To Hell and Back (8 page)

Growing more frightened by the moment, I picked up my pace and started to speed-walk as I strained to see any sign of the glowing entity. Not finding her, I remembered Alaire telling me how shades were able to move more quickly than humans could.

Maybe I’d been going too slow for her? Maybe she didn’t even realize I wasn’t still following her? I started to jog, being careful to avoid the various obstacles cluttering the forest floor—hulled out remains of fallen trees, carcasses of God only knew what, and the bleached bones of other unfortunate creatures. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest and my breath was coming in short gasps.

I increased my speed until I was all-out running through the forest, searching for any sign of the shade. I heard the sounds of branches breaking under the weight of something to the right of me, but when I turned in that direction, I saw nothing except endless rows of dead and rotting trees, the knots in their trunks resembling angry, contorted faces.

The echo of footsteps crunching the forest debris started up again, this time sounding even closer to me than the last time. I pivoted to my left and ran as fast as I could, feeling like something was chasing me, like something was right behind me …

I woke up with a start and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. I forcefully expelled the images of the haunted forest from my head, and had to remind myself more than once the entire thing had just been a bad dream.

Glancing around, I recognized Tallis’s home immediately. When I’d dozed off, the sun was still high in the sky, but it was dark now, which meant I had to have been asleep for a while. I sat up and stifled a yawn just as I felt the heat from Tallis’s body directly behind me. It took me a second to remember that I’d briefly woken up a few hours ago because it was freezing. Rather than taking the time to build a fire, I’d opted to cuddle up next to him.

“How loong have Ah been oot?”

My heart flew into my throat as my nerves went on high alert at hearing Tallis’s voice behind me. I turned around immediately and brought my hand to my chest to try to calm my frantic heartbeat. Tallis didn’t seem to notice that he’d just scared the hell out of me as he pushed himself into a seated position. My sword was still held firmly in place against his chest by the rope I’d tied around his middle.

“Tallis?” I asked, studying him with narrowed eyes as I wondered if he were truly himself, or if I would soon have another fight on my hands.

“Aye,” he answered as he nodded his head. He looked like he was exhausted even though he’d been sleeping for days.

“How … how are you feeling?” I asked, suddenly very uncomfortable with the fact that I’d been snuggled up beside him and from what I could tell, he might have been awake long enough to know.

“Betta,” he answered as he glanced down at my sword where it lay against his chest. He fumbled with the knot and managed to untie it rather alarmingly quickly, freeing himself seconds later. He handed my sword back to me before looking at his legs, which were still bound together. He studied the ropes for a few seconds before facing me.

“Impressive, lass,” he said and then reached down between his thighs as he began unfastening the bindings.

“Um, how do I know you aren’t Donnchadh?” I asked, holding my sword in such a way that I could aim it at him in a quick second if the need arose. Yep, it was pretty disconcerting to find him in the process of freeing himself when I still wasn’t convinced he was the real Tallis.

“Ah amnae Donnchadh,” he said, but didn’t bother looking at me. He released his legs and rubbed his calves, where the marks from the ropes were clearly defined in his skin. Maybe I’d tied them too tightly … Without another word, he pushed against the wall and stood up, wavering slightly. Even if he was unsteady on his feet, he still towered over me. And while that fact had never made me nervous before, it did now.

“Are you sure you should be standing?” I asked and cleared my throat as I studied him, trying to ascertain if he really was Tallis.

“Doona fooss ova meh, lass,” he replied in an irritated tone that definitely sounded like the old Tallis I’d come to know so well. “Ah am fine.” Then, without another word, he approached the fireplace and began building a fire with the firewood I’d hauled in from outside. In the reflection of the moonlight, which streamed through the windows, I could see that the wounds I’d inflicted on his back had already healed. “Whit happened?” he asked, not bothering to glance over his shoulder to look at me.

