T'on Ma (17 page)

"Yes," he nodded. Lana pushed away from him and, grabbing her clothes, quickly dressed.

Two Hawks' consternation showed in his face. "I owed a debt of three women to Dark Fist because I took two women from him. One for Nathan's woman and two for you." He grinned. "Two for your beautiful blue eyes. But I didn't take them to Mexico. I just helped him catch them and take them to his village."

"Wait a minute!" she exclaimed as she sat back down beside him. "You were with the band that captured me? You helped
them
capture more women?"

"Yes. What is wrong?" he asked, genuinely puzzled. Two Hawks put his shirt back on, realizing that the lovers' tryst was over.

"What's wrong? You were selling women! Just like the Apaches wanted to sell me! How could you
do
that?"

"How could I sell women? Easy. I catch them and take them to Mexico. We do it all the time."

"But why?" Lana almost wailed her question.

"To get things we need. Rifles."

"Don't you think it's wrong to take captives? Don't you think it's wrong to sell them into slavery?"

"No. Why is it wrong?"

Thoroughly exasperated, Lana could hardly speak. "You mean that you didn't think it was wrong when I was captured?"

"No. I didn't like it. It made me very angry, but it happens all the time. Only a strong man who can take you back is worthy of you."

"Oh. So the strongest man gets the woman?"

"Usually. What woman wants a weak man?"

"What about her family, her home? What if she doesn't want to be captured?"

Two Hawks shrugged. "She will get used to her new home. All our captives have."

"All your... You mean there are captive women living in your village
now?"

"Yes. Four, maybe five. All with husbands and children. One even has grandchildren. They are very happy with us. They are lucky to have Kiowa men."

"For heaven sake!" She shook her head, looking skyward. "Then, is it true you can have more than one wife?"

"If my brother is married and he dies, I have to marry his widow."

"You have to? Why?" She didn't sound angry any more, only confused, in desperate need to hear the truth.

He looked at her, frustrated at how much she didn't understand. "Who else will care for the woman or her children? Without a hunter, they will starve. It is a brother's duty to care for them."

"Do you have a brother?"

"No. Only sisters."

"So, if we were married and you died, what would happen to me?"

Frowning, he took a moment before answering. "You would either return to your family or perhaps another man in our village would want to marry you. If not, you would starve."

"If I marry you, I can't go home. My family will disown me." She returned his frown. "What are the chances another Kiowa would want me?"

When he didn't answer, she nodded. "I thought so. No chance at all. The color of my eyes scares them. So if I marry you and you die, then I starve."

Again, he didn't answer. Lana stood up, feeling like a rock had just rolled onto her heart. All the debate over the winter, all the voices that had been talking to her, suddenly focused into one unmistakable conclusion. Knowing what she had to do, she held her hand out toward him. Taking it, he, too, stood.

"Centas Yi." The serious look on her face scared him. "I - I can't do this. I can't be your wife. Too many things are against us."

"No, my heart. No! Do not say this. I am strong and will not die for many, many years."

"You can't promise that. There are buffalo hunts and raiding parties and soldiers. You almost died once already. That was too close."

"But I did not die," he argued. He could tell from her expression that his words made no difference.

"I am so sorry. So terribly sorry." Two tears trembled on the edge of her lashes before they rolled down her face. "I love you so much, but I can't do this. There's too much I don't understand. I'm afraid we'd wind up hurting each other, or, worse, hating each other."

"T'on Ma - Lana, no! Do not leave me."

"Then you come live with me."

He jerked his head back, as if he'd been stung. She might as well have asked him to live on the moon.

"And there it is," she whispered sadly, with heartbreaking resignation. "You can't live in my world any more than I can live in yours."

Looking up into his woeful face, she kissed him quickly once, turned and walked away. He took a few steps after her, but, without turning around, she held up one hand.

"Don't!" she ordered.

The further away she walked, the more the young warrior's heart bled. How could this be happening? She was his life! This was their wedding day. When she was almost out of sight, she heard the most heart-stopping cry. It filled the air with its grief and her conscience with guilty sorrow.

