To Have and to Hold (Cactus Creek Cowboys) (5 page)

He had to be crazy. He was in the middle of one of nature’s hissy fits. He had to find Ben and calm the oxen. How could he be so lost to common sense as to be affected by a stubborn woman who didn’t like him and had underscored that fact by punching him in the face? Maybe the lightning had unsettled his brain. He would find Ben. Then he would stay out in the rain until the chill drove every trace of unwelcome warmth from his body.

***

Naomi was furious, and the fact that she knew she’d behaved badly did nothing to ease her anger. It wasn’t all her fault, however. Norman Spencer and Tom Hale had no business hiring Colby to be their guide. How did they know he hadn’t been sent to find them? He’d been following them. He was wearing a Union Army uniform.

“I’m appalled by your behavior,” her father said. “I can’t believe you struck a man who’s shown us nothing but kindness.”

The inside of the wagon seemed spacious enough when she was free to walk alongside. However, when three adults were crammed inside—two of whom she wanted to get as far away from as possible—it felt like they were practically cheek by jowl.

“He had the effrontery to pick me up.”

“That’s because you didn’t have sense enough to come back to the wagon on your own.”

“I wasn’t in danger.”

“You put your brother and Mr. Blaine in danger looking for you.”

“No one had to look for me. I can take care of myself.”

A gust of wind struck the canvas covering with so much force it tipped the wagon to one side. The double covering of osnaburg cloth flapped noisily against the hickory bows. The lantern suspended from the central bow swayed so wildly her father took it down and blew out the flame.

In the dark, the storm seemed even more threatening. Raindrops and hail struck the covering with pistol-like cracks. The shrieking wind sounded like a wild animal dying in agony while the crashing thunder made the earth tremble.

Ethan spoke in the darkness. “I don’t know why you dislike Colby so much.”

Before she could respond, the wind lifted the wagon far enough off the ground that the metal pots suspended from the bows clanged noisily against each other. Naomi was flung against the side of the wagon hitting her shoulder.

“I wouldn’t have believed a wind could be this strong,” her father said.

“Colby said there are spring storms like this all the time out here.”

The muffled sound of Ben’s voice came from outside the wagon. “Let me in!”

Groping for the buttons in the dark, Naomi managed to open the flap.

Ben crawled inside, dripping water all over Naomi and the bottom of the wagon.

“The next time you decide to go out in a raging storm, I’m not going to risk my neck to find you,” he complained through chattering teeth. “Colby thinks you’re crazy.”

“Did he say that?” Naomi wanted to know.

“Of course not, but what else could he think?”

Something cold and wet landed on Naomi’s foot. Ben was changing out of his wet clothes. He was no longer a little boy. Even in the dark, she was uncomfortable at the thought of being next to a naked male.

“It’s horrible out there. I begged Colby to get in the wagon with us, but he wouldn’t.”

Another piece of wet clothing hit the floor.

“He said it was his job to make sure everyone else stayed warm and dry.”

More wet clothing. Did he have anything else to take off?

“I told him anybody out in this mess deserved to be wet and cold.”

She supposed the piece of clothing that hit her in the face was intended to hit the floor, but Ben’s aim was off because a tremendous gust of wind lifted the left side of the wagon off the ground and tipped it over. A half-dressed Ben landed atop his sister.

The noise, the chaos, the confusion of raised voices contributed to the sensation that the world had gone crazy and taken her with it.

Naomi shoved at Ben. “Get off me. I can’t breathe.”

“I’m trying, but something’s on top of me.”

“Is everybody okay?” her father asked over the noise of the storm.

Ethan groaned. “Something landed on my leg. It hurts like hell.”

Naomi decided this was not the time to tell her brother not to cuss.

“We’ve got to go outside to set the wagon back up,” her father said.

Ben objected. “I’m barely dressed.”

“I don’t think anybody will care about that,” his father said.

“
I
care.”

“Stay here,” Naomi said. “I’ll help Dad.”

“It’ll take more than the two of us,” her father said.

“Oh hell, I’ll come even if I am half-naked.”

“Me too,” Ethan said.

Naomi was the first to crawl out of the wagon…right into Colby’s arms.

“Is anybody hurt? I saw the wagon go over.”

Naomi was too shocked to speak. She hadn’t been in the arms of a man since she was a child. Now she’d been in Colby’s twice. She couldn’t take a deep breath until he put her down. Even then she felt dizzy. “Nothing serious, but I expect we’ll find a few bruises in the morning.”

