To Kill a Wizard: Rose's Story (The Protectors of Tarak Book 1) (20 page)

I frowned. “But when we meet them, we can be with them?”

“No.” There was a trace of humor to the word. “We must serve our time first… whatever time that the queen and Blair decide is necessary. Before the war with the Undead wizards, most women were allowed to marry whenever they wished, have children whenever they wished, and come and go from The Protectors as needed. That is no longer the case.”

We avoided more red flowers, stepping in and out of the small shadows cast by leafless trees. Meisha seemed unbothered by our discussion, but I sensed tension humming beneath her calm exterior. This subject was one she didn’t enjoy.

“How long has it been this way? How long have the wizards been attacking?”

Meisha stepped around a red flower. “Perhaps twenty years.”

“Twenty…” I couldn’t believe that. “But I’ve never even heard a rumor of it.”

“That is not a surprise. Many people work to make certain it remains a secret, and there are only three portals into the underworld on Tarak’s lands. They can only attack from these places and cannot stray far from them.” Meisha frowned up at the sky. A moment later, tiny flakes of snow began to fall. “The first attacks killed everyone in the towns near the portals. If Norma had not been in Sereus at the time, Tarak would have fallen that day. But she was able to create the shield around us, and after that, only warriors and Protectors were placed at those towns.”

“And no one heard of the attacks?”

A grim smile twisted Meisha’s lips. “We blamed them on the Northerners.”

We walked in silence for a few minutes until another thought occurred to me.

“But if the Undead wizards can’t go far from the portals, how can they attack the rest of Tarak?”

Meisha stopped and turned to me. “I am glad you have grown wiser, that you ask questions. This is an important part of you learning about your new life”

My cheeks heated even as I heard a warning bell rang inside my head.

“To answer your question. The other goddesses were not pleased that Hadia allowed the wizards to come back. After much fighting, and nearly a war between them, certain restrictions were agreed upon. The wizards must first get through our defenses, then the Undead creatures will open portals throughout all of Tarak, and we will be at their mercy.”

Meisha kept walking, and I continued behind her in silence. The sights and sounds of the battle were still too fresh in my memories. I touched my mouth and winced. Why had I even asked about the wizards when they were the last thing I wanted to think about?

And then, I remembered.

“Is Norma bonded to Ugar?”

Meisha tensed. “No.”

The glass bridge and the castle loomed not far from us. A wave of panic shot through my. I wasn’t ready to return there yet. I still had too many unanswered questions, as well as, the sense that I should be running instead of returning.

But if I ran, who would save Sirena and Asher?

Trying to swallow down a wave of panic, I forced my thoughts back to our conversation. “Why not?”

To my surprise, a blush fluttered across Meisha’s tan skin. “He is not her
One
.”

Her reaction pulled me from my panic as genuine curiosity blossomed. Pieces were coming together, but I still couldn’t see the full picture. “Then, why shouldn’t we speak of Norma and Ugar? And why do they bother you so much?”

“It is not my place to explain,” Meisha said, turning and hurrying towards the glass bridge.

I had to run to catch up to her. “Please, Meisha, I want to know, and I have no one else to ask.”

Her steps faltered. “Fine,” she said, keeping her eyes straight ahead. “There has never been an illegitimate child amongst The Protectors in all our years. This is because the penalty for disgracing your goddesses in such a way is death.”

“And…” I said, struggling past my embarrassment. “Ugar is not the
One
for Norma, but they still…”

I couldn’t say the words. I’d never thought to ask whether Protectors could marry, and I certainly never thought to ask how deeply they controlled our relationships.

There were many things I’d never thought to ask.

“Do not mention them. This is all you must understand. Norma may not consider the consequences of her actions, but this does not mean we should be so foolish.”

I didn’t know what else I could say. I was learning more about The Protectors, but I was also learning more about Meisha. It took a special person to protect someone, especially someone who called them a coward. I would do as Meisha asked.

“What will happen to me now?”

Meisha shook her head. “That is for Blair to decide.”

“How did you sleep?” Clarissa cooed at me from across the table.

Leveling my glare at the table, I refused to allow her the satisfaction of seeing the hate in my eyes. How had I slept? Terribly.

My dreams had been full of Asher. His face. His smile. His kiss. All of it had felt so heartbreakingly real. Not like memories, but like new moments we were sharing in the quiet of our dreams.

My heart bled. Even though I couldn’t see Asher, I knew he was still alive. I just needed to find him.

And Sirena’s barrette was again nestled at the back of my hair. Feeling its weight brought bitter-sweet emotions as I fought my guilt at not having saved her yet, coupled with the reassurance of having something of hers.

Complicated emotions raced through my body, tensing every muscle and plucking my nerves.

To hide my shaking hands, I tore savagely into another piece of sweet bread. “Do you think I’ve forgotten that you tried to kill me?”

Clarissa’s full lips twisted into a pout. “Why can’t you just let that go?”

I narrowed my eyes and tapped my foot on the floor beneath the long wooden table. “
Because
, you didn’t tear my favorite dress, you tried to
kill
me.”

