To Professor, With Love (21 page)
“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” - William Blake
~NOEL~
“Let’s go out tonight.”
It was a Friday and neither Ten nor I had to work. This had to be the second time in over a month we’d had the same night off, and it being a weekend made it even rarer. But I’d been planning on going to Aspen’s. Nights I got to spend the entire evening with her were few and far between. I madly craved some quality time with my woman.
“Can’t,” I said, rushing to finish the assignment I had for History. “Got plans already.”
“What? You going to Dr.
Kavanagh’s
to earn your next A?”
Slamming my pen down, I stood up glowering at him. “That is enough of that shit. Don’t talk about her that way again. Fuck, don’t even think about her. You and I are not going there.”
“Dude.” With a nervous laugh, Ten shifted a step back and lifted his hands. “You know I’m just messing with you.”
My hands fisted at my hips. “Well, it’s not funny.”
“Hey.” Growing serious, Ten set his hand over his heart. “When—and I say when, not if—this thing between you two goes south, I’m going to be right there for you, man. I’ll hand you every woe-is-me beer you need and find you that next rebound chick to get her out of your system. But until then, it is my God-given right as your best friend to lovingly harass you about it as often as possible.”
I let out a long, weary sigh. “So, basically, there’s no shutting you up?”
He grinned, wide and ornery. “Oh, Hell no.” Then he plopped down into the seat next to me. “So what’s she like, anyway? She make you do it with the lights out? Cut away a little hole in the sheet to fit your whacker through?”
“Seriously.” I waved him away as if swatting off an annoying fly. “You’re not getting anything out of me. You might as well zip it.”
“But I’m dying of curiosity here. This is big. Like huge. And if I can’t talk about it with anyone else, I’m talking the shit out of it with you.”
I groaned. “Dear God, save me.” Picking up my pen again, I tried to get back to my homework. But my roommate just wouldn’t stop.
“So really, have you actually seen her naked? Like total birthday suit nude? She have a decent little body under all those clothes or what? I could get that, you know, her hiding her light under a bushel. I bet she turns into a fucking animal once you strip her down. Bam!” He slapped his palm on the top of the table. “She has nipple rings, doesn’t she?”
I rolled my eyes. “She doesn’t have...” Realizing I was about to confess that I had indeed seen her nipples, I quickly revised with, “...a belly button ring.”
“But her nipples?” Tenning pressed, leaning in and really getting excited as he slapped the tabletop. “Oh, fuck. They
are
pierced, aren’t they? I knew it! God damn, you are the luckiest son of a—”
I cut him a glare. “I didn’t say they were pierced.”
“But you didn’t say they weren’t.”
“I didn’t say she didn’t have a tattoo and you haven’t automatically assumed she has one of those, now, have you?”
“Oh, hell. She’s got a tat too? I think I’m in love. Where is it? Is it a tramp stamp? Bet it’s a butterfly.”
With a groan, I tried to concentrate on my history lesson, but Ten slapped the tabletop again. “Seriously, cut that studying shit out already. Watching you turn scholarly gives me hives. Now get your ass into your room, change into some club-thumpers, and come with me to drunk it up.” When I just glared at him, he grinned. “I’m not going to stop harassing you about her until you agree to hang with me tonight.”
***
So Ten talked me into going out with him. When I called Aspen to bemoan my change of plans, she sided with my roommate, saying I needed to socialize as I always had or people might become suspicious. I still didn’t want to go, but I did.
I was bombarded as soon as I stepped into the frat house. I guess it’d been a while since I’d been out partying. Fellow football players slapped me on the back and stopped me for a chat. Girls slid me sidelong glances. And people kept refilling my cup as soon as it was close to being empty.
It was all so very typical, and yet now it felt off. Nothing here had changed, but I felt as if I had. I yearned for a quiet, peaceful evening at Aspen’s, watching a movie on her couch or experimenting on different takeout foods in the kitchen.
We’d cooked together. We’d showered together. We’d eaten and slept together. Worked on homework together—her grading, me writing. It was all so very domestic and maybe even boring, but I’d never been bored with her. And I’d always wanted to go back for more. And right now, in this crowded, music-thumping, party-blasting house, I just wanted to head to her place.
“Hey, Noel, baby.” Warm feminine fingers crept up my arm, making me jerk away and spin toward the redhead grinning at me.
Tianna’s friend. Marci, if I remembered correctly. “Hey,” I called over the noise, tipping my head to greet her in a vague kind of way.
She reached up on tiptoes and leaned in to talk into my ear. “Ready to cash in on the rain check?”
The threesome. Shit, I’d totally forgotten about that. As I glanced around, I spotted Tianna closing in on us. She waved, and my stomach swirled with unease.
