Torch Red: Color Me Torn with Bonus Content (18 page)

“Premenstrual,”
teases Kirsti. “You sound just like my mom only she’s
premenopausal
. It’s like everyone’s got an excuse.”

“Give her a break,” I say.

So then they set their sights on me and start quizzing me about Justin. Like have we done
it
yet, and how that boy won’t wait forever on me, and if I’m not interested in his body, well, there are plenty of other girls who are. I’m totally sick of their big mouths.

“I’d think you guys would lighten up,” I say too loudly.

“What for?” demands Thea, standing there in nothing but her scanty bra and panties. “What’s your problem anyway, Zoë?”

“I just think that in light of this thing with Shawna, well, you guys might want to rethink some of your favorite activities. If you know what I mean.”

Their silence tells me I’ve rocked their world just a bit. Plus Andrea gives me a subtle thumbs-up like she’s backing me on this. So there.

Unfortunately this little reprieve doesn’t last long.

“Oh, I just think Zoë’s premenstrual too,” says Kirsti.

“Yeah,” agrees Thea. “You girls should take some Midol and Tums and call me in the morning.”

So I throw my soggy wadded-up towel at Thea and smack her
right in the head, which results in a completely immature towel-snapping, wedgie-giving, locker-room episode straight out of middle school. Finally, we are all laughing so hard that we can barely stand up. And I know there are no hard feelings. But when I look around, I notice that Emily’s gone.

Moods seem subdued at play practice and Mr. Roberts is seriously aggravated that Shawna is gone.

“Do you know where she is, Zoë?” he asks. As if I’m her personal bodyguard or something.

I make a blank face and tell him that she’s been absent all day. Then several people snicker like that’s really funny. I glance over to where Todd is leaning against a partially constructed wagon that’s part of our set. I’m relieved to see that he’s not laughing. In fact, he looks rather serious, especially for Todd.

“Do you think this is going to ruin the play?” I quietly ask Justin, but he just shrugs.

Soon we are rehearsing and I am thankful to be distracted from the realities of life by the silliness of this corny musical. But then it’s time for me to take a break. Justin is working on his rope tricks to use in the dance number. And I find a seat on a straw bale where I can sit and watch. Once again I am impressed by his talent. If he doesn’t make it into college he could probably head out to Texas and get a job on a ranch. Yee-haw!

“I heard about Shawna.” Nate sits down next to me on the bale.

I glance at him. “Yeah, I think everyone’s heard it by now.”

“Everyone but Mr. Roberts.”

“That’s just a matter of time.” I feel thoroughly discouraged now. Not just about Emily, but I’m also worried about this musical. We’ve put so much work into it, and now the star has vanished. “Do you think it’ll hurt the play?” I ask.

“Nah,” he says. “I’m guessing the talk will die down and Shawna will be back and everything will turn back to normal. At least on the surface.”

“But underneath?”

He sighs now. “Well, that’s a heavy load for her to be carrying.”

“I can’t believe she had sex with Todd knowing that she was contagious.” I don’t even try to hide my disgust.

“Someone must’ve done the same thing to her.”

“I can’t believe you can excuse her like that! Especially considering that you’re Christian. I mean you can’t honestly think that what she did was okay.” I glance over to Casey Renwick now and wonder if she knows what’s up with Shawna. “I’m sure Casey would be happy to give Shawna a piece of her mind.”

“I’m not saying that I think what Shawna did was okay, Zoë. I’m just saying that everyone makes mistakes. Jesus was in a situation like this once. These guys brought a woman to him who’d been caught sleeping with someone who wasn’t her husband.”

This sounds vaguely familiar, but I’m not really sure how it goes. So I bite. “And what did Jesus do?”

“Well, the law of the land was to stone the woman. And Jesus told them to go ahead, but to let the guy who’d never sinned begin the stoning.”

“Oh, yeah,” I say. “I remember that.”

“The point is, we’ve all blown it, Zoë.”

“Yeah, I know. But it’s like Shawna’s recklessness could take everyone down with her.”

“That’s the way it goes sometimes.”

“I can’t believe how complacent you sound, Nate.”

“It’s not complacency, Zoë.”

“What is it then?”

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t see the point in getting all bent out of shape over someone blowing it. I mean I’m praying for Shawna and I hope she gets her act together. But I sure don’t hate her for what she did.”

I consider this. And I suppose if I were to admit the truth, I’d have to say I hate her. Right now, I really, really hate her. Oh, I hate Todd too. But I think I hate Shawna more. I wish she’d never transferred to our school. More than that, I wish I’d never befriended her. And, in some ways, I suppose I feel like I’m partially to blame for this mess. Still, I’m not going to admit this to Nate or anyone.

“Want to go to the game tonight?” Justin asks as he drives me home after practice.

“Sure,” I tell him. Then I ask him more about the college he’s suddenly interested in and discover that it’s about six hundred miles from our town. “Wow,” I say. “That probably means you won’t be coming home much next year.”

He nods. “Yeah, it’s a long drive and I’m sure the airfare could start to add up. But I probably won’t even get accepted there anyway.”

“But you might,” I tell him. “And it’d be cool if you got a football scholarship.”

He brightens. “Yeah, that’d be awesome.”

I act like I think it’d be great, but I’m really wondering if he has the slightest concern about being so far away from me. Maybe we’re not as close as I assumed.

“I’ll pick you up before eight,” he says as he pulls up at my house. “I’d walk you to the door, but I better hurry if I’m going to get a shower and get back here in time.”

