To Be a Family (Harlequin Superromance) (19 page)

He, too, was on the edge. She knew the telltale signs, the way
his breath caught, how his heartbeat went erratic and his head fell back when he
was moments away from release…

She lifted her hips, driving into his. She came explosively,
rolling waves of orgasm after orgasm. She’d loved the things he could do to her,
and the way they were together. Sex had never been like this with any other man.
She’d never dared think she would find it again with him after all they’d been
through.

And yet if anything, the lovemaking was better. Now they knew
their own bodies better, knew better how to please a partner, had more
control....

But who cared about the technicalities? She didn’t want to
think and analyze. She only wanted to enjoy the slow, languorous float back to
earth.

After long dreamy moments when all she was aware of was the
sound of his gradually slowing heartbeat, John turned his face to hers, a
fraction of an inch away. “So…was it okay?”

She stroked a lock of blond hair off his forehead and smiled
into his eyes. “Not bad. You?”

A corner of his mouth curved. “Fair to middling.”

The spent look on his face told a different story. She grinned,
knowing that, just like her, he’d been knocked flat. This was what they did. Had
awesome, mind-blowing sex then made a contest out of downplaying it.

He leaned closer and kissed her. “We’ve still got it.”

She gazed into the sky-blue eyes of the person who knew her
better than anyone on the planet. And yet somehow he’d missed understanding an
essential part of her seven years ago.

Yes, they still had it. But even knowing each other as well as
they did, their fundamental differences had torn them apart once. Would that
happen again? Suddenly she wanted this second chance. She wanted it very
much.

She lay in his arms, head on his chest, while he idly stroked
her softly all over, her breasts, her belly, her thighs. In the quiet dark the
only sound was their breathing and the distant crash of waves on the beach.
Having stroked as far down as he could comfortably reach he returned to her neck
and started over, trailing slowly down again to gently mold her breasts. The
movement was tender and soothing, not sexual, and seeped into the crevices of
Katie’s soul.

His fingertips strayed near her lumpectomy scar. She held her
breath, hoping he would move on before he touched the thin puckered line. After
the physical and emotional closeness they’d shared she didn’t want a reminder of
the event that had torn them apart.

Closer and closer, his fingers stroked and molded. She tensed,
trying but unable to regain that state of deep relaxation. He stroked the scar,
moved on, paused, then her heart fell as he stroked back tracing the shape and
length of the scar. Now she was aware he was holding his breath, too. The
silence was electric. Would he speak and break the emotional connection between
them by revisiting the past? Or would he ignore the scar and the issue, papering
over the cracks already showing in their new relationship? She was torn, wanting
first one thing, then the other.

He cupped her breast and with the utmost tenderness, kissed it
over and over. A tear leaked out of Katie’s eye and seeped into the pillowcase.
She released her breath in a quiet shuddering sigh. Then John pulled up the
covers and shifted position, settling in to sleep.

Not a word passed between them. Probably he hadn’t wanted to
ruin the moment either, not when their reunion was so new and fragile. So much
for her vow to talk things out. Part of her was relieved a bullet had been
dodged. Another part mourned a lost opportunity. Long after his regular
breathing indicated he was asleep, she lay awake, dry-eyed, wondering what was
going to become of them.

* * *

T
HE
QUIET
PIPE
of a single bird on
the fence outside the window woke John just before sunrise. Eyes closed, he swam
up from the depths of unconsciousness, aware of feeling extraordinarily happy. A
sigh came from the pillow next to his.

Katie. Last night hadn’t been a dream.

He reached out to stroke her hair. His hand paused above her
temple then retracted, letting her sleep. A wave of tenderness swept over him as
he recalled last night when he’d touched her scar. He hated that she’d had to go
through that. That he hadn’t been with her the whole way.

Normally he wasn’t one to shy away from confrontation. How else
did a person air their thoughts and feelings and find out what the other felt?
But having told her about a possible move to Tinman Island, he wasn’t looking
for any additional tension. He wanted to cement their emotional bond before they
tested the strength of their feelings. During this time at the cottage, he hoped
to build new memories that would erase some of the bad ones.

He got out of bed quietly and dressed. Peaking into Tuti’s
room, he found her looking at a picture book in bed. When she saw him she
started to speak. John put a finger over his lips to shush her and came inside
to sit on the bed.

“Katie’s sleeping. Let’s be quiet until she gets up, okay?”

Tuti nodded. “Is it raining?”

“Yes.” He ruffled her already bed-mussed hair. “Don’t worry.
The weather is supposed to clear up later. We’ll get you out on that boogie
board this afternoon.”