Halfway home, Lana ran into her father and Nathan, out looking for her.

"Where have you been?" Joshua demanded. "We thought you'd been captured again."

"No, Pa."

The sadness in her voice and expression made Nathan take a guess. "Centas Yi? Was he here?"

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Lana!" Her father grabbed her arm and started to scold her.

"Please, Pa. I told him to leave." She wriggled loose from her father's grasp. "I'm not going to live with him or marry him or anything." With that announcement, she burst into tears. Nathan reached for her, understanding some of what she felt. He had seen how much they loved each other. Lana cried in her brother's arms, not caring what her father thought.

Joshua surprised himself with his own reaction. Instead of being happy, he saw his daughter torn apart, and couldn't stand watching her grieve. "Come here, sweetheart," he murmured as he pulled her to him.

"Oh, Pa! This hurts so bad!" she cried just before she buried her head against his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her, his little girl no longer. "Sshhh, honey. Sshhh. It'll be all right. Everything will be all right. It's all for the best." Waiting a few minutes, he then turned her by her shoulders, and the three of them started back home.

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, Joshua and May had a few quiet minutes together. May brushed and braided her hair for the night and got settled under the covers. Joshua blew out the lamp and then, once in bed, pulled her to him.

"I suppose we ought to be happy about Lana's decision," May said.

"We should be," he agreed. "And I
am
relieved. But happy? No." He kissed the top of May's head as it rested against his shoulder. "For the first time, I realized that she didn't just have a crush on that boy. That was a woman's love. That was a woman's heartbreak I saw today."

"Poor Lana." May ran her fingers sympathetically across his chest. "But honey, she'll recover. She's strong like her pa."

"And stubborn like her ma." Joshua finally smiled and then kissed his wife goodnight.

Two Hawks rode into camp feeling more lost than he ever had in his life. Returning his horse to the herd, he went looking for his grandfather, Red Flint. He found him walking along the river, looking the land over now that winter was over.

"Grandfather," Two Hawks called as he hurried to catch up with him.

"Yes?" Red Flint stopped and turned around to wait.

"Can I walk with you?"

"Certainly." He resumed walking as Two Hawks fell into step beside him. They walked quite a distance with neither saying anything.

"You know," his grandfather finally broke the silence, "whenever a young man is this quiet, he's got something on his mind. And, whenever a young man wants to spend this much time with his grandfather, it's because he needs advice."

Two Hawks looked sideways at him and sighed heavily. "You're right," he admitted. "I do need your advice."

"A woman?"

"Yes."

"With blue eyes?"

"Yes."

"Have you seen her yet?"

"This morning."

"I thought you were going to bring her here. Where is she?"

"She wouldn't come."

"Hmmm." They took a few more steps.

"She's killing me!" Two Hawks exclaimed with more emotion than he wanted to show.

"Really?" Red Flint looked at his grandson's chest and then his back. "I don't see a knife or arrow sticking out. Did she feed you poison?"

"No." Two Hawks sounded exasperated. "She's broken my heart."

"Ahhhh. Because she wouldn't come here with you?"

"It's more than that. Because she doesn't want to see me again."

Red Flint looked closely at Two Hawks, seeing the pain on his face as clearly as he would have seen war paint. "What were her reasons?"

"She doesn't understand our way of life. For some reason, she thinks taking captives is wrong. And having more than one wife seemed to bother her. I tried to explain everything, but it didn't do any good."

"The white man has a funny way of looking at things," Red Flint commented. "I can understand why she might be confused. They are very illogical."

"But what can I do?" Two Hawks looked forlorn. "I love her, and I need her here with me. She would lack for nothing."

"Except maybe acceptance from the rest of the tribe."

"I don't understand that. We have people living with us who aren't Kiowa. Everyone accepts them."

"Yes, but none of them are white - with blue eyes. And, they've all had to earn their acceptance. You want to bring her here as an equal to all the other women. The tribe won't stand for that. She'll have to prove herself. Can she strike a tipi? Does she know which roots are good to eat and which will kill you? Can she even tan a hide?"

