Toil and Trouble (19 page)

“Then do whatever you…want to,” I hadn’t intended my voice to sound so acerbic.

He reached forward and grabbed my hand, covering it with both of his. “What is your desire?”

“I have no right to ask you not to,” I said in a small voice, reminding myself of the same thing. “You and I aren’t in a relationship.”

The intensity of his gaze burned me. “That is not what I asked. Are you desirous that I make love to my donor…or not?”

I didn’t want to get involved in his sex life. I mean, with thoughts of Rand consuming my brain at any given moment, it didn’t seem right that I should keep Sinjin from…enjoying himself. I laid no claim to him. The mere thought of Rand stirred warmth inside me and I knew it wasn’t right for me to ask anything of Sinjin. Not when I was in love with Rand.

“I’m not in the position to…”

“Yes or no.”

“No!” I said sharply, surprised to hear the word come from my mouth. I slumped forward and exhaled the pent-up air in my lungs. I dropped the mostly uneaten food on the hay next to me as I tried to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Was I in love with Sinjin? I didn’t think so—the feelings I harbored for Sinjin weren’t the same as those I felt for Rand.

“Very well,” Sinjin said, wearing the smile of someone who’d just won an argument. “I shall return shortly.”

“What if someone sees you?” I asked. “Won’t it seem weird you aren’t feeding on me, when I’m your human?”

“No. Our humans require time to rebuild their blood supply so it would not appear strange in the least. All the same, I will shun any audience.”

I stood up, intent on refilling my cup of ale and more so, departing Sinjin’s company so I could interrogate myself regarding my feelings for him in private. Sinjin grabbed my hand, pulling me into him. I braced my hands against his chest, my heart thudding.

“Your answer pleased me,” he whispered.

I pulled away from him. “Well, at least it pleased one of us.”

He chuckled and strode off into the darkness as I returned to the task of getting more ale. As soon as I reached the banquet table, I noticed the noise around me dying off and people shushing one another. I glanced up and watched Rand stroll out to the middle of the courtyard amidst applause and calls of “Speech! Speech!”

Rand laughed and quieted them with his raised hand. He was nothing short of beautiful in his dark jeans and chocolate brown sweater. His hair looked as if it had been freshly cut, somewhat shorter than I was used to but it suited him all the same. He had one of those classically handsome faces that would suit any fashion.

“This won’t be a long speech,” he started while the legion echoed “boooo” in unison. Rand quieted them and continued. “First, drink and be merry. You deserve it. When you are ready to retire, you’ll find a tankard of sleeping potion next to your bed. It will allow you to sleep off your inebriation.” A round of laughs ensued and Rand laughed with them. “I’ll be sure to down it, myself.” He inhaled deeply as the smile vanished from his mouth. “I want to thank you for your hard work and dedication. I have a short speech to share with you, so without further ado, I’ll get to the point.” He smiled again and then became more solemn. “We are in this together; we’re all united in our defiance of Bella and her followers. We are united in our moral obligation to one another and to the humans who share our world. Tomorrow eve we will find ourselves in a long and arduous night of struggle and suffering. Many of us will die, many will be wounded. I promise you, if we are victorious, Jolie and I will not rest until we have resurrected every one of you.” He paused and cleared his throat. “What each and every one of us is fighting for is freedom. We will fight against the tyranny of Bella with all our might. We will fight for honesty, for morality and for justice. In the words of brave Sir Winston Churchill, ‘Come then, let us go forward together with our united strength.’” He lifted his tankard and there was a round of cheers and applause. “To all of you. Victory is ours!”

He downed the tankard and everyone stood, cheering and singing. Rand gracefully accepted the cheers and pats on the back with an elegance that was unique to him.

His speech had basically torn me apart. I secretly wanted nothing more than to run to him, throw my arms around him and tell him how much I loved him, how I was here to fight alongside him, to share his victory. But, I knew that was an impossibility. All I could do was love him in anonymity. Tears spilled from my eyes, splashing into my cup and I furiously batted them away.