She gave him an odd look and sank deeper into the covers. “I’m
going to read till it’s warm.”

“Good plan.”

He left her, made a pit stop in the bathroom and carried on to
the kitchen where he put on the kettle for coffee. Pushing aside the curtains,
he gazed on to gray skies, a gray ocean and a fine but steady rain. This time of
year the temperature was like that, up and down.

If they were living on Tinman Island, it would be hot all the
time. Tuti would like that. It would make her feel at home. If they moved there
she would have to learn to swim. All the local kids would be like little fishes.
It was practically un-Australian not to swim. Not to mention dangerous on a
small island known for water sports.

Pleasantly occupied with daydreaming their future, he got out
the coffee and spooned grounds into the plunger. Then he pulled out his laptop
and checked his email. There was an acknowledgment that his application had been
received, promising to get back to him as soon as possible.

“
Bapa,
will you do my pigtails?”
Tuti stood in the doorway, still in her pajamas.

“Sure. Go change and I’ll meet you in the bathroom.”

“Don’t want to change,” she pouted. “Want to stay in my
jamas.”

She’d behaved like a dream so far. He hoped she wasn’t going to
act up because Katie was here. Had they somehow ignored her in their focus on
each other? He hoped not. The last thing he wanted was for her to become a wedge
between him and Katie.

One thing he had learned in his stint so far as a father—don’t
sweat the small stuff. “Come on, then. I’ll do your pigtails. You can get
dressed later.”

* * *

K
ATIE
STRETCHED
luxuriously in
bed, feeling pleasantly achy and sated. In the bathroom John and Tuti’s voices
were muted but intelligible as they chatted over plans for the day
ahead—puzzles, games, books, the beach if it stopped raining and a campfire in
the evening.

It took her a moment to figure out what they were doing in the
bathroom. Then she heard John ask Tuti to hand him the brush. Ah, the pigtails.
He sounded so relaxed. Clearly he’d mastered the art. He’d come a long way in a
very short time as a father. She wouldn’t have believed it if she hadn’t seen it
for herself. He had become a different man altogether since Tuti had brought
them back together. He’d grown and matured, shown sides of himself she’d hoped
existed but hadn’t known for sure. The question was, was he a man she could see
herself with long term?

On a practical side, their lives would mesh well, especially if
he got the job on Tinman Island. Last night she’d overheard John tell Tuti they
couldn’t bother her during the day because she had to work. He got it, he really
did.

She glanced at the bedside clock and groaned. It was after
nine. This was the first day of their week here and already she’d slept in.
Usually she was at the laptop or her sketch pad by seven.

John poked his head inside the bedroom. “Ah, you’re awake.
Ready for coffee?”

Tuti’s head—with perfect pigtails—ducked under John’s arm. “I
won’t bug you, I promise. Will you read me a story?”

Katie laughed. “Bring me the book. One story then we’ll get up,
okay?”

Despite the slow start Katie got a lot of work done that
morning. John set up a card table beneath the window in the bedroom for her. He
made her breakfast, brought her coffee then lunch. When the clouds cleared
midmorning, through the window she watched Tuti and John cross the road to the
beach for a walk along the sand. John’s blond hair glinted in the sun. Tuti
skipped to keep up with his long stride, her laughter lifted and tossed by the
gusty breeze. Could the three of them be a family? It all seemed too idyllic,
too good to be true.

Why shouldn’t good things be true? Why was she always waiting
for the other shoe to drop and something really bad to happen to her? She’d
fought cancer and survived. She’d made a life for herself. Why shouldn’t she
find happiness with the man she loved?

Just for a moment she allowed herself to entertain the idea of
marrying John, of planning a future together. The thought was solid and warm and
comforting. But she didn’t want to rush into anything. They needed to get to
know each other properly again. For now having John and Tuti in her life was
enough. She certainly didn’t want a repeat of their fight on Tuti’s birthday.
She needed to know that when they had differences they would talk things out and
resolve them calmly and with mutual respect.

In the afternoon, John stopped by her makeshift desk and
pressed a kiss on her cheek. “How is your writing day? Did you get much
done?”

She slipped an arm around his waist. “Surprisingly yes.”

“Why surprisingly?” He pushed her hair off her face before
tracing a fingertip down her cheek and along her jaw.

“Because all I could think about was you.” She wound her arms
around his neck and leaned up to kiss him.

“Oh, yeah?” John teased. “Every time I popped in you had your
head down. Wouldn’t even talk to me. Is that how it’s going to be from now on?
Because I’m not sure I like playing second fiddle to a computer.”

