To Love a Soldier (14 page)

“We’re both safe now, Mandy.” I wanted to give her comfort back.

I watched as a couple of tears ran down her cheeks. Her face became angry again. She looked over to the coroner, who still wasn’t paying attention, and then back down at the body. She spat on it.

“Mandy!” I was shocked.

An officer rushed over and pushed us both back. “You can’t do that,” he said. “Go back outside. I’m not going to do anything about it.”

“That son of a bitch finally got what he deserved!” Mandy looked at me and smiled.

I felt a little weird about her behavior, but I wasn’t going to judge. After almost being raped twice by that animal was traumatic enough, without him actually completely violating me like he did with Mandy. We went back out and talked some more to the police.

“Can we please leave?” I begged.

“Ma’am, we need you here for questioning.” One of the officers said.

“Please,” I tried again. “My boyfriend is in surgery
, and I want to be there when he wakes up.” I just had to pray that he would.

Another officer approached. “As long as you promise not to go anywhere other than the hospital you can go. We’ll send the lead investigator there. I mean it though
, do not even stop for gas.”

The first cop seemed a little peeved to be undermined, but stepped back.

“Thank you,” I cried. “You have our word.”

Taking Mandy’s hand, we walked to her car and got the hell out of there.

Give Me Strength

Mandy

Speeding through town, we made our way to the interstate. My heart was racing. I couldn’t believe what had just happened to the Kane family. And I couldn’t believe what had happened to poor Brady. Liz was quiet and just stared out the window. It was hard to imagine what was running through her head at the moment
, as I said a silent prayer that Brady would pull through.

The streetlights were a blur as we sped by. My mind drifted to John. I kept thinking of how he was going to handle the news. He had just gotten back from leave because of what had happened to his sister and now this. All I knew was that I needed to stay strong and get to the hospital.

Occasionally, I reached over and rubbed her leg. I guess it was my way of saying
it’s going to be okay
without actually saying it. I hadn’t been feeling well the past two days. My nerves were shot with John leaving. Now to add this on top of everything, I was having trouble keeping it together. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run from all of it and hide. I was constantly bombarded by these mixed emotions, and they were surfacing out of nowhere.

I kept repeating to myself over and over,
give me strength
. I needed it. I wanted to be strong for Liz. I needed to be. Her rock - and mine - was now overseas, wherever he might be. And Brady was her other security, and he was possibly dying in a hospital because of some piece of shit.

“Mandy, slow down,” Liz spit out. “You’re going to miss the exit.”

Holy shit. My mind has been racing so much that not only did I not realize I got on the interstate, but we are already at the hospital’s exit.
“I got this, don’t worry.”

Liz grabbed the “oh, shit” handle and I sped down the exit ramp and came to a stop. I pulled out right and cut a car off.
Fuck him. I really don’t care right now.
We sped down the road and pulled into the hospital’s parking lot. Luckily, I found a close visitor’s spot and we jumped out and ran inside.

Liz seemed familiar with where we were going; I guessed it was from visiting her mom at work over the years. She led us a good distance before we got to a desk that sat outside double doors with the dreaded ‘Operating Room’ sign hanging above it. A stern looking nurse sat behind the desk at a computer screen. Liz walked
over and started talking to her, while I hung back by a row of chairs against a window.

Through all of this, I hadn’t had time to try to get ahold of John. I checked my phone for messages or an email from him
, and there was nothing. I was about to open my Skype app and try calling him that way when Lisa came out of another set of doors and headed towards Liz. She started talking to her. My heart froze. I didn’t know what they were saying. I watched their body language, trying to read if this was going to be a happy or sad ending. Liz began to cry and jumped into her mother’s arms.
Oh shit.
Her mother hugged her and stroked her hair. She kept talking into Liz’s ear. My whole life I had been good at handling things. I didn’t have a choice in a lot of ways. My mom was seventeen when I was born and left me to be raised by my grandparents. Since they were older, I was left to figure out a lot on my own. They were good to me and gave me morals and values, but at the end of the day they taught me to depend on myself. I never really needed to be there for someone, at least not in this capacity. Suddenly, I found myself doubting not knowing what to do.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked over to them and placed my hand on Liz’s back and started rubbing. Looking up to Lisa, she gave me a small smile, nodding.
What does that even mean? Is he dead and she’s saying she’ll get through it? Is that her saying he’ll be okay?
I didn’t want to say anything without knowing. I just held out until Liz was ready to talk. It wasn’t long before she separated herself from Lisa and turned to me. She was mopping up her tears with her coat sleeve.

