Too Busy for Your Own Good (22 page)

3
. Say, “I appreciate your comments,” while nodding slowly.

4
. Don't say anything else.

5
. Repeat as necessary.

It's amazing how often these comments or criticisms are made just to get a reaction out of you. By denying the perpetrator the pleasure of your angry response, and even acknowledging the suggestion, you gain the edge that comes with remaining cool and not rising to the bait.

In nearly every sport, a coach can call time-out, usually to realign a strategy or because a player is injured. When you're feeling strategically weak or injured, ask for time out by saying, “I'd like to give this some thought. Let's pick up our discussion tomorrow morning at ten.” This helps you examine how the matter fits into your master plan. When asked to change your plan, you'll keep your stress down if you allow for time to examine the options.

Most of us tend to respond
immediately
based on our perspective. Try
not
responding—well, not responding vocally anyway. I once had a mentor who could raise one eyebrow without another facial movement. It said so much with so little. Just her single raised eyebrow allowed her to keep her cool when faced with an irate customer. Eventually, her silence allowed the person to vent, cool down, and then
grant her a chance to actually solve the problem. Remember, less can often be more. The next time you feel an urge to respond immediately with words . . . take a deep breath, let it out slowly, look thoughtful, and see what happens next.

Before you yield to the urge to add your two cents to a conversation, stop! Ask yourself, “What are they saying to me—through their voice and body language?” Do you assume you know before you allow them to finish? Note the following about the speaker:

Body position
. An open stance (arms relaxed, legs uncrossed) signals willingness to cooperate, whereas a closed posture (arms folded, legs crossed, body turned away) indicates a strong negative feeling and difficulty to persuade.

Vocal tone and volume
. Higher and louder indicates heightened emotion.

Facial expression
. One's face shows the universal emotions of joy, sadness, anger, fear, contempt, and disgust.

Gestures
. Arms waving can indicate excitement, hands clenched means anger, and finger-pointing can convey dominance.

Before you speak, decide if what someone is saying is a complaint, observation, opinion, gossip, or just chatter. Respond accordingly. Sometimes just being able to gauge what someone is communicating to you through body language can ease the stress that comes with incorrectly pegging someone's state of mind. Pay close attention to what is being said without words.

Looking back on situations that have caused you trouble, how often have you said “I would'a gone about it differently if I only knew what she really wanted,” “I could'a done it on time if I'd only asked him to help me,” or “I should'a never brought up our history.” Use these wise strategies when dealing with people so that you'll have less would'a, could'a, should'a and stress in your life.

A great way to appear capable and in control is by taking on new tasks and projects with a calm nod and cool demeanor. Unfortunately, playing the role of superstar at the office seems to require that you already know how to do everything. That is not the case at all. Give yourself a break—
of course
you don't already know how to do everything! You will only add to your stress by wondering where to start and trying to figure out how you'll ever get it done. Before you project an air of the countess of control, question

What your obligations are, specifically

What the expected time line is

Who else should be included or excluded

What topics or areas should be avoided

What has been tried already

What materials you will need

Anything at all that is unclear (better to find out sooner rather than later)