Touched (16 page)

“I don’t want you to. I’d gotten so used to keeping guys at a safe distance that I didn’t know how to behave when someone … when
you
got close. But I want to learn and I want to do that with you, if you’ll have me.”

“You already know I’ll have you, in every way possible.” There was so much passion in his eyes. I’d felt it when he made love to me. I felt it every time he touched me.

He placed me on my feet and pulled me into his arms. I was his again.  I had always been his. He smothered my lips and cheeks with soft kisses and then stepped back holding me at arm’s length, his eyes filled with adoration. “You have no idea how happy you’ve made me.”

The last time I’d agreed to any type of relationship with Aiden, he’d told me that I wouldn’t regret it. The part of me that was stepping into unchartered waters with him couldn’t help but wonder if I would regret it this time, especially now that the stakes were much higher.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

It was our last night at Aiden’s. It was time to start our new lives; my sisters and I would be going home tomorrow. Of course, Aiden objected but I made him understand that it was time. He and I spent the better part of the day working on The Writer. It was great to finally do some work and it was that much better working alongside him again. He worked with such keen insight and vigor ... it was fascinating to watch.

The day passed by much too quickly. Dianna brought our lunch to the study and we ate as we worked. We were unaware of the time when Allison checked on us for dinner. We’d made some pertinent modifications to our roll-out strategy that I was anxious to share with the team. 

After dinner, we watched a movie. When the credits began, I turned toward him to see that he was watching me.

“You look tired. How about we get you to bed?” he said.

I hope by bed, he meant fucked because it had been all I could think about since last night. I was sure I was using it as a diversion, but for now it worked because I didn’t want to walk around buried in grief. 

We said goodnight and went to his bedroom. He went to the bathroom as I went to place my phone on the charger.

“Aria, I’ve started your bath. Come,” he said, extending a hand to me.

“You’re so amazing, do you know that?”

“That’s the word on the street.” he said, smiling.

“Ugh. I forgot.”

“Forgot what?” he asked.

“That I can’t give you any compliments.”

“Why is that?” he asked, as he unbuttoned my shirt.

“Because you don’t take them well.”

“Quite the contrary, I take them very well. I never disagree.”

“Exactly, you treat it like I’m stating the obvious. You are not
all
that, you know.”

“Sure I am. A guy would have to be all that to get your attention.”

He reached behind me to unbutton my bra, which he did with ease. I wondered how many of those he’d unbuttoned.

“I can undress myself you know,” I said, as he unbuttoned my pants and reached for my zipper.

“I know but I wanted the pleasure of doing it for you. You wouldn’t deny me that would you?” He placed his hands between my jeans and my thighs easing the jeans down my legs.

I stepped out of them and he looked up at me. “Damn, I love seeing you like this.”

He reached up to my waist and slid my panties down. “You are so beautiful Aria.”

His eyes were fixated on the space between my thighs. “Are you referring to me as a whole or just one particular part of my body?” I asked. The way he looked at me was making me wet; I wanted to pounce on him. But I had a feeling he had something special planned for tonight so I was content to let it all play out; he probably would have made it happen that way anyway.

“Although my eyes were lingering on one specific area, yes I do mean you as a whole. Now let’s get you in the tub.”

*****

The next morning seemed different than any morning I could remember. I was nervous, excited and in spite of the grief, I was happy. I felt Mom’s presence. I felt her approval of the choices I’d made as of late. Aiden and I had finished breakfast with everyone and went to his study for a game of chess before I headed home. It was my move.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were rich?” I asked.

“If you’re referring to the Raine billions, it’s not my money, it’s my parents’.”

“ Same difference,” I replied.

“If you say so.”

“But you know … you’re not really what I would think a billionaire’s son to be.”

“Oh. And how should a billionaire’s son be?” he asked, playfully.

“You’re very down to earth, well, at least when you want to be. You’re not as prudish as I would expect. You don’t act spoiled, well for the most part anyway. You’re very domesticated and you’re very, very dirty.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I do partake of some of what this life offers but I don’t consistently lavish myself in it. That’s just not who I am.”

“I love that about you,” I said.

“I love lots of things about you. Wait, why do you say I’m domesticated? Is it because I can cook? It was just the one meal.”

“And the breakfast,” I said. “I recall you saying there was a story behind that.”

“Sort of. We grew up with staff so, of course, we had cooks and what not. As a child I bored of everything quite easily and I had a thirst for knowledge of any type. We didn’t venture into the kitchen very much because our meals were always prepared for us but I wanted to know how so I was often in the kitchen watching and talking to the staff. Mother would often find me there and run me out.”

“So if you were often in the kitchen, I’m sure you can cook more than the one meal.”

