Together We Heal (25 page)

“I’m not sure. I mean, it’s going so well with you, so maybe? He’ll probably be mad that I didn’t tell him before you.” We were lying back on his bed, cuddling close.

“You know he’s not going to care at all. Anyone who really loves you isn’t going to give it a second thought.” God, I hoped so. I’d been hiding it so long and making such a huge issue of it in my head that I’d built it up into this insurmountable obstacle to my life, but now that wall was starting to crumble.

“So, do I kiss better than a girl?” he asked and that made me laugh again. Who knew I was going to be laughing so much when I officially “came out.” I really hated that term. No one had to come out and say “hey, guess what, I’m straight!” Straight was the default and that pretty much sucked for the rest of us.

“You kiss better than anyone I’ve ever kissed before,” I said, and it was the complete and total truth.

“Wow, I was just kind of joking,” he said, putting his lips to my temple. “That’s quite a compliment.”

“Do I kiss better than other girls?” I watched his face as he answered.

“Are you kidding? All of that other stuff I’ve done before was just… nothing. It was lips touching and nothing more. Kissing you is like… being set on fire.” I knew exactly what he meant.

“So then we owe it to kissing to do it as much as possible,” I said.

“Absolutely. We have no choice,” he said, nodding seriously. Before I could second-guess myself, I got up and straddled him and pressed my lips to his.

Fire. It was just like that.

Our tongues met and sparks burst in my brain and everything tingled everywhere. Down below, I could feel his hardness pressing against his jeans and into me. I rolled my hips and he moaned into my mouth. I swallowed it and the sound fueled me further.

I broke the kiss and sat up, pulling my shirt over my head. My bra and panties didn’t match and weren’t particularly stunning, but from the look on his face when he stared at me, it didn’t matter. He made me feel like the sexiest woman on the planet. It was an intoxicating thing. I was almost high on it.

The bra came off and I tossed it to the other side of the room. I was going to go for my jeans, but Max put his arms around me and in an impressive maneuver, he flipped us over in the narrow bed so he was on top. His shirt joined my bra on the floor and I ran my hands up and down his chest. I loved touching him this way. It was like I was getting away with something bad, which made it so much sexier. I never really thought I would go for someone without tattoos, but Max’s skin was just too beautiful. He was fine just the way he was.

He put the frenzy on hold as he held himself above me.

“I something you,” he said.

“I something you, too,” I said and then our bottoms were off. He kissed his way down my body and the flames burned higher. With every touch of his lips and tongue and hands, everything got hotter and more and I could barely stand it.

His tongue touched me and I nearly broke my back arching off the bed. No one had ever made me feel like this. Not another guy, not another girl. No one. Just him. My Max.

My orgasm came on me so fast, I didn’t have time to prepare myself for it. The waves of fire rolled down my spine and radiated to the ends of my fingers and the tips of my toes. When it was finally over, I looked down to find my very smug boyfriend kissing my inner thigh.

“You look very pleased with yourself,” I said.

“Yeah, well. It’s nice knowing I’m the reason you make those sounds. My name is the one you yell out. Maybe it’s a caveman thing, but it makes me feel like you belong to me.” I unwound my fingers from his hair and stroked his head.

“I do belong to you. That’s how this feels. Like you’re mine and I’m yours and it’s the way things were supposed to be.” The words fell so easily from my mouth. I never thought I would say things like that, but it was so simple with Max. He made me feel like the heroine in a romantic movie.

“I want to be yours. Completely,” I said. I hoped he knew what I meant. Judging by the look on his face, he did.

“Are you sure?” I bit my lip and thought about it. I had no doubts.

“Absolutely.”

My mouth went dry, but that changed the second he crawled his way up my body and kissed me so fiercely, it was like he was trying to prove to me just how much he loved me. I could feel it in everything he did.

Reaching between us, I ran my hand up and down his length and his hips jerked against my hand.

“Okay, you can’t do too much of that or else this is going to be over before it starts,” he said. I smiled up at him and squeezed him just a little.