I started walking blindly, seeking some alone time, wanting to get my emotions under control without an audience. Instead, I walked headlong into Rand’s broad chest. “Oh my God, I’m sorry,” I said, remembering my Southern accent about halfway through my sentence. He must have thought I was a total idiot, and I basically agreed with him.

“No worries.” He paused and seemed to be reading me. “Are you well?”

I nodded and looked down, embarrassed.

“It appears you’ve been crying? Did Sinjin…”

“No,” I laughed halfheartedly and wiped away a few errant tears. “It was yer speech. I thought it was very touchin’.”

“Oh, well thank you.”

I nodded and didn’t know what else to say. Rand seemed uncomfortable as he nodded back and then started to walk away. But, I didn’t want him to leave. I tried to resist the urge to stop him but my feelings were suffocating me. I grabbed his hand and he turned around, more than a little surprised.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” I blurted the words before I had a chance to even consider them and after considering them, talk myself out of them.

Rand was visibly shocked, but he responded with a warm smile. “Thank you, but…”

“I apologize to y’all. I…I mean, I shouldn’t have said that to y’all,” I started, desperately trying to sound southern but suddenly realizing y’all was plural. Son of a...

“I thought you were with Sinjin?” Rand asked, somewhat confused. Was he interested? Although I ached to be with him, the fact that he might return my interest not knowing I was me, was something I wasn’t prepared for. My heart felt like it dropped out of my chest.

“Oh, well, I am but…”

He shook his head. “If you wish to be free of Sinjin, I’m more than happy to help you. But, if you are asking merely to be…with me, I have to…politely refuse.”

“I understand,” I said, beaming with relief.

“I…I appreciate your invitation and you are very beautiful…” he began in an embarrassed tone “I…I…just, well, my heart belongs to someone else.”

My own heart swelled in the hope that I was his someone else. Me, the old Jolie. The one that wasn’t quite as pretty as the new Jolie but the one who dressed a hell of a lot better and didn’t have a two-toned neck. “I understand, shugah, is she here tonight?” Inwardly, I cringed. My acting was just…revolting.

“No,” he smiled. “I won’t let her fight although she argued every step of the way.” He shook his head and smiled. “She can be difficult.”

Okay, it probably wasn’t right to pry especially when Rand had no idea I was trying to find out about how he felt towards me but seriously, how could I not? And since Rand refused to talk to me before my big move to Australia, what better way to know if he was still mad at me?

I laughed nervously but continued, “Where is she?”

His eyes took on a sad, faraway expression. “Aboard a plane, headed to Australia.”

“Well, I hope she realizes what a lucky gal she is.”

He became quiet and nodded, then the warmth of his eyes blanched into ice and his jaw tightened. I felt cold arms around my shoulders and didn’t have to look up to realize Sinjin had returned.

“Tallulah, my Love, I was looking for you.”

“Sinjin,” Rand’s voice was anything but friendly.

“Ah, Randall, I understand I just missed a most glorious speech given by you.”

“You didn’t miss much.” Rand gave me a hurried smile as he turned from Sinjin and started walking away.

Without any warning, Sinjin grabbed me and kissed me. His kiss wasn’t tender; it was almost angry. I wanted to pull away but knew I couldn’t. I didn’t want to blow my cover. Luckily, Sinjin withdrew on his own.

“Poppet…” he started.

But, he never finished his sentence because Rand suddenly whirled around and started coming back toward us, anger radiating from him. He pushed Sinjin away from me impulsively and then stopped himself. “Goddamn you, Sinjin,” he fumed.

Sinjin wiped his shirt and smiled sarcastically “Randall, what have I done to offend your delicate sensibilities now?”

Rand’s face was red and his aura steaming purple as it glowed in the night. “You disgust me.”

“And why, pray tell?”