He smiled. “Yes.”

“So you’ve been depriving me of your skills all this time?” I asked.

“I can’t agree with that, Princess. The skills that keep you interested are never hidden from you.”

“So you think it’s the sex that keeps me here?” I asked, teasingly.

“Hmmmm…yeah,” he replied, laughing.

“It feels so good to laugh with you again. I didn’t think this would ever happen,” I said.

“I knew it would. I knew it wouldn’t be easy and I didn’t know how long we’d be apart, but I always knew we’d find our way back,” he said.

“I’m curious. Why did your family go along with the
Aiden Wyatt
charade?” I asked.

“It was an attempt to appease me. I haven’t been as eager to take on this role as my father would have liked. We bump heads over it … always have.”

“Then why do it?” I asked.

“I do what is expected of me Aria,” he said, his tone impassive.

“Even if it makes you miserable?” I asked.

“What makes you think I’m miserable?”

“You just don’t seem to enjoy it. And if you fight your father on it, it’s pretty evident, to me at least, that you don’t want it.”

“It’s not that simple Aria.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t really go to school for those degrees due to any passion for either of them. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if my father saw that I had a noble profession, that I was helping people, actually making a difference in their lives, that he would release me from what he thought of as my family obligation.  It didn’t work out that way.  He saw something in me at a very early age and he harnessed it. He wanted me to take the reins of the company one day. The fucked part of this is that you’re right, I don’t enjoy this, but I’m good at it. Even more so than he; he even said as much.”

He’s sacrificing himself for his family. I didn’t know whether to hug him or cry for him. I could sense he didn’t want to say anymore.

“You’re delaying the inevitable. You’re not going to win,” he taunted.

“You’ve been so accommodating with me and my family so I wanted to do a little something nice for you.”

“Whatever Aria. I won because I’m the better player. Admit it.”

“Never,” I replied, and made my last move, the one that ended it all.

“Check mate,” he said, tossing my queen aside.

“When did you know you wanted this with me? Was it after the ballet?” I asked.

“I knew I was in trouble long before that,” he said.

“Trouble? Me? I think you have that confused, but I’ll bite. When?”

“The night I took you to Seducente.”

I didn’t quite know how to take that. “Are you saying that my submission –”

“No, it was actually when we came back to your place afterwards ... when we were in the bath together.”

That night had opened my eyes to quite a few things, about him and myself.

“It was the first time you let your guard down. You gave me a glimpse of you. But I later got the sense that you regretted that. Did you?”

“Yes, I did. It was confusing for me. I couldn’t figure out why I was so comfortable with you.”

“I was comfortable with you also. And I knew you had a genuine interest in me. It wasn’t for my money or my family, just me. Even now, you’re interested in the person behind the name. That doesn’t happen very often.”

He sounded remorseful. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be him, even for a day. I saw the look in his eyes and for the first time I could see why he wanted to escape the Raine name. I felt bad for him. “You were and still are an enigma.”

“Oh I am?” he asked.

“Yes, you are and you know it,” I replied.

“I could say the same of you,” he said.

“Perhaps, but that’s a mode of protection for me, as I can now see that it is for you,” I said.

“I know what you’ve been through; I know why you felt the need to protect yourself from me. But you don’t have to do that anymore,” he said.

“Watching Mom slowly slip away everyday ... it caused me to make a lot of poor decisions, I guess.”

“All of those decisions made you who you are.  I like who you are.”

“Why are you so good with me?”

“It’s easy. You’re every man’s fantasy of what a woman should be.”

I wasn’t whole. I was broken. And looking into his eyes, I knew that he realized that just as much as I did. But for some reason he still wanted me.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

We were at my condo.  It was my first time back in my place since the funeral. I showed the girls to their rooms and was surprised to see that they had been decorated to fit their temperament and the closets and drawers were filled. This was Aiden’s touch. He really did think of everything.

He was still in Boston despite my repeated attempts to alleviate his concerns. He had put off his responsibilities long enough to console me. When we left the penthouse, I could see the worry in his eyes. He didn’t think I was ready. And to be honest I was worried as well. How was I going to become the person that I needed to be for my sisters while I also provided the comfort that we
all
needed? He agreed to allow us some time alone to get settled before he came over.

April had headed back to Pennsylvania first thing this morning and Allison would be leaving later today. I really needed this time alone with my sisters. I had actually spent more time talking
about
them lately than I had
to
them; it was time to remedy that. I looked at their faces as they entered what would now be their rooms.

“So, what do you think?” I asked, as we entered Bianca’s closet.

“I’m totally floored. I had no idea that you were doing all of this,” Lia exclaimed, looking excitedly from Bianca to me.

