To Love a Soldier (15 page)

“John, everyone is fine. You can relax. EC has it covered,” I tried my best to sound as convincing as possible.

“I shouldn’t have left. I should have fucking stayed.”

“Stop berating yourself. There’s nothing you could have done differently and Joe did what you couldn’t now just relax and focus on staying safe. Liz is okay physically and we both know she’ll never be okay mentally.” I teased, sticking my tongue out at her.

“Hey, I heard that.” She yelled from the other side of the room.

“I don’t want anything occupying your mind and making you distracted. I’ll hold down the fort until you get back. I just need you to stay safe and come home to me as soon as you can.”

“I know you will, EC. Listen, we’re getting ready to roll out of here for our next mission and they’re calling me. I have to go baby girl.”

As he said he had to get off the phone, my heart broke. It was almost as bad as when he’d left at the airport.

I stayed strong. “I miss you so much already. I promise I’ll keep an eye on Liz and everything’s going to be fine. I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’ll call you as soon as I can. Take care of my girl too. I miss her.”

“Will do, soldier.” I blew a kiss into the phone and heard the silence as he disconnected.

“I’ll be right back,” I told Liz as I made my way back upstairs. Even though it was a short conversation, my spirit was lifted by just the sound of his voice. I went into my bedroom and opened my makeup drawer. Behind my makeup were my birth control pills. I grabbed them and flipped open the lid. They were empty, except for two pills at the end of the last row.
Phew! I didn’t forget.

Letting curiosity get the best of me, I grabbed the pregnancy test off my bed and went into the bathroom. I sat,
hovering above the toilet and holding the stick below me. I kept trying, but nothing would come out.
Damn it!
I turned the faucet on to hear the running water, hoping it would trigger something. I was determined to wait until I had to pee. Liz came walking up and just walked right into the bathroom as if she lived there. I wasn’t surprised; that’s how she was. Besides, I didn’t know if I had the strength to face this alone.

“Well?”

“Nothing. I can’t pee!”

She laughed. “You look really stupid.”

“Shut up!” I yelled. “I don’t want any to come out and miss it.”

“You want me to bring your water up so you can drink it and wait it out?” She laughed again.

“No, it’s coming. I’m almost there.”

“This is beginning to sound like a sex scene in one of Brady’s
pornos,” she cackled.

I couldn’t help but laugh. What a pathetic display I was. “Stop! You’re making me lose concentration!”

Finally, my body worked with me. I peed on the stick, put the cap on, and set it on the sink, pulling my pants up.

“You look. I can’t look now.”

A minute ago, I had to know, but now I couldn’t bear to look.

“
Eww, no way,” she said, stepping back. “I’m not touching that thing you just peed on.”

“Fine, I’ll leave it here and you can watch it.” I quickly washed my hands, drying them on the hand towel. “I’ll wait in my room.”

I sat on my bed and placed my head into my hands. I rocked back and forth waiting for what seemed an eternity. Finally, Liz came out. She was stone faced.
What a bitch. Now’s not the time to pay.
She walked over slowly and sat next to me on the bed. I turned and faced her.

“Well?” I asked.

“I’m going to be an aunt,” she said, letting a tear roll down her cheek. “And you’re going to be a mommy!”

Seeing Doubles

Mandy

Liz was hovering over the stick in the bathroom like it was a Magic 8 ball with all the right answers.

“So much for not wanting to touch the stick I peed on,” I laughed nervously. I mean really, what were the chances I was actually pregnant. John and I had only been having sex for like a month
, and I had been abstinent for over six months before he came into the picture.

“
Ummmm Mandy, what does two lines mean?”

“How the hell should I know? I’ve never taken one of these before. Where’s the box?”

Digging through the garbage, Liz looked at the back and her eyes bugged. “Well EC and Johnny boy are going to be parents according to this.”

I felt like I was going to faint. Lisa was right and what if John thought what Liz first thought about me trying to trap him into something to stay. My stomach rolled as I ran for the toilet, tossing up my salad. She came up and started rubbing my back.

“It’s exciting, Mandy. Don’t freak out.”

“What if John thinks what you first thought?”

“He won’t. He loves you. Besides, he’s always been a family man. Though, I think you guys should try and schedule a video call so you can tell him since you can’t have a face to face conversation. I promise to keep my big mouth shut until you can talk to him.”

“Thank you. We should come up with something cute to tell him. You know like hold something up.”

Walking to the sink, I brushed my teeth and swished some mouthwash around. This surprise was surely just that. I was overflowing with mixed emotions. I certainly didn’t plan on having kids and always thought that if I did, it wouldn’t be until I was much older and settled down. My mom was young when she had me, and she thought I was the biggest mistake of her life. Granted, I wasn’t really that young. Luckily, my grandparents willed me their house when they passed so at least we would have a roof over our heads. It wasn’t anything grand, but it was mine.

