To Dream Anew (42 page)

“I won’t lie to you and say that it wouldn’t devastate me to lose my son. I can’t even think of what life would be like without him. But …” She let the word trail as she swallowed. The truth of what she was about to say pierced her heart. “Even if Luke dies, I will still trust God.”

Charity’s compassionate expression filled Dianne with peace, as did the assurance that there was no doubting in what she had just said.

Ben interceded. “God gave up His Son, Jesus, to die for our sins. He gave Jesus so that we might be reconciled to Him, as our heavenly Father. It was no doubt a difficult choice to make, but He did so for you, Mara, and for all of us. Jesus went willingly to the cross because He looked beyond that moment and that pain, seeing what was ahead.”

“And what was it He saw?” Mara asked.

“Eternity—our eternity with Him. Our reconciliation to our Father in heaven.”

“But why should God care about me?” Mara’s voice was tinged with sadness. “I’m not a good person. My father is an evil person. How could God love me?”

Ben put his arm around Mara’s shoulder. “How is it that you came to help Dianne today?”

“I rode to her house to warn her about something bad that was going to happen to another rancher. Then the fire came and … well … she told me to go on home, but I couldn’t. I wanted to help her—to see that the babies were safe from the fire.”

“Why?”

“Because they needed help.”

“And if you, the daughter of an evil man, would show such a kindness, why do you imagine God would show any less concern for His children?”

Mara shook her head. “It’s just so much to believe. I wasn’t even raised to believe that there was a God.”

“So what would it take to make you believe?”

Mara looked to Dianne. “I would believe if Luke came back safe to us. If Luke comes back unharmed, then I will believe there is a God and that He hears people’s prayers.”

“You can’t put God to a test like that,” Dianne said sadly. She wanted more than anything for the Lord to prove himself faithful to Mara—faithful in a way that would bring back her son, safe and alive. But she couldn’t deceive the girl. “You can’t say you will only trust Him if He first does something miraculous for you. After all, He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for your sins. That was miracle enough.”

“I don’t care,” Mara said, standing her ground. “I will believe if Luke comes back. If he comes back, then I’ll know that what you are saying is true and I’ll believe God is faithful.”

Dianne looked to Charity and Ben with tears running down her cheeks. “And I will believe He is faithful even if Luke doesn’t come back safely.”

Mara shook her head. “But why? Why trust Him if He isn’t going to do what you ask Him to do?”

“God is not a puppet or a child who seeks direction from me,” Dianne said softly. “So much has happened in my life, Mara. So many people have perished; others have been born. I’ve lost good friends and found new ones. I cannot base God’s faithfulness on whether I get my own way, but rather I base it on whether He is true to His words in the Bible. I base it on my knowing Him better and better each day.” She reached out and took hold of the girl’s hands. “God is good, Mara. Even when bad times come—He’s still good.”

“I’ll still wait to see what happens with Luke,” the girl said, looking from Dianne to Charity and then Ben. “If He can save Luke, then He can save me.”

“Have you seen Portia?” Chester asked as Jerrod and Roy finished mucking out the stalls in the barn.

“Sure,” Jerrod said. “Saw her ride out this mornin’. Her horse is still gone.”

“It’s not like her to be gone so long and not tell me where she’s going,” Chester said, rubbing his jaw.

“Maybe she had someone to meet up with. Kinda like you two used to meet,” Roy said suggestively.

“Shut your mouth. I don’t want you talking about her that way.”

Jerrod elbowed Roy. “I thought we agreed we’d be nice.”

“I guess so.”

“What about your sister?” Chester asked. “I haven’t seen Mara all day.”

“I don’t know about her. I ain’t seen her at all,” Jerrod declared.

“Well, I looked in the corral and her horse is gone. She must have ridden out. I hope she didn’t go all the way into Madison.

That girl has been troubled since your mother died. I don’t want her going all soft on me and seeking out religion.”

“Boss!” cried one of the workers as he came running into the barn. “There’s a big fire to the south. I was down at Madison fetchin’ that feed like you told me. It’s moving pretty fast. Looks like it might burn down the town and head this way.”

Chester acted as though he didn’t believe the man. He rushed outside and raised a hand to his forehead. The air was hazy, and billowing clouds that rose up from the ground proved the man’s words.

“If the wind doesn’t shift, it’ll blow that fire all the way up here,” Chester said, shaking his head. “Cursed lightning.”

Jerrod and Roy exchanged a look. Jerrod knew his father would never want to hear the truth of the matter. “What should we do, Pa?”

Chester shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess I’d better ride down Madison way and see what’s going on.”

“You want us to go with you?” Roy and Jerrod asked in unison.

“No, you’d best stay here. Start getting things loaded in the wagon, just in case. Get Joshua’s nose out of whatever book he’s reading and get him to help.”

“What should we load?” Jerrod asked.

Chester shrugged. “I don’t know. Get your grandparents’ wedding picture and the papers from my safe—and your mother’s jewelry. Get Elsa to pack some clothes up, and I suppose she should ready some food and water. Pack whatever you think could be valuable and important to us. The biggest concern will of course be the animals. We have the biggest part of our herd up north a ways. If the fire heads this direction, we’ll make for the herd and drive them ahead of us.”

“What about Mara … and … Portia?” Jerrod asked, knowing full well Portia no longer mattered.

Chester shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll run across them in town.” He made for the barn after that and Roy and Jerrod exchanged a guarded look.