“I can’t take the credit for it. This is all Aiden. I had no idea until I stepped in just now that he had done all of this.”

“He’s been amazing! I can’t believe that you were considering letting him go,” Lia said, looking at me as if I had two heads.

“You guys obviously spent a great deal of time talking to him over the last few days,” I replied.

“We have. And Aria he is totally in love with you,” Lia stated.

“He almost seems too good to be true,” Bianca said, cynically. Lia and I both looked at her. Where did that come from?

“Sometimes when something or someone appears too good to be true, there’s usually a reason,” Bianca stated, and somberly walked out of the room. I couldn’t help but agree but I was puzzled as to why such a dismal view from someone so young; but then again, I had been the same way at her age. We were all grieving and attempting to make the best of this new arrangement but Bianca was obviously going through more than she’d let on because she was different; it was as if she and Lia had switched personalities.

“Let me show you around. I want you both to feel at home so if there’s something you need or don’t necessarily like, let me know and we can find an alternative. That’s if it’s not too drastic; I can’t very well let teenagers redecorate for me. I don’t think I want posters of boy-bands hanging everywhere,” I added, smiling at them.

The intercom buzzed. “Lia, can you get that please?” I asked, walking toward the kitchen. It felt strange knowing that I would no longer be living here alone. Did I make the right decision moving them here? Should I have moved there instead? I shouldn’t second guess myself but who was I kidding? I had a huge responsibility now.

Aiden had also stocked the house with food. I guess he remembered that I didn’t cook and my pantry was typically bare. Lia entered the kitchen with someone trailing behind her. It was Dianna and she had two large bags in her hands.

“Hello Miss Cason,” she said.

“Hi Dianna. Did we forget something at Aiden’s?” I asked.

“No ma’am,” she replied, placing the bags on the counter. She reached inside one of them. “Mr. Raine asked that I give you this. He said it should explain everything.”

It was one of his signature white envelopes. I quickly opened it as Lia watched me. Bianca walked in just as I was about to read it.

Princess,

Since you insisted upon going back to your place, I’ve endeavored to make the transition as fluid as possible. I know Lia and Bianca will appreciate this and I hope you will also. I spent a great deal of time talking to your sisters. They enjoyed cooking with your mother; especially your grandmother’s Italian recipes. When I visited with your mother in Dayton, I joined them for lunch; it was homemade pizza. I’ve asked Dianna to deliver fresh ingredients and provide any other assistance that you may need for a pizza lunch with your sisters. I thought this would be a great way to start you all off on the right foot.

I’ve decided to take you at your word regarding my getting back to work.  Something has come up in the Chicago office that I need to handle and I’ll be heading to the airport within the hour.

Although you’ve been gone for only a short while, I already feel the absence. I’ll be in touch before you have the chance to miss me.

-A.

“Well, it looks like we’re making pizza for lunch,” I said, looking at the girls.

“Thank you for bringing this over Dianna,” I said.

“You’re welcome. Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked.

“No. I think we’ve got it. I’ll walk you out,” I replied.

“Mr. Raine is very concerned and wanted to make sure I was available should you need anything. This is my contact information,” she said, passing me a card. “Call anytime. Day or night.”

“Thank you for everything Dianna. I hope we weren’t too much trouble.”

“You’re welcome. It was a pleasure. Your sisters are lovely girls and you; well you put a joy in Mr. Raine that I’ve never seen in all the time I’ve known him.”

“And how long is that?” I asked.

“Since he was a child. I’ve worked for his family for years. I’ve been in Boston for a little over a year to care for my sister; her health was failing.”

“I’m sorry. I hope she’ll be okay.”

“She’s doing much better and it looks like I’ll be going back to Chicago soon. Well, I’d better be going,” she said.

“Thanks again, Dianna,” I said, as I showed her out.

I walked into the kitchen to see my sisters removing the items from the bags and realized that I never really asked if they wanted pizza. “Are you guys in the mood for pizza?” I asked.

“Sure,” Lia replied.

“From the looks of it, we’re making the chicken and herb white pizza with garlic sauce.” Bianca said.

“Mmmm. That sounds yummy,” I replied.

“That’s what we made when Aiden visited Dayton,” Lia added. “He loved it.”

I was starting to think that Lia had a crush on Aiden. We chatted and laughed as we busied ourselves with our contribution to the meal. I hadn’t made pizza sauce since high school but as I added and mixed the ingredients, it seemed like it was just yesterday. Aiden and Dianna had left no detail to chance, including the pizza stone.  Lia placed the pizza on the stone and closed the oven door and we started on the salad.

