Too Busy for Your Own Good (36 page)

When dealing with a difficult person, analyze the problem, the causes, and your reactions. This is your way to
take responsibility
for getting yourself into the mess in the first place. As with a runaway horse, you can prevail over someone bigger, stronger, and more formidable with knowledge, courage, and practice.

The greatest good you can do for another is not to share your riches but to reveal to him his own
.

—Benjamin Disraeli

In the previous chapter, we addressed the personality types that you'll come across at work. Let's take a closer look at your direct supervisor and immediate coworkers. If you want to help return civility to the workplace, you need to pay special attention to the people closest to you.

You may not admire, respect, or even like your coworkers and bosses, but often the best teams are made of people with disparate talents and skills. Each person brings his or her unique personality that accompanies their job competence. The likelihood of friction—or downright conflict—is great. Whether you're at the top of the ladder or the bottom, honing your relationship skills saves you time and busyness.

This summary below is a quick overview of the quality of relationships you can expect with different combinations of communication styles. It's important to have a highly developed sense of yourself so that you can use your powers of observation to make your working relationships with others more straightforward, satisfying, and productive.

Most of the time you can do your work and proceed at your natural pace and style. When your busy dial is turned to “high” and you're getting stressed, your radar will alert you to your particular lions. This is the time that you need to broadcast
on their frequency
so you'll be heard and understood—heading off conflict or alienation. Use this table to learn more about your coworkers in order to save time and busyness and return heart and soul to your workplace.

If you're voluntarily about to enter a working relationship with someone, wouldn't you be interested in compatibility between your style and hers? Isn't it better to match a job with a person than to have that person struggle with a position that he doesn't fit (or doesn't like)? What have you learned about your coworkers who are stressing you by making more
busy
for you? More important, what are you going to do about it?

One of the best assistants I've ever had nearly didn't make it through the first month with me. Her tasks were not time-sensitive, so she usually arrived long after I'd dug into my projects for the day. Walking into the door, she usually had some (admittedly hilarious) story about caring for her elderly aunt or managing a beachside apartment complex. I dropped a few not-so-subtle hints about having a lot of work to do and not having time to chat, but I couldn't tell whether she picked up on them or not.

It wasn't until I looked at the combination of our personality styles and how it affected working together that I appreciated the gem that she was. She was highly sociable,
and in the office, I was in my Driver mode. I needed the softening and lightening up that she brought to my business, plus she was exceptionally organized, could type ninety words a minute, answer the phone, and work better than anyone I'd met. I took her morning arrival as a needed break, so we spent some time together, and I came to look forward to her stories. She ended up staying with me for seven highly functional (and successful) years.

There are many relationship combinations between you and your coworkers that might stir up your
busy
, drain you dry, keep you from doing your best, or make you less productive. You can also learn to polish up and appreciate your high-value combinations (HVCs). You may think that your HVCs are annoying, create more “busy,” and waste your time, but you can make them constructive, ultimately improving your productivity.

Most of us are not aware of how deep-seated our personality is. When talking about difficult relationships, nearly all my seminar students believe that
their
relationship style is not the one causing their “busy”—it's the
other
person. This is partially true. It's the
combination
of them that affects the way you work. Take a look at how the combinations play out.

If you are a Driver, here's how you work with . . .

Drivers
. There may be an undercurrent of competition between you, but you appreciate, admire, and respect them because they seem as smart as you. Your juices get flowing around them because they like
busy
as much as you. Trying to top, compete with, or overpower them will only frustrate you and waste your
time. Compliment their ideas and work on lowering your aggressive and competitive tendencies.

Sociables
. You might find them helpful and worthwhile, but their tendency to be chatty can get on your nerves, distract you, and waste your time. Ask direct questions and develop your exit strategies: “Thanks, I need to be somewhere.”

Team Players
. You often get irritated at their laid-back attitude, but this can be an HVC since they are dependable, solid workers. They appear to waste your time by looking at all sides of the project and making sure they're doing it like you want. Working together will be a positive experience if you tell them what you want, give them appreciation, and sincerely recognize the value of their loyalty.

Perfectionists
. In your mind they are picky, lack the big picture, and waste your time with questions, details, complaints, conflicts, and minutiae. Slow down, assure them of the details, and don't try to be their good friend or mentor.

If you are a Sociable, here's how you work with . . .

Drivers
. They might seem formal, pompous, and too businesslike, restlessly stomping your good cheer with their need to stay on schedule and get things done. Stay out of their way and don't try to lighten them up or make them your good friend; they just want to see productivity.