Torrents (DROPLETS Trilogy Book 3) (20 page)

     “I’m not him,” he said in a low growl, just loud enough for me to hear. When I didn’t respond, he looked in my direction, the rain cascading off his head and onto his lap. “I’m not him, and I never will be.”

     Though I had known all along, it still hurt to hear the words come from his mouth. “I know,” I said and nodded around the tears pooling in my eyes.

     He sighed, “I’m going to go.”

     “But you just got here!” My voice pitched and I grasped for his arm as though I could hold him back.

     “Not away,” he shook his head. “I just need to think.” I nodded, knowing what he really meant was time away from me.

     “Oh,” I said, and he stood up with little effort.

     His presence was as close to me as something I could touch. I felt it when he was near and when he was in my thoughts. When he turned to leave, I felt him pause and waited for what he would have to say. Too many times before, his final words had cut me to my core.

     “Lissie,” he said gently from above me and I glanced up. His bound wrists were clenched at his sides. He looked to speak, but said nothing.

     I hurried to stand before him, and reached for his hand, our skin sliding together with a slippery wetness.

     “The night I told you I loved you, I meant it,” my eyes burned, needing him to understand. “Not about him, about you.”

     His jaw flexed but within a flash the effect of my words disappeared beneath his mask of composure. He nodded his head and pulled away from me. Taking a few steps back, he caught Elik’s attention and jerked his head in  the direction of the palace. The soldier nodded back and Zale’s hand dropped from mine. Without a word he strode away, disappearing behind the curtain of water pouring relentlessly from the sky.

     “Everything okay?” Kryssa asked, having stepped out from the trees to meet me near the water’s crashing edge. Her ebony hair seemed even darker in the pouring rain and reached nearly to her hips in lank strips.

     “I don’t know,” I said softly, and the admission felt wonderful.

     My fears and guilt were laid out before me, and I somehow felt whole. Everything I had feared before was still present, but having told him had in some way made me closer to him. No longer would I carry the burden on my shoulders.

     He knew, everything. His past was now a part of him.

     “Come on,” Kryssa nudged my shoulder and I followed her without resistance toward the palace, all the while keeping my eyes on the ground.

     With each step, I felt the loss of Patrick thrumming through my body, but it was something I was accustomed to. A new pain began to spread in my chest as I thought of Zale, my heart threatening to sear me from the inside out.

    
What have I done?

The following night was spent apart.

     I tossed and turned beneath the sheets. Upon morning’s arrival, I didn’t come to any better conclusions. The events of the previous evening were jumbled in my mind, and when I tried to sort them out, I shied away from what I might have to face.

     Although it had taken a long time, my body had finally given into sleep in the dim hours of morning light. At first, when Kryssa had left me at the door of my ill-termed cell, I refused to rest. Through the pouring rain and crashing thunder I had worried my way through the room, following my same old path. At times my hands had trembled, fearful of what might come the next day. For the first time in a long time, I was close to Zale but I didn’t know how I felt about it. Not after what I had told him.

     There came a soft knock on my door when pale sunlight was just beginning to emerge through the wisps of shrouded fog outside the barred window.

     “Hey,” Kryssa called, pushing the door open and seeing me sitting on the edge of the bed. “Did you get any sleep?”

     “Barely,” I said around a yawn. “You?”

     “Enough,” she mimicked my yawn and gave a small smile. “Zale’s already been up for a couple of hours.”
     I jerked to standing, “Where is he?” Thoughts of him leaving, or worse, hurting Lathmorians, flooded my mind.

     “Relax,” she said, another yawn passing through her lips. “He’s still with Elik. He spent the night in the dungeon and has been walking around the island ever since. Tunder thinks he’s getting insider information to betray us.” She winked and I almost smiled at her attempt to tease me. The only problem was its innate closeness to a possible truth.

     “Come on,” she shrugged. “You and I both know if Zale wanted to leave, he would’ve already done it.”

     “True,” I said and nodded while walking toward the door.

      She led us toward the dining hall where white marble walls stretched like blank canvas beside crudely carved tables made of simple mahogany. High above our heads were windows, about an arm’s length long and a hand’s width high. Each window was set within a few inches of the other, extending all throughout the room. The small patches of sunlight scalded the floor, making it hard to look at the marble without feeling blind. It had an odd effect upon the room.

     What was meant to let in light, actually created more shadows as the soldiers hid within the small strips of black shade and the glare from the floor kept your eyes averted. Silhouettes of heads and shifting bodies sitting at the various tables gave me a sense of being watched.