“You vie for Jolie’s affections and yet when you’re away from her, you switch direction like the wind…”

“How poetic, Randall,” Sinjin said with a laugh. “Bit of the green-eyed monster, is that it?”

“You are scum and you don’t deserve her.”

“What would you have me do?” Sinjin scoffed, his anger suddenly becoming visible. That was when I realized Sinjin was easily as angry as Rand, only he controlled it better.

“Stay away from her,” Rand seethed.

“And if she desires me above you?”

Beads of perspiration appeared on Rand’s brow. “I hope she doesn’t. But if she falls for your game, and you hurt her, you’ll have to answer to me.”

“Poppet,” he said and laughed in my direction. “Observe the drama.”

But, I wanted nothing to do with the drama, confusing thoughts ramrodding my mind. I loved Rand but I couldn’t help my feelings for Sinjin. Was it right to love Rand and yet be so attracted to Sinjin? No, the answer had to be no. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the need to retreat, to run away. The kicker of the whole stupid situation was that I couldn’t say one word! But, what I could do was walk away—I could absolutely play the part of jealous second as far as Sinjin was concerned and it wouldn’t seem odd. So, that’s exactly what I did.

I walked as quickly as I could and was relieved when Sinjin didn’t follow me. Maybe he realized I needed some alone time. I neared the blackness of the forest and collapsed next to an immense, gnarled tree trunk, sobbing. What a way to spend what could be the last night of my life!

Jolie.

It was Rand. I couldn’t find the strength to respond right away. I was still trying to control the flood of tears choking me.

Can you hear me?
he persisted.

Yes, I can hear you.

Good…good. I wanted to ensure you and Christa were safely aboard the flight to Sydney?

Yes, we are
. God, I didn’t like lying to him but what choice did I have?

Very good. I…also wanted to apologize for not saying goodbye properly.

I didn’t know how to respond. There was so much to say but I didn’t have any idea where to begin
. I wanted to apologize to you too
, I started.

Rand was quiet, finally allowing me to get the words out that had been bottled up within me.

Rand, I want you to know I didn’t…I didn’t think Sinjin would say what he said to you. I never wanted to hurt you. I don’t know how to explain it but I wasn’t in my right mind when I told him about…us. It just came out and I’ve regretted it ever since. I trusted him and I was stupid to trust him. I just needed someone to be there for me.

I am always here for you.

I needed to talk to someone other than you, Rand
. I paused.
I’m sorry and I want you to know I have total faith in you regarding the battle tomorrow.

He was quiet for a moment or two.
Have you been crying?

Hmm, how had he figured that one out? I shrugged, imagining maybe he could pick up on my feelings through our mental connection.
Yes, I’ve been so worried and I couldn’t stomach the idea of you going to war and being angry with me.

I wasn’t angry with you, Jolie. I was hurt.

I’m sorry.

There is something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. I’d hoped to tell you before tonight and I could kick myself for my own bloody foolish pride…but, I want you to know there has never been a day I haven’t thought of you. Sometimes I drive myself mad with debating over whether we should be together or not. I’ve never acted on my feelings because I’ve convinced myself I’m not in your best interests.

His comment amazed me. Not in my best interests? As if to say I was too good for him?
How could you not be in my best interest?

Because you are special, Jolie. You’re unique and someday you’ll realize the extent of your powers. You’re not like any Underworld creature I’ve ever seen before and I’ve kept you at arm’s length because I feel such an incredible need to protect you.

Rand…

It’s my own foolishness that has made me unable to tell you, but now we might never see one another again. I…I just want you to know…

He paused for such a long time, I wondered if I’d lost him. I was about to prompt him, to make sure he was still there but he beat me to it.

I love you. I’ve always loved you.

Fourteen

I blinked and awoke with the feeling that something wasn’t right. It was the silence. It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the pitch blackness of the room, so I blinked a few more times, rubbed my eyes and sat up. Still no good. Imagining a flame in midair, my magic acquiesced and the flame hovered in the middle of the room, burning orange with flecks of purple-blue. The fire offered enough light to show me I was in a room unknown to me, still in the fairy village.