“I was about to ask you the same question,” I said, taking a seat on his bed. I wished I didn’t feel so inept and awkward. Tallis just had a way about him that made me never feel comfortable. “When I found you here, you were drunk and your couch and a chair were broken.”

He didn’t seem concerned over the loss of his furniture and simply shrugged, still not bothering to look at me or the contents of the room. “Last Ah remember, Ah came home frae the tavern an’ lost mahself in mah whiskey,” he said in a low voice. He lit a match on the moss he placed between the logs and a healthy fire erupted.

“Yeah, you lost yourself in your whiskey, all right,” I answered with a frown. “When I found you, you were completely inebriated and completely out of your mind. Donnchadh had taken over your body.”

Tallis nodded as if it were old news, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he blew on the fire, fanning it with his hand in order to give it more oxygen. Seconds later, a larger flame engulfed the entire stack of logs. Tallis watched the fire burn for another few seconds before he stood up. He turned around to face me, appearing even larger than I remembered. There was an expression on his face which I couldn’t read. “Did Ah hurt ye?” The way he asked the question showed no trace of remorse or anger. It was simply a question, requesting a “yes” or “no” answer.

But the lack of emotion in the way he asked it made my throat suddenly tight. It was the type of question that should have been asked with some level of emotion. Instead, Tallis appeared as if he were wearing a mask of indifference, and the answer to the question held no consequence to him.

“No, you, er, Donnchadh didn’t hurt me,” I replied, but then thinking I was letting him off the hook too easily, I added: “But he tried to.”

Tallis nodded as if he couldn’t argue with my comment. That same poker face persisted in his features and, truth be told, it was beginning to irritate me. “Ah couldnae control him,” he announced as he focused on the palms of his hands, flexing and releasing his fingers as he watched them. “Ah knew ye were here an’ Ah wanted tae protect ye, lass, boot Ah couldnae.”

“You didn’t have to. I protected myself,” I said with no amount of apology, suddenly very proud of that fact. I
had
protected myself, well, that is, with the help of my sword.

“Ah imagined sooch was the case, given how ye’d tied meh oop,” he finished and his eyes met mine. They were back to their midnight blue. I could see the reflection of the fire as it danced along his pupils and gave him the look of a mystical being. “Ye are ah strong, capable lass,” he said in a deep voice, his eyes never leaving mine. Neither of us said anything for a few seconds, but we also didn’t break eye contact. When Tallis spoke again, his voice was even deeper and coarser than before. “The strongest Ah’ve ever mit.”

“Why did you leave us?” I barked, hearing my voice break as I asked the question. The expression on Tallis’s face told me he didn’t understand what I was asking. “Back at the tavern, on our return trip from the Underground City,” I started to clarify as my jaw tightened at the memory of the incident. “You just up and left Bill and me there … by ourselves.” I inhaled deeply. “I want to know why.”

Tallis nodded as if my request was expected. Then he dropped his attention to the floor and frowned. “Ahm sorry,” he said in a mere whisper.

I didn’t say anything for a few seconds because I wasn’t convinced he didn’t have more to say. But after another four seconds went by, it became fairly obvious that Tallis wasn’t going to try to defend his actions, or much less, explain them. “You’re sorry?” I scoffed, but the laugh died on my lips as soon as anger overcame me. “You’re sorry?” I demanded again, eyeing him furiously. “That’s all you’re going to say about it?”

“Ah dinnae know whit else tae say,” he admitted, his jaw tight. He glanced up at me and held my gaze for a few seconds before he shifted his attention to the window and stared out of it vacantly.

My hands fisted at my sides as my entire body shook with outrage. Needless to say, this was not the response I’d expected.

Well, he might not have known what else to say, but I had a whole mouthful of words for him. “After you abandoned Bill and me at the tavern, I didn’t let that stop me from coming after you. Knowing you were in trouble, I traveled through the Dark Wood, and I did it by myself.”

“Ah never woulda asked ye tae do that, lass.”

