Too Many Cooks (16 page)

After ten seconds I told Blanc that would do for that pose and went to the foyer and took Lio Coyne out to the corridor again.

'Well?'

She shook her head. 'No. It wasn't that man.'

'How do you know it wasn't?'

'His ears are too big. It wasn't him.'

'Could you swear to that in a court?'

'But you& ' Her eyes got narrow. 'You said I wouldn't& '

'All right, you won't. But how sure are you?'

'I'm very sure. This man is more slender, too.'

'Okay. Much obliged. Mr. Wolfe may want to speak to you later on.'

The others said the same thing. I posed Blanc twice more, once facing the door for Paul Whipple, and the second time with his back to it for Moulton. Whipple said he would be willing to swear that the man he had seen by the screen in the dining room was not the one he had seen in Wolfe's room, and Moulton said he couldn't swear to it because he had only seen the man's back, but he thought it wasn't the same man. I sent them back to Pocahontas.

Then I had to help Blanc clean up. Getting it off was twice as hard as putting it on, and I don't know if he ever did get his ears clean again. Considering that he wasn't a murderer at all, he was pretty nice about it. What with Wolfe's blood and Blanc's burnt cork, I certainly raised cain with Kanawha Spa towels that day.

Blanc stood and told Wolfe: 'I have submitted to all this because Louis Servan requested it. I know murderers are supposed to be punished. If I were one, I would expect to be. This is a frightful experience for all of us, Mr. Wolfe, frightful. I didn't kill Phillip Laszio, but if it were possible for me to bring him to life again by lifting a finger, do you know what I'd do'I would do this.' He thrust both hands into his pockets as far as they would go, and kept them there.

He turned to go, but his departure was postponed a few minutes longer, by a new arrival. The change in program had of course made it necessary to tell the greenjacket in the hall that the embargo on visitors was lifted, and now came the first of a string that kept knocking at the door intermittently all afternoon.

This one was my friend Barry Tolman.

'How's Mr. Wolfe?'

'Battered and belligerent. Go on in.'

He entered, opened his mouth at Wolfe, and then saw who was standing there.

'Oh. You here, Mr. Blanc?'

'Yes. At Mr. Servan's request-'

Wolfe put in, 'We've been doing an experiment. I don't believe you'll need to waste time with Mr. Blanc. What about it, Archie'Did Mr. Blanc kill Laszio?'

I shook my head. 'No, sir. Three outs and the side's retired.'

Tolman looked at me, at Wolfe, at Blanc. 'Is that so. Anyhow, I may want to see you later. You'll be at Pocahontas?'

Blanc told him yes, not very amiably, expressed a hope that Wolfe would feel better by dinnertime, and went. When I got back from escorting him to the door, Tolman had sat down and had his head cocked on one side for a look at Wolfe's bandage, and Wolfe was saying:

'Not to me, no, sir. The doctor called it superficial. But I assure you it is highly dangerous to the man who did it. And look here.' He displayed the mangled script of the speech. 'The bullet did that before it struck me. Mr. Goodwin saved my life by tossing my speech at the window. So he says. I am willing to grant it. Where is Mr. Berin?'

'Here. At Pocahontas with& with his daughter, I brought him myself, just now. They phoned me at Quinby about your being shot. Do you think it was the one that stabbed Laszio who did it?'

'Who else?'

'But why was he after you'You were through with it.'

'He didn't know that.' Wolfe stirred in his chair, winced, and added bitterly, 'I'm not through with it now.'

'That suits me. I don't say I'm glad you got shot& and you started on Blanc'What made you decide it wasn't him?'

Wolfe started to explain, but another interruption took me away. This time it was the lunch trays, and Louis Servan had certainly put on the dog. There were three enormous trays and three waiters, and a fourth greenjacket as an outrider for opening doors and clearing traffic. I was hungry, and the smells that came from under the covered services made me more so. The outrider, who was Moulton himself, after a bow and an announcement to Wolfe, unfolded serving stands for the trays and advanced to the table with a cloth in his hand.

