To Mend a Broken Heart (4 page)

Chapter Four

Thursday arrives and I wake up ready for my day on the ward. I get dressed and head downstairs for some breakfast. My stomach was much more settled than it was on Tuesday when I went. As I’m sitting having my morning coffee my mind wanders to Daniel. He said he will be there today and that there will be some kind of party. I am looking forward to seeing the children’s faces and spending more time with them.

I arrive at the ward a little before ten and I’m buzzed through. Just as the doors are about to close I hear a voice call out behind me and I turn around. Daniel is just approaching the door. His cheeks are flushed and he is wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt with a blue jacket over the top. I find myself suddenly feeling warm and it has nothing to do with the heat inside the hospital, even though it is stupidly warm in here. He looks gorgeous, beyond gorgeous. It is a simple enough look, but the blue makes his eyes look incredible. He looks amazing in blue. As quickly as the thoughts come into my head, I push them away. I am not about to start looking at other men in that way. Richard has barely been gone three months. The little voice in the back of my head,
Ginny’s voice
tells me, I lost my husband, I didn’t lose my sight or the right to find another man attractive. I inwardly tell her to shush.

“Katie, hi.” he smiles at me as I hold the door open for him.

“Morning, Daniel. How are you today?”

“Besides late?” he grins, “I’m okay. How are you?”

“You’re not late,” I laugh checking my watch, “And I’m.. I’m really good actually. Are you ready for the party?”

“I’m always ready for the party. I’m glad to hear you’re okay. After Tuesday, I was worried you wouldn’t come back. It’s a lot to take in, for anyone, let alone for someone who is dealing with what you are.” he smiles kindly at me.

“Daniel, out of the both of us, it amazes me that
you’re
here.”

“Now that doesn’t surprise me at all. This place, the children, the staff,” something flashes in his eyes but when I look again, it’s gone and I can’t tell what it was, “It’s what keeps me going.”

We head into the staff room and hang our jackets up, I place my phone on silent and slip it back into my bag before heading to the main reception with Daniel. He walks just a little in front of me and I can’t help but appreciate his height. He is easily over six foot, with broad shoulders and a narrow waist. His hair has that effortless messy look. He really is rather beautiful.

“Morning Daniel, Katie.” Sally smiles.

“Morning, Sally. How are you today?” Daniel asks, resting his elbow on the counter.

“I’m good. How are you?” Sally leans forward a little and places her hand on his arm in a manor that is friendly, sympathetic even.

“I’m okay. Today is a good day.” he smiles at her.

“And Katie? How are you today?”

“Today is a good day for me also.” I smile.

“Good. That’s what I want to hear. The playroom are setting up for the party. I’m sure your help will be appreciated.”

“I’ll show Katie the ropes,” Daniel looks at Sally who has her eyebrows raised and a smile on her face, “Nothing kinky I promise.” he laughs, holding his hands up.

“I’ve heard that before!” Sally smiles, making her way to one of the rooms whose call light is flashing.

“Haven’t we all?” I call after her.

Today is going to be a good day. I can tell.

* * *

I watch Daniel with the children. They adore him and he obviously adores them. They hang off him, they sit on his lap, one little girl even climbs on his back and hangs around his neck like a monkey. All the while Daniel smiles and laughs and tickles them while still managing to be careful of the many wires they have, yet without making a big deal about it. He is incredible to watch. You know what else is incredible to watch? How all the females are around him. He has a lot of admirers on the ward. They laugh at his jokes, they look on with smiles on their faces while he plays every silly game under the sun with the children, and they all have the same look in their eyes, a look I am sure he is sick of seeing.
Pity.
They cock their head to the side a little while they talk to him, almost like he has ceased to be
Daniel the man
and will forever be
Daniel the Dad who lost his daughter.
He is forced to wear the title and he does so with a look of sadness and loathing in his eyes but a smile on his lips.

 Did I have that look?
Was I always going to be Katie who lost her husband in a car accident? Will I always be Richard Blake’s widow? I hope one day I won’t be, that’s what has happened, it isn’t who I am. I still have my own identity, just like I did when he was alive.

“Katie would love to wear your crown, Melissa!” Daniel's voice snaps me out of my daydream and back to the chaotic scene in front of me.

“Katie
would
love to wear your crown.” I smile at Melissa, a little girl currently sat in Daniel's lap and grinning at me.

“I don't have hair, I look so
stooooopid
with a crown.” she pouts.

“That is where you are completely wrong,” Daniel tells her, turning her face to look at him, “You are the most beautiful little girl in the world, with or without your crown.”

 Melissa's bottom lip wobbles and she looks first at Daniel then over to me.

“Is it true?” She asks, tears in her eyes.

“It is true. You don't need a crown to be beautiful, sweetheart.” I reach over and take her hand.

“But what about hair?” She whispers.

“You don't need hair either.” I smile.

“There is a boy at school,” She sighs sadly, “He told me I looked like an alien because girls are supposed to have hair.”

“Well, boys are mean and stoooopid!” another little girl pipes in.

“Lisa is right.” Daniel agrees nodding his head.

“But you're a boy. And you'r
e
not stupid.” Melissa looks back to Daniel who simply smiles.

“Ah, but Daniel is a special kind of boy,” I tell them, “Daniel is a
Prince
.
Prince Charming,”
I whisper. Daniel's blue eyes snap to mine and I smile and wink at him before continuing, “Doesn’t he look like
Prince Charming?
” I grin.

The girls look at Daniel who sits impossibly still for them, then turns his head from side to side so they get a better look.

“Prince Charming has brown hair!” Lisa pipes up.

“But his face is like Prince Charming. And Prince Charming has blue eyes and look,” Melissa turns Daniel's head to look at Lisa, “Blue!”