“Where do you suppose Joshua is?” Roy asked.

Jerrod looked to the man who’d warned them about the fire. “Hitch the wagons and drive them up to the house.”

“Yes, sir.” The man jumped the fence to the corral and took up a rope.

“Let’s go find Joshua,” Jerrod said, starting for the house.

“Lotta good he’ll be,” Roy grumbled.

They headed into the house and bellowed for anyone who would take notice. “Elsa! Joshua! Where is everybody?”

“What’s all the hollering about?” Elsa asked as she came to the top of the stairs.

“There’s a fire to the south—may come this way. Pa said to pack clothes for all of us and get some food put together. Cook can help.”

Elsa’s eyes widened. “A fire? Is it close?”

“Well, it’s close enough to get to work,” Jerrod said, unsympathetic to her fear.

“I don’t know what to pack.”

“Just get some clothes together for everybody. Nobody has seen Mara, so you’d best pack for her too.”

“What about Portia? She’s not been around all day. Should I pack clothes for her?”

“I wouldn’t worry about her,” Jerrod said. “I doubt she’ll be needing much of anything.” Elsa frowned but said nothing.

About that time Joshua came meandering in from the study. “What’s all the yelling about?”

“There’s a fire coming this way,” Elsa said before her brothers could answer.

“Pa said for you to help us load the wagons with anything we need to take. We’re s’pose to get all his papers from the safe, along with Mother’s jewelry.”

“Fire? Here?” Joshua asked, going to the front window.

“No, south of here. Now put up your book,” Jerrod said, pointing at the one in Joshua’s hand, “and give us some help.”

“Where are the others? Where are Pa and Portia? Where’s Mara?”

Jerrod shrugged. “Pa’s ridden to town to see how close the fire actually is to coming this direction. As for the others, I got no idea. Don’t much care either. If they aren’t smart enough to get themselves out of harm’s way, they deserve whatever happens to them.”

“How can you say that?” Joshua questioned, taking a step toward Jerrod. “Mara’s our sister, and while I don’t like Portia, she is married to our father.”

“Mara’s no fool. She’ll find a way to safety. Portia’s on her own. She’s dealt this family dirty since marrying Pa. I don’t much care what happens to her,” Jerrod said matter-of-factly. “Now, go gather up Grandpa Lawrence’s wedding picture while we get the papers in the office. If you see anything else that Pa would want, grab it too. You’d know better what that might be than me. I only listen to the old man when I have to. I sure never heard him talk about any affection he held for doodads.”

Joshua looked as though he might say something more, then let out a loud breath and left to do as he was told.

“You too. Get to it!” Jerrod bellowed at Elsa. The girl jumped and then ran down the hall.

Jerrod smacked Roy with the back of his hand. “Come on. We’d best get to this. Next thing you know, Portia will have burned us down along with the Selbys.”

Joshua stood in the doorway, watching his brothers cross the front room to their father’s study. He’d wanted to ask them about their mother’s china, but because they were talking, he’d remained silent.

So Portia had set the fire? He couldn’t imagine anyone being so careless. Why would she do something so heinous when the summer had been so dry and the threat of fire so much of a concern?

He wanted to ask Jerrod and Roy but knew better than to do so. His older brothers had neither time nor patience for him. If they’d wanted him to know the truth about Portia’s deeds, they would have told him. For some reason, they were keeping this matter to themselves, and for the time being, Joshua thought it best to play ignorant.

Ardith sat quietly on one side of the church. So many people had come to gather for protection here that the place was filling up quickly. Winona sat sleeping, at last, on her lap, her head tucked against Ardith’s shoulder. The fire had terrified Winona, and while Ardith had tried to comfort her daughter, she realized her own worries over Levi were threatening to bring her to tears.

If ever she had doubted her love for that man, she could no longer do so. She’d been unable to think of anything else since they’d abandoned the ranch. Ardith knew he was out there somewhere, driving the cattle and horses to safety, but it did little to offer her comfort. It might be days or even weeks, she’d heard someone say, before the fires would be put out and they’d know the extent of the damage.

Ardith saw Dianne helping Charity create some spaces for the families who’d gathered. They’d taken the pews and rearranged them to quarter off sections for those who wanted to create pallets and seek rest. In Charity’s house, Ardith knew that Koko and Faith were working to feed the growing numbers. Ardith thought she should go and help, but she felt so weary—so hopeless.

I can’t lose hope,
she told herself over and over.
I lost hope once, and God restored it
. She thought back to the miscarriage and how tenderly God had nurtured her spirit and body. Surely He wouldn’t bring her this far only to desert her now.

Charity approached her, as she always seemed to do when Ardith was at her lowest point. “You look tired. Why don’t you go on over to our house and have a rest on our bed?”

“I can’t stop wondering about Levi. Aren’t you worried?”

“Terrified,” she said as she slipped into the pew beside Ardith. “I want him here with us, but I know he has to do his job.”

“I know that too. It’s just that we need him so much.”

“No one knows your needs better than God.”

“I realize that. I’m trying to be faithful.”

Charity hugged her close. “Oh, child, just remember He is faithful even when we are not. He knows how hard this is for you. He loves you … despite your worries, your doubts.”

Ardith met the woman’s confident gaze. In so many ways, Charity had become like a mother to her. She opened her mouth to ask how she might help when Ben approached. His expression was grave.