Too Busy for Your Own Good (2 page)

Before you go thinking that I miraculously converted myself from the ultra-busy control freak into the countess of calm, let me assure you that old habits do indeed die hard. Just because I was scared witless during my trip to the ER and was nagged by my family, friends, and physicians to
slow down
doesn't mean I actually wanted to get off my crazy but familiar treadmill.

I was secretly sad that I didn't have a heart attack. From all my cardiac nursing experience, I
knew
how to rehabilitate a heart attack, but I didn't have a
clue
as to how to recover from a panic attack. But in true ultra-busy control-freak fashion, I set out to fix the problem. I got myself into therapy, found a cause that I loved, and after much thought and the advice of my physician, decided to try some medication to help with my stress levels.

At the onset of my panic attack rehab program, I had a secret, burning hunger to recapture the passion for life that I'd had when I was younger. You know, that “I'm going to save the world” passion and energy. This was beyond midlife crisis and the longing for lost youth. I was looking for meaning and purpose, something beyond myself. I wasn't looking to wind down or retire, but for a vision and a point of focus for the next (and perhaps final) act of my life.

I took a hard, critical inventory of how I spent my time, what my goals were, and what I wanted my life to look (and feel) like. I took a magnifying lens to my health, home,
community, relationships, career, money, personal development, and spirituality.

Making the changes I needed to be a recovering ultra-busy control freak have been challenging and, at times, all-consuming. But I believe I have saved my sanity, my marriage, and, perhaps, my life.

My grandmother wouldn't tolerate me complaining or not taking responsibility for my own life. I can recall having lunch on her beautiful seaside patio years before my panic attack. I was bemoaning the economy, unsatisfactory relationships, and my disappointments. She looked at me and said, “Connie, stop yelling at the waves and just learn how to surf.” She was a major fan of the phrase “just do it” before a certain shoe company even had a clue. Only when you accept that it's your responsibility—your job—to overcome busyness will you be able to do so.

This book brings together the stories and advice I've received from countless interviews with men and women who are deep in the trenches of busy, modern lives. I've also included pearls of wisdom from leaders in the fields of business, medicine, and mind-body research. Reading these pages and doing the exercises is a way for you to pump the brakes on your busyness and start living with clarity instead of craziness, harmony instead of hostility, and satisfaction instead of sorrow. In other words, get ready to learn how to surf!

Beware the barrenness of a busy life
.

—Socrates

When you discovered that you could not only bring home the bacon but fry it in a pan while feeding the baby at the same time, you probably got a certain high just from getting all of it done. Then you found you could add a call to your best friend. And start a load of laundry. And floss your teeth. Then you may have asked yourself whether you could also outline your sales presentation. The answer: “Yes . . . I . . .
can
!”

Once you start asking yourself what else you can manage to fit in, where does it end? If you're not careful, you'll get sucked deeper and deeper into your “activity abyss.” Pretty soon you'll have lost the basic ability to be present, not to mention your fundamental joy in life. And that's no way to live. But unfortunately these days it seems all too common.

As a society we are obsessed with being busy. We seem to actually pride ourselves on getting as little sleep as possible and being overworked because we're looking for
satisfaction
and
significance
. For modern women and men,
busy
has become the newest status symbol. We are at risk for burn-out or—even worse—rust-out! We are experiencing not just physical signs of stress, such as insomnia, indigestion, and headaches, but also unrealized dreams, along with empty
nests, raging hormones, and aging parents. Modern life is not for wimps.

If everyone else is busy, then what's the big deal? Your friends and coworkers seem to madly dash around to get their to-dos done. Admit it, if someone tells you how busy they are, you feel the urge to tell them that you're
much
busier. In fact, you're so busy you haven't slept a consecutive eight hours since the late nineties. If you offer enough proof to get your competitor to concede the point, then congratulations. You win! But what have you got to show for it?

Busyness has been called a “soft addiction.” When you're moving fast and getting things done, you get a little psychic—and physical—boost. It's as though your energy produces even more energy—a sort of high, not unlike that of a drug addict. As with most addictive behaviors, that feeling doesn't last for very long, and then you need even more to get that high again. Is your striving for
more
making you more busy than you can handle?

What if you're a frazzled, single working mom struggling to keep your head above water? Striving or struggling, you've probably gotten busier than you could handle without even realizing how bad it was getting. Like water slowly dripping onto a stone, every bit of busyness has the power to slowly and imperceptibly wear you down. It's as though you're a circus juggler starting with two balls. You get really good with two, so you add another. Then you get good with three and add another, and so on. Pretty soon you're juggling chainsaws, wondering, how did
this
happen?

One of my students told me that she was good at tuning out all distractions so she could really focus on a project and meet her deadline. Recently, though, she was feeling bothered and unfocused at work. “When I landed this job, I was bothered by the phones ringing, colleagues chatting, even the noise from street traffic, but I learned to tune it
out. Now, I snap at people, and I'm always running late. I'm smart. I'm capable. Why can't I get my job done?”

Demanding constant high-intensity output is hard on your body, heart, and soul, frequently leading to a fraying of your nerves and dwindling of your energy. You need breaks, balance, and breathing space. Be careful when you relentlessly keep yourself focused, productive, busy—
on
. The body takes what it needs, whether you've scheduled it or not.

Busyness is personal. What you call normal might be considered overly busy and stressful to the next person. Although it's hard to quantify exactly how busy you are, this quiz will guide you in determining if it's affecting your life adversely.

Go through the following list and check all of the statements that are true for you:

Are you working hard but feeling like you're not getting enough done?

Do you feel underappreciated for your work or all you do at home?

Do you multitask in the car, while exercising, or at meals?

Do you have difficulty falling or staying asleep?

Do you ever skip meals or find yourself eating too fast?

Do you often lose or misplace important items or documents at home or work?

Have you ever missed family members' events because of work?