“Liz,” I said gently.

She reached her arms around me and pulled me in. I returned her hug and was thinking the worst at this point.

“They think he’s going to pull through.”

“Oh, thank God.” Squeezing her even tighter, I wasn’t even ready to imagine how difficult this would have been on her. John had only been gone a day and it was already wearing on me. The prospect of never being able to talk to him again like Liz just faced with Brady was unimaginable. “Fuck this, go see him. Then we’re going to get ice cream, and maybe some booze.”

Liz pulled away and smiled. “Mom, when can we see him?” she asked.

“They won’t let you in. They wouldn’t even let me in, so there’s no way you’re getting in. It won’t be until at least tomorrow at some point that they’ll allow visitors. You girls go home and rest. I’m still waiting for one of my friends to come out and fill me in once they have more details. You’ll know if there’s any change as soon as I do. But don’t worry. It’s going to be fine.” She reassured.

“All right, Lisa. I’ll take care of her,” I said.

She looked over Liz skeptically. It was more nurse than mother. “Are you sure you don’t need to have a doctor check you out?”

Liz looked exhausted and let out a sigh. “No, Mom. I’m fine. Really.”

“Okay.” She looked reluctant, but didn’t press it further. “Mandy, can I talk to you alone real quick?” Lisa asked me.

“Of course.” I walked Liz to the chairs and sat her down. “She’s just worried about you,” I told her. “I’ll be right back.”

I went back over to Lisa. She looked at me, concerned. “Sweetheart, is everything okay with you?”

“Yeah, I mean, other than all of this, everything is fine.”

She put her hand on my shoulder and the motherly look returned to her face. “That’s understandable, but are you sure?”

“I’m sure, but why do you ask?”

“I’ve just noticed some changes in you,” she answered, raising her one eyebrow. “You seem not yourself. I know it could be from John leaving, but if I had to take a guess I would say you may be pregnant.”

I threw my head back, trying not to laugh. Then again, I had been getting nauseous and throwing up a lot lately.
Oh, shit!

“Listen, I’ve had two
, so I know what it’s like.” She smiled, pulling me in for a hug. “If you want, I can bring you to a friend who can run some quick tests?”

“No, really, I don’t need them,” I told her. “I’ve been on the Pill for years.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized just how careless I may have been. Having had been so wrapped up in all things John the past month, it dawned on me that I wasn’t keeping up with my normal routines. I remembered taking my Pill most days, it was like second nature for me to take it. Frantically, I replayed all the mornings I could to see if I had remembered to take it. My mind was on overload from the past twenty-four hours that I couldn’t remember. All I remembered was rushing to get ready to see John, or waking up to him. Between work and John, I hadn’t done much else the past month.
I have to get home and check my pills just in case.

“All right,” Lisa said. “You take it easy, too. Okay?”

“Sure thing.” I returned her a hug and went to grab Liz.

We got to the car and I bombarded her with questions to avoid bringing up what Lisa just asked.
Do you want to get something to eat? Do you want to go anywhere? Is there anything I can do for you?
Her answers were a consistent no. The only thing she wanted to do was go home, but I was able to talk her into staying with me for a while, at least until all the chaos at her house was gone.

“Are you avoiding something? What did my mom want? Did she tell you something she didn’t want me to know?” She eyed me suspiciously.

“What? No.” I replied too quickly.

“Spill it.” Liz demanded.

“Fine. She thinks I’m pregnant.” I laughed. “I mean can you believe it.”

“Are you?” She asked.

“No. I mean at least I don’t think so. I’m sure there’s always a possibility, but if I had to guess I would say no. I’m telling you it’s just nerves.”

She wasn’t buying it and I knew it. “If you say so.”

“It’s late. We haven’t eaten anything and I’m starving. I’m going to stop at Gas ‘N Go for a salad. Do you want anything?”