Part of me was scared of the thought of a tiny person growing inside me, scared I wouldn’t know what to do, scared I would fail as a mother. The other part of me was happy that I was bringing a life into the world, happy it was with the man I loved so
dearly, and happy that we would be building our own family together.

We made our way downstairs and started watching a movie, but we were both so exhausted from today’s events that we were dozing.

“Liz, I want you to stay here tonight. Who knows what’s going on at your place and you shouldn’t be alone.”

“I don’t know if my mom’s going home.”

“Then call her and find out, but I’d really prefer you stay here if she’s not going to be there. You can stay in my bed.”

Taking out her phone, she sent her mom a text. A reply came in almost immediately.

“She said there’s no news and that the house is technically still a crime scene. She’s just going to stay at the hospital tonight and will update us if anything changed with Brady. He’s stable at the moment.”

I forced her to take my bed for the night, grabbing an extra blanket and pillow and heading downstairs to sleep on my couch. Staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, I wondered how I could break the news to John. On one hand, I couldn’t wait to tell him, but on the other, I was scared shitless. I knew he loved me, but I was starting to have doubts of just how much.

My thoughts raced.
What if he doesn’t want a baby? What if it scares him off? What if he thinks I did it to trap him, like Liz did? What if he leaves me because I’m pregnant? Stop, Mandy, just stop. John’s a good man. You’re being stupid.

No matter how many times I told the little voice in my head to stop, it just kept going. It was like a little devil pushing all these thoughts in my head until a little angel appeared and scolded it… but then it just kept returning to cause trouble. I stayed like that for hours, now angry with myself for letting my thoughts race and keep me awake. I stared at the ceiling fan as it spun fast above my head. The sound was like a small helicopter nearby.

Eventually, the day’s stress caught up with me, and I drifted off.

My phone began to chirp; it was an incoming Skype call from John. I couldn’t wait to break the news to him. I quickly hit the answer button.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he said.

“Hi, baby. How are you?”

“Since I’m seeing your face now, I couldn’t be better. Nothing could get me down when I have you. How’s my girl?”

“Good. Well, better than good. I have some news for you. I wanted to wait, but I can’t.”

“Let me have it then,” he said, grinning.

“Don’t freak out, okay… John, I’m pregnant.”

His eyes lit up, but he looked shocked. I wasn’t sure how to read his signs.

“Umm, from me?”

“Seriously?” I spat. “How dare you! Of course, from you. I love you and have only been with you!”

“Whoa, Mandy,” he said, stopping me. “Listen, I didn’t sign up for this shit.”

“What?” I said, dumbfounded.

“Yeah, you’re sexy and shit, but damn, I’m not having a kid with you.”

I could do nothing but cry. Was he fucking kidding me?

“I don’t understand why you’re being this way.”

“Listen, Mandy. Get rid of it or something. I don’t care what you do. I don’t want any part of it.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, John?”

“I have to go, Mandy. Can’t you see the fucking helicopter is sitting here waiting for me to take off?”

He put his computer down and I watched him walk over and get on the helicopter. He waved goodbye and I watched it take off. What the hell had just happened? And why the fuck did he leave the call going? I could hear the sound of the helicopter getting louder and louder.
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

Mandy. Mandy! Mandy!
I opened my eyes. Liz was standing above me. Over her head, my ceiling fan was spinning.
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

“Mandy, are you okay?” Liz asked. “You woke me up. You were yelling at John or something.”

“Holy, fuck me.” I sat up. “I just had the worst dream!”

“Yeah, no kidding. I just told you that you woke me up with your yelling.”

“I’m so sorry. Go back to bed. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? I can stay up if you need to talk.”

“No, really. I’m fine.” I pushed her gently off the side of the couch, insisting she go back to sleep. “I’ll tell you about it in the morning.”

“Okay, night,” she said, heading upstairs. “I hope you have better dreams this time.”

I couldn’t go back to sleep. I was so fucking pissed at John. Of course, it was John in my dream, but right now, that didn’t matter. I let the little devil voice in my head get the best of me and plant the seed. I grabbed my cell phone and looked. No, no missed calls and no recent calls with John. It’s like I wasn’t believing reality. I checked the time and it was six o’clock.

Figuring at this point I should just get up, I stretched a little and got off the couch.
As I was folding my blanket, I began to feel sick.
Wow, this getting sick all the time sucks.
I ran to the bathroom and completed what I guessed was my new routine for the next several months. After cleaning up, I headed to the kitchen and started getting some things ready to make breakfast for Liz for when she came back down.