Wolfe told Tolman, 'Excuse me, please.' With a healthy grunt he lifted himself from his chair and made his way across to the serving stands. Moulton joined him and hovered deferentially. Wolfe lifted one of the covers, bent his head and gazed, and sniffed. Then he looked at Moulton. 'Piroshki?'

'Yes, sir. By Mr. Vallenko.'

'Yes. I know.' He lifted other covers, bent and smelled, with careful nods to himself. He straightened up again. 'Artichokes barigoule?'

'I think, sir, he called them drigante. Mr. Mondor. Something like that.'

'No matter. Leave it all here, please. We'll serve ourselves, if you don't mind.'

'But Mr. Servan told me-'

'I prefer it that way. Leave it here on the trays.'

'I'll leave a man-'

'No. Please. I'm having a conversation. Out, all of you.'

They went. It appeared that if I was going to get anything to eat I'd have to work for it, so I called on the muscles for another effort. As Wolfe returned to his chair I asked, 'How do we do it'Boardinghouse style a la scoop shovel?'

He waited until he got deposited before he answered. Then he sighed first. 'No. Telephone the hotel for a luncheon menu.'

I stared at him. 'Maybe you're delirious?'

'Archie.' He sounded savage. 'You may guess the humor I'm in. That piroshki is by Vallenko, and the artichokes are by Mondor. But how the devil do I know who was in that kitchen or what happened there'These trays were intended for us, and probably everyone knew it. For me. I am still hoping to go home to-night. Phone the hotel, and get those trays out of here so I can't smell them. Put them in your room and leave them there.'

Tolman said, 'But my God, man& if you really think& we can have that stuff analyzed& '

'I don't want to analyze it, I want to eat it. And I can't. I'm not going to. There probably is nothing at all wrong with it, and look at me, terrorized, intimidated by that blackguard! What good would it do to analyze it'I tell you, sir-Archie?'

It was the door again. The smell from those covered dishes had me in almost as bad a state as Wolfe, and I was hoping it might be a food inspector from the Board of Health to certify them unadulterated, but it was only the greenjacket from the hall. He had a telegram addressed to Nero Wolfe.

I went back in with it, tore the envelope open, and handed it to him.

He pulled it out and read it.

He murmured, 'Indeed.' At the sound of the new tone in his voice I gave him a sharp glance. He handed the telegram back to me, unfolded. 'Read it to Mr. Tolman.'

I did so:

NERO WOLFE KANAWHA SPA W VA NOT MENTIONED ANY PAPER STOP CRAMER COOPERATING STOP PROCEEDING STOP WILL PHONE FROM DESTINATION

PANZER

Wolfe said softly, 'That's better. Much better. We might almost eat that piroshki now, but there's a chance& no. Phone the hotel, Archie. And Mr. Tolman, I believe there will be an opportunity for you also to cooperate& '

JEROME BERIN SHOOK BOTH his fists so that his chair trembled under him. 'God above! Such a dirty dog! Such a-' He stopped himself abruptly and demanded, 'You say it was not Blanc'Not Vukcic'Not my old friend Zelota?'

Wolfe murmured, 'None of them, I think.'

'Then I repeat, a dirty dog!' Berin leaned forward and tapped Wolfe on the knee. 'I tell you frankly, it did not take a dog to kill Laszio. Anyone might have done that, anyone at ail, merely as an incident in the disposal of garbage. En passant. True, it is bad to stab a man in the back, but when one is in a hurry the niceties must sometimes be overlooked. No, only for killing Laszio, even in that manner, I would not say a dog. But to shoot at you through a window-you, the guest of honor of Les Quinze Maitres! Only because you had interested yourself in the cause of justice! Because you had undertaken to establish my innocence! Because you had the good sense to know that I could not possibly have made seven mistakes of those nine sauces! And let me tell you& will you credit it when I tell you what they gave me to eat in that place& in that jail in that place?'