“Several of the men are coming to help set the wagon to rights.”

“We can do it ourselves.”

“The more people helping, the quicker it’ll be done. You may think yourself indestructible, but Ethan is wounded, your father isn’t a robust man, and Ben is young. This wagon probably weighs close to three thousand pounds. If you break the bows, you’ll be exposed to the weather for the rest of the trip.”

If she had had any desire to argue with Colby, the raging storm would have prevented it. She watched as he positioned the men, explaining to each exactly what he was to do. She might not trust him, but he knew what he was doing. When he gave the signal, each man bent himself to his assigned task. The wagon resisted before being slowly lifted up to settle back on its wheels. An affirmation of their success was the metallic jangle as the contents of the wagon tumbled over each other.

“You can’t stay in there tonight,” Colby said.

“Naomi can stay with my wife,” Norman Spencer offered. “Sibyl is her cousin.”

Norman offered to let her father and two brothers bed down in his third wagon.

“Come on,” Noah said to Naomi. “You need to get out of those wet clothes.”

Naomi turned to Colby. “Thanks for your help.” She ought to say more, but the raging storm and the presence of every grown man in the caravan, each one soaked to the skin, paralyzed her brain. Apologies would have to wait.

***

Naomi wasn’t surprised to find Colby up when she crawled out of Norman’s wagon. It was barely light, but she was relieved the storm had passed. The ground was soggy under her feet. She panicked when she saw the animals were gone. Before she could raise the alarm, Colby rounded the end of her father’s wagon.

“I put them out to graze,” he said, apparently guessing her unspoken question. “They should have been out all night. We’ll have to leave later than I want, or they won’t have time to eat enough to keep up their strength.”

“Do you always know what to do before anyone else?” She didn’t know why that irritated her. She ought to be thankful.

“I grew up out here. What are you doing up so early?”

“I couldn’t sleep. Besides, I need to put our wagon in order.”

“Some of the oil leaked out of your lantern, but everything else looks okay.”

“How can you tell? It’s barely light enough to see outside.”

“I can see in the dark.” His smile was unexpected and boyish. “All wild animals can.”

She felt herself flush. “I never said anything like that.”

“I know, but you act like you’re afraid of me. No, that’s wrong. You’re not afraid of anything. You treat me like I smell bad. You stay as far away as possible.”

She knew she should apologize, but she was feeling too irritated. “How is your wound? The way you keep busy, it’s hard to remember you got an arrow in your back yesterday.”

“It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, but it would hurt just as much if I did nothing, so I keep working. It helps me forget it.”

She couldn’t imagine how he could forget a hole in his back, but she was learning that Colby Blaine wasn’t like other men. “I guess that’s what makes you the perfect man to live in this brutal land.”

“I gather you don’t like it here.”

“Why would anybody want to live here?” Her mouth tightened and she frowned. “I never wanted to leave Spencer’s Clearing, but talking won’t change anything. I’d better see about setting the wagon to rights.”

“I’ll help.”

“You have more than enough to do. Besides, I don’t think my family would like a stranger going through their things.”

“You really don’t like me, do you?”

She had turned to leave, but his words froze her in place. “As I said, I don’t know you.”

“That hasn’t stopped you from disliking me. Why? What have I done?”

She turned, forced herself to look him in the eye. “My family is in your debt.”

“
Your
family
doesn’t hate me. Just you. Is it my looks? My clothes? The way I talk? I probably smelled bad yesterday—it’s hard to take a bath when you can’t find water—but last night’s storm should have left me smelling fresh and clean.”

She didn’t know why that image should have made her laugh. “I don’t dislike you, but I can’t trust you.”

“That’s a little hard to understand without an explanation.”

“You don’t have to understand. You just have to take my word for it.” She didn’t like the way he was looking at her, like she was a spoiled brat in need of discipline.

“If you’re afraid I might be sweet on you, you don’t have to worry. I fell in love when I was twenty.”

Naomi flushed. “I’m not so full of myself that I believe every man I meet will fall in love with me.”

“Good. I just wouldn’t want that to be a worry.”

“It’s not. Now I have work to do.” She headed for her wagon. When she reached it, she was dismayed to find he’d followed her. “Why are you following me?”

“It’s not time to wake up the camp, and I’ve taken care of the livestock, so I have nothing to do for the next twenty minutes. Offering to help seemed like the neighborly thing to do.”