“Seriously, Trish,” he said, his eyes shuttering closed and then open again.

“Okay, okay,” I said, rolling my eyes. Now came the semi-awkward part that I probably should have considered before I said we could do this.

“Do you have something?” The color drained from his face and he froze above me.

“Shit. I don’t think I do. But hold on.” Wait, what? He leaped off me as if he was on fire and started tearing around his room, pulling out drawers, dumping them and searching. It would have been absolutely hilarious if I wasn’t so turned on.

“Yes!” he said, holding up a little silver packet that he’d found somewhere.

“Is it expired?” I asked. You could never be too careful. He squinted at the packet.

“No! We’ve still got four years!” I thought he was going to do a victory dance, but he jumped back on the bed, his eyes sparkling.

“I think I got it during orientation or something, but who the fuck cares?”

“Not me,” I said, trying to hold in a laugh. He noticed.

“What’s so funny? Me running around with my dick hard looking for a condom? I don’t think that’s hilarious at all.” His eyes narrowed.

“No, that’s not funny at all. It’s just I’ve never seen someone have so much glee about a condom before.”

“Condoms mean sex. Therefore, condoms are exciting,” he said, sitting up and tearing the packet.

“Do you mind?” I’d always insisted on putting them on myself. Condoms were like a group project. It always turned out best when you did the work yourself because then you could be sure it was done right.

“Fuck, that’s hot. Holy hell, go for it,” he said, handing it to me and putting his arms up in the air to give me full access. I seriously had never seen anyone as excited about condoms. It was fucking adorable.

Carefully, I got the thing on and Max seemed to enjoy the process, judging by the sounds coming from his mouth through his clenched teeth.

“You’re good,” I said, because he’d closed his eyes. His eyelids popped open and he looked down.

“I couldn’t watch you because… well, yeah. Maybe some other time.” Another time. I couldn’t think past this time. I was mentally crossing my fingers that it would all work out. Everything we’d done so far had been unbelievable, but there was always that potential that things could go south and we wouldn’t fit together that way.

Max scooted down until he was right where he needed to be to make this happen. I kept my eyes on his face.

“You can say stop anytime you want, hun. You just have to say it out loud. Okay?” I nodded and just like the letter, I wanted him to just get on with it. That probably shouldn’t be the way I viewed sex, but I hoped once we got past this first time, things would be so much better.

Max was waiting for me, propped on his arms above me. It was now or never. I reached down and stroked him once with my hand before moving him into position. My other hand went around and squeezed his ass, pushing him so that he started to enter me.

“Oh!” I said. I didn’t mean to speak, but it had been a long time since I’d had sex with a guy like this. A long fucking time.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Max froze, just barely inside me.

“Yeah, just surprised. I haven’t had a dick inside me in a while,” I said. “No big deal. Please continue.” I almost started to laugh, but he was searching my face as if I’d lost my marbles. I squeezed his ass again and raised my hips just a little so he sunk in deeper. Okay, we were getting there.

“Please, Max,” I said and that was all it took for him to slowly get all the way inside me. It was strange and familiar and wonderful all at the same time. We were completely connected and I looked up at him and I almost wanted to cry.

“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?” I didn’t trust my voice, so I just shook my head and pulled his face down so I could kiss him.

“
Please
,” I said against his lips. I was more polite during sex than any other time. That was all it took and then, ohhhhh, yeah. We both traded curse words as he brought his hips back and then thrust into me again.

“Holy fucking mother fucking shit fucking fuuuuccckkk,” he said, which were my sentiments exactly.

I’d worried for absolutely nothing.

We were perfect together. Our bodies locked together and things just… clicked.

Perfection.

It was almost too intense. Too loud, too much, too hot. I thought I was going to burst out of my body. Distantly, I heard myself begging for more as I wrapped my legs around him, digging my heels into his ass in case he didn’t get the message. He listened and then frenzy increased. I kept up with him and then another orgasm was rolling through me in waves. I called out his name and just as I did, he arched his back and barked out my name.