     Spotting an empty table toward the end of the hall, Kryssa made her way through the dismantled crowd. I followed in her wake and only when I was seated, with my back to those happening to glance our way, did I relax. There was the calm murmur of conversation in the room which hadn’t changed upon my entrance.

     Our table was striped with two chunks of sunlight and one dark ribbon running nearly down the middle of it. It was just enough off center for me to notice and I had the strange desire to grab the shadow and pull it over.

     “Here,” Kryssa said, handing me a plate laden with a sort of gruel the merfolk here liked to eat. I had found it unappetizing during my last stay, but I knew it was the kind of food to stick with you for a while. Kryssa immediately dug into hers, spooning the grainy, yellow mixture into her mouth. 

     “What are we going to do today?” I asked, attempting to sound nonchalant. I was secretly hoping for a chance to visit Zale in the dungeon, whether or not he wanted me there, I needed to speak with him.

     “I’m sure there is some work to do, but we don’t have to worry about it for a while.” She waved a hand. “And I have a shift scouting, which you can help me with. We’ll have to go to the armory beforehand and then—”

     “What are you thinking?” Gendra swooped in, her blonde hair settling around her shoulders. Her hair was like a flame of striking brilliance and her skin so clear I wondered if it was made of glass. She was feminine, but hardly delicate. I only needed one look at the grim determination of her mouth to know she was serious. “She can’t scout.”

     “Why not?” Kryssa’s back straightened and I was thankful she wasn’t looking at me. “She has every right to be out there.”
     “Not in my book,” Gendra glanced my way and I had the sudden feeling I was inadequate, but I tried to push the thought aside. Let her think I wasn’t worth her time.

     “I can help,” I said and swallowed around a mouthful of the yellow mush for something to do.

     Gendra snorted, “Your voice wouldn’t be a help, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

     “No,” I shook my head quickly. “I wasn’t.”

     “Oh, then what were you thinking?” She cocked her head to the side, her eyes seeming to look into my soul.

     “Gendra,” Kryssa bit the mermaid’s name with princess authority, but it didn’t seem to bother the scout leader.

     “No,” she shook her golden mane, “I want to hear what she can do. So tell me Lissie, what would you do if you heard or spotted a Hyven soldier scouting the island? Would you confront him? How would you fight him underwater? Could you even catch him?” Her questions rained down on me and I tried not to blink, as I realized how harshly she threw me into my place.

     “That was kind of you,” Kryssa drawled.

     “This is war, and I need my best soldiers out there. She isn’t qualified and would only be a liability. You know it, I know it. Tunder knows it. She can’t be allowed in the water, not with the other one walking around too.”

     My spine prickled, and I wanted to defend myself, but there was nothing I could say. She was right, I was a liability and had been ever since I was transformed.

     “Look,” the mermaid shrugged, “it’s nothing personal.”

     “Of course not,” I said, bitterly.

     “We need to know there isn’t a weak link in the chain. If even one Hyven soldier gets through and sees any of our preparations, then the next battle will be worse than the last. You don’t belong out there.”

     “I belong in here, got it.” I cut her off from saying more and turned back to my food, refusing to meet her eye.

     “Gendra,” Voon’s voice boomed across the room and she turned.

     “Duty calls,” she mumbled and stood to leave. “Remain in here where you’re safe. Kryssa, finish up and report to the shore.” She shoved one final spoonful into her mouth and returned the bowl to a table laden with dirty dishes, only to sweep out of the room as quickly as she had come—Voon by her side. It was as though she hadn’t been here at all.

     Kryssa stirred the contents of her bowl, her eyes downcast for a moment, before she met my eye. “Don’t let her bother you, she’s always like that.”

     “She didn’t bother me much.” I shrugged, only lying a little bit. I would never admit how much her words had affected me. She nodded as though she understood—maybe she did.

     “So,” I breathed, around a mouthful of goop, “am I to spend the day in your room then?” I tried not to sound pitiful. The idea, of spending more hours sequestered in Kryssa’s chamber, would drive me mad.

     “No, I’ll think of something,” she mumbled to herself.

     Until it happened, I hadn’t realized how noisy those around us were. There had been a constant thrum of chatter, the sound of shifting feet, the clanking of bowls and cups on the wood contributing to the subtle cacophony. When it suddenly disappeared, I peered through the patched sunlight to the end of the room where Gendra had recently vacated.

     He strode into the room with his head held high—flanked by guards on either side. Deep golden locks fell across his brow and I idly wondered if the line above his left eyebrow was creased. If only I could push aside his hair to see for myself.

     He walked with a stiff gait, his eyes never straying from their focus at the back of the room, his feet stepping with calm assuredness. He gave no recognition to anyone around us, though they all gaped at him with astounded awareness.