She crossed her arms and threw herself against the back of her chair. “You know, the goddesses don’t favor people who hold
grudges
.”

Internally, I chided myself. After returning home yesterday, I’d been overcome with exhaustion and slept all day and night, waking early in the morning to the sound of my stomach grumbling. I hadn’t wanted to face the women yet, but nor had I wanted to pull the cord beside my bed and have one of the silent servants bring me food. So, reluctantly, I’d dragged myself out of bed, thrown on a simple cotton dress and made my way to the dining hall… only to meet Clarissa already enjoying her breakfast.

I should’ve turned around right then. Or punched her. Either choice would’ve been better than this.

I picked up my fork and took another bite of the savory mixture of meat, eggs, and cheeses on my plate. The moment the food hit my tongue, I nearly forgot about my unpleasant breakfast companion.
Almost
.

“Thank goodness you’re here, Meisha. The girl has no manners at all.”

I turned to see Meisha standing at the doorway to the great dining hall. She wore black again, but this time her gown went only to her knees, and was see-through in the center. White bandages were visible beneath the thin material, but her expression was more relaxed than I’d seen it in days.

She released the edge of the doorway and staggered forward. I rose, fearing she’d fall before she reached us, but she made it to the chair beside me, and sunk down into it.

“Are you all right?” I asked, guilt lacing my voice.

“She’d probably be better if you hadn’t
burned her
with a torch,” Clarissa responded, mockingly.

Meisha turned her amber gaze on me, only her large pupils nearly chased out all other colors. “The burn simply became infected. Blair gave me something to help it heal and to take the pain away, but it is wearing off. She will help me again, when she can.”

I looked down at my hands, tightly grasped within my lap. My appetite had somehow fled. “I’m sorry…” But, sorry for what? Hurting her? Yes, perhaps, but would I be sorry if I’d gotten free? “For your pain.” Was all I managed to say.

“You are forgiven,” Meisha murmured.

A servant brought out a bowl with the same strange mixture of honey that I’d seen Meisha drink before, and set it down in front of her. Meisha reached with shaking hands towards the bowl, lifted it to her lips, and drank it in one fluid motion. When she was finished, she set her bowl down, and settled back into her chair, her eyes half-closed.

“What is that?” I asked.

Clarissa snickered. “You wouldn’t understand if I told you, but Meisha has to drink it. Or else.”

I felt my brows wrinkle in frustration. “Or else what?”

“Clarissa.”

I straightened my back and turned to see Blair striding towards us.

She took the seat at the head of the table, beside Clarissa and myself. “There are more pressing matters to discuss with the girl.”

The blonde crossed her arms and pouted. “You never let me have any fun.”

Blair ignored her, and her dark gaze focused back on me. “How much did Meisha explain to you?”

“Nothing,” Meisha said, her voice unsteady. “The battle distracted us.”

“Ah yes, the battle.” A servant placed the egg dish in front of Blair, and she took a few bites from her plate. “I heard you were responsible for keeping the shield in place, for keeping the wizards out of Tarak.” Her voice was steady, giving no hints to her inner thoughts, but I thought that she might’ve wanted to compliment me.

“A lot of people were responsible for keeping the wizards out,” I answered, watching Blair as she chewed. “Norma and Meisha did more than I.”

Clarissa slapped her hand on the table, and I jumped. “You shouldn’t lie, little girl, everyone knows Norma is a brainless she-demon, and Meisha, well, she’s nothing more than a coward.”

Meisha rose beside me. “You dare to call me a coward when you fail to even lend your magic to The Orb!”

“Enough,” Blair said, her tone cold. “Sit down. This is no way to show Rose how to behave.”

For a second neither woman moved, and the air fluctuated with the force of the magic they called to their sides. The urge to end this fight before it could begin settled beneath my skin, making me feel on edge.

“Marcalus almost pulled me beyond the shield. If it wasn’t for Meisha, he would’ve succeeded.” Every eye in the room was on me as I spoke, and I struggled for more to say. “I’d be dead.”

Meisha collapsed back into the chair beside me, and cool air rushed over my skin as her magic resided. Clarissa settled gingerly back in her chair, with an indignant snort, before finally releasing her own magic.

“He wouldn’t have killed you.”

Out of all the things I expected, I hadn’t imagined Blair might defend the wizard. I scanned her face, searching for some clue to her strange response, but she was busy studying the surface of the table.

“Yeah,” Clarissa said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “He would’ve given her a big hug.”

An awkward silence stretched.

“He has made himself clear. He wants all Protectors, and anyone who defends the queen, dead.”

Meisha watched Blair as she spoke.

The Head Protector shook her head. “He wouldn’t hurt an innocent.”

“If you think Marcalus will have any chance at keeping Sazar and his brothers from slaughtering everything that moves, once he gets around our shield, you’ve got a poor memory. I, for one, haven’t forgotten the days when wizards roamed free.” Clarissa crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared around the room, daring one of us to challenge her words.

“Perhaps,” Blair said, her words crisp and cool, “but Marcalus wouldn’t have killed her.”

“Of course not,” Meisha agreed, too readily.