Feeling cornered but wanting to let the girl down gently, I smiled at I shook my head. “Bad night.”
Biting her lip, she wrapped her arms around my bicep. “Tomorrow then? Please.”
Great. She wasn’t going to give up, was she? I winced. “Look, I appreciate the offer but...”
Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Who is she?” she asked, no longer smiling, and actually looking as if she was ready to cut a bitch.
Alarm raced up my spine, but I kept playing it cool. Clueless. I wrinkled my eyebrows. “Who’s
who
?”
“The new girl you’re fucking? I haven’t seen you with anyone around campus.”
“Marci,” I gritted out, growing annoyed with this conversation. “I didn’t want to be an asshole and say this, but I’m just not interested in you.”
She snorted. “Not interested?” Backing up, she splayed out her hands to encompass her body. “In this?”
Meh. I actually preferred Aspen’s look more. But I couldn’t say that. I could, however, put a dent in Marci’s inflated ego.
“Look, Tianna told me how obsessed you are about me. And I’m not looking for anything like that. I don’t do relationships, or clinging women, or sobbing midnight phone calls, begging me to give you another chance. And you have exactly that kind of drama written all over you.”
When her mouth fell open, I realized I’d probably gone a little overboard. I sent her another apologetic wince and friendly pat on the shoulder. Then I turned and got out of there as quickly as possible without looking as if I was bolting. She didn’t follow, but I had a feeling I hadn’t heard the last from her. I’d never been into cutting down a woman like that before, so whatever she did to me in response, I’d probably deserve.
I faced a whole new set of problems when I entered the next room, though. Less crowded, it had a couple couches sitting around a coffee table and facing a television. And my roommate was in the center of the action, drinking from a funnel and looking completely lit.
“
Ow
!” he shouted when he saw me. Jumping onto the coffee table, he pretended to strum a guitar like a rocker. “
I got it bad. Got it bad. Got it bad. I’m hot for teacher
.” Then he fisted his hands and pumped his hips, dry humping the air as he continued to sing the golden oldie Van Halen song.
I shook my head and sighed. “I’m gonna kill him. I am seriously going to kill him.”
“Hey, Gamble.” He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled. “Sing it with me.
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad
—”
“You’re fucking drunk,” I shouted back.
“No,
really
? How’d you guess? Hey, does she like to play naughty schoolgirl? That way, you could be
her
professor every once in a while.”
Quinn appeared next to me, holding a red plastic cup as he peered up at Ten. “What’s he talking about?”
“I have no idea.” I couldn’t stop glaring at my roommate, thinking up the quickest way to silence him.
Death.
Yes, it’d have to be death.
“What kind of stuff does she make you do for extra credit? Write
fuck me silly
fifty times in a row? Do you call her
Dr.
Kavanagh when you’re inside her? Hey, do you even know her first name?”
“Enough!”
“Think she’d lift my grade too if I offered to lick her—”
With a roar, I launched myself at Ten’s legs. When we both toppled over backward off the table, someone screamed and about a dozen players surged forward to break us apart. But I still got in a couple decent punches before I was pulled off him.
Quinn was the only one with enough muscle to drag me away. Breathing hard, I pushed him off me as soon as he got me alone in a brightly lit bathroom. But Jesus, I couldn’t believe my best friend on earth had just ousted me like that.
“I’m gonna kill him,” I muttered even as I grew sick to my stomach. Aspen would never forgive me for this. Oh, God. Had I just ruined her entire life? “I can’t believe he...he...”
“Jeez, Noel.” Hamilton tugged at my arm to get me to face him. “He’s drunk. He always talks stupid when he’s drunk.”
My chest heaved from how strongly I was breathing. “But he said—”
Quinn laughed and shook his head, looking completely unconcerned about how shit was about to hit the fan. “You’re not honestly worried we
believed
a word he said, are you? We all know how much you hate Kavanagh.”
When I shot him an irritated scowl, everything inside me was still too open and raw. The truth must’ve reflected on my face because his eyes widened.
“Oh,” he breathed, his mouth falling open as he gaped in absolute shock.
I hissed, “Shit,” and squeezed my eyes closed.
Damn it. Hamilton did not need to know about this. Too many people already knew. Hell, after Ten’s little show, I’d be surprised if everyone
didn’t
know. When I risked a glance his way, Quinn was still staring, badly.
“Look, it’s not what you think.”
He immediately lifted his hands and shook his head. “No. No, of course not,” he agreed. “I mean, after Coach Jacobi’s decree and the scandal on the volleyball team, you’d never risk her job and your own future like that, just to...” His eyes were wide and seeking. “Would you? You love her, right?”