He made it sound like only a heathen would refuse him. “I would be grateful if you would find our stove and put it back in the wagon. I can’t lift it. Everything that was under the wagon needs to be found, dried, and put back. I don’t know what goes where. The boys always take care of that.”

She started to climb inside the wagon, but a distant sound caused her to pause. Colby must have heard it, too, because he was listening intently.

“It sounds like a wagon,” she said. “How is that possible?”

Both moved from behind the wagon. He motioned for her to be silent. “It’s coming from behind us.”

The land wasn’t flat enough to have an unobstructed view of their back trail, but the sound of a wagon being driven at a gallop was unmistakable. Naomi started to ask if Colby thought it was someone being chased by Indians, but he was no longer standing beside her. Instead, he was running to his horse, which he mounted without a saddle.

At that moment, a wagon topped a rise. It was the Greenes’ wagon, and Cassie was driving.

By the time Colby escorted Cassie’s wagon into the camp, everyone was awake. Naomi hurried to meet them. “What happened?” Cassie’s eyes were wild, her appearance deranged.

“Indians.” She repeated the word over and over.

“Roy Greene was killed,” Colby said.

“Indians.” Cassie seemed incapable of anything beyond the mindless repetition of that single word.

“I have to go back for the body,” Colby told Naomi.

“You could be killed. Then where would we be?” Norman Spencer said.

Naomi had never been fond of her cousin Sibyl’s husband, but he had just sunk to a new low in her estimation.

“I’ll take care of Cassie,” Naomi volunteered.

Sibyl offered to take care of the baby until Cassie was better.

“I’ll go with you,” Frank Oliver told Colby. “I’d like a chance to pay those Indians back for what they did to Toby.”

“It could be dangerous,” Colby said.

“That’s why you shouldn’t go by yourself.”

Zel Drummond and Morley Sumner also volunteered.

“If they get you, they’re liable to get the rest of us,” Morley said. “I don’t aim for that to happen.”

“Bring Cassie to my wagon,” Sibyl said to Naomi. “We have more space.”

Not only had Norman brought three wagons, he’d purchased extra large wagons that were so heavily loaded they require four yokes of oxen each.

Cassie seemed paralyzed in body as well as mind. Colby had to lift her out of the wagon. Once on her feet, she wouldn’t take a step unless forced.

“We’ll never get her inside the wagon,” Sibyl said.

“She needs to lie down,” Naomi told her cousin. “We’ll make a pallet under the wagon. We can lay the baby next to her. Maybe he’ll bring her out of this state.”

“I hope so, but I’d probably go crazy, too, if I saw my husband and my father-in-law killed right before my eyes.”

With no husband to take care of her and her baby, Naomi knew Cassie would have to face difficulties far beyond anything she could imagine. It was time to put all personal opinions aside. Cassie would need all the support everyone could give her.

It took several minutes before Naomi could coax Cassie to crawl under the wagon and lie down. Naomi sat on one side, rubbing and patting Cassie’s hand in hopes it would soothe her, while Sibyl sat on the other side with the baby between them.

“Indians.”

“Don’t talk,” Naomi said. “You’re safe, and your baby’s sleeping next to you.”

“They came in the night. Papa Greene said Indians never attacked at night.”

Naomi guessed the Indians had attacked at first light, which must have seemed like night to Cassie.

“I couldn’t sleep with all that rain and lightning. The thunder kept the baby crying half the night so we decided to leave as soon as it was light enough to see.”

Naomi couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to feel lost in a wilderness during a horrific rainstorm with a crying baby.

“Papa Greene had finished harnessing the mules and had gone to get the milk cow when I saw him. He had painted his face to look so awful I screamed. Papa Greene reached for his rifle, but the Indian’s arrow got him first. Papa managed to stand long enough to shoot the Indian before he fell to the ground.”

Cassie had grown so agitated Naomi wished she would stop, but the girl continued.

“I ran to him, but he wouldn’t get up. The arrow was here.”

Cassie pointed to her chest. Naomi figured the arrow had entered Mr. Greene’s heart or punctured his lung.

“I don’t remember anything until I saw that man who killed all the Indians coming toward me.” She started to cry. “I thought I was going to die. My baby, too.”

Naomi didn’t know what to say. Nothing she’d ever experienced came close to what Cassie had endured during the last twenty-four hours. Words of sympathy seemed useless, assurances that things would get better like outright lies.