“I’m glad that’s settled.” Blair abruptly rose from her chair. “Now, Rose, it’s time I explained some things to you. Long past time.”

My pulse doubled as I followed her out of the dining hall. Was she finally going to tell me about my mother? Or had I earned Sirena’s freedom at the battle?

A tiny flicker of hope grew, even while logic told me there was no way Blair would let us go so easily. At the very least, however, I planned to negotiate my terms with the Head Protector.

She led me through the courtyard and outside, never bothering to look back to see if I followed. But for once, we didn’t cross the glass bridge. Instead, we circled around the side of the castle.

Blair held her head high, striding as if walking through paved streets rather than snow. Her long dress flapped around her ankles as she led me to the back of the building, and yet, she showed no signs of any awareness of the cold.

I, on the other hand, longed for my warm cloak. The freezing air raked at my exposed flesh. I almost asked her to turn around, so I could go get it, but my pride kept me silent.

Wrapping my arms around my shoulders, I rubbed them for warmth. How much further did we need to go? And why did we have to go outside to have a discussion?

Snow rarely fell in Duggery. And when it did, it dusted the ground and melted before becoming too much of an annoyance. My body wasn’t used to the kind of cold that dug its claws deep into my bones.

The thought of home was like a double-edged blade burying deep within my chest. I inhaled sharply against the unexpected pain. Memories filtered through my mind, my whole history, and Sirena a constant part of it.

I didn’t know I was crying until I felt a prickle on my cheek and reached out to touch the teardrop, frowning. My childhood had not always been easy, but Duggery held many happy memories for me. Would there ever be a place I felt as safe as I had there, laughing with my best friend?

Another tear fell. How could I? Not unless I could save Sirena.

In all the chaos, there’d never been time to morn her. She’d just been there, and then she wasn’t, like a candle being snuffed out in the night. The urge to collapse onto the snow and weep came with such intensity, I nearly did just that.

But I couldn’t. Not with Blair walking ahead of me. Such pain, such loss, should not be shared with the person who caused it.

Beneath my foot, something crunched, startling me from my thoughts. I lifted my boot and stared at the brown bits of dead plant life, confused. Looking around, dead roses spread out in all directions, like bodies forgotten in the snow.

Mixed amongst the dead flowers were others that stood high and proud, as if life still flowed through them. The red had bled from their petals and dotted the white snow like bloody tear drops. Beneath each rose, a petal or two had drifted down onto the earth. The wind tore at them, but they lay as if in a separate world far from this icy place.

“What happened to the flowers here?”

She raised a brow. “This is a result of your actions, of course.”

I stared, confused. “What do you mean?”

She opened her mouth and closed it several times before finally speaking. “The brew you drank in order to join The Protectors is not simply a cruel test. It’s a potion that allows your magic to link to The Orb. Once it’s linked, others in our order may use your magic if needed, or you may call upon theirs.” She hesitated, studying me. “But you knew that…”

“What does this have to do with the flowers?” I asked, trying to sort through her response, and finding it both baffling and upsetting. Could others really tap into my magic now?

She frowned. “You must know how this works. How else would you…?” Her frowned deepened, and she spoke as if to herself. “Could it be possible she did this without knowing?”

Panic rose inside of me. “Did what?”

A curious expression stole over her face. “You do have a choice whether to use this link or not.” She reached down and plucked one of the dead flowers from the snow. “The girls who are too weak to join our order are transformed into something without defenses, something we can take magic from without permission.”

I couldn’t tear my eyes from the brown flower in her hand, as she twisted it between her fingertips. “So, you
transform
girls into flowers, so you can access their magic without their permission?”

“Yes, and so we can use every last drop of it.” She released the flower, letting it drop to the snow. “Without these flowers,” she explained, gesturing to the many dead ones around us, “you wouldn’t have had enough magic to repair the shield during the battle, and all of Tarak would’ve fallen prey to the wizards.”

Everything came to me in a sickening rush. “These flowers were once girls.”

“Yes.”

“And, you’re saying I killed them.”

She tilted her head. “I would say you saved all of Tarak.”

My legs folded under me. I no longer felt the cold. “Except the ones I killed.”

“You could see it that way too, but what good would it do? Their lives are already lost. They’re soldiers in this battle, and sometimes soldiers die.”

“Soldiers?” I repeated, reaching out and cradling the fragile remains of a flower in my palms. “These girls aren’t soldiers. Soldiers agree to risk their lives; these girls did no such thing.”

“They made a choice to join The Protectors. This choice could’ve ended in a life of serving the kingdom as you do, or as your friend Yara does, or as they do,” she said gesturing to the flowers. “Sometimes in life we can’t choose how we benefit the world, but we benefit it all the same. These girls gave their lives, and many people will continue to live because of this fact.”

I wrapped one arm around my stomach and fought the urge to cry, or to throw up. Each dead flower lying on the ground was once a girl, a girl like me, and I was the reason they were dead.

“I can’t have killed them. I don’t even know how.”

Blair knelt down beside me. “That’s impossible. It’s a conscious decision to use The Orb, and usually, someone needs to show you how to do it.”