A glow washed through me, the aftermath of the storm when everything was so still and quiet, you couldn’t believe that you’d just been through something. I stared into his eyes and that was all I could do. No moving. Just breathing was enough work for now.

Max closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine.

“I tell myself that I can’t love you more than I do and then something like that happens.”

“I know,” I said, finally finding my voice. “I didn’t know it was going to be like that.”

“Me neither. I just…” We should our heads at each other, still stunned. He started to pull out because he was going soft, and I missed him the second he was gone from my body. It made me want to hold onto him and bring him back, but that was silly. We could have sex again. You didn’t only get one time in your life. We could do this all day. Every day. Sure, it would make going to class and work and socializing difficult, but who the fuck cared about friends when there were orgasms like that to be had?

“I feel like I want to laugh and cry at the same time,” I said.

“Yeah, I feel that way too. I also feel like my arms are about to give out.” He had held himself above me, even when he came so he didn’t crush me. Not that he would. I wasn’t that fragile.

I turned and saw that yes, his arms were shaking.

“Then lie down, you idiot,” I said and he tipped to the side and landed on his back with an exclamation.

“I think the blood is still trying to make its way back to my brain,” he said.

“Yeah, I feel the same way. Like, if someone came in here and asked me to solve an equation to save my own life, I couldn’t do it.” He moved onto his side and turned his head so he could look at me.

“Why would someone ask you to solve an equation to save your life?”

“It’s just an expression.”

“Is it?” I gave him a look.

“You’re being an asshole right now.” I wasn’t really serious and he stuck his tongue out at me.

“But I’m your asshole.”

That made me smile.

“You are.”

“And you’re my wild girl,” he said, kissing the tip of my nose.

MIND-BLOWING, SPINE
-cracking, toe-curling, soul-filling sex. Because that was what that was. Going down on her was great, but seeing her come with my cock inside her was pretty much the best thing ever. And the fact that she finally let down her walls and I knew for sure she trusted me? Even fucking better.

We were both sweaty in the aftermath, but neither of us wanted to move. Trish made it to the bathroom, but she was stumbling when she got back. To be more accurate, we were pretty much incapable of much movement for quite a while. I pulled off the condom, tied it off and flung it toward the trash can. Fortunately, it went in.

“Shouldn’t we, um…” she trailed off. Words were hard right now. They were difficult to find in our brains and then say out loud.

“I can wait if you want to finish saying that.” She gave me a lazy smack on the chest with the back of her hand.

“Shut up.” I loved watching her. She had this happiness that radiated all over her face. It also gave me time to look at her skin. Every time I saw her naked, I felt like I found something new to look at.

“Why don’t you have any tattoos?” she asked. I lifted one shoulder.

“I don’t know. Just never found anything that I loved enough to want to put it permanently on my skin.” She thought about that.

“Do you want me to get one?” I asked. She’d never mentioned my lack of them before. I also knew that she normally went for the type that had them. It was yet another reason I was so happy to be with her.

“Only if you want to. I could get you a good deal with Magnus. Or you could pierce something. Your nipples maybe.” She flicked one of them and I shivered because it felt really good.

“I don’t know. That’s shoving a needle through a pretty sensitive bit of anatomy.” She looked up from my nipple.

“You could always pierce this,” she said, stroking my cock, which was finally coming back to life. Normally my recovery time wasn’t that long, but for some reason being with Trish had taken the bullets out of my gun for longer than usual.

“Hell no,” I said, not even wanting to think about how fucking painful it would be. Trish was now studying me as if she was picturing it. She flicked her finger across my head. Pain and pleasure at the same time.

“Well, it’s something to think about. It heightens pleasure. For both of us.” She raised one eyebrow and I laughed.

“I think that much more pleasure might kill one or both of us,” I said as she lazily stroked me up and down. If she kept that up, we were going to be heading for round two.

Did I mention this was the best birthday ever? Sex and a car all in one day. I was the luckiest guy on the planet.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” She gave me a sly smile and then scooted down until her face was level with my cock. Well, shit.