From now on. Three little words that said
I love you
almost more than a marriage proposal. Despite her
romantic daydreams the words caused a panicked flutter in her chest, reminding
her that this interlude was temporary, that soon she might have to make firm
decisions about the future. It was one thing to fantasize about an exotic island
adventure, another to actually pull up stakes and move across the country. Last
night she’d been caught up in the excitement. This morning, doubts were creeping
in. Doubts she was afraid to express because John wanted the move so badly.

“A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. What are you and
Tuti doing this afternoon?”

“Going to the beach. Do you want to come?”

“Yes, that sounds great.” She stood and stretched the kinks out
of her shoulders and lower back. “If you want to go surfing I’ll look after
Tuti. She and I can explore the tidal pools at the point.”

“Thanks, but I’m going to teach her to boogie board. If we move
to Tinman Island she’ll need to improve her water skills.”

Katie rummaged in her suitcase for her swimsuit. “But you
wouldn’t force her if she really didn’t want to, would you?”

“Just because you never got into surfing doesn’t mean she won’t
like it.” He put his arms around Katie. “The only way to get past fear is to go
through it. I’m a patient teacher. Don’t you remember?”

“I remember almost drowning when you took me out too far the
first time.”

“You were never in danger of drowning. I was right there. Just
as I will be at Tuti’s side the entire time.” He kissed her. “Trust me. I know
what I’m doing.”

She grinned against his mouth. “Famous last words.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

J
OHN
SLAPPED
K
ATIE
on the ass just to
hear her squeal, then laughed out loud because he hadn’t felt so good in ages.
When she pulled her shirt over her head to get changed he contemplated wrestling
her onto the bed.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said, laughing. “You said
we’re going to the beach. You get Tuti ready and I’ll get some snacks
together.”

Ten minutes later he was leading the way across the road and
down the sandy path through the dunes to the beach. The sand was cool underfoot
and damp from the rain but the sun was hot on his head and shoulders, promising
warmth for the rest of the day.

The path opened onto the beach. The bay stretched wide and blue
beneath a clear sky. Pelicans flapped their huge wings low over the water. Small
rollers hit the hard-packed sand with regularity. Perfect.

At the water’s edge he dropped his towel and board and waded
into the shallows where foam crept across the sand. “Tuti, come and see the
crabs.”

“What’s a crab?” Tuti ran down to the water and crouched to
peer at the tiny green crustaceans scuttling to their holes.

Katie picked her way daintily to the water’s edge and waded out
to him. He was about to reach for her when she bent over. Scooping a double
handful of water, she splashed him, making him dance at the breathtaking chill
on his groin.

“You’ll pay for that.” He picked her up and she shrieked, and
kept on shrieking as he carried her out to waist-deep water and dumped her.

She went under and came up sputtering and laughing. First she
feinted, then lunged. He let her take him under, their limbs a tangled slither
of bare skin. When they came up Tuti was bouncing in the water knee-deep, waving
her arms. “I want to splash, too.”

John picked her up and carried her out. “Hold your breath.” Her
cheeks puffed out and she pinched her nose. He dropped her just above the water,
making sure he pulled her up again immediately. She blew a jet of water,
giggling. Her pigtails dripped and she wriggled out of his arms, falling back
into the water. Katie brought her to the surface again, both of them
giggling.

He caught Katie’s eye.
See, she loves the
water
.

Out of breath from exertion and laughing, the three of them
found their way to shallower water.

John clapped his hands. “Okay, Tuti, time to put your wet suit
on and try the boogie board.”

Her little face, a second ago bright and glistening, wreathed
in smiles, instantly shadowed. John looked up at the sky almost expecting to see
that a cloud had covered the sun. No clouds, but the atmosphere had definitely
chilled. Even Katie became subdued, retreating farther up the beach to grab a
towel.

Tuti shook her head. “Don’t want to wear a wet suit. Don’t want
to boogie board.”

“The suit keeps you warm,” John said patiently. “And it
protects you from sand and board rashes.”

Tuti shook her head again and glanced at Katie. Great. She knew
Katie was a soft touch and was relying on her to intercede. Well, it wasn’t
going to work.

“Tuti, you’re going to put on your wet suit.” He stood behind
her and physically picked up her legs and put them into the suit. It was like
stuffing cooked spaghetti into a tube. “Boogie boarding is fun. Don’t you want
to have fun?”

Tuti shook her head. He zipped up her suit and turned her
around, chagrined to see her eyes wet with unshed tears she was battling to
contain. He felt awful. But he couldn’t back down now or she would never get
over her fear.