It struck me just how truly innocent Quinn Hamilton was. I’d never heard the kid cuss, or say one disparaging thing about anyone else. He had that pure, boy-next-door edge about him and thought the best of everyone. We all teased him about being a virgin, and looking at him right then, I had to wonder if he really still was.
He stared at me with his hero-worship gaze on. I was the leader of our team, and he’d always looked at me as if I could do no wrong. If I said the wrong thing right now, I could wipe out his entire belief system.
“Fuck, yes, I love her,” I hissed. And then it struck me what I’d just admitted, but what shocked me most of all was that I hadn’t lied. All feeling drained from my limbs, and my face probably went sheet white as I stumbled back to sit on the closed seat of the toilet. “Oh, shit. I love her.”
I loved Aspen.
“Don’t worry.” Ham leapt forward and patted my shoulder to support me when I buried my face in my hands. “I won’t tell anyone. I swear. I mean, you’re really one of the only friends I have here, so...” He shrugged and offered me a pathetic smile. “I don’t have anyone to tell anyway.”
God, he just seemed so...young. I couldn’t remember ever being that young. I’d been wizened to the world since birth, always feeling responsible for someone, or avoiding a fight, or working to keep my nose clean. I’d never been able to gain such blind devotion for anyone the way Quinn seemed to have for me.
“Are you seriously only nineteen?” I wondered aloud, finding it hard to believe someone could stay that pure for that long.
Quinn flushed and cleared his throat before he scratched his ear. “Actually, I’m twenty-one.”
“Huh? But you’re a—”
“Yeah.” He shrugged and glanced away. “I was held back in school a few years.”
For some reason, that reminded me of Aspen, who’d been pushed forward in school. It must really fuck with a person socially to mess with their schooling timetable.
I stared at him with a new set of eyes, and opened my mouth to say shit-knew-what when the door to the bathroom opened.
Ten stumbled inside. A cut on his lip looked like it’d just finished bleeding. His eyes were bloodshot, but he seemed to have sobered quite a bit, because he immediately started apologizing.
“Gamble, man, I am so sor—”
Rage boiled in my bloodstream as I surged to my feet. Winding back my arm, I punched him right in the eye. “You son of a bitch.”
He moaned and clutched his face. “Shit,” he muttered, bending over and dancing in place as if that would alleviate the pain. “Fuck, man. That hurt.” He straightened, clutching his eye.
I pointed my finger at his nose and growled. “If she gets
any
grief because of what you just did, I will never forgive you.” Shoving past him, I opened the door to leave, but caught a wide-eyed Hamilton watching us.
“And you.” I pointed to him. He gulped and shifted a step back. I still couldn’t believe he was twenty-one. Old enough to drink alcohol, or more importantly, serve it. “Do you need a job?”
“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” - T.S. Eliot
~ASPEN~
Thursday night. Ladies’ night. The Forbidden Nightclub was crowded as usual.
After I splashed on a little makeup and slid on my favorite pair of tight pants with tall leather boots and dressy top, I strolled into the club, unable to stay away from my man.
Hugging the edges of the crowd, I kept close to the dark walls, wondering whether he’d be working tables or the bar this evening. I scanned the tables first, until I spotted a server. Noel’s roommate stood at one small table pulling some bills from his black waist apron to give a table full of girls their change. I had a bad feeling I knew exactly where he'd gotten the black eye he'd been sporting all week, so I'd never asked Noel about it.
As Ten handed the change back, he leaned in to speak into the ear of one girl. But whatever he said must’ve been pretty offensive because her mouth dropped open right before she slapped him. He merely grinned, blew her a kiss, and sauntered off.
Shaking my head, I wondered how Noel had ever befriended such a character.
The next waiter I spotted happened to be another student of mine. Another football player too. He must’ve sensed my gaze because he glanced over as he passed, and nearly tripped over his feet. He gaped a second before stepping toward me.
“D...Dr. Kavanagh,” he greeted. Shit. My cover was blown. “Do you need a drink?”
“No, I—” I started before cutting myself off. Great, if I didn’t need a half-priced drink on ladies’ night then what possible reason did I have for being here? So I opened my mouth to order something—anything—when he nodded his head toward the back of the club. “Noel’s working the bar tonight.”
My jaw sagged. “I...
excuse me
?” I wrinkled my brow as if I was überly confused. Inside, my nervous system went haywire with panic.
But why in the hell would he automatically tell me where Noel was? He should not know I was here to see Noel.