“You don’t have to worry about that now. You’re safe with us.”

“But what if they come back?”

“Mr. Blaine won’t let anyone hurt you or your baby.”

Naomi was surprised Sibyl would make such a promise. Was she the only one who didn’t have implicit faith in Colby?

“Try to get as much rest as you can before we have to leave,” Naomi said.

Cassie turned to Naomi, gripped her hand hard. “I want to go home.” No sooner had she uttered those words than she burst out crying. She must have realized that with Abe and Mr. Greene dead, she had no home.

Naomi could think of nothing to say, so she returned Cassie’s grip hoping it would provide some comfort.

The three of them hadn’t changed positions when Colby and the other men returned. Mr. Greene’s body was draped over the back of a horse. There was no question that he was dead.

“You go,” Sibyl said. “I’ll stay with her.”

“I need volunteers to dig a grave,” Colby said. “It needs to be deep enough that the wolves can’t dig him up.”

While a grave was being dug, everyone else worked to cook the first meal of the day in preparation for resuming their journey. It took Naomi all of that time to get the family’s wagon put to rights.

“I brought you some breakfast. You need to eat.”

Colby was standing at the rear opening holding out a plate of food to her.

“I haven’t had time to fix anything for my father and the boys.”

“Your cousins took care of them. I didn’t know you had two cousins in the train.”

Naomi took the plate of food from Colby, sat down, and started to eat. She hadn’t realized she was so hungry. “Spencer’s Clearing was a small community. Most of us are related in some way.”

“Is that why everybody decided to leave at the same time? Ethan says no one stayed behind.”

“Ethan talks too much.”

“He has to make up for you talking too little.”

He smiled at her. Naomi was certain it wasn’t because he was happy with her, yet the smile wasn’t sarcastic, accusatory, or unfriendly. Maybe it didn’t mean anything. Much to her dismay, it had a strong effect on her.

Wandering around in this horrible wilderness by himself, Naomi doubted Colby had reason to know his smile transformed his face. An attractive man at any time, he now looked quite handsome despite a beard that badly needed shaving. His dark, almost back, eyes danced with the energy of a man who acted like the world offered no challenges he couldn’t meet. It was difficult to appreciate the richness of his chestnut brown hair because most of it was covered by a hat with a wide brim to shield his eyes from the sun and the rain, but the rest of his imposing physique was there for anyone to see. Naomi decided it would be safer to keep her attention on her food.

“We’re a small community unused to strangers. When they did come, they were from one army or the other and cared little about our safety or what we thought. They wanted only our cooperation and our food and threatened our lives if we withheld either. You can’t blame us if we prefer to keep ourselves to ourselves.”

“Out here everybody needs help to survive. People won’t leave you to stand and fight alone even if you aren’t family or distant kin. If I was willing to risk my life for a bunch of strangers, don’t you think it’s only fair at least to
act
like you like and trust me?”

He had turned things around so that Naomi felt small, petty, ungrateful, churlish, and about a dozen other unflattering words. Of course he was right. Everyone else had managed to appear civil and appreciative. “I’m thankful you helped us survive the Indian attack. It’s just that I know nothing about you.”

Colby leaned on the tailgate of her wagon, a lazy smile across his face. “There’s not much to tell, but you’re welcome to all of it.”

“You don’t have to—”

“My parents were killed by Indians. Their graves are along this trail. That’s where I was headed when I ran into you. I had two older brothers. Each of us was adopted by a different family. A childless couple adopted me. God knew what He was doing because they should never have been allowed within a mile of any child. They hated what I became. When I got tired of the beatings, I ran away. After bouncing around a bit, I got a job working on caravans traveling up and down the Santa Fe Trail. After eight years, I joined the Union Army. I hated it, but I hung in until it was over. Now I’m heading back to my old stomping ground.”

“You didn’t have to tell me any of that.”

“Yeah, I did. I’m tired of being treated like I have a disease.”

“Sorry. I didn’t know it was that bad.” He’d left out one thing. “You said you fell in love at twenty. Did you get married?”

His reaction wasn’t what she expected. Colby closed down just as effectively as a shop owner locking the door and pulling down the shades. He straightened up, tipped his hat.

“I got to get busy. I hope to make it to Sand Creek before we stop tonight. The stock got a bit of water from the pans we set out last night, but they’ll be really thirsty if they don’t get a drink before tomorrow. I don’t want them stampeding at the smell of water. If you’re finished with your breakfast, I’ll take that plate. Better get your coffee before they put out the fires.”