He went on to tell, and it sounded awful. He had come, with his daughter, to express his appreciation of Wolfe's efforts in his behalf. It was nearly four o'clock, and there was sunlight in the room, for Tolman had arranged for a double guard on the windows, the other side of the shrubbery, and the shades were up and the windows open. The lunch from the hotel may not have been piroshki by Vallenko, but it had been adequate for my purposes, and Wolfe had been able to get it down in spite of the difficulty he had chewing. I had completely abandoned the idea of a little nap; there wasn't a chance. Tolman had stayed nearly until the end of lunch, and after that was finished Rossi and Mondor and Coyne had dropped in to offer commiseration for Wolfe's wound, and they had been followed by others. Even Louis Servan had made it for a few minutes, though I didn't understand how he had been able to get away from the kitchen. Also, around three o'clock, there had been a phone call from New York, which Wolfe took himself. His end of it consisted mostly of grunts, and all I knew about it when he got through was that he had been talking with Inspector Cramer. But I knew he hadn't got any bad news, for afterwards he sat and rubbed the side of his nose and looked self-satisfied.

Constanza Berin sat for twenty minutes on the edge of her chair trying to get a word in, and when her father called an intermission to get his pipe lit she finally succeeded.

'Mr. Wolfe, I& I was terrible this morning.'

He moved his eyes at her. 'You were indeed, Miss Berin. I have often noticed that the more beautiful a woman is, especially a young one, the more liable she is to permit herself unreasonable fits. It's something that you acknowledge. Tell me, when you feel it coming on like that, is there nothing you can do to stop it'Have you ever tried?'

She laughed at him. 'But it isn't fits. I don't have fits. I was scared and mad because they had put my father in jail for murder, and I knew he hadn't done it, and they seemed to think they had proof against him, and then I was told that it was you who had found the proof& How was I going to be reasonable about that'And in a strange country I had never been in before& America is an awful country.'

'There are those who would disagree with you.'

'I suppose so& I suppose it isn't so much the country& maybe it's the people who live here& Oh, excuse me, I don't mean you, or Mr. Goodwin& I'm sure you are very amiable, and of course Mr. Goodwin is, with a wife and so many children& '

'Indeed.' Wolfe shot me a withering glance. 'How are the children, Archie'Well, I hope?'

'Fine, thanks.' I waved a hand. 'Doggone the little shavers, I sure do miss 'em, away from home like this. I can hardly wait to get back.'

Berin took his pipe from his mouth to nod at me. 'The little ones are nice. Now my daughter here& ' He shrugged. 'She is nice, naturally, but God above, she drives me mad!' He leaned to tap Wolfe's knee with the stem of the pipe. 'Speaking of getting back. Is it true what I am told, that these dogs can keep us here on and on until they permit us to go'Merely because that Laszio got a knife in his back'My daughter and I were to leave to-night, for New York, and then to Canada. I am out of jail but I am not free. Is that it?'

'I'm afraid that's it. Were you intending to take the midnight train to New York?'

'I was. And now they tell me no one leaves this place until they learn who killed that dog! If we wait on that for that imbecile Tolman, and that other one, that one who squints& ' He replaced his pipe and puffed until he had clouds.

'But we needn't wait on them.' Wolfe sighed. 'Thank God. I think, sir, it would be wise to have your bags packed, and if you have reservations on that train, keep them. Fortunately you did not have to wait for Mr. Tolman to discover the truth about those sauces. If you had& '

'I might not have left at all. I know that. I might have got this.' Berin used the edge of his hand for a cleaver to slice off his head. 'Certainly I would still be in that jail, and within three days I would have starved. We Catalans can take death when it comes, but God above, a man that can swallow that food is not a man, he is not even a beast! I know what I owe you, and I called for blessings on you with every bite of my lunch. I discussed it with Servan. I told him how greatly I am indebted to you, and that I do no man the honor of remaining in debt to him. I told Servan I must pay you& he is our host here, and a man of delicacy. He said you would not take pay. He said it had been offered, and you had scorned it. I understand and respect your feeling, since you are our guest of honor-'

Another knock on the door made me leave Wolfe simmering in the juice of the stew he had made. I had always known that some day he would talk too much for his own good, and as I went to the foyer I was wearing a grin-I admit malicious-and reflecting on how it probably felt at the moment to be a jewel on the cushion of hospitality.