As if realizing he’d just misspoken, his eyes grew big. “I mean...” He coughed into his hand. I watched the wheels in his brain churn, trying to come up with a cover. “I just meant...my friend,
Noel
, was at the bar...you know, in case you changed your mind and wanted to order anything. You could go up there, no problem, and order something from him...if you wanted...later on.”
He had to be the worst liar on the face of the planet. An instant sheen of sweat had already coated his face and his eyes darted as if begging me to believe him. But at least he seemed to know he was caught because he whirled away before I could answer and darted off into the crowd of people.
I stared after him, my heart pounding. He knew. He knew about Noel and me. My flight instincts kicked into gear. I wanted to race toward the door and keep running, because if this guy knew, then who else knew? Noel’s roommate knew. More were bound to find out.
I suddenly felt as if I was standing on a ticking time bomb. This was going to end badly. There seemed to be no way around it.
“Hey there, pretty lady?” a voice said to my right, startling me back to the present. “Can I get you a drink?”
I turned slowly, mechanically, to see another waiter approaching. This one had a tattoo on the side of his neck, more running up and down both arms and too many piercings for me to count. I looked at him but really didn’t see him. The certainty of my impending doom weighed down on me, and I couldn’t breathe so well.
But the waiter merely grinned and snapped his finger as if he recognized me. “You were here a few weeks back, flirting with Gamble, weren’t you? He’s working the bar tonight.” Winding his arm around my waist, he applied the lightest pressure to the base of my spine and urged me forward as he accompanied me to the bar.
He wasn’t being pushy, but actually really considerate, so I knew I could back away and escape if I wanted to. The bad part was, I did want to escape. I wasn’t sure if I could face Noel just then. My mind was spinning and the object in my purse seemed to heat right through the leather and burn into the side of my leg.
But I let Noel’s coworker sweep me along anyway. He bent slightly to talk in my ear. “He’s a little crabby tonight, so maybe you can cheer him up for us, huh?”
I wanted to ask why Noel was crabby, but all too soon, there we were, at the bar.
“Yo, Gamble,” the man at my side called as he pulled out a barstool and offered me a hand to help me climb up and sit down. Noel’s back was to us. He was busy mixing a drink, so he didn’t turn immediately. I’d just settled my purse in my lap and straightened my spine on the stool when he finally glanced over.
His coworker leaned one arm on the bar and another loosely around my waist as he shouted over the noise. “Got some orders over here.”
Never taking his eyes off me, Noel carried his drink to the bar and set it on the countertop in front of the person who’d ordered it. And then he came directly to us.
“I need two beers from the tap, Corona in a bottle, and a fuzzy navel,” the tattooed waiter started.
Noel didn’t even give him the time of day. His lips twitched and his eyes brightened into a smile. Finally, he asked, “What’re you doing here?”
He looked too pleased to see me for me to start slinging questions about how many people knew about us. Hell, I even forgot about what lay in my purse. I was too thrilled to be in his company again. Our secret stolen time together had been rare this week. A few longing glances across the classroom was all we’d been able to manage.
My body flooded with awareness. I wanted to grab his tight black shirt and drag him to the nearest supply closet to reenact our first time together. From the way his eyes glittered, I had a feeling he was having similar thoughts.
“I came for a drink,” I managed to say.
His half smile turned into a full grin. With a wink, he leaned across the bar and in a husky voice said, “Then you came to the right place.”
“Hey.” His coworker tapped on the top of the bar between us. “Did you hear me, princess? I said I needed—”
“Heard ya,” Noel snapped, but he kept looking at me. Voice dropping again to address me, he said, “Be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
He returned with a whole batch of alcohol. “Two house beers, Corona, and a fuzzy navel,” he said, setting them in front of his friend. “And a Bud Light Lime for the lovely lady.” As he set my drink in front of me, he added with a wink, “On the house.”
I took a drink, relishing the way the cool liquid wet my dry throat. Noel stuck around to watch, his gaze dipping to my lips. Knowing how much he liked mouths, I drew my bottom lip in between my teeth and sucked a drop of beer off it.
He lifted his gaze. “Stay till closing,” he said, wording it as a half-question, half-demand. “I’m going home with you tonight.”
The futility of our situation flooded me again, but I nodded anyway. I just couldn’t keep away from him. And I didn’t want to.
So I remained until last call, and then I stuck around a little longer. By the time only a handful of customers remained, all four of Noel’s coworkers had curiously glanced my way, but none of them ever asked to me leave. I’m fairly certain they all knew exactly why I was here.
Though I’d been excited to spend time with him after he clocked off, I grew worried as I sat there. Did everyone he worked with know about us? We were being too obvious, weren’t we? God, how pathetic was this? We knew each other inside and out, had shared more intimacies than I’d ever share with another living soul, and we had to sneak around and hide everything like a pair of pathetic teenagers.
