Too Good to Be True: The Colossal Book of Urban Legends (57 page)

I wonder what the odds are of this as an independent invention versus being yet another version of the Dantzig story. That’s a question far beyond my own mathematical ability, if you’ll pardon my impossibility thinking. I enjoyed yet another version of the story when I saw the 1997 hit film
Good Will Hunting.

“The Heel in the Grate”

A
query from Seattle, 1986:

Dear Professor: My aunt told this story in the late 1950s:

She said that during a local wedding one of the bridesmaids got the spike heel of her shoe caught in a ventilation grate in the aisle. The next usher coming down the aisle tried to pick up the shoe; the entire grate came up, so he just took it with him.

Then the bride came down the aisle and fell in the hole. Was my aunt suckered by an urban legend?

Joyce D. Kehoe

A
reaction to this story, from Dayton, Ohio, 1987:

Dear Professor: That story in your column today is an old tale indeed! The version I heard many years ago concerned a church choir processing down the aisle with the soprano losing her heel in a grate, the Tenor lifting the entire grate and the Minister falling into the hole.

Carol G. Alexander

A
nother reaction to the story, from San Diego, California, 1987:

I read that story in
Reader’s Digest,
probably about 1950! In that case it was the choir making its processional: someone’s heel caught in the grill, she kept on walking without her shoe, the man next in line picked up the grill, and the person behind him fell in. I recall getting an enormous kick out of the story at that time, as the incident was well written. The choir was solemn, never missing a beat until the last person fell in—you could just picture the scene.

Marlene Carey

F
rom
Reader’s Digest,
January 1958:

Chain Reaction

It started at the end of a Sunday morning service in an Ontario Church. The Choir began the recessional, singing as they marched in perfect unison up the center aisle to the back of the church.

The last young lady in the women’s section was wearing a new pair of shoes with needle heels—heels that are so slender they slip through any grating. And in the aisle was a grating that covered the hot-air register.

Without a thought for her fancy heels, the young woman sang and marched. And the heel of one shoe sank right through a hole in the register grate. Instantly she realized her predicament. She knew she couldn’t hold up the whole recessional while she back-stepped to pull out her heel. She did the next best thing in the emergency. Without missing a step she slipped her foot out of her shoe and continued up the aisle. There wasn’t a break in the recessional. Everything moved like clockwork.

The first man following that young woman noted the situation and, without losing a beat, reached down and picked up her shoe.

The entire grate came with it. Startled but still singing, the man continued up the aisle bearing in his hand one grate attached to one shoe.

Never a break in the recessional. Everybody singing. Everything moving like clockwork. And then in tune and in time to the beat, the next man stepped into the open register.

—
Kitchener-Waterloo (Ontario) Record,
quoted in
The Lutheran

C
omments by Marj Heyduck’s
The Best of Marj: Favorite “Third and Main” columns
(
Dayton [Ohio] Journal Herald,
1962):

This story not only produced outburts of laughter in
The Journal Herald
’s circulation area…but was reprinted in dozens of church publications in the United States and Canada…in
Reader’s Digest
…it produced a sequel that has given me a sure-fire ending to any speech…and, a sure sign of humor, it’s a story that bubbles up again and again as a new audience grows up to hear it…[this passage is punctuated with ellipses exactly as in the original].

[After re-checking with her source, “Woody” Jones, and retelling the story, Marj Heyduck concluded as follows, supposedly quoting the man who fell into the open register]:

“Well, we settled down and when the director was satisfied, he turned to the minister and nodded. That was the minister’s cue to give the benediction. And the minister forgot what he was going to say. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. You could see his mind had gone blank. Then, he said the first thing that came to him.

“He said, ‘And now unto Him who will keep us from falling….’ And he couldn’t go on. He realized what he had said and he started to laugh. So did the choir. So did the congregation. And it was getting to be a happy day all around—except for the choir director. He was simply furious. His eyes blazed and smoke came out of his ears!”

A
comment from Woodfin B. (“Woody”) Jones of Tipp City, Ohio, 1987: Concerning “The Heel in the Grate” story, Mr. Brunvand, the incident occurred in the Hanover Presbyterian Church in Hanover, Indiana, home of Hanover College, during the 1948–49 school year.

I have a kind of proprietary feeling about the story. I told it to Marj Heyduck, but the story lay dormant until 1957 when she used it in her “Third & Main” column in
The
[Dayton]
Journal Herald,
the first time, to my knowledge, that it had been printed. Marj died several years ago [in 1969], but she is fondly remembered throughout the Miami Valley. This was one of the most requested stories when she made speeches in Dayton and the Valley.

I enclose the addresses of two of the principals in the incident, The Rev. James A. Stuckey and Edwin C. Steiner.