So, the fairy potion designed to sleep off any partying we’d done the evening before had worked like a charm. Haha, no pun intended. I turned to the bedside table, searching for the stake I’d brought with me which I’d laid next to the bed last night. Glancing down at myself, I noticed I was still dressed in my Tallulah outfit. Not exactly battle wear. With a thought I magicked myself into stretch pants, tennies and a form-fitting tee shirt over a sports bra. A training outfit for the battle. The thought filled me with uneasiness and the fact that I was alone did nothing to soothe my agitation. I instinctively searched my neck for the amber talisman from Mathilda. As soon as I fingered the warm stone, it brought a rush of soothing comfort to me. I’m not sure why—it wasn’t like the damned thing was good for anything. I grasped the stake and pushed it into the waistline of my stretch pants, at the small of my back. I had my amulet and my stake; I was good to go.

I stretched and wondered what the time was. There weren’t any windows in the room, owing to Sinjin’s vampiric reaction to sunlight. Speaking of whom, where the hell was the vampire? I moved the flame around the perimeter of the small chamber, only to find I was alone.

I sprang out of bed, suddenly fearing the worst: it was daylight and Sinjin was outside, probably cooking like a piece of well done meat. I bolted for the door and threw it open and was greeted by a sliver of moon in an array of twinkling stars. Judging by the navy blue of the sky, the sun had just expired. A cold breeze wafted through the otherwise still room and enveloped me, as if beckoning me to walk outside.

I stepped outside my door which slammed behind me as if a ghost had just locked me out. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to figure out in which direction to go. I mean, it wasn’t like I’d paid any attention when I’d come here last night.

Last night…the memory of my conversation with Rand radiated warmth throughout my body, shielding me from the bite of the cold night air. After confessing our love for one another, we’d agreed to try to make our relationship work, being careful to avoid the subject of the whole bonding scenario. And I’d been careful to shove any thoughts of Sinjin to the back of my mind.

At the end of our cosmic call, a glowing pixie appeared, telling me she was to lead me to my bedroom. Too exhausted to argue and still elated, I obediently followed the sprite to my pseudo hotel room, swallowed the tankard of fairy potion next to the bed and promptly fell fast asleep.

I took a step toward the dirt path leading from my room into the village, yellow floating torches lighting the way. I followed the torches down the winding, narrow passage, numerous one room bungalows sprouting off the pathway. Many of their doors opened, revealing members of our legion as they stepped into the moonlight. Their garments were varied—seemingly dependent on what particular magical race they were. A few weres were dressed in their everyday wear since they’d soon be reverting into their wolf forms, thereby shredding whatever they’d been wearing.

The air felt weighty, thick with emotion. It was almost like we were en route to a funeral, everyone so quiet and morose. A vampire I didn’t recognize walked along the pathway beside me, sporting a metal breastplate and backplate. The only way to kill a vamp was to bury a stake in his heart so his defensive measures made sense. His face, as well as those of the other legion members, didn’t reveal much but since this was the night of reckoning, I had to imagine their hearts were heavy. Mine certainly was. I felt like I was on auto pilot as I trudged along the path, consumed by my own anxiety. I couldn’t stifle the worry concerning Sinjin’s whereabouts. But beyond that, I resolved not to focus on whether the next few hours of my life would be my last.

I hurried past the soldiers as they made their way down the path. My only hope was that Sinjin had gone in search of food? Maybe he was in the throes of supping on Candy’s blood while fondling her breasts. That thought brought a pinch of jealousy with it but I actually welcomed the spectacle over the alternative of finding Sinjin dead and unrecognizable, reduced to mere dust. He was over six hundred years old, so surely he’d had to seek shelter from the sun before? Probably so, but I found it hard to convince myself, nonetheless.