This had to stop.
As if sensing my mood, Noel glanced over. His gaze seemed to see everything inside me, and he started forward just as someone else approached the bar. I could tell by the way his jaw bunched that he gritted his teeth in frustration as he glanced at the middle-aged woman who interrupted us.
“Sorry, ma’am,” he told her. “But we’re closed.”
“That’s okay,” she answered, slowly and methodically setting her hand on the bar. “I didn’t come for a drink.”
Warning bells screamed inside my head as I turned more fully toward her and took all of her in. Something about her, from the neat, precise way she dressed to each and every calculated move she made, reminded me of my mother. This woman was a cobra, and she was coiled tight, ready to strike her next victim. When she turned to look directly at Noel’s coworker behind the bar, I had to turn and look too. Mr. Lowe, who took World Masterpieces from me with his ever-cheerful, energetic girlfriend stood at the cash register, counting the drawer, with his back to us.
As if he sensed eyes on him—or maybe he’d heard the woman’s voice and recognized it—his hands froze in the pile of twenties.
A breath passed before he turned slowly and stared straight at the cobra. Then he locked up tight as if she’d somehow immobilized him and trapped him in her sights. The color drained from his face, and a handful of twenty-dollar bills fluttered from his limp hand, scattering the air as they drifted to the floor.
The look on his face was so familiar to me. I’d seen it too many times in the mirror after I’d been attacked by Zach. Every time I’d wondered to myself,
why did this happen to me, why does the world hate me so much, what have I done to deserve this
, I’d had that very same expression on my face.
Tossing him a conniving smile, the woman murmured, “Hello, Mason.”
Directly across the counter from me, I could actually feel Noel stiffen. A glance at his face told me he could sense the unease between Mason and the woman just as thickly as I could. His gaze darted between the two and he looked as if he wanted to jump in and defend his friend, but wasn’t sure how...or why.
After taking a large swallow, Mason finally opened his mouth. “Leave,” he said softly, except the steel behind that one word sent shivers through me. If I were the woman, I’d have been gone, see you later, bye-bye now.
But she merely smiled as if his hard command amused her. Then she gave away her tell when she blinked, fluttering her eyelashes rapidly. He’d managed to make her nervous.
“I need to talk to you, darling.”
Mason’s face went from white to green so fast I thought he might vomit all over the floor. “Not interested,” he said and bent down to gather the fallen bills, his hands shaking enough to make him fumble.
Growing impatient with him, the woman leaned over the counter. “Don’t you want to know what I have to say? I came all this way just to see you.”
“I don’t care what you have to say,” he growled, still scrambling to collect all the cash he’d dropped. “I just want you gone. Forever.”
She narrowed her eyes and ground her teeth. She didn’t like being ignored...just like my mother.
Noel bent down and helped Mason pick up the money. I couldn’t hear what he said, but he murmured something, and Mason nodded his head in return. About as soon as he did, Noel bobbed back upright, straightening and spinning to send the woman a pleasant smile.
“So, like I said,” he started again, “the bar’s closed. If you could leave now—”
“I’m not leaving until I talk to Mason.”
Noel’s smile fell and his jaw bulged again. “Well, he doesn’t want to talk to you, so...get lost.”
She glared, a sound of repugnance hissing from her nostrils before she turned back to watch Mason stand and ease the twenties back into the cash drawer.
“He doesn’t know what you are, does he?” she called past Noel’s shoulder. “I doubt anyone in this room knows what you’ve done.” She turned to glance at all the other guys who’d worked ladies’ night. They were the only people left now. She and I were the last two remaining customers. All the boys who’d played waiter and were wandering around the floor, picking up trash and sweeping, paused what they were doing, their attention on her.
Having gained her audience, the evil woman laughed and turned back to Mason. “I bet they’d be very interested to know how you
used
to make your money.”
Mason slapped the cash register closed, making me jump. He whirled around to glare daggers at his visitor. “What the fuck do you want?”
Pleasure bloomed across her face. In a mellow voice, she murmured, “I told you; I need to talk to you.”
“Then say whatever you’re dying to tell me and go away,” he growled. “And never come back again.”
She glanced at Noel and then me before tactfully licking her lips. “I think you’d rather hear this in private.”
He laughed, hard and short. “So not happening.”
“Fine.” She tossed her hair and gave a brittle smile. “Since you’re forcing me to speak out among your friends, then I will. I’m pregnant. And you’re the father.” She took a step back from the bar and untied the sash on her coat to let it fall open, revealing the bulging waistline under her blouse.