“It doesn’t matter if you wouldn’t have asked me!” I railed back at him. “I would have done it a thousand times over because you needed me!” My heart hammered away in my chest and made me feel light-headed, probably because I hadn’t had enough to eat in the last … however long. “The point is that I never abandoned you!”

“Lass,” he started, lifting his hands in a play of submission, but I interrupted him. There was no way I was going to end this conversation prematurely—no, not until he understood the full extent of everything I’d done for him. Shakespeare had gotten it right when he wrote “how sharper than the serpent’s tooth it was to have an ungrateful child”; only in this case, an ungrateful bladesmith.

“No,” I began, my entire body shaking. I inhaled deeply and willed myself not to cry. Sometimes, when I got excessively angry, I would just start crying, which only infuriated me all the more. “When I found you here,” I started as I glanced around the room before settling my eyes back on him again. “you were so drunk, you couldn’t even stand up straight. And you were completely out of your mind. Well,
you
weren’t even yourself. Somehow, Donnchadh was in control of your body, which I only found out the hard way when you nearly raped me. Even after fighting you off, I stuck around for three days to nurse you back to health.” My voice cracked again. “What’s more, I had to flog you and detoxify you from Donnchadh’s pollutants,” I continued, holding out the palms of my hands so he could see the open blisters. “And all you can say is
you’re sorry
?”

“Whit dae ye want meh tae say?” he demanded, as if everything I just told him had simply gone in one of his ears and out the other.

I shook my head and realized that arguing with him was pointless. He obviously wasn’t going to give me what I most needed and wanted—acknowledgement. It became pretty apparently clear to me that Tallis could care less about the fact that I’d just saved him from Donnchadh. And I was beginning to believe that the truth of the matter regarding him leaving me in the tavern was that he didn’t care about me and never had. Tallis was a man who was and would forever be … alone.

“I should have just left you here to rot,” I spat back at him. “I should have left you to your fate the same way you left me to mine.”

Tallis’s eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms against his chest but he didn’t say anything. That was when I decided it was time for me to go. Tallis and I were like night and day and we would never understand one another. Maybe it was time to call a spade a spade and admit our awkward friendship was nothing more than a farce since we meant nothing to each other. Well, at least, since I meant nothing to him. Reaching for my fanny pack where it lay on the bed, I fastened it around my waist and faced him. “I guess the biggest idiot in all of this is me,” I said, the anger no longer tainting my voice. Instead, I sounded defeated. Feeling the sting of tears in my eyes, I immediately started for the door.

“Besom,” Tallis interrupted as I pushed the door open. “Besom” was his pet-name for me and in Gaelic it meant “troublesome woman.” As soon as I heard it, my heart grew even heavier in my chest.

“You’re good at being alone, Tallis, it’s what you do,” I responded as I turned back to face him. I’d failed to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks, but at this point, I didn’t even care. I was an emotional person, and there was nothing wrong with that. So what if Tallis couldn’t speak my language? He could go on being the apathetic son of a bitch that he’d always been. “So just keep on doing what you do so well.”

“Nae,” he started, but I was stepping through the door, seeking only to escape.

But what about the shade Alaire sent?
I suddenly remembered.
Maybe she won’t be able to find you if you leave?

Alaire said he was tracking you through the satellite signal on your phone,
I answered myself.
So I’m sure he and the shade can keep on tracking you no matter where you are.

Feeling Tallis’s large hand on my shoulder, it felt as if my entire body was withering on the inside. I hated to admit it to myself but I loved the feel of his large hand on my skin. At that moment, what I wanted more than anything else was for him to engulf me in his arms.

I didn’t turn around although I did stop walking. But that was only because he forced me to. “Look at meh,” he demanded.

“What do you want?” I demanded as I turned around and found him studying me intently.

His eyes were narrowed but appeared hollow, as limitless in their deep blue as is the ocean. There was no emotion on his face, nothing to mar the blank mask I was so accustomed to seeing. “Ah left ye aloyn in the tavern ‘cause Ah had tae.”