I followed the torches into the courtyard where more soldiers continued to exit their assigned rooms, heading for the mouth of the fairy village to take them to the battle site, I presumed.

“Poppet,” Sinjin’s voice and icy fingers dispersed my thoughts as he pulled me from the midst of our legion.

“Sinjin!” Relief consumed me as I realized he was absolutely fine, nothing fried or melted about him. “Where have you been?”

He chuckled. “I stepped out this evening, Love, to feed.” He pulled me into him. “Speaking of feeding, you were asleep last eve and missed yours.”

“Crap!” I blurted, realizing I wasn’t helping my odds of surviving this battle by missing even one opportunity to drink his blood. A panic attack loomed over me but vanished as soon as Sinjin took my hand. Somehow his touch soothed my fear and allowed me to breathe again. He led me off the path and into an alcove of elm trees. We walked down a small ravine and I glanced behind to make sure no one had followed us. I wasn’t sure who was more uncomfortable with the bloodsharing, Sinjin or me. When his privacy was finally satisfied, he stopped walking, pulled me close to him and pierced his wrist. He offered the open puncture as though he was offering milk to a kitten.

“Where is your armor?” I asked, when I noticed he wasn’t wearing a shred of protection. His usual outfit consisted of dark slacks and sweater or button down shirt but now he wore dark jeans and a black tee-shirt.

He shooed me away with a wave of his unpunctured wrist. “I do not require armor.”

I was ready to debate that but Sinjin wrapped his arms around me, bringing his wrist to my lips. “Drink, my love,” he crooned, stroking my hair. “You will need it.”

I closed my eyes, forcing myself not to gag and fastened my lips over his icy vein. After a minute or so and five swallows, I pulled away. The start of a blood headache began in my temples and emanated toward the back of my head.

Sinjin grasped the back of my neck and forced my mouth back to his sputtering vein. “You need more, Pet.”

I shrugged, but continued sucking, deciding more was better than less. I had to close my eyes, the sight of his blood making me nauseous. I couldn’t get used to the metallic taste as it spurted into my mouth and I had to force myself to swallow. I wouldn’t make a good vampire.

Without warning, Sinjin pressed me tightly against him, dropping his head back and exhaling deeply. I often wondered if my drinking his blood was in some way sexual for him and I guess I got my answer—it looked like he was ready to lose it right there. His free hand meandered down my back and cupped my butt as he pushed me onto his erection. I stopped drinking, dropped his wrist and threw myself away from him, shocked and angry.

“Sinjin!” I started but in an instant, he knocked me to the ground and pinned me in the dirt. His fiery eyes glowed white and his fangs were fully extended. Half of me worried he was going to bite me. The other half was riveted by his erection that was now ensconced between my thighs.

“Get off me,” I gasped, trying to still my beating heart, trying to talk myself into being upset and not out of breath with excitement.

“This is your final self defense lesson, Love,” Sinjin said, his eyes deadly serious. For a split second I feared he might attack me—there was an angry vehemence in his eyes I’d never seen before. He just appeared so…completely emotionless. And at that point, I realized I didn’t know Sinjin as well as I thought I did. I’d trusted him naively but he was unpredictable and could turn on me at any instant. I wondered if that instant had arrived.

“We have to meet at the Clava…” I started in a hesitant voice laced with trepidation.

Sinjin didn’t reply; he just leaned against me while his hands gripped both sides of my waist almost painfully. I braced my hands against his chest, my fear turning to anger and demanded, “what the hell has gotten into you? Have you lost your freaking mind?”

His hands left my waist, sliding underneath my tee-shirt and further still. Before he could reach my breasts, my heels found traction against the loose earth and I shoved away from him. I got up so fast, my head fogged with blood and dizziness and I had to lean against a nearby tree for stabilization. Sinjin was instantly beside me, leaning into me, pushing me against the rough bark of the tree.

