Torn (47 page)

"What happened? Are you okay?" Mina barged into the stall she was in and rubbed her back.

"No! He don't even love me no morrrrre! Arghhhhhh!"

"Oh Mo, I told you not to go over there. What did he say?"

"Basically, arghhhhh, to get the fuck out his face!" Mo wiped her mouth and chin. "I can't believe this shit!" Done throwing up, Mo got up and headed over to the sink.

With the faucet turned on and the cold water running, she began to take sips of water with her hand. Other women were looking at her funny, but Mo didn't care. They could all kiss her ass as far as she was concerned.

"Mo, I know you're hurt, but you didn't even throw up when you broke up with Quan. You sure you're not pregnant?"

"Nah, I'm on birth control pills." She dismissed the idea.

"Okay, and what does that mean? You know yo' ass is fertile. You still can get pregnant on birth control."

"I can't be pregnant," Mo tried to convince herself.

"I wasn't going to say anything but your face does look a little fat." Mina put it out there.

"Fuck you. Mina, I can't be pregnant." Mo broke down and cried. "I can't go through that no more."

"Just calm down, okay." Mina hugged her tight. "We don't even know if you're pregnant or not."

"You and I both know nine times out of ten I am, and nine times out of ten if I am, I'ma fuck around and have another miscarriage." Boss watched as Mo and her friends rushed out of the club in a hurry. He'd thought about going to check on her after she'd run off, but decided not to. Mo wasn't his girl. In the past she'd made that loud and clear. He couldn't even front though. He missed the hell out her. Her breasts looked so voluptuous and firm in that tight-ass bustier.

He wondered for a second if she was pregnant, but quickly dismissed the idea. Boss had only splashed off in Mo the one time they made love on the couch in Club Dreams. She couldn't have possibly gotten pregnant that easily. If Mo would just act right, they could be together. She had to learn everything wasn't about her, and plus she was just way too jealous for his taste. Mo didn't even recognize that some of the things she said drove him so crazy that at times he'd wanted to cheat on her. For weeks he'd had one foot out the door.

But Boss hung in there because he loved her. The last and final straw was when she went and got Quan out of jail. Boss could deal with her not saying "I love you" back, because he wouldn't have wanted her to say it back if she didn't mean it anyway. Love took time and if she hadn't reached that point yet, that was fine.

What fucked him up was that he listened when Mo told him how Quan cheated on her numerous times. He held her in his arms when she cried about the loss of Heaven and how Quan wasn't there when it happened. Boss knew all about Sherry, Lil' Quan and the secret love affair, so the fact that Mo could run to Quan's rescue after all that told him everything he needed to know. Mo didn't have to say she loved him, because her heart still belonged to Quan. The clock struck midnight as Mo sat at the window, gazing at the moon. It was so full and bright, wasn't a cloud in sight. The sky was completely clear. Millions of stars twinkled down upon her. Jill Scott's "
The Fact Is (I Need You)
" haunt-ed her ears as she sat by herself in the dark.

Mo's birthday was officially over, but her life as a single mother was just about to begin. An EPT pregnancy test con-firmed that she was indeed pregnant. Mo had never been so miserable in her life. How was she going to raise a child on her own, that is, if it even survived?

She couldn't get through this by herself. She needed her man back. She tried not to miss him, but she did. But just a couple of weeks ago, they were fine. They used to spend time together. She used to drink in his smile. He had her heart; now they didn't even talk.

A bunch of shoulda, coulda, wouldas filled her mind. She should've let Boss be the man in her life he was supposed to be. She shouldn't have let him get away. She should've held on tight and promised to love him forever. He was never supposed to be her friend. Mo shouldn't have denied his love. But Mo couldn't live on shoulda, coulda, woulda. Life didn't work that way.

She was tired of waking up each morning to heartache.

She needed her boo back. Mo swayed her head from side to side, letting Jill's words saturate her soul, when she heard a faint knock at the door. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of the person on the other side of the door being Boss.

"Baby, I'm sorry!" she professed, opening the lock.

"I knew you missed me, but damn," Quan said, confused.

"Quan? What are you doing here?"

"I came to say thank you and to give you back your money." Quan held up a yellow envelope. "But I mean if you gon' be actin' all nasty, I can leave." He turned to walk away.

"Boy, get in here," Mo called out, pulling him by the arm.

"I figured that would get your attention." Quan stepped inside. "What's up? Why the lights all off and why you listening to this sad-ass bitch?"

"'Cause I wanted them off and shut up, there's nothing wrong with listening to neo-soul music."

"You only listen to the shit when you're sad, so tell me who broke your heart?"

"None of your business and give me my money." She held out her hand and took the envelope.

"Somebody's rude today."

"Whateva."

"Oh, don't think I forgot."

"Forgot what?"

"Your birthday. Happy birthday, ma." He smiled, handing her a single pink tulip.

"Thank you, Quan." Mo placed the tulip up to her nose and inhaled the scent.

"I ain't even think you would be at home." He took it upon himself to get comfortable on her couch. "I figured you and Mina would be out somewhere shakin' y'all asses in the club for a dub."

"Don't make me slap you. We did go out, but I got sick and had to come home." Mo sat beside him.

"What's wrong wit you?" He examined her face by pulling up her eyelids and opening her mouth like he was a doctor.

Mo gave a slight grin and replied, "I'm pregnant." Stunned, Quan sat on the couch in silence. He was so shocked he couldn't find the right words to say.

"I know, it's a shock to me, too."

"When you find out?"

"Today, can you believe it?"

"So who is your baby daddy?"

"I don't have a baby daddy. My child's father's name is Zaire but people call him Boss."