"None of that matters to me," Two Hawks argued. "I want her."

"And that's it?" Red Flint asked with some sarcasm. "You want her, so that's the way it must be."

Two Hawks became irritated. He had hoped for sympathy and advice on what his next step should be to get Lana there. Instead, he only heard the same thing over again, except this time from his grandfather.

"You know," Red Flint continued, "I believe that, in this matter, she is wiser than you. Follow her wisdom and let her go. You'll both be happier."

Two Hawks scowled at Red Flint. He didn't want to show disrespect to his elder, but he couldn't continue walking with him either.

"I have to go," Two Hawks said tersely.

"Then go."

Two Hawks stalked away, leaving Red Flint contemplating the river.

That evening, Two Hawks sat outside his mother's tipi after dinner. The pleasant evening starkly contrasted his black mood. But it was a good evening for smoking his pipe and thinking. As he watched the smoke drift upward and disappear into the evening sky, he went over his argument with Lana, adding what he
should
have said and
wished
he'd said. But it was too late. All winter he had planned this time to be with Lana. Without her here, he didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't know what to do with the overwhelming heartache. His sorrow turned into anger.

Corn Flower walked by with her brother, Laughing Turtle. "Hello, Two Hawks," she greeted him with a friendly smile as they stopped to talk with him.

"Hello." He nodded once and, wishing to be left alone, continued to smoke.

"I suppose you know about the dance in a few days to celebrate our new summer camp."

"Yes. I know."

"Will you be there? I'm going to wear my new dress."

Two Hawks stared at her for a moment, angry at her flirting. But her question helped him make up his mind. "No," he said gruffly. "I won't be here."

"You won't?" Laughing Turtle asked. "Where are you going?"

"I think I'll head north to see if there are any good horses to steal."

"By yourself?" the younger man asked.

"Maybe. Unless anyone wants to come with me."

"I will."

"Good. We'll leave day after tomorrow."

"Humph," Corn Flower snorted. "Horses! Don't you have enough already?"

"Never!" Two Hawks stood up and unceremoniously went into the tipi, leaving her standing there, feeling slighted.

Word spread quickly through the camp of Two Hawks' horse raid. Four men, anxious to get out and 'do something' after a long, boring winter, eagerly joined him. Besides Laughing Turtle, Six Hands joined the band. He had been married just over a year and already regretted his choice of wife. Spotted Horse was the youngest at fifteen, and eager to prove his valor and worth as a warrior. The oldest at 26 and a widower, Many Rivers' wife had died in childbirth that winter. He needed something to distract him from missing her. In some regards, he and Two Hawks had the most in common. They both wanted to forget about the women they loved.

Early dawn saw the small band of five Kiowa warriors ready to ride north, northwest. Two Hawks and Six Hands both had rifles with enough powder and bullets for a few rounds each. Fresh arrows filled everyone's quiver. Their axes were honed to lethal sharpness, their parfleches full of food.

Under the guise of seeing her brother off, Corn Flower stood next to Two Hawks' horse, her hand on its mane.

"Take care of my brother," she said, looking up at him.

"Of course."

"Take care of yourself, too."

As Two Hawks looked at her, he understood her message underneath her words. "Corn Flower, don't wait for me."

"What?"

"Don't wait for me," he repeated. "If I come back, it won't be to you."

Without waiting to hear her protest that she didn't know what he meant, he prodded his horse into a trot and then a lope as he led his band out of camp.

Two weeks passed quickly, and the day to leave for Ft. Worth arrived. The loaded wagon carried clothes, food, and cages with all the hens, since no one would be home to feed them. Besides, the Coopers hoped to trade eggs for things they needed.

They took turns riding, two at a time, while the rest walked. It was hard to tell who was more excited, Nathan or Christina. Christina and Lana had worked hard to get the newlyweds' room ready. A new quilt covered the new bed. A braided rag rug lay on the dirt floor. They had even scrounged enough wood for Nathan to make a rough washstand. Christina hoped, while at the fort, that she could find a basin and pitcher to put on it.