“The warlock is not right for you,” he whispered, restraining my arms behind me with one hand. The other hand gently massaged my waist, moving lower until he ran his hand across my butt.

“Get your goddamned hand off me,” I snapped as I attempted to buck against him, something which was futile. “Any feelings I had for you are in the process of being decimated.”

He responded by pulling me closer to him, smothering me with his coolly masculine scent. “You will not admit it, Jolie, but you know I speak the truth.”

Anger swelled inside me and I managed to pull one of my hands free which I used to lash out against him. I smacked his face with all my pent up rage. His neck recoiled with the force of the blow, surprising him long enough that he was temporarily off balance. I wasted no time in bolting in the opposite direction. Before I had the chance to run, he grabbed my hand and with an intense strength, whirled me back around and pressed me against the tree again, this time with my face against the rough bark.

“To think I trusted you,” I spat, unable to move.

“You feel a deep connection to me, Pet. Do not deny it for you know it is true.” I could feel his icy breath on my neck. His words seemed to melt all over my body. I closed my eyes and felt a surge of excitement that worried me. It was like his words could dictate my body’s reaction. But, that was impossible.

“The warlock cannot feed the passion within you. He is too good, too noble and too concerned with morality.”

“And I’m not?”

“You are different, Poppet. You have a fire in you the warlock cannot satisfy.”

I scoffed. “And you can?”

He returned my sarcasm. “You already know the answer to that question.”

I frowned, not appreciating his comparison of me to himself. Despite all of my issues, I was nothing like Sinjin. I was much more like Rand than Sinjin was willing to admit. I suddenly realized most of Sinjin’s actions of late had stemmed from jealousy. He couldn’t have known what Rand had said to me the previous evening but it didn’t change the tide of desperation in his words and actions. Desperation to keep me away from Rand.

And just like that, he let me go, leaving me to contemplate his words. But, there was nothing to contemplate. Rand was noble, true, but it wasn’t as though I was ignoble. And as for Rand satisfying my passions, he was definitely up to it and then some. I mean, even though he and I hadn’t done the nasty yet, the promise was still there. So, take that, you stupid vampire.

The coldness of the night air felt warm in comparison to the chill of Sinjin’s body. I glared at him before trudging back up from the ravine, through the trees and returned to the courtyard. I knew Sinjin would be beside me momentarily.

“You make it easy to dislike you,” I seethed.

“The truth is difficult to hear, Love.”

“There is no truth in anything you’ve said. You’re just trying to convince me because you can’t stand the fact that you’ve lost.”

“Lost?” he asked with a flirtatious smile—like he had information to which I wasn’t privy.

“Yes, you’ve lost to Rand and you can’t stand it.”

“Love,” Sinjin started.

“No more, Sinjin, I don’t want to hear anymore.” I held up my hand to end the conversation and tried to calm my racing heart. I didn’t have time to spar with Sinjin, verbally or otherwise. There was a war on the horizon, and who knew what it would bring. All I did know was that I only cared about terminating Ryder and keeping Rand safe.

I didn’t wait for a response from Sinjin and instead, followed the throng of soldiers as they marched to the entry of the village, leaving Sinjin in my wake. I couldn’t see over the wall of shoulders but soon realized they were dividing into two lines. Each line stood in front of a large and gnarled oak tree, probably as old as Sinjin. The soldiers at the front of the lines placed their hands on the tree trunk and vanished from sight. I walked the few paces that separated me from the last creature in line, a vamp, and shrugged off Sinjin’s fingers as they drummed the nape of my neck and trailed my spine.

“Love, you are my human or have you forgotten?”

“Our charade is done,” I spat, not daring to glance behind me. In an effort to escape him, I moved so close to the vamp in front of me that he turned around with an annoyed expression. I had to wrap my arms around myself to ward off the chilly air as I stood between Sinjin and his brethren.

“Jolie, dear Jolie, do not resent me for speaking an ugly truth.” His fingers caressed my neck and throat as he whispered in my ear.