The new arrival was only Vukcic, but he served as well as another bullet through the window would have done to make a break in the conversation and take it away from vulgar things like payments for services rendered. Vukcic was in a mood. He acted embarrassed, gloomy, nervous and abstracted. A few minutes after he arrived the Berins left, and then he stood in front of Wolfe with his arms folded, frowning down, and told him that in spite of Wolfe's impertinence that morning on the subject of howling on a hillside, it was a duty of old friendship to call personally to offer sympathy and regrets for an injury suffered&

Wolfe snapped, 'I was shot over six hours ago. I might have died by now.'

'Oh, come, Nero. Surely not. They said it was only your cheek, and I can see for myself-'

'I lost a quart of blood.-Archie! Did you say a quart?'

I hadn't said anything, but I'm always loyal. 'Yes, sir. At least that. Closer to two. Of course I couldn't stop to measure it, but it came out like a river, like Niagara Falls, like-'

'That will do. Thank you.'

Vukcic still stood frowning down. His tangle of hair was tumbling for his eyes, but he didn't unfold his arms to comb it back with his fingers. He growled, 'I'm sorry. It was a close call. If he had killed you& ' A pause. 'Look here, Nero. Who was it?'

'I don't know. Not with certainty-yet.'

'Are you finding out?'

'Yes.'

'Was it the murderer of Laszio?'

'Yes-Confound it, I like to move my head when I talk, and I can't.' Wolfe put the tips of his fingers gingerly to the bandage, felt it, and let his hand drop again. 'I'll tell you something, Marko. This mist that has arisen between your eyes and mine-we can't ignore it and it is futile to discuss it. All I can say is, it will shortly be dispelled.'

'The devil it will. How?'

'By the course of history. By Atropos, and me as her agent. At any rate, I am counting on that. In the meantime, there is nothing we can say to each other. You are drugged again-there, I didn't mean to say that. You see we can't talk. I would offend you, and you would bore me insufferably. Au revoir, Marko.'

'Good God, I don't deny I'm drugged.'

'I know it. You know what you're doing, and you do it anyway. Thank you for coming.'

Vukcic did then unfold his arms to comb his hair. He ran his fingers through it three times, slowly, and then without saying anything turned and walked out.

Wolfe sat a long while with his eyes closed. Then he sighed deeply and asked me to take the script of the speech for a final rehearsal.

The only interruptions that time were some phone calls, from Tolman and Clay Ashley and Louis Servan. It was six o'clock before we had another caller, and when I opened the door and saw it was Raymond Liggett of the Hotel Churchill, I put on a welcoming grin because right away I smelled a fee, and among all the other irritations I was being subjected to was my dislike of seeing Wolfe exercising his brain, blowing money on long distance calls and drinks for fourteen dark-skinned men, losing two nights' sleep, and getting shot, with maybe a permanent scar, all for nothing relating to the bank account. As a side issue, there was also the question of a job for my friend Odell. Not that I owed him anything, but in the detective business around New York you never know in which spot it may become desirable to be greeted by a friendly face. To have the house dick of the Churchill, or even one of his staff, a protege of mine, might come in handy any time.

Sure enough, it appeared that a fee was in prospect. The first thing Liggett said, after he had got seated and expressed the proper sentiments regarding Wolfe's facial casualty, was that one of the objects of his call was to ask if Wolfe would be willing to reconsider the matter of approaching Berin about the job of chef de cuisine at the Hotel Churchill.