Puzzled, Naomi watched him walk away. She wouldn’t have thought much about it if he’d said they fell out of love and his sweetheart married someone else. Or she was too young, that her family moved away, that they’d been separated by the war. All of those things happened hundreds of times, probably thousands of times, a year. It was the way he reacted that made her believe there was pain behind his refusal to answer her question.

Much to her disgust, that made him more intriguing than ever.

***

“I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get to Santa Fe,” Cassie said to Colby. “I don’t know anyone there.”

“You don’t have to know anybody to be able to contact your family back east so they can make arrangements for you to go back home.”

Colby had agreed to drive in Cassie’s wagon because she insisted she didn’t feel safe with anyone else, but he wasn’t happy about it. Neither was Norman Spencer.

“You were hired to guide all of us, not babysit Cassie.” The bandage that covered Norman’s battered face didn’t cover his black eye.

“She gets hysterical if I leave her,” Colby had said. “You have to remember she’s buried a husband and a father-in-law within twelve hours. She’ll be much better in a day or two.”

Over the last several hours that hope had begun to wane. He’d asked Ethan Kessling to ride along one side and Naomi to bring their wagon up on the other. He hoped that with three Kesslings being attentive to her—Dr. Kessling had given her something to calm her nerves—he could transfer responsibility to them. But Naomi didn’t look happy about it.

“I can’t go back where they killed—” Cassie wasn’t able to say the words.

“Most of the caravans take a different route,” Colby told her. “Some are so large and well-armed there’s no danger of an Indian attack.”

“But I have no one to help me.”

“You’ll have no trouble finding someone to take care of you.”

“Could you take care of me?”

“I’m not going to Santa Fe.”

“Why not? I don’t trust anyone but you.”

Naomi made a derisive sound, but Cassie appeared oblivious.

“I’m sure you can depend on Mr. Spencer or Mr. Hale to make arrangements for you.”

Cassie pouted. “They don’t like me. They think I’m too young to be married or have a baby.”

Colby thought they were probably right, but it wasn’t his place to judge. “There are others here who’ll be equally willing to help. Now I’m going to have to leave you with Ethan. It’s time to stop for the nooning.”

Within minutes, the wagons had circled, the teams had been unharnessed and turned out to graze, and the fires for the midday meal had been started. Colby organized a hunting party led by Reece Hill and Zel Drummond to look for fresh meat.

“You’re to eat with us,” Ben said, out of breath from running over. “Naomi says don’t drag your feet, or everything will be cold.”

Dr. Kessling had offered his wagon to Colby because of his wound, but he’d never received a personal invitation to eat with them. He wondered why the change. He wondered even more why the invitation had come from Naomi.

As he walked around the camp, checking to make sure the wagon wheels were still in good shape after the morning drive, he couldn’t take his mind off the way Naomi had looked at him when he was sitting next to Cassie. She didn’t appear angry or jealous. The closest he could come to describing it was exasperation, but why should she feel that way? And who was she exasperated at? Cassie? Him? Herself? And why should it bother him what she felt? He’d sworn off women.

He wasn’t interested in any relationship no matter how brief or casual. He wanted to get these people to La Junta then disappear into the wilderness. The only times he’d ever been content had been when he was alone. He didn’t have any family now and he didn’t need one.

He didn’t even know his real parents’ names. His adopted parents had refused to tell him. When he finally found their graves, only stones remained to mark the site. His adoptive parents thought the less he knew about his real parents, the less he would be like them. They told him how much they loved him, how much they’d longed to have children, how happy they were to welcome him into their family. They had given him a new name and a new home, but neither the relentless lectures, the harsh punishments, nor the cruel beatings had been able to make him into a new person. His father had tortured his body, but his mother had tortured his soul. It was either run away and take his chances on survival, or stay and be destroyed.

Being on his own hadn’t been as hard as he’d expected. When he found Elizabeth, he thought he’d found a reason to live. When she abandoned him, he decided love was an illusion. It had failed him twice. He wouldn’t give it a third chance.

“How long are we going to rest here?” Elsa Drummond asked as he passed.

“About two hours. We’ll have to drive late into the night to reach Sand Creek.”

Elsa looked up at the bright sun. “It’s hot inside the wagons.”

“Make a pallet underneath. The wagon will shade you and the ground will keep you cool. Make sure the children rest. They’ll be the first ones to get tired.”