T
estimonial from James A. Stuckey, originally written in 1980 and sent to me in 1987:

I, James Albert Stuckey, was a member of the Hanover College Choir in the spring of 1949 who, during the recessional, happened to spy the shoe of a female member of the choir (so I assumed) caught in the grate of the hot air register in the center of the aisle of the Hanover Presbyterian Church. Being the kind of courteous, thoughtful freshman so highly prized in those days, I, of course, stopped to retrieve the shoe. I got it, and the grate, tucked both under my copy of
The Hymna
l (1933), and continued down the aisle. The minister’s wife, who had seen all this, guided the singer behind me around the pit (one Ed Bockstiegel), but Ed Steiner, the next bass in line, fell in. The minister (John Fox) did
not
pronounce, “Now onto Him who is able to keep us from falling…” as the benediction. Ruth Murphy was glad to get her shoe back.

T
estimonial from Ed Steiner, 1987:

Yes, it certainly was I who fell into that hot air duct…. As we were recessing I happened to look over and see Mrs. Parker [wife of Hanover College president] singing in her pew. I started to smile at her when a very strange look came over her face, and she started to shake her head at me. I was trying to figure out what the problem was, and I was completely distracted from what was going on in front of me. Needless to say, before I figured things out, I had stepped in the hole! There was absolutely no physical warning; I hit the hole cleanly; I didn’t even scrape my toe on the edge of the hole. It was like stepping off a gigantic stairstep, and I went into the hole all the way up to my thigh.

…I just dragged myself, completely unhurt, out of the hole, picked up my music and proceeded to the back of the church.

A
final (?) comment from a reader, 1993:

Dear Professor: While the 1949–50 story told you by Rev. Stuckey concerning the “Heel in the Grate” (
Curses! Broiled Again!
) may have happened then, if so, it was the second occurrence. I can vouch for the fact that it happened in the fall of 1943 or ’44 because I was the soprano in the Hanover, Indiana, Presbyterian Church choir whose shoe caught in the grate. One of the men behind me in the choir processional attempted to retrieve the shoe, but only succeeded in tipping the grate. (The grate was quite large and heavy.)

During the recessional one of the men stepped on the grate which tipped and sent him to his knees. He quickly recovered, which is more than I can say about the rest of us when the minister started the benediction, “And now to Him who is able to keep us from falling,” etc.

Helen T. Ramsey
Denver, Colorado

The above selections comprise the most complete account of the history of this incident (or incidents?) and the resulting story versions. The letter from Helen Ramsey is published here for the first time, and it throws the question of this story’s ultimate origin and history back into confusion. If nothing else, the story presented above—if, indeed, this
is
finally the whole story—raises the question of why the Hanover Presbyterian Church did not fix its serious problem during the 1940s with a dangerous grate in the center aisle until years later. Perhaps they never did fix the grate, and similar accidents have continued to occur. Someday I hope to visit that church and check out the physical scene in person. Meanwhile, it is important to note, both in this “true” legend and the previous one, the important role played by the media in circulating and varying the stories. Finally, I must point out that the “heel-in-grate” incident appeared in a completely different context—that of a “clean room” of a space-travel center—in the 1966 film
The Glass Bottom Boat,
starring Doris Day (who lost her heel), Rod Taylor, Dick Martin (who stepped into the opening), and Arthur Godfrey.

“Craig’s World-Record Collection”

A
memo circulated in Cambridge, Massachusetts, 1990:

I would be grateful if you and your organization could respond to this request to help Craig Shergold.

Craig is a seven year old boy who has a brain tumor and has very little time left to live. It is his dream to have an entry in the Guiness Book of World Records for the largest number of get well cards ever received by an individual.

If you are willing to help and also willing to share this note with your staff, you may sends [
sic
] cards to:

Craig Shergold

38 Shelby Road

Carshalton

Surrey SN8 1LD

United Kingdom

Please add to and send the attached pages to another ten school districts, companies, or organizations of your choice.

A
letter sent to customers of a San Diego, California, company, 1991: I am sure that you receive many requests for your time and energies and I realize that you get pulled in may [
sic
] different directions. However, I hope that you will find the time to help fulfill this somewhat simple request.

Craig Shergold is a seven year old child from Surrey, England, who is suffering from terminal cancer. It is his wish to be included in the Guinness Book of Records with the largest number of business cards collected by one person. Please help fulfill this request by sending one of your business cards to Craig at the address below and by sending this letter to ten other individuals. If only we could meet the needs of all children so simply…

Craig Shergold

36 Sherlby Road

Carshalton

Surrey SN 1 1LD, England

DO NOT MAIL THIS LETTER TO CRAIG

A
leaflet faxed to a hospital in Bakersfield, California, 1996:

Children’s Wish Foundation Request

Craig Shirgold is a 7 year old boy who lives in Keene, NH. He is dying from an inoperable brain tumor. He made a wish to Children’s Wish Foundation that he wants one million get well cards sent to him by

August 15th 1996
so that he can make the World Book of Records before he dies. Cards can be made or bought. PLEASE send the cards to this following address:

Craig Shirgold

C/O Children’s Wish Foundation

32 Perimeter Center East