I stopped thinking as she wrapped her lips around me. I stopped thinking about just about everything but her for quite a while.

WE BOTH MOANED
when the alarms went off the next morning. Neither of us bothered to put clothes back on last night, so we were both naked and wrapped around each other. I loved having the smell of her skin all over my sheets.

“Why do we have to get up and do things?” she said, covering her eyes with her hands.

“That’s one of life’s greatest mysteries,” I said, feeling the same way.

“Well, the thing is, if we don’t leave this room, people will come looking for us, and I’d rather not have anyone but me see your naked self.” She squinted at me and I loved the way her eyes were just a little puffy and her hair was just an absolute disaster. It was going to take her quite a while to untangle it.

“How about a shower? It’s big enough for two.” Now I was the one doing the eyebrow wiggling.

“I like this idea,” she said, levering herself to her feet and giving me a hand.

I’D ALMOST COMPLETELY
forgotten about the letter from the night before. That was how much information my poor brain had to deal with.

“You still okay with me liking girls?” Trish asked as we stood under the spray of the shower.

“Hey, I like girls. Girls are awesome. I can totally understand why you would.” She shook her head at me.

“What?”

“I can’t believe I can joke with you like this. I never thought it would happen. It’s just crazy.” That was the thing, it didn’t seem that crazy to me. It was just… Trish.

We got out of the shower and she went first so no one caught us. Technically “four-legged showers” were verboten, so we didn’t want to get caught by an RA or someone else.

“What would they do? Like, tell you not to take showers?” she asked when we got back to her room.

“No idea, but I’d rather not find out.”

“Good plan.”

IT WAS STRANGE
to not be with Max. I would turn, expecting him to be sitting right next to me but he wasn’t. Since we’d been together last night, I guess I was just more aware of him. Or at least more aware of the absence of him.

I’d never before understood those couples who had to spend every waking second together, but I definitely did now. I’d seen him a few hours ago, but it felt like forever. What was he doing? What was he thinking? Was he missing me as much as I missed him? I hoped so.

I also hoped he wasn’t second-guessing his reaction to the letter. Deciding that no, he definitely wasn’t okay with me being bi. He hadn’t seemed like that this morning, but you never knew.

I just couldn’t let it go. I had a session with Beth that afternoon and I almost felt like I had to talk fast to get everything that had happened out.

“Wow,” she said, after I’d finished. I wasn’t shy with sharing anything with her now. It was weird. Telling someone who wasn’t technically involved with my life all my secrets was easier than I thought it would be.

“Pretty much,” I said and we both laughed a little. I’d stopped caring about her note taking. Most of the time I didn’t even notice it.

“And how do you feel now that you’ve come out to someone other than me?” I had to think about it for a second. Figure out what my emotions were instead of just telling her that I was fine.

“Good? I guess. Surprised that he was so totally okay with it. Hopeful that my other friends and my brother will have the same reaction. Worried that they won’t. Worried that he’ll change his mind.” Mostly good, but still those little doubts lingered in the back of my mind. They were always there and they always would be. No one was 100 percent positive all the time. You’d have to be insane.

“So even though things went as well as they possibly could, you’re still putting a negative spin on it?” Ugh, I hated it when she did that. Pointed out that shit.

“Yeah,” I said. “What? It’s my normal thing. That’s what I always do. Expect things to go south because they almost always do.” At least they had so far in my life.

“But is that really true? Yes, you had a lot of bad things happen, but there are good things too. You’ve got a brother who took you in and loves you. You’re in college, you’ve got a job and a boyfriend and friends who adore you. Don’t let the bad things blot out all the good things.” I knew she was right.

“It’s hard,” I said.

She gave me a reassuring smile.

“I know.” That was it. Having a therapist was part of the process, but the person in therapy had to do the actual work. It sucked ass.

I ALMOST JUMPED
on Max when he came home from work that night.

“Oh my God, that was the longest day ever,” he said, gathering me into his arms like we were being reunited after a long separation. He even lifted me off my feet and spun me around.