“Mom would have loved this,” Bianca said. “She was looking forward to Thanksgiving,” she said. I looked up to see tears pooling in her large amber eyes. I walked over and hugged her. I soon felt Lia’s arms around us. We all stood in the middle of the kitchen hugging and crying as the enormity of our grief came crushing down around us.

Our sobs gradually subsided and we finished the salad and set the table. “You know what? Thanksgiving is two days away and I think we should resume our plans and cook dinner,” I said. Neither of the girls said anything as they headed back to the kitchen.

“I know this is going to be difficult but I think this will be a good, positive step for us,” I said.

“I think so too. It’s just hard to imagine it without Mom,” Lia replied.

“I think you’re right Aria, we should do it. Mom would have wanted that,” Bianca stated.

The oven timer pinged and Lia walked over to remove the pizza. We sat down for lunch and tossed some menu ideas around. We all seemed to lean more toward the traditional entrées so we decided to stick with those. The pizza was fabulous. Lia suggested we have pizza night at least once a month, a suggestion to which Bianca and I quickly agreed.

After lunch, we decided on the Thanksgiving menu and made a quick check of the pantry. We really didn’t need many food items thanks to Dianna and Aiden. We made a list and the girls went to the building’s gym to look around.

I felt crowded, out of my element. I didn’t like it.  This would have been difficult no matter what but it would have been an easier transition had I not shut myself off from my family for so many years. We were all fiddling our way through a forced arrangement. I didn’t know what to do to make it easier.  I guess the only thing that could do that was time. I didn’t want to push and bring too many feelings to the surface that could cause catastrophic consequences but I needed to know that they were okay, that they were managing. We’d discussed counseling and decided to keep it as an option, maybe we should take that off the back-burner or maybe I could be intentional about having in-depth talks on a routine basis. I really didn’t know what the answer was. Maybe I was expecting too much too soon.  I’d had several years to get adjusted to the idea of having a life without parents and how to cope without family. But they still had Mom and a small appearance of family life. So this was much more of a mentally dynamic change for them than it was for me.

How was I going to do this? I walked into my closet and went to the corner that I typically avoided.  I opened the bottom drawer in the far corner and pulled out the forbidden box. I slowly opened it and my attention was immediately drawn to the pink heart-shaped note that bore my mother’s handwriting.  I picked it up and trailed my fingertips across the two small but immensely powerful words. Mom constantly left notes like this in my room, on my door or in my book bag. Two words in Italian. Ti Amo. Once Dad left, the notes appeared less and less until one day they disappeared altogether. I placed her letter on top of the note and put the box away.

Aiden called to check in and he also invited us to his home for Thanksgiving.  I was thankful for his offer but I felt we needed this time alone.  I was pleasantly surprised that he didn’t push.  I actually didn’t have the energy to debate and I knew that he could sense that. He was being careful with me, and I really appreciated his efforts, especially since I knew that his preference would be to take control and make everything okay.

After our trip to the market, we each selected the items we’d cook. The girls had the turkey; they were confident they could do it. That would be interesting.

*****

Thanksgiving came and went very quickly. We’d made a huge mess of the kitchen but the dinner was delicious. The girls had done an awesome job with the turkey. There was uncomfortable silence at times during dinner but that was understandable; we were thinking of Mom. We were thinking of what could have been. We were thinking of what would never be.

The girls started class the following Monday at Boston Latin and I went back to work. I’d checked in with Mrs. Warner to help with their car and packing up the house. We were donating the car to a charity and updating it to something more reliable. In the meantime, they had a rental car until we had a chance to go car shopping.

We soon developed a routine and we were seemingly comfortable with the recent changes. I’d reached out to the school counselor for some advice; she’d suggested that I consider counseling with her or with another mental health provider of my choosing.  She wasn’t terribly alarmed but she did feel that it would be helpful.  It reminded me of my time with the school counselor.  I’d been attempting to cope with the loss of my father.  Now my sisters will be coping with the loss of their mother.  Counseling would be a step in the right direction because it could allow us to at least access the threshold of the doors that we were afraid to open.

The same night over dinner, I suggested counseling and they were slightly hesitant to respond but eventually recognized the benefit. We decided to see a counselor outside of the school system. I told them that I would start making the necessary contacts to secure an appointment as soon as possible. They appeared to be adjusting well and they really liked Boston Latin and were quickly making new friends. Mrs. Warner and some of their friends from Dayton constantly called to check in on them.  I knew they missed Dayton and their home so I made plans for them to visit soon.

I was also looking forward to my upcoming alone time with Aiden. He’d been gone for the last week and I missed him terribly. Due to the vast difference in time zones, texts and emails had become our primary means of communication.