Katie stood off to one side, her arms crossed over her stomach,
an unhappy frown pulling her mouth. He wished she’d stayed at the cottage if she
was going to be so negative.

He led Tuti into the shallows beyond the breaking waves and
reviewed what he’d taught her in Bali about swimming. “Well done,” he said when
she’d floated on her back, and on her front and dog-paddled ten yards. “Now go
get your board and bring it into the water.”

Tuti ran through the foaming waves and up onto the sand. But
instead of getting her board she veered off a little way down the beach and
crouched to pick up a shell buried in the hard sand.

His jaw set, he waded through thigh-deep water after her.

Katie met him at the water’s edge. “She doesn’t want to.”

“She just needs a little coaxing. How can she know she doesn’t
like it until she does it?”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going after her, of course.”

Katie hurried after him. She grabbed his arm. “And
make
her go boogie boarding? I can’t believe you’d do
that.”

He stopped walking. “If you’d been more supportive she might
not have run off.”

“I think you’re pushing her too hard. She doesn’t like how the
board wobbles and tips her off. I was watching. It scares her. Why not let her
take lessons from a qualified teacher?”

“That’s your answer to everything. Bring in the professionals.
My dad taught me to boogie board. Tuti can learn from me. She’s going to have to
be adept at water sports if we move to Tinman Island.”

Katie frowned. “Maybe Tinman Island isn’t the best place for a
girl who’s afraid of ocean waves.”

What was she really saying? Had she changed her mind about
wanting to go with him? “A child can learn anything.”

“She’s not likely to get over her fear if you’re pushing the
boogie board on her.”

“She’s my kid. I know what’s best for her.”

“Oh, really? Is that the way it’s going to be?”

“What are you talking about?”

The wind blew strands of her dark hair across her eyes. “Maybe
we’re not ready for Tinman Island.”

“You mean,
you’re
not ready. I get
that it’s all happening in a rush but sometimes you have to grab opportunities
when they come up. I don’t want to pressure you. But I would like an agreement
in principle before I have to make the hard decisions.”

“You might not want to pressure me but the fact is, you
are—”

John cut her off with an upraised hand as he glanced around.
“Where’s Tuti?”

“Oh, no.” Katie spun around, shielding her eyes from the sun
with her hand. “I can’t see her anywhere.”

John swore. The empty beach stretched away in a curving bay to
the rocky point and the tidal pools. How could she have gotten out of sight so
quickly?

“Maybe she went behind the dunes,” Katie said.

“Tuti!” John called. There was no one else on the beach. She
would be perfectly safe as long as she didn’t go in the water
unaccompanied—which hardly seemed likely—but she was only six, after all. “Maybe
she went back to the cottage.”

“Wherever she is, I’m sure she’s all right.” Katie was trying
to be calm but he could hear the tremor in her voice.

“Tuti!” he called again, louder. No answer. “You go back along
the path through the dunes. I’ll run along the beach. If she’s not at the
cottage—” He didn’t want to think about that. “If you find her, yell out.
Otherwise, I’ll meet you at the end of the beach.”

His feet pounded over the hard sand near the waterline, his
gaze scanning water and beach. How could he have lost her? If Katie hadn’t
started arguing—no, it wasn’t fair to blame her. Tuti was his daughter. He was
responsible for her. He never should have allowed her to roam freely on the
beach. But that’s what kids did. It was all the more reason for her to learn
water safety.

He wouldn’t panic. They would find her. She would be all right.
Even if she went in the water it was relatively calm with no rip. But there was
no lifeguard, either.

Please don’t let her have gone in the
water alone.

She might simply be crouching out of sight, among the dunes. He
slogged through the soft sand, warm now from the sun, to the top of a sandy
ridge. Nothing but tufts of grass. No place for even a small girl to hide.

His gaze moved ahead, combing the rocky headland now only
twenty yards away. Waves crashed over the black basalt slabs and foamed back
into the sea. The area was riven with deep channels and dotted with tide pools.
Every year along the coast drownings occurred when unwary fishermen were swept
from the rocks.

Katie appeared at the top of a dune and waved to get his
attention. “She’s not at the cottage or along the road.” From the height of her
vantage point, she scanned the beach. Then she gave a cry. “There she is!” She
started running toward the tide pools.

John began to run. A moment later he caught sight of two jaunty
pigtails. Tuti was kneeling at the edge of a pool, peering in, oblivious to the
waves crashing just meters behind her. Waves came in sets. Every so often a big
one came in.... He sprinted. “Tuti!”