Wolfe murmured, 'I'm surprised that you still want him-a man who has been accused of murder. The publicity?'

Liggett dismissed that with a gesture. 'Why not'People don't eat publicity, they eat food. And you know what Berin's prestige is. Frankly, I'm more interested in his prestige than in his food. I have an excellent kitchen staff, from top to bottom.'

'People do eat prestige then.' Wolfe gently patted his tummy. 'I don't believe I'd care for it.'

Liggett smiled his thin smile. His gray eyes looked about as irritated as they had Wednesday morning, not less, and they couldn't more. He shrugged. 'Well, they seem to like it. About Berin. I know that yesterday morning you said you wouldn't do it, but you also said you wouldn't investigate Laszio's murder, and I understand you've reconsidered that. Ashley tells me you've done something quite remarkable, I didn't gather just what.'

Wolfe inclined his head an eighth of an inch. 'Thank you.'

'That's what Ashley said. Besides, it was what you discovered, whatever that was, that caused Berin's release. Berin knows that, and therefore you are in a particularly advantageous position to make a suggestion to him-or even a request. I explained to you yesterday why I'm especially anxious to get him. I can add to that, confidentially-'

'I don't want confidences, Mr. Liggett.'

Liggett impatiently brushed that aside. 'It's not much of a secret. A competitor has been after Berin for two years. Branting of the Alexander. I happen to know that Berin has an appointment with Branting in New York to-morrow afternoon. That's the main reason I rushed down here. I have to get at him before he sees Branting.'

'And soon after your arrival he was taken to jail. That was unfortunate. But he's out now, and is this minute probably at Pocahontas Pavilion. He left here two hours ago. Why the deuce don't you go and see him?'

'I told you yesterday. Because I don't think I can swing him.' Liggett leaned forward. 'Look here. The situation as it stands now is ideal. You got him out of jail, and he's impulsive and emotional, and he's feeling grateful to you. You can do it in one talk with him. One trouble is that I don't know what Branting has offered him, or is going to offer him, but whatever it is, I'll top it. I told you yesterday that I'd like to have him for forty thousand but would go to sixty if I had to. Now the time's short and I think I might even make it seventy. You can offer him fifty at the start-'

'I haven't agreed to offer him anything.'

'But I'm telling you. You can offer him fifty thousand dollars a year. That's a lot more than he's getting at San Remo, but he may have a percentage there. Anyway, New York is something else. And if you land him I'll pay you ten thousand dollars cash.'

Wolfe lifted his brows. 'You want him, don't you?'

'I've got to have him. My directors have discussed this-after all, Laszio was getting along in years-and I must get him. Of course I don't own the Churchill, though I have a good block of stock. You still have time to start the ball rolling before dinner. I wanted to see you earlier this afternoon, when they brought Berin back, but on account of your accident& '

'Not an accident. Chance is without intention.' Wolfe touched his bandage. 'This was intended-or rather, worse.'

'That's true. Of course. Will you see Berin now?'

'No.'

'To-night?'

'No.'

Liggett jerked up. 'But damn it, are you crazy'A chance to make ten thousand dollars'-he snapped his fingers-'just like that! Why not?'

'It's not my business, hiring chefs. I'm a detective. I stick to my profession.'

'I'm not asking you to make a business of it. All it means probably, under the circumstances, is one good talk with him. You can tell him he will be executive chef, with complete control and no interference from the hotel administration, and nothing to report but results. Our cost distribution is handled-'

Wolfe was wiggling a finger. 'Mr. Liggett. Please. This is a waste of time. I shall not approach Mr. Berin on behalf of the Hotel Churchill.'

Silence. I covered a yawn. I was surprised that Liggett wasn't bouncing up with exasperation, since his tendencies seemed to run in that direction, but all he did was sit still, not a muscle moving, and look at Wolfe. Wolfe, likewise motionless, returned the gaze with half-shut eyes.