I started to calm down and think more rationally. I considered ways I could spring the news on John.
I swear, if he acts like he did in my dream, I will hunt him down and have his balls
. A few minutes later, Liz came waltzing downstairs.

“I can’t sleep, either,” she said sheepishly, walking into the kitchen.

“Lucky us,” I said. “So listen, I have a few ideas of how I want to tell John the news and I want your opinion.”

Making a half-ass breakfast for Liz and
I, I began filling her in on my plans. She was going to be part of it. I just had to go shopping for a few things for my favorite scenario. After running it past her, she thought it was the better of my ideas and it was settled. Later today would be a trip to the mall. My mood changed and I decided breakfast would be good after all. I made myself a little with Liz’s and we sat down to eat.

“So, be honest with me. How do you think John will handle the news?” I asked, needing to know.

“He’s probably going to get upset, and call you names, and then hang up on you,” Liz said, laughing.

I tossed a piece of burnt toast at her. “Listen, bitch. That dream was not funny!”

“Oh, come on, you need to relax. John’s going to be really happy.”

“How can you be sure?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I’m just saying that to shut you up.”

“You’re such a bitch.”

“No, seriously,” Liz said, stuffing scrambled eggs in her mouth. “I know John wants children. Of course, it wasn’t until he was older…” She laughed again. “But listen, if he’s so into you now that he decided not to pursue his military career like he originally planned, I’m going to take a guess that the news won’t be so bad to him.”

“You mean that?”

“Yes, I do. Just be glad John’s able to put in for leave. Think of how many other women are military wives and don’t get to have their husband’s home for months at a time and miss entire pregnancies and births.”

“Yeah, I guess you’ve got a point.”

“I know I do. Now that you’re building a perfect, little family, I need to excuse myself to make a call to make sure my boyfriend is still alive. Heck, I’d like children someday, too,” Liz said, grabbing her cell phone from her pocket. “Thanks for breakfast, girl.”

“You’re welcome. Thanks for listening.”

She left the room to make her phone call. I started clearing the table and found myself not only finishing everything on my plate, but picking at Liz’s leftover food off of her plate as well, including the piece of burnt toast I had used as a weapon. Placing the plates and silverware into the sink, I searched the fridge for something to drink. I was hard pressed to find anything that hadn’t expired. There was also no way in hell that I was even going to test smell the milk because I knew it would send me to the bathroom, forcing me to give up my breakfast. I shuffled some containers around and found some orange juice. There was only a splash left at the bottom, but at least I knew it wasn’t too old. I grabbed it, closing the fridge door.

“Boo!” Liz yelled.

I tossed my orange juice container in the air and yelped. She started laughing.

“I’m sorry. I had to, though.”

“You’re not supposed to do that to pregnant women. You could cause them to go into labor!” I yelled.

Liz laughed even harder. “Are you kidding me, Mandy?” She could barely get the words out this time, as she was laughing so hard. “You literally just found out you’re pregnant and you’re worried it could pop out if you’re startled?”

I waited for her to stop laughing because talking to her now would be a moot point. I kept looking up and giving her my fake stink eye. I loved her and the fact that we could completely rip each other apart and laugh about it was great. I realized, after I said it, that it was pretty stupid, so I just kept smirking and giving her a look until she finally finished laughing.

“Are you done?” I asked, raising one eyebrow. “I hope you didn’t pee your pants or anything.”

“No, I’m done.” She let out one last chuckle. “So, Brady is awake and doing good.”

“That is so great!” I gave her a hearty hug.

“Yeah, he actually answered his phone. He’s in some pain, but he’s alive.”

“It’s the latter part that’s important,” I said. “Let’s get cleaned up and we’ll go visit him. Then you can stay if you want and I’ll go do my shopping alone.”

“It’ll be a while before visiting hours, but I’m sure we could get in earlier to visit him. My mom said that he’ll be doing a lot of sleeping because of the painkillers and meds he’s on, so I don’t plan on being there real long if you can wait. I don’t want you to shop alone; we can go together.”

“Whatever you want to do. I have all day. Did your mom mention anything about what’s going on at your house?” I asked.

“Yeah, they’re actually still there, but they’re wrapping up the investigation. She also mentioned that the one detective was all pissed that he went to the hospital looking for me for more questioning.”

“Oh, shit. We promised we’d stay there specifically for that reason.”

“I know,” she said. “But I really don’t give a shit. They can find me. I have enough going on that I’m not concerned about someone getting pissed that I forgot to do something. Besides, they have my cell number and never called, so it couldn’t have been that important.”

“Good point. Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“No, I mean about the whole crazy shit storm that went
down last night. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m positive. Look
, the whole thing before last night was fucking with my head big time, but last night trumped it. The fact that it’s over, I think, is making coping much easier.”