 Daniel smiles and I
swear
I hear a collective sigh from the women in the room. I can't help but smile too.

“If Daniel is the Prince,” Melissa says, reaching her little hand out, placing the crown on my head, “Then you are the Princess.”

“Absolutely.”  Daniel agrees looking at me.

My cheeks heat and I suddenly feel very shy. I sit, not sure what to say. I'm saved by Jackie, one of the nurses, telling everyone it was time to go and rest before dinner. The children all head back to their beds and I help Daniel pack everything away. When we both bend to pick up a party hat that is on the floor, my crown slips off. Daniel reaches for it and steps up to me.

“Why Princess Katie, you’ve lost your crown. Shall we see if it fits?”  

“Isn't that
Cinderella
and the glass slipper?”

“Yes,” he nods, “But we don't have a glass slipper, if we did, I'm sure it would fit. However, we do have a crown.”  

He holds it out in his hands and I tilt my head for him to place the crown back on my head. When I straighten up I come so close to his face, I can feel his warm breath on me. I can smell him so clearly. Fresh and clean and manly.

“It fits.” He whispers.

“Did you ever doubt that it would?” I tease, taking a step back.

“No. Never.” he smiles, that smile that would cause any woman to swoon a little. Or a lot.
Who am I kidding?

We finish packing everything away and before I know it, I’ve finished for the day. I’m not sure where Daniel is, Sally asked him to help her with something and he never came back. I want to say goodbye to him but I guess that won’t be happening. I grab my bag and jacket and make my way to the main door. Just as I push it open I hear my name being called from behind me. I turn around and see Daniel, rushing down the corridor with his jacket in his hands.

“I’m glad I caught you.” he pants.

“You are?”

“Yes.. I wanted to ask if you’d like to go out for a drink?”

I’m taken aback by his invite. Not sure how I should answer or even how I want to. A hundred different answers run through my mind, along with a thousand different reasons why I should say yes and the most important one being, because I want to. But I’m not sure I can make my mouth form the words my head is screaming at me to say.

“I’m not sure.” I answer honestly.

“I don’t mean anything by it, just.. I don’t have many friends Katie, and those I do have, they all look at me with the same look, the look that says
I feel sorry for you
.
I don’t want people to feel sorry for me and I can’t spend another night alone. I’d really like to go out, have a couple of drinks and just be with someone who doesn’t know me for what I was then, but just for what I am now.”

His honesty surprises me, Daniel is nothing if not honest. I really do want to go out for a drink with him as friends, nothing more. I understand so very much exactly what he feels. A night without anyone asking me if I’m okay, a night without being Richard’s widow. That’s what I want.

“I’d love to.” I answer quickly, before my guilt can make me answer otherwise.

“Great. Are you free to head off now? Or do you want to go home first?”

“I was just going to go home, so if you’re ready, so am I.”

“I know a great place, not far from where I live. Did you drive?”

“Yes, that’s going to be a problem with the having a drink part isn’t it?”

“How about, I follow you back to yours and then I can drive us both to the place?”

“And how will I get home later?”

“A taxi?”

“Okay.” I haven’t been out alone for so long, I didn’t even think about that.

We walk in silence and Daniel asks me to wait just a minute while he brings his car around. I sit in my car and wait and as I wait, I think.
I overthink.
When I close my eyes to try and steady myself, all I see in Richard’s face. I see him smiling at me the day he died, the day of the accident, then I see him, hunched over the steering wheel, blood trickling down from a cut above his eye. I try to shake the thoughts but they invade my mind. A knock on the window makes me jump and I look up to see Daniel’s worried face. I open the window and he crouches down to look me in the eyes. When his hand stretches out and his thumb wipes away a tear, I crumble, the tears come on so suddenly and fiercely I choke on them. Gasping for breath, I wrap my arms around myself as the grief I thought I had under control overwhelms me.

“
Katie..
” Daniel’s voice is pained.

“Daniel…I…”

He opens my door and pulls me into his lap, right in the middle of the hospital car park with people driving and walking past. He pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me so tight I feel a little broken piece of me heal.

“If I could take this pain away, Katie, if I could make you whole again I would.” he breathes into my hair.

“But you don’t know me.” I sob into his chest.

“I know all I need to, Katie. I know you’re good and kind and I know you’re hurting,” he takes a deep breath, “And I’m hurting too.”

I sit there, in an almost strangers lap and I sob. Daniel just holds me, he doesn’t speak, he doesn’t move, he just holds me. When the tears finally stop and I’ve got it together enough to stand up and not fall right back down, I get to my feet. Daniel stands up too and looks at me. There are so many things I want to say to him, but the only thing that seems to come out is the one thing that shocks me to my very core.

“Would you like to come back to mine for that drink?”

“I’m not sure tonight is a good night to do this,” he runs his had over his jaw and looks at me, “It was clearly a bad idea.”

“No. Daniel, it wasn’t. I just overthink everything right now. It was a lovely idea, I don’t want to go home to an empty house and by the sounds of things, neither do you. But I’m not sure I want to be surrounded by people right now either. What do you say to a takeaway and some drinks. At mine.”

He looks past me, his eyes not focused, but clearly remembering something. Then he looks back at me and smiles.

“If you’re sure?”

“I’m sure. Thank you, Daniel.” I reach down and take his hand, giving it a little squeeze.

“Then I’d love to.” he smiles, squeezing my hand right back.

“I don’t live far, do you want to follow me?” He nods and steps forward, brushing what must be a lingering tear from my cheek.

“With every tear your pain gets a little less. Every tear makes you heal just a little bit. It hurts, I know it hurts, but I have faith it won’t always.”