“No problem,” I say as I hop out of his car. Even so, I’m starting to wonder if I’m not seeing the writing on the wall. Just the same, I take a shower, get dressed, and grab a quick bite to eat.

“You guys staying in tonight?” I ask as I see my parents comfortably settled in the family room. They’re both on the couch and Mom has her feet in Dad’s lap and he’s rubbing them and they both look perfectly content.

Mom nods. “Just a couple of old fogies, I guess.”

“Nice old fogies,” I say. And I’d never admit this to anyone, but I sort of admire what they have. Okay, it might be kind of boring, but it’s sweet.

Our basketball team doesn’t do as well as last week, but it’s still a good game and, as usual, we go to Chevy’s afterward. I notice right away that Emily and Todd are missing. And it’s like their absence leaves a real hole in our group of friends. As a result it’s not long before girls like Kirsti and Thea start talking.

“What’s up with those two?” Thea asks me in the bathroom.

I just shrug and say I don’t know.

“I think that Todd’s been cheating on her,” says Kirsti.

“Give it a rest,” says Andrea as she checks her mascara in the mirror.

“No, I’m serious,” says Kirsti in a listen-to-me tone. She glances around the small bathroom as if to see if anyone else can hear, then says in a quiet voice, “I heard from a somewhat reliable source that Todd may have been involved with Shawna Frye.”

Naturally this stuns everyone. Well, everyone but me, and I’m not talking.

“No way,” says Andrea.

“Way,” says Kirsti.

“Do you think Todd slept with Shawna?” says Thea with wide
eyes. “And then slept with Emily?”

“I agree with Andrea,” I say as I move to the door. “You guys should just give it a rest.”

“But what about—”

I don’t hear the rest of the sentence because I’m out the door with Andrea following.

“Good move,” says Andrea as we join the guys at the table.

I give her a little smile, but almost wish that I could tell her the truth. I have a feeling she’d understand. Still, my loyalty lies with Emily and I know this isn’t my story to tell.

“Can you and Justin teach Jamie and me that dance you guys did last week?” asks Andrea.

And so we manage to break the somewhat somber mood by picking some funny old big band songs from the jukebox, and then Justin and I teach everyone how to do the swing step. And for a while it’s like we’ve all really gone back in time. And I wonder if maybe life really was simpler back then. I almost wish we could all get warped back into a more innocent era. Or maybe there’s no such thing.

But when the evening finally ends, I am feeling like Justin and I are as solid as ever. In fact, there’s this sweet little episode when Brett wants to switch partners and dance with me, but Justin gets all protective and refuses. And suddenly I’m thinking I don’t need to be worried about this guy. I can tell he really cares about me.

“We’re still on for tomorrow night?” he says after we’ve stood kissing on my front porch for longer than usual. “For our anniversary celebration?”

I nod and attempt to catch my breath.

“I made reservations for Chez Lavelle’s,” he tells me as he gently runs his hand over my hair. “You might want to dress up.”

“Sounds great,” I say and then we kiss again.

Finally he steps back, but then he takes both my hands in his. “I really do love you, Zoë,” he says in a voice that cracks just slightly.

“Oh, Justin!” I say as I throw my arms around him again. But for some reason I don’t tell him that I love him too. It’s like I can’t quite bring those words to the surface yet.

We kiss a bit more and then say good-night. And I go into the house to find that my parents have already gone to bed. And I walk up the stairs feeling like I’m slightly starry-eyed and dizzy, almost like I’m intoxicated but without wanting to hurl. And suddenly I wonder, could
this
be love?

T
O MY SURPRISE
, N
ATE IS ALSO WORKING IN THE SOUP KITCHEN ON
Saturday. We visit and joke as we do mundane chores like peeling apples and scrubbing carrots, but I’m relieved that our conversation never gets too serious. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the things we’ve talked about in the past. And it’s cool how Nate can get me to think. But today I just don’t really want to think.

“I hear someone’s phone ringing in the closet,” calls Mavis from where she’s chopping onions.

Thinking it must be mine since no one else is checking, I go and dig through my bag and finally answer.

“I was about to give up on you,” says Andrea.

“What’s up?” I ask as I pick an apple peel off my jeans.

“It’s an emergency,” she says, although her voice sounds calm.

“Emergency?” I say loudly enough to get Mavis’ attention.

“We need to get Emily out of her house today,” Andrea says. “She’s totally bummed and needs to be cheered up.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you meet us at the mall at two?”

And so I agree to meet them in the food court. Andrea is calling it “Mission Emily,” but I wonder if she knows the half of it. I’m not even sure that I do.

“Something wrong?” asks Nate when I rejoin him at our apple-peeling station at the sink.

“Andrea and I are going to try to cheer up Emily today.”

He nods as he tosses another peeled apple into the bowl. “That’s cool.”

“Yeah. Andrea’s calling it Mission Emily, but I’m worried that it might be Mission Impossible.”

We finally finish serving, and I work as fast as I can to help get the kitchen all scrubbed and ready for next week. Shannon didn’t show up today. I’m hopeful this means she’s taken some steps in a promising direction.

“It was good having you with us today, Nate,” says Mavis as we all start to leave. “You just let me know if you want this to be a regular thing.”

He laughs. “I don’t know if I can commit to that since our band usually practices on Saturdays, but I don’t mind being on call when you’re shorthanded.” Then he reaches in his jacket pocket. “Which reminds me, we got these business cards made for the band, you know, but they have my cell phone number on it. Just in case you can’t reach me at home.” He hands one to Mavis.