came back, knocking on my skull again. I then remembered Jaxon’s reaction when he found out what Kendra and I had done. Silently groaning, I thought about how he had to pick me up and carry me outside to avoid all the spectators I had drawn.

“Fuck!” he yelled.

 I cringed.

He rubbed the scruff on his face and paced back and forth in front of me on the sand. His throat grunts were out of control. He was mad. I didn’t like this feeling at all. This was the first time he’d been openly upset with me, and it brought back haunting feelings. Phillip made me feel this way when he became furious with me.

“Please don’t be mad at me,” I said in almost a whisper. I was sitting on the sand. The tide was starting to roll in, and it was inching closer to my bare feet.

The moon was bright, casting a glow on Jaxon. Watching him carefully, I assessed his body language. He stopped pacing and turned with his back facing me, staring out at the waves breaking against the calm water. He shook his head. “You just don’t understand, Court.”

“Then explain it to me, Jaxon,” I scolded, instantly regretting my harsh tone. I didn’t want him mad at me. I was mad enough at myself. I was feeling so exuberant before… before I got carried away and fell off the stage. Wanting to end my last day with a bang, I was having the time of my life. Then I had to screw it all up. Me, the amateur drinker, thought she could hold her own like she was a damn professional.

Jaxon spun around, dropping to his knees in front of me, making us eye level. The crease between his eyebrows was deep, his eyes were narrowed, and his nose flared with each breath. His eyes told me he was battling with himself, not with me. He wasn’t mad. “I can’t!” he gritted between his teeth. I could see him working his jaw.

Clench. Unclench. Clench. Unclench.

He was searching for words. What was he about to tell me?

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. “Dammit, Courtney. Don’t do this,” he begged. “Don’t go and ruin the best fuckin’ week of my life.”

I absorbed his words. They weren’t what I was expecting to hear.

“Then talk to me, Jaxon. Please.” I cupped his face in my hands. “Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me why you’re so upset,” I begged.

He blew out an exasperated breath. “You’re fucking seventeen and I’m twenty two, that’s what’s wrong.” He pushed back onto his heels then turned to lay down beside me on the sand.

I was stunned. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but he didn’t run. Baby steps.

Several minutes of silence passed between us. Would my age come between us? Would it be our demise?

Jaxon spoke first. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He folded his arms behind his head and stared out into the starless sky.

I said nothing, yet I had everything to say. I just couldn’t say it out loud to him. My feelings were hurt, but I didn’t want him to know that. I didn’t want him to think of me as the weak little teenager that I really was. Often, I forgot about my age, and most of the time, it was when I was with him. But, this time, he made it loud and clear just how much our age difference really mattered. Not sure if it was from the alcohol or from the punch to the gut I had just received, I felt sick to my stomach.

I was ready to go home, but home wasn’t here. That came tomorrow. It was time for me to find a ride back to Jaxon’s. “I am sorry, too,” I said then pushed myself up from the cool sand.

Not getting any further than into a squatting position, Jaxon grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down onto him. “You’re not running off from me. That’s what little girls do, and I know you’re more than that.” My body landed straddled between his legs, and my face planted in his chest. The water lapped over my feet slowly, crawling up my legs. “I didn’t say that to hurt your feelings or to make you feel immature.” He crooked his forefinger, lifting my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “I have to be careful with you, Sweet Cheeks. You have no idea the amount of damage you can cause me.” Leaning up, he stretched his arm out behind him to rest on, and placed a warm kiss on my chilled lips.

The innocent kiss was so much more to me. It was electrifying. The hairs on my arms stood at attention. He broke the kiss, but I came back for more. I acquired a taste for him long ago, and now I couldn’t ever get enough of it. Our kiss deepened. No longer resting between his thighs, I climbed up onto his lap and straddled him. His long piano fingers wrapped around my waist and lifted me up to position me onto a more pleasurable spot. He took me with him as he fell back against the sand. Within a second, I was flipped over onto my back. The rough sand scraped against my skin as he hovered over me.

“No. Stop.” He shook his head. His eyes closed tight, inhaling a sharp breath. “I want you. God, I want you so fucking bad, but I can’t have you. Not now anyway. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t touch you again intimately until you turned eighteen.” He hopped up extending his hand to me. I reached for him, and he gently pulled me up. And just like that our moment was over.

I was sick and tired of my age becoming the root of my rejection.

We were both pretty wet at this point. My teeth began to chatter from the ocean breeze blowing against my wet dress. I hadn’t noticed it before, but
,
now that Jaxon had blown out the flame to the fire he ignited in me, it was hard to avoid.

From the alcohol, to the cold wet clothes, to the rejection, my body was in turmoil and my stomach began to churn. “I don’t feel good. Can we leave?”

Jaxon nodded and wrapped himself around me.

Again, I was broken from my spell when I felt the covers sliding off of me. Jaxon groaned as he stretched. “How are you feeling, Sweet Cheeks,” he asked, wrapping his arms and legs around my entire body. “Horrible,” I grumbled. “I have little elves working inside my cranium chipping away pieces of my skull little by little with a hatchet,” I frowned.