     I joined them in staring, silently willing him to look my way. I had the distinct feeling he knew I was there. He had always been undeniably observant of everything taking place around him. I would be a fool to think he didn’t know I was here.  

     He paced to a table across the hall from where I sat. His face was hidden in shadow between the patches of glaring sunlight, his eyes downcast, as he focused on the bowl before him. Though I continued to stare, he never looked up and I knew he wouldn’t. My words from last night had disturbed him more than I thought—or as much as I had feared. His powerful presence was a direct result of my words, his actions establishing his difference from Patrick.

     In the past, he had unknowingly been unlike him, and yet, similar at the same time. Now he was twisting the knife in my gut, forcing me to see the reality of what he had become. 

     Sighing, I turned back around, only to notice Kryssa’s eyes focused over my shoulder. She shifted slightly and returned to her bowl of food, seeming to feel nothing had changed in the room. The rest of the inhabitants took her lead and slowly, sounds began to filter around the room again.

     “I think Calmric will have something for you to do. Once we finish up here, I’ll take you to him.”

     “Then you have to report to shore,” I said, trying to diffuse whatever tension was taking place behind me. “What sorts of things might I do?”

     “Well, it all depends, the only reason I mentioned Calmric is because I figured you would want to be outside. He works mainly with the Outpost. But there are other preparations taking place on the main shore, there’s weapon cleaning in the armory, and food preparation.” I made a face. “Yeah, I didn’t think you would want to do that.”

     “Out of the way is better for me right now.”

     It happened in an instant, suddenly I knew he had been listening the entire time. A tingling awareness crept up my spine, and I felt his gaze on me, grazing over my hair and back. Bumps rose on my arms, but I ignored it all, even as my stomach dropped. Two could play at this game.

     “I’m ready if you are,” I said and stood without waiting for an answer. Following the same movements Gendra had made, I strode from the room without a backward glance, only allowing myself to really breathe when I entered the outer hall. Kryssa reached my side and opened her mouth to speak, but I shushed her with a look. It wasn’t until we stepped into the bright sunlight, pouring down on the island, that I finally gave her a nod.

     “That was a bit unnecessary,” she said, a thrill of laughter ringing just beneath her voice. She caught my eye, and I gave her a well-timed glare. “Well, maybe not so much,” she raised her hands up in surrender.

     I laughed, then. “Come on, take me to Calmric.”

     We passed through the trees with little recognition, the branches tickling our arms and legs. When we reached the valley, I spotted a group of soldiers sparring with one another and remained transfixed. Only when Kryssa tugged on my arm, did I follow her toward the back of the island and to the large hill which would lead to the Outpost.

     The steep rise crept into view, revealing boxes laden with round lead balls about the size of a small cantaloupe. Curious, I stepped closer, only beginning to realize the objects looked more like cannon balls.

     “There you are,” Kryssa called and Calmric’s head suddenly appeared on the other side of the boxes.

     “Yep,” he said, straightening. I couldn’t help but notice the sweat running down his brow and the stains of exertion already clinging to his shirt. “I was just about to take another load up.” He waved his hand toward the hill.

     “Great, I brought help.”

     I stepped forward, not meeting his gaze, as I peered at the lead balls, pretending they were interesting.

     “Excellent, grab one of those sacks and fill it with what you can carry.” He gestured to a discarded pile of old-rough woven bags lying on the ground.

     “I have to report to shore, but Lissie will be a big help. See you later,” Kryssa called over her shoulder and I had the sudden feeling she was glad to skip out of this work.

     Not wanting to seem rude, I hastened to a bag and began to load it with a few balls. Each one fit into my hand, but only just. If they had been any larger, I would have needed two hands to lift one.

     “These won’t explode will they?” I asked, and Calmric gave a throaty laugh.

     “They haven’t yet,” he smiled, his white teeth standing out against his tanned skin. “They’re just made of metal, you’d be hard pressed to get them to explode.”

     “Oh,” was all I said, now dropping the balls into the bag with little ceremony. “What are they used for then?” I was picturing a cannon teetering at the top of the Outpost.

     “To
discourage
any climbers from reaching the top,” he winked again, and I suddenly realized what we were doing. “That’s probably enough,” he said as I reached for another ball. “This hill is longer than you think.”

     I nodded and stood up straight, waiting for him to tell me what to do next. Without a word, he knelt to the ground. His bag was nearly half his height, filled almost to the top, and when he reached around with both arms, he situated the bag against his back. The muscles along his arms strained and with steady legs, he pulled one knee out from under him and rose to standing. Hurrying, I followed his movement, surprised by how heavy the weight was when I finally stood.