She looked up, then over her shoulder just in time to see a
huge wave, so big it didn’t break but moved as a wall of green water, flowing
across the rock. It picked her up and sucked her back out. Her small arms
flailed, her eyes were wild. Katie screamed.

John sprinted across the sand then did a running dive into the
water, battling the force of the surge. He popped to the surface. Tuti was
barely a body length away, her arms reaching out to him in the roiling trough of
the wave. He had to get to her before the next surge dashed her against the
rocks. His feet found purchase on a rock and he pushed off, stretching out his
hand…he tried to grab her but her wet suit was ripped from his grasp. His hand
slid down her leg. He caught her ankle, held on tight and pulled.

She came up sputtering and coughing, her pigtails dripping. He
circled her in his arms, shielding her as the wave pushed him onto the rocks.
Pain sliced through his body. He couldn’t protect himself or pull himself out.
All he could do was stop Tuti from being bashed. Then Katie was standing above
him at the edge of the basalt ledge, water swirling around her braced legs. He
passed Tuti up to her and she hauled the girl out of his arms.

He was bleeding from half a dozen gashes, including his
forehead. None of that mattered. Tuti was safe. He kicked hard, fighting to get
away from the sharp-edged rocks. Then he let the next big surge carry him in and
up. He grabbed on to a rock, clinging with his hands, even his toes as the water
sucked out again. And before the next rush of water came he dragged himself out
and collapsed on the rocks.

* * *

K
ATIE
PACED
THE
the
corridor of the Wonthaggi Hospital, waiting for John to come out from having his
cuts and abrasions treated. This was a switch—her pacing a hospital waiting room
for him.

Tuti, with barely a scratch on her, sported a half-dozen
cartoon bandages on her hands and feet. If she hadn’t been in a wet suit the
injuries would have been much worse. She sat in a plastic chair, swinging her
legs as she played a handheld computer game. Every now and then she glanced up
at Katie, and then at the door through which her father had gone fifteen minutes
ago.

The Wonthaggi Hospital was smaller than the Frankston Hospital
but the same odor of antiseptic and illness pervaded. Every now and then a wave
of panic would roll over Katie as she flashed back to seeing first Tuti swept
away then John pushed against the rocks like a rag doll.

He was lucky to be alive. Only his cool head, immense strength
and his water skills had allowed him to judge the timing of the surge and use
its force to haul himself out onto the rocks. Even then, he’d just lain there
and she hadn’t been sure if he was dead. She would never forget that moment. The
world had stopped. Then he’d groaned and lifted his head. And the world began to
turn again.

After the wave of panic came the anger. It was all his fault
for forcing Tuti to do something she didn’t want to do. Katie could have lost
them both. Then what would she have done? She’d been fine on her own before.
Yes, it was a little lonely at times but not
painful
. Finding and then losing them would be devastating.

But as the minutes ticked on the big wall clock over reception
her natural honesty kicked in. If she and John had been watching Tuti instead of
arguing they would have seen her run away. All that stuff about parenting issues
had poured out, but really it was a power struggle not so different than they’d
had years ago when she’d been sick. They both thought they were right and there
was no room for compromise.

Unless they worked this out their old issues weren’t going away
anytime soon. Which meant they probably weren’t ready for cohabitation, much
less the bigger commitment of marriage. They could pack their bags and move
across the country but their problems would tag along wherever they settled.

The doors opened. John walked out, bandages on his head, arm
and knee. Tuti jumped up and ran to hug him.

Katie hung back. When he got closer she hesitantly leaned up to
kiss him on the cheek. “Aren’t we a pair? I’m finally off my crutches and now
you’re bashed up.”

“I’m fine,” he grunted. “It’s only a few stitches.”

“Spoken like a man.” She stroked Tuti’s head then lightly
tugged on a pigtail. “You deserve a medal for the way you rescued this little
scamp.”

“I’m not a scamp! I’m a girl.” Tuti skipped ahead to “open” the
automatic sliding doors to the outside. “And I’m not going in the ocean ever
again!”

Katie glanced at John. “Reassure her. Tell her she doesn’t have
to.”

The taut muscle in his jaw ticked. His response was low, in a
voice not intended to carry to his daughter. “I’m not going to say that. She
will
have to swim in the ocean. Sooner or
later.”

Katie started to protest then decided to let the matter drop
for now. Tuti was watching them, no doubt aware of the tension. She didn’t want
to argue with John in front of Tuti. Didn’t want the strain between them to make
the girl feel insecure with the two people she loved the most—in Australia, that
is. At least she hoped Tuti loved her. God knows, Katie loved her.