"Zaire? What kind of African bombada name is that?"

"He's not an African bombada for your information. He's more of a man then you'll probably ever be," she snapped.

"If that nigga was so much of a man, then why you sittin' up here in the dark by yourself on your birthday?" he snapped back.

"It's complicated." Mo turned her head to avoid his eyes.

She would be damned if she let him see her cry.

"It's cool, you ain't gotta talk about it." Quan pulled her close and wrapped her up in his arms. "You scared?"

"Scared about what?" Mo whispered with her head resting on his chest.

"Being pregnant."

"Yeah."

"Does he know?"

"No."

"Are you gon' tell him?"

"I don't know. Like I said, it's complicated. He doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Why not?"

"'Cause he thinks I still love you." She sat up and looked him square in the eyes.

"Do you?"

"Yeah."

"I still love you, too," Quan confessed. He'd waited so many nights for this moment. It was finally coming true. "I know I fucked up and I know that things could never be the same, but I miss you, ma. We can work this shit out. I promise I'll do right this time. Just come back home, a'ight."

"Did you not just hear me? I'm pregnant."

"You was there for me, what you think? I wouldn't be there for you?"

"That was sweet. Never in a million years would I have expected you to say that."

"I told you I love you. I would do anything for you."

"And I love you too, but--"

"But what? Fuck all this bullshit, Mo! I know what I did was fucked up but I love you. We can figure this shit out. We can make it work somehow! What? You want me to say I'm sorry? Is that it? 'Cause I will."

"Quan I love you, too. Hell, I probably always will, but ...

baby, love just isn't enough anymore and besides that ... I'm
in
love with someone else." Mo was finally able to admit. "I'm sorry."

"Is that really how you feel?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "I mean, let's be real. All we do is hurt each other. Our whole entire relationship is one big betrayal after another. We can't keep doing that to each other, and I can't keep letting you back in. We tried, God knows we did, but you and I both know that we're just not good together.

We're like vinegar and oil, baby. We just don't mix. That's not how real love is supposed to be. It's supposed to uplift you, not bring you down. What we have is toxic and I just can't go back there no more."

"I feel you, shorty," Quan replied, hurt.

"You'll always be my first love and my friend." Mo caressed his face.

Taking her hand, Quan kissed the palm of it and said "Since we're just friends, from one friend to another, you need to tell that man about his baby. I mean ... even if things don't work out between you and the dude, he deserves to know."

"You're right. I'm just scared though. You know nine times out of ten I'ma lose it anyway."

"You don't know that, so don't even claim that."

"Since when did you become so optimistic?" she giggled, joking.

"Now that I know it's really over between you and me, a nigga ain't got no choice but to be." Mo put her truck into park and hopped out. Her stomach was in knots as she approached Boss and his boys. They were all dressed in white tees and baggy jeans. For once, she was taking Quan's advice. He was right. Boss did have the right to know about his child. She just hoped that he'd be happy about the news and take her back as well. Boss spotted her walking up and gave her the evilest look she'd ever seen, but even through all the hate she could still see a slight glimmer of love in his eyes.

"Hey fellas." Mo spoke softly to his friends. "Can I talk to your boy for a second?"

"What you doing here?" Boss replied instead.

"I came to talk to you."

"About what? We ain't got nothing to talk about."

"Boss ... please, I really need to talk to you." Mo tried to control her temper.

"Nah, I'm good. I don't wanna talk. I'm busy," he shot with an attitude.

"All you're doing is standing around talkin'! You can't give me five minutes?" she snapped, irritated.

"A'ight, you got it. Five minutes, talk."

"Can we at least go in your office?"

"Go 'head, I'll met you back there." Mo rolled her eyes hard at him and switched to his office.

She was dumb heated. She swore if she didn't love him so much she would've cussed him the fuck out.

"Why you doing that girl like that, man?" Grizz questioned Boss now that Mo was out of earshot.

"Dude, you just don't know. I love her to death but mommy be on some bullshit."

"How long you gon' make her wait?"

"Twenty, maybe thirty minutes, tops," Boss grinned, rubbing his chin.

Thirty-five minutes later, he strolled into his office, talking on the phone as if he didn't have a care in the world. Mo was boiling with anger. Boss loved to see her mad. To him this was when she was the cutest.

"Damn, I forgot you was back here," he said, ending his call.

"Boss, don't play wit me," Mo shot, mad as hell.

"Look, I got a lot of stuff to do today. So you gon' have to hurry this up." He took a seat across from her.

"Are you for real?"

"Yeah, so what's up? Talk. I ain't got time for the games, man. Say what you came here to say."

"I just wanted you to know..." she replied with her legs crossed and her arms folded across her chest, "that I love you."

"What?"

"And you don't have to say it back. I wouldn't even blame you if you didn't feel the same. I just came to tell you how I feel, 'cause I figured I owed you that much." Mo spoke her piece, unable to look him in the eye as she got up, prepared to leave.

"Whoa ... hold up." Boss looked at her as if she were some kind of foreign creature. "Have you lost your fuckin' mind?"

"What?" She shrugged her shoulders and arched her eyebrows, confused.

"You got a lot of fuckin' nerve." He leaned forward. "You really think I'm gonna let you walk up in here and drop some shit like that on me, then walk off like it's nothing?"

"What? What you more want me to say, Boss?"

"How about that you're sorry for breakin' my heart! For making me lose sleep! How about sayin' that!"

"Okay ... I'm sorry! I know what I did was fucked up! I know that I should've put your feelings first! And I know that I should've told you I love you! 'Cause I do! But I'm scared and I need for you to understand that!" Her voice cracked as her eyes filled with tears.