“Nope, I’m good. Knock yourself out.”

I stopped at our local 24-hour convenience store and grabbed myself a pre-made salad and some water. The salad still looked green, so I figured it might be okay. I doubled up in case Liz changed her mind. Heading to the small pharmacy section, I began looking at pregnancy test kits. The not knowing was now killing me and I had to see for myself. Grabbing one that looked good, I headed to the front to pay. The cashier was a young goofy guy and, to top it off, he kept flipping his head to the side to get his hair out of his face. He rang up the waters, then salads, then the pregnancy kit. He looked up at me and then back down. I just rolled my eyes.

“Sounds like someone’s been having some fun, huh?”
he said, tossing his head to the side one more time and winking at me.

Gross!
“Okay, listen. I have been. I’ve been coming out late at night the last few months and going into stores like this where there aren’t many people. Last time, I was at the Quickie Mart down on Second Street, where I went behind the counter and started blowing the cashier. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t control myself when it gets late.”

His eyes widened and his face turned red. He cleared his throat several times. “Oh, okay,” he said. “I can take a break anytime
and you know, help you out.”

I leaned onto the counter and pushed my breasts up on top of my arms. I made my lips pouty and looked him in his eyes. “That would be so hot.” I dragged out the o. “Let me pay you for this stuff and go toss it in my car. Then, I’m going to come right back in and, when I do, your pants better be completely off. As a matter of fact, toss them over there or I’m not going to come back and get you off. Deal?”

He stuttered a few times before being able to say ‘deal.’ I paid and walked out. As I was going to my car, I saw two rather large men heading in. They both had shaved heads and didn’t appear to be in good moods. I couldn’t wait for them to go to the counter and see Gomer with no pants on! I almost wanted to stick around to watch, but I had to get back to Liz.

I had left the car running, but when I got back out, Liz had locked the doors. Instantly,
I felt bad realizing she was still feeling very vulnerable. I knocked on the window and she unlocked them.

“Sorry, after tonight, the last thing I needed was for someone to jump in and carjack me.”

“It’s fine. I should’ve locked them anyway.”

Tossing the bag into the backseat, I pulled away. Thankfully, Liz was starting to come back to reality. That was, until she started looking at me suspiciously. “So, what did my mom talk to you about? Did she say to make sure the milk is warm and test it on your wrist before giving me the bottle?” She laughed.

Wow, of all the times to joke using a baby reference!
I was still freaked out. “It’s funny you should say that…” I paused, knowing I was going to have to tell her sooner than later anyway. She was pretty much my best friend now that John left. “Well, she pretty much asked, without coming right out and saying it, if I was pregnant.”

“What?” She looked shocked. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.” I raised my eyebrows.

“Well, you aren’t… are you?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t think so. I’ve been on the Pill, but I got so wrapped up in your brother that there’s a chance I missed a few.”

“A few?” Her smile went away. “Mandy, did you purposely stop taking them to try to get pregnant?”

“Hell, no,” I spat. “No way! I just meant that I was so obsessed with making John my priority that I lost track of everything else. I rushed everything so that I could spend all of my time with him. The only thing I did other than be with him was work, and that was only out of necessity.”

“I get it, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like a bitch.”

“It’s fine. If the roles were reversed, I would’ve said the same thing,” I admitted. “I just grabbed a pregnancy kit, so I guess we’ll find out.”

“Either way, it’s going to be okay,” Liz said.

“Thanks, but tonight is about me comforting you, so stop trying to be so nice.”

We got back to my place and settled in. I got the salads ready and tried to force Liz to eat. She wanted nothing to do with it, which was just as well because I took two bites and tossed it.
The lettuce was soft and tangy. I don’t know what I had been thinking, but it was enough to make me sick again.

Okay, that’s it!
I needed to go find out. I excused myself and went upstairs. Before I could get into my bedroom, I heard Liz yelling. “It’s John!”

I dropped everything and ran
back downstairs. She was trying to calm him down over the phone. I put my hand out, offering to do it for her.

“I love you, John. Now hold on,” she said, handing me her phone.

I was so happy